Jealous Minds Think Alike

Have you ever went through a day where you actually felt alone? By that, I don't mean when you don't have someone next to you. I meant that time where you really feel alone. No one acknowledged you and no one smiled at you. The one you love hated you and the one you used to love you was nowhere to be found. It took me a while to realize that I was really alone.

It came to the point where I felt so distressed that I didn't bother coming to school anymore. I just stayed in bed and stared into nothingness at the ceiling, wondering what I've done wrong to make John hate me, wondering when everything went downhill, and how I created this never ending pain in my chest.

I fell off my bed and on to the floor where I spotted a lone paper under my bed. I reached in and caught the paper between my fingertips. I brushed away the dust and the paper revealed itself to me. The top of the paper read, in marker, “Contract Copy.” I was surprised that I even had a copy. I must've have stuffed it in my backpack, empty it when I got home and unknowingly let it slide under my bed.

Jaycee Wood, agrees to enter into this contract with John Gomez, on being in a simulated relationship until the end of the school year.

The agreement is based on the following provisions,

1. He has to be romantic.
2. He has to be protective
3. He likes to give cheek kisses
4. He has to be have a witty sense of humor
5. He has to be with me at all times
6. He has to be intelligent
7. He has to be kind at all times
8. If I'm being stubborn, he has to chase after me.

I laughed to myself at the last thing I wrote. Really? He has to chase after me when I'm being stubborn?

I headed over to my closet and stared at my prom dress for the longest time. I thought about how John and I first met. I thought about how deeply infatuated I was with Stephen and how immediately I disliked John. I thought about each and every time I spent with John and how everything seemed perfect at times. I also realized how much John made my life worse, when I could've been better off crushing on Stephen, unnoticed.

“I regret everything,” I murmured to no one in particular.

I really did.

I hugged the dress that perfectly laminated with its garment bag. John and I were never a good couple. We had no chemistry and we fought everyday, we don't click at all.

Just forget about John. Just forget about him. I'm sick of crying. I'm especially sick of crying over someone I don't match with. Just forget about him. Can I just forget about him. I told myself this over and over again.

And I swear, I've never prayed as hard as I did now.

Xxx

-John's Point of View-

“Can you hear me?” I repeated for the hundredth time. “Hello?”

“Yes John, I can hear you now.” Mary smiled and I almost melted. I remembered how I'd always die a little on the inside when Mary would smile me. I had almost forgotten this butterfly feeling going on in my stomach.

“So what's up?” Her green eyes burned into mine through the computer screen.

“Modeling's hard work.” She yawned, taking a sip of water. “Sometimes I just wanna frown all day, because my cheeks heart from so much smiling.”

“Sorry!” I quickly apologized. “Was this a bad time to ask you to webcam? I can get off and let you sleep.”

“No, no. It's all right.” She gave me a sleepy smile. “If you wanted to talk in the middle of the night, I would get out of bed just for you. I'd do anything for you, you know.”

I blushed. “Thanks.”

“After all, how could I say no to my first love?”

Love. That word struck me harder than ever. I glanced down at my keyboard and Mary noticed.

“Something the matter? Are you and Jaycee doing okay?”

“No. It sucks. She sucks. Everything is so fucked up right now!” I found my voice raising by the minute. “Mary, I'm so freaking frustrated right now! Jaycee told me that she wouldn't see Stephen anymore and I saw them together!”

“John...”

“You know what I did next? I told her how I felt about it. I told her that I liked her...a lot. I was the one to walk away this time. I saw them again at Starbucks and I found out she's going to the prom with him. I yelled at her Mary. I couldn't control myself and I yelled at her in front of everyone. I told her every little thing I've been hiding, that's been hiding behind my heart. I never thought I was this angry.”

“And then?”

“I hurt her really bad. She collapsed on the floor crying and I've never felt that bad before. I didn't wanna show it on my face after that whole ordeal, so I just left. I know she hates me and I know she has the right to feel that guilty, but I hate myself for saying that. I regret everything I said.” My position was now slumped against the table, staring blankly at the computer screen.

“Why don't you tell her that?”

“I can't tell her. She probably doesn't wanna talk to me ever again. I know that if I were her, I'd probably hate me too. In fact, I already do hate me.” Everything went silent for a bit. “How do I fix this?” I whimpered. I felt a like a child huddled in a corner, confused and completely defeated.

“John, please stop thinking negatively.” Mary begged. “I promise everything will be okay.”

“Nothing ever got better. Even after you left me for Stephen, nothing turned out okay. I never forgave him and it still pains me a little to see your face.” Mary cringed.

“John, you have to understand that I never cheated on you.”

“Yeah, but you hung out with him all the time.”

“That doesn't mean we were off kissing and having sex!” She snapped and a shiver ran down a spine. It was so abnormal to hear Mary shout. “Did you ever think that we were just friends?”

“Did you really think you two would be “just friends” forever? You fell for him and you left me depressed. “

“I didn't do it for you! I did it for me!”

“But did you ever think of morals, Mary? Did you ever think that it was wrong to leave someone who was so in love with you, for their brother? Especially when he played such a dirty trick to get you!”

“What dirty trick?! He liked me, so he did what people do they when they like someone! They try to get closer to them!”

“And you let him?” This caused Mary to be struck silent.

We stared at each other with hurt expressions on both our faces. You could never fully erase the past from your mind, especially one like this. I always thought that Mary was the perfect human being, but she had her biggest flaw.

“John.”

“Save it. I know you wanna disconnect now. Go ahead.”

“No, I'm....I'm sorry.” Her eyes started to squint and grow teary-eyed. “I'm sorry.” She started to repeat, “Sorry” over and over again with her now-hoarse voice.

“Mary.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I know.”

“But you only forgave me. You need to forgive Stephen too....” She wiped away an ongoing tear. “Please...”

“I don't know if I can.” I admitted.

“If you won't forgive Stephen, then you can't forgive me either. What I did was unforgivable and I don't deserve anything.”

“What you did was unforgivable, but you're still a good person! You're still the same person on the inside!”

“No I'm not! Stephen is your brother! He shares the same blood as you! Don't give me some slack just because I attract you! I'm just a girl! I don't mean anything in a relationship between brothers!”

“You mean the whole world to me.”

“No I'm not. Jaycee is.”

“But - “

“Remember what you told me a couple of minutes ago? You told me that you like Jaycee a lot. Maybe even love her. I'm not the one you should be focusing on, she is.”

“But - “ I repeated again.

“The past is called the past for a reason.” Mary grew quiet again. “Did you know that ever since I left you for Stephen, I've always felt guilty?”

“No.”

“I'm sorry. John, I'm really, really sorry. I'm sorry. I'm - “

“Stop saying that. I know.”

“I feel so guilty,” She whispered. “I was ignorant and stupid and - “

“Mary, I know!”

“I bet you'll never feel as guilty as I am.”

“Are you kidding me? I'm feeling pretty shitty.” I gave her a sheepish smile.

“Go and tell her how you really feel John. Apologize to her.”

“I can't.”

“John, please. If she still cared about you, she would give you another chance.”

“She doesn't care.”

“And how do you know that?” I just shook my head. “John, I don't want Jaycee to end up like me. With me, you have this whole bad memory. I don't want you to hate her just as you hate Stephen. You said that you like her, right? Don't give up on her. I can tell from the first day when I came back to visit you, that you really liked her.”

“You make everything sound so simple and innocent.”

“Trust me John! You can make everything better. Just trust me and go and tell her how you feel.”

“Look, I appreciate the help, but I just can't okay.” My fingers moved to the disconnect button.

“Then why did you wanna talk to me John!? Just so we can fight!?”

“I don't know.” I admitted. I disconnected the chat and leaned back again my chair, heaving a heavy sigh.