Status: Possibly back!!!

The Ugly Duckling

Act I, Scene II

The lights were still struggling to turn on completely as I rolled forward into my split. Rose hinged over and hugged the backs of her legs while pressing her nose to the front of her legs. "Ana you should not have invited yourself into Ryan's shop. He was not ready for guests." The ever polite Rose was constantly letting me know when I was over stepping my boundaries and not being a polite and dainty European girl like herself.

"It was very cold. Bad for my legs." I breathed in and flexed my feet, tightening my core as I did so. I exhaled and pointed my toes envisioning a perfectly straight line running from the tips of my toes. "Besides you fancy him." I didn't need to look over to see the flush creep onto her face.

"I think I will go apologize later in the day." She unfolded and walked towards her bag which was laying perfectly against the wall. I pushed myself up off of the floor and followed her. My bag sat next to hers and was already in disarray. The top was unzipped revealing a mess of street clothes and pointe shoes within.

We pulled our shoes from our bags and sat down preparing our feet for the day. I wiggled my toes once more letting them enjoy the freedom before covering them with my caps. "I think you're just going over to see him again." We both knew this was true and I didn't bother to hide my smile as I slipped my feet into my comfortable shoes. Soon they would be dead, no matter how lovely they felt today, pointe shoes never lasted as long as I would've liked them. Today they would feel perfect, and in two days when my mother returned to set her judgmental gaze back upon me they would be dead.

"Oh Ana, I am not. I will simply walk in and apologize." We stood and walked towards the barre that ran perpendicular to the mirrored wall.

We placed our hands on the barre and stood in first position. I could feel Rose's grace from behind me and it inspired me. There was nothing like watching her as she moved. Elegance in every breath, she was going to be stunning. "Apologize and maybe toss your hair," demi plié "lick your lips" demi plié "Bat an eyelash or two," grand plié "and ask for his phone number."

"You're so bad!" Rose tapped me playfully on the shoulder as we moved to second position repeating the plié's. It felt good to warm up on my own and not be chastised for the small conversation I was holding with my friend. My mothers words ran through my head and squeezed at my heart. For my mother ballet was internal, silent and reflective. Her studio was built upon how she had learned to dance in Russia, there was no passion in the way she instructed, it was more like an encyclopedia listing facts. For me, and especially for Rose, dancing was an expression, a release, something animistic yet beautiful. I never wanted to rehearse in complete silence. I did not want to turn inward every time I made a mistake. When I danced I tried to let go, I tried to let all of my emotions fill every inch of my body and embody perfection in the same way Rose did. But I was constantly met with a barrage of comments. None of the other girls received the same level of criticism I received. I assumed the harshness came from my mother attempting to show the other girls I was no different than them, that I would receive no special treatment because we shared a living space and a last name. This included leaving me and my closest friend behind during private auditions in favor of less skilled dancers.

Lila quickly joined in on our warm up along with a few other girls who were slowly drifting in. She would have been stretching with us if she hadn't been unlocking the studio. She was the oldest of all the girls at the studio and therefore my mother trusted her more than she trusted me. "Ana, where is your mother? I would've arrived earlier if I had known she wouldn't be here to unlock?"

We rose to relevé and then sank back into a demi plié, "She's off with Sarah Belle at that audition for some low budget production." I tried to keep the bite from my voice, the pain and rejection out of Sarah Belle's name. Just once, I wanted to be taken to some audition where I wasn't a number in a sea of pink tights and black leotards. I wanted someone other than my mother to watch me dance and tell me the truth. Were my hips too wide? Was my neck and legs too short? Did I lack the grace necessary to be contracted with a large company?

"Don't sweat it. You'll get your chance." Lila had read my mind. Like Rose she was one of my closer friends at the studio, if anything she was more like an older sister. She would walk past me after one of my mothers terrible rants and murmur whispers of encouragement. Where my mother found fault, Lila would find a diamond in the rough and not hesitate to tell me it was revealing itself more and more. She hadn't been one to nurse my wounds but she had pointed me in the right direction.

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Lila and I sat with our backs against the floor and our legs against the wall, letting gravity pull them towards the ground while we each picked at our lunches. Lila had pulled her hair from her bun and let it spill out onto the floor, complaining about the pins digging into her scalp. "What do you think they're talking about." Lila swung her legs upward so they were in a straight line perpendicular to the floor.

I followed suit and shook my feet once they had reached the top, "Probably pastries. Back in Luxembourg the pastries were perfect." I mocked my friends soft french accent, placing an inflection on the end of each word. Lila roared with genuine laughter. By time she had calmed down Rose had reentered the studio clutching a small pink box against her chest.

Lila and I rolled onto our stomachs and rested our chins on our folded hands. "What's in the box?" I raised my eyebrow and crossed my ankles.

"Ana, they are just the most delicate pastries." This sent Lila back into her fit of laughter to which Rose frowned. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing at all!" I pushed myself up from the floor then pulled Lila up to stand beside me. "Let's get back to dancing, yes?" Rose nodded and placed the box next to her bag and began unwrapping herself from her jeans and large coat.

All the girls gathered at the far side of the room. The floor stretched on forever until it ran into the wall of windows. A woman who rarely spoke led us in across the floor exercises. My mother made most of the comments. She was the most knowledgeable having been contracted to the American Ballet Theater at an incredible age. She was naturally gifted and upon receiving instruction she blossomed into the most talented dancer New York had laid eyes on in years. But she ruined everything with a one night stand. Lost her body, her career and all her dreams. After she had me she took to teaching, many talented dancers passed through her studio but no matter how many lovely girls she was able to instruct all of her failed dreams weighed on me. No matter how many girls got contracts with various companies, none of them were me. I would try to break free of this weight as I danced, breathe life into myself and my own dreams but all I could see was the path she wanted for me. To take her place at the American Ballet.

Each time we would complete a set of leaps or pirouettes across the floor Lila and I would pry, breathlessly, into Rose's visit with Ryan, the coffee shop man. What did he say? What did you say? How many treats did he get you to try? How old is he? Does he have any brothers? When is the wedding. By the end of the across the floors we were tired and sweaty. The only information that we had been able to pry from Rose's private lips were that she had sweetly begged him to let her make up for my rudeness. This involved her taking him out later tonight, which of course involved asking if Lila and I would accompany her on this not so official date. Lila backed out with some excuse about her brother needing homework help but I agreed knowing my mother would not be home until late tomorrow evening. I could afford to be reckless.
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There are no words for how excited I am for the ending to this story. I want to scream it from the rooftops. But that would spoil the fun. I am also v excited for what I'm doing with the chapter titles.


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