The Ugly Duckling

Rose and I descended the stairs quickly and waited as Lila locked up the studio. The sun had long since set and the slight warm from the day had already escaped. She hugged the both of us, leaving parting kisses on our hair and hurrying down the street to catch the bus she would take to the train station. Rose and I walked arm in arm to the coffee shop. I pushed open the door and lead us in. Unlike this morning the shop room was filled with guests of various ages drinking a variety of drinks and snacking on delicious looking deserts. They were all enveloped in a warm that wrapped itself around Rose and I, filling us with the ease of people who didn't spend their entire day trying to achieve perfection. Ryan was vigorously wiping down the front counter when he looked up to see Rose, his face brightened and he called out that it would only be a moment.

"I can leave you two alone if you'd please." I nudged Rose in the side and she gripped my arm tighter.

"Please stay Ana, I already promised you would."

I nudged her again, "Why would I say and intrude on your date?"

"Not a date, an apology." Her face flushed, "He said his roommate would be joining us."

I rolled my eyes. Rose was too innocent to go on a date alone even though I could tell that in her heart of hearts she would've liked to spend more alone time with Ryan. I watched as he eagerly removed his apron and threw it into the back room and shrugged on his jacket. Ryan approached us with a soft blush creeping onto his face. "Ready?" Rose smiled and nodded while I rolled my eyes. I could already tell they were going to be incredibly cute together. Sickeningly adorable. He was going to fawn over her accent and tales of Luxembourg. He was going to attend her every performance and bring her roses, especially if she did not have a leading roll. He was going to become incredibly supportive. She would soon have no spare time for me. I frowned at the idea of my close friend being slowly pulled from me by some man but attempted to reassure myself. Rose had always been there for me when I needed her, and I believed she would continue to be there for me.

We arrived at a small corner restaurant not far from the studio. A tall man was waiting for us outside of the front doors. He and Ryan greeted in a friendly embrace then pulled apart for a simple introduction, "Mason, this is Anastasiya and Rose. Anastasiya, Rose, this is my roommate Mason." Rose greeted Mason the same way she had greeted Ryan with a small handshake and a polite nice to meet you.

"You can call me Ana." Mason's gloved hand was much larger than mine, he was much larger than I was. He was fascinatingly tall with broad shoulders and long legs but he wore his height poorly, as if he was over conscious of his size, as if he felt awkward in his own skin. His long brown hair whipped into his face in the sharp wind, obscuring his big doe eyes. I wondered if anyone had made remarks about his height, causing him to shrink into himself.

He dropped my hand to move the hair out of his face, "We ought to head inside. It's getting cold." We moved inside and sat a a small booth far away from the chill of the ever opening door. Though Rose and I had sat on the same side of the table she and Ryan had already launched into a quite conversation leaving Mason and I to sit in silence.

The silence felt intrusive and wrong. I picked at the edge of my menu and wondered how something that was young and blossoming and delicate could be thriving right next to something so awkward and empty. It reminded me of Central Park, the beauty and secrets held within, some less beautiful than others, all in stark contrast to the industrial city shooting up from the ground right next to it. A lush green oasis in the heart of a concrete monster. Mason shifted uncomfortably in front of me, "So, how do you and Rose know each other?" His voice was gentle and curious, no longer straining over the howling wind.

"We dance together." There was not a single item on this menu that my mother would approve of. Everything was fried and filled with saturated fats and low in protein.

"Oh." I silently begged him to let the conversation end there. I didn't feel like making small talk with a stranger. "So how did you meet Ryan?" I laughed a little at his question which caused him to sink back into his seat a little more.

"I forced my way into the coffee shop." I smoothed the edge of the menu down and looked up to meet his confused gaze. I could feel his gaze as he took in my lean body and I could almost see the gears turning in his head, calculating if someone as frail as I looked would have been able to force her way into any place.

Before he could implore any further a perky waitress swung her wide set hips towards us, snapping her gum the whole way. " What can I do you for tonight boys?" I noticed her slight lean and her low cut top and the way she turned her body slightly away from Rose and me. Mason and Ryan both ordered burgers with various topping on them then the waitress turned to me. For a moment I thought about asking for a salad but then rebellion got the best of me and I ordered a triple grilled cheese with fries. My mother was not here to undress me and make me stand on a scale tonight, I could cheat.

"Ana, what will your mother say?" Rose's eyes were as big as saucers her mouth was almost hanging completely open. My mother had kept me on a strict diet. I only consumed the necessities, food high in protein and vitamins and nothing was ever fried.

I shook my head and smiled,"Rosealie, my mother is not here tonight." The busty waitress rolled her eyes and collected our menu's after Rose and I decided to split whatever arrived on my plate. If I could have a cheat meal, so could she. As soon as the waitress had swung her hips away from us Rose and Ryan turned back to each other and began laughing at some soft spoken joke. It was almost too cute.

"So you dance?", Mason had spoken softly, with clear intentions for me to begin some heartfelt story about how I had began when I was small and how much I loved it. At times I wanted this to be true. With my mother bestowing all of her failed dreams on me I did begin when I was little, even before I was old enough to take formal dance classes my mother would call out to me from across the apartment to stand taller and turn out more. When I was little I would try so hard to follow her every word, to see her smile at me the same way she smiled at the other girls in the studio. I tried to practice my posture and turning out at school but the other kids made fun of me, rightfully so. I was ten and looked like I had a perpetual stick up my ass. I was eventually taken out of public school and began homeschooling. Then I could focus more on dance and less on hiding my tears. Eventually I had a great moment of self actualization, I did enjoy dancing, but I enjoyed dancing for myself and not working to please my mother. I noticed after I turned fourteen that I had improved greatly, less because of her harsh words and more for my own passion.

Instead of delving into my life's story I just said, "Yes, I dance." I could almost feel Mason deflate at my answer and I could actually see him sink further into himself.

"My sister dances." Another attempt at conversation, I decided to humor him.

"How old is she?" His face brightened noticeably with a small excitement that reached into his big doe eyes. His entire body visibly relaxed at my acceptance for conversation. With his long hair tucked behind his ears I noticed his gentle face, pale green eyes, an almost perfectly straight nose save for a small bump that hinted towards a break, and a small smile that seemed to pull to one side.

"She's eleven."

"What's her name?"

"Marigold, well she hates Marigold so just Mari." The words spilled from his lips as if I had turned on a magic faucet. The name Marigold had a familiar ring to it, I had an image of another long haired beauty, tall for her age, gripping the barre.

"Where did you say she danced?" He had spiked my curiosity.

"Some studio near Ryan's shop. For Diana Vorobyov." He stumbled over the last name, butchering it horribly, but he had undoubtedly said my mothers name. The image I had in my head solidified, a tall girl who had a mask. Even at such a young age, when she stepped up to the barre she became and elegant swan, owning her height and the moment class was over she turned into a shy eleven year old kid who didn't know what to do with her height. She was blessed with long straight limbs and a passion for dance that is sometimes lost on the older girls.

"She's brilliant." Mason's face twisted with confusion. I didn't want to say that while she was still growing into her body she reminded me of a new born deer, but I wanted to convey that her passion for ballet was incredibly apparent. No matter how tiresome class had been she always smiled every moment I ever saw her.

"You've seen her dance?" By this point, the waitress had placed our orders in front of us and Ryan and Rose had broken themselves from their joyful conversation.

Rose looked at me expectantly and I smiled, "Yes. She dances for my mother." I turned towards rose, "You know Mari, the tall girl, dark hair, does eyes, swan like?" I made sure to only mention flattering comments, keeping my mothers voice buried deep within me. I didn't want to say that her posture while she tried to embody a prima ballerina made her seem like the eleven year old me with a stick up her ass. I wanted Mason to run home to his sister and embrace her in kind words.

"Oh yes, yes I do remember her. She's very lovely." Rose smiled at Mason. I felt a small twinge of jealousy, her smiles came so easily while mine felt forced and fake.

"So if you're Diana's daughter, then that makes you the Annie Marigold goes on about." It had been a long while since I had felt a flush crawl up my neck and warm the tops of my ears. Only the younger girls called me Annie and I didn't know they had been talking about me to other people. Much less people I found myself on an apology date with.

"I guess so." When it came to my name my mother wasted no time naming me after her own mother, Anastasiya which made me Anastasiya Vorobyov II, but when calling my mistakes out from across the studio Anastasiya was far too long for my mother's liking, Ana would do just fine where she found Annie to be a childish name that no one would take seriously. I had always been Ana or Anastasiya nothing in between, until it came to the younger girls in the studio who after putting on a small production of Annie had seen my deep red hair and made an instant connection.

Rose and I split the plate in half while she and Ryan dove back into their conversations. Mason and I discovered that he had seen me dance, many times. He always attended his sisters' recitals which were studio recitals. He had stayed after his sister finished and sat with her in the audience while she pointed to each one of the older girls as we performed some variation of a classic. He had even seen me when my partner dropped me during a lift in our fall performance.

"I was desperately hoping to live that down."

Mason smiled and laughed sheepishly, "It honestly wasn't that bad. You pulled it off well."

I grinned back, hoping the smile didn't seem force, "I can see the headlines, New York Times: Prima Ballerina Falls, Wasn't That Bad." He laughed a full laugh one that brought the realest smile I had felt in a long time. His mouth pulled to the side and his eyes crinkled at the corners. A wave of something crashed over me and I wanted to be able to see him laugh like this a few more times. But my mothers words cut through the waves like the bow of a ship in rocky waters. No boys until you've retired. Don't ruin your career. The smile instantly fell from my face and Mason's eyes uncrinkled.

We all stood, paid for our meals and exited the small restaurant. The wind whipped through the streets cutting through the warmth the restaurant had lended, Mason stepped in front of me, blocking the chill if only just a little. Mason's hand drifted behind his head and he began rubbing his neck," So, uhm, will I get to see you again?"

"Do you bring your sister to class?" He nodded and a small grin began playing on his face, "Then yes." The younger girls usually still attended public schools so would attend daily classes in the afternoons. The older girls would participate in classes during the mornings and evenings saving afternoons to work on different variations to be performed at auditions or even in a production. I could slip into the hallway before the young girls classes would start and maybe even while they were finishing. Images of stolen moments crossed my mind. Did I dare defy my mother more in one day by agreeing to see a boy? We both turned to face our friends as Rose stood on her toes to kiss both of Ryan's cheeks before quickly walking back towards me. She slipped her arm into mine and with my free hand I waved a goodbye to them both. We were almost a half block away before she spoke.

"He asked to see me again."

"That's wonderful Rose, but please don't make me join you on your second date." Rose's face flushed a deep red and she tightened her grip on my arm as we made our way down the side walk.

"Not a date, an apology."