Celebrate The Irony

“Bob, I-I can't do this.”

He took his eyes away from the road for just a moment to look at me, not even thinking to speak at all. Then, he quickly turned back, keeping the car from swerving off the street.

We were on our way back to the hotel, just after our hospital visit. And I was scared. Not the scare that’s filled with emotion, making you want to cry and all that junk. This was the empty scared; shaking palms, racing thoughts, and a heavy heart, with a stomach equally as bad as the feeling of being scared.

“Mikey, I don't understand,” Knuckles becoming white due to the pressure he held on the steering wheel, “You were so excited that we were having this baby... and now...”

His sentence trailed off under his breath, leaving me to clear my throat and swallow down the nausea that grumbled in my stomach, “A-And now what?”

“And now you're just scaring me, too, Mikes. I mean, if you're happy, I'm happy. But now, you're just acting like you don't want this kid or something.” We soon stopped at a red light, Bob turning his head to meet my nervous expression.

It was silent by this point, and I really hated silence. It made things awkward, and the only way to break the awkward silence was to speak what was on my mind. For whatever God forsaken reason I had even spoken during a high anxiety time like this, I'm glad I did it.

“Well, I do want this child. Abortion is wrong in my opinion, and I've always wanted to start a family...” By the time that my eyes had made their way from the car floor to Bob, I saw a sort of a glint in his eye, showing his agreement and somewhat understanding in my statement.

“But... I mean, I probably didn't want to start my family exactly like this...” I chuckled slightly, and Bob did too. And then there was silence again, dammit, were the worst at holding conversations...

He sighed, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting, “Well, it’s settled then. We'll pull through with the pregnancy.”

I nearly jumped out of my seat in enthusiasm, wanting to hug the hell out of bob. Holy crap, I was going to be a parent! Finally! After 24 years of painstakingly waiting, even though I probably didn't even really want a child as a kid, I'm finally having one.

Wow. This is a shock honestly... Heh...

Without warning, the stop light had flashed green, leaving a line of suddenly angry drivers cursing and honking their horns behind us. I calmed down a little at this, sat back down in my seat after a few moments of jumping, and looked in the rear view mirror, to find one of the drivers behind our car flicking us off.

“Alright, alright, alright! Jeez,” Bob began, stepping on the gas pedal, a hint of a Jersey accent in his voice that I always thought was pretty cute, “I've got a pregnant man in the car...”

I chuckled slightly at his joke, then suddenly remembered one of the biggest dilemmas; How to tell the other guys. I mean, if we didn't tell them, they'd get kind of suspicious if I gained about 20 pounds in my stomach, and started asking for strange food combinations, like tuna and chocolate. Ha, that actually sounds pretty good right now... see?!

“We'll both deal with Ray and Frank first,” It was almost as if he read my thoughts instantly, and he turned into the hotel parking lot by now, expression turning straight with his next few words, “And Gerard...”

“I'll talk to Gee myself.” I said, picking at my fingernail nervously. I honestly hate my nervous habits, I have to say. They always come up whenever I'm... well... nervous! And it’s really annoying. I remember one time I actually made Gerard crazy by tapping my foot endlessly against the metal plating of the tour bus. Oh, what a pretty sight he was after...

Bob put the car in park in the parking lot, gripping at the steering. My eyes were now completely interested with the rubber carpet thing on the passenger’s side of the car. He then sighed, loosening his hands from the steering wheel, and looking towards me, “We'll both talk to him.”

I looked up from the floor, nodded with a slight smile creeping at my lips, and that was all that was said.

"You're joking, right?" Frank's mouth was gapped slightly in shock as I shook my head slowly. Both Bob and I had been back at the hotel room, Gerard not anywhere in sight, me thanking the Lord above for Starbucks.

“But... how?” Ray questioned, just as surprised as Frank had been. And what was my response? A simple shrug of my shoulders. I mean, that’s all I could give, really! How the hell was I supposed to explain to someone, one of my best friends, no doubt, that I'm actually supposed to be a girl?! Go on, you go ahead and try it. It’s pretty awkward, ain't it?

Frank stood from his seat on the bed finally, seemingly out of his trance of new information, and began pacing the room, becoming either more interested or confused by the situation with each passing second, “Wait, so you two...?”

I looked over at Bob, who looked at me, and nodded. I did the same, Ray's mouth now equally as wide as Frank's had been before. He had obviously been referring to the sex we had had the few weeks ago... Which was pretty weird for him to ask a question like that. Did he think I willingly wanted Bob to get me pregnant?! Not really... Haha. Frank had ceased his pacing; stopping right at the place he had stood from at his bed, hands still folded behind his back. His eyes traveled from the floor to me, staring me down anxiously. Ah, crap, I hated when he did that...

He then stepped closer, slowly, dirty converse making a slightly clonking noise as he walked forward. Stopping nearly inches from my face, my palms beginning to shake, mind racing with what he was going to say to me. Nearly everything with Frank was unpredictable, with what he did on stage to what he said, so of course I had been more than pleased with what he had to say, “Well, uh... I'm... uh... Congrats?”

I raised my eyebrow slightly, looking over at Bob, who shrugged, “Congrats? You aren't mad?! You and Gerard trust each other with everything and you aren't mad?! What the hell?!”

“Hey! I still have a say in this I hope you know!” Ray finally spoke up from his seat at the hotel room desk, bringing his fist down upon it as if this were a courtroom.

“And what do you have to add, Raymond?” Bob questioned a hint of sarcasm in his voice as he looked over at our bassist as he bent around my body. Damn, he was good at that...

Ray rolled his eyes, crossing his legs in front of him and sighing, “Yeah... Congrats!”

“That’s it?!” I nearly screamed, becoming mad at their reactions for some odd reason. I expected yelling, arguing, things being thrown, maybe a few friendships ended, y'know? I don't understand why I had been so upset about their positive reactions. Eh, that’s friendship for ya, I guess, “Neither of you are mad or anything?!”

Frank chuckled slightly, Bob straightening his posture back up and I looking back at him in confusion, “Mikey, you've got Gerard for that.”

He was right. He was so fucking right. I mean, Gerard would be the most upset about this, wouldn't he? He’s my brother. My big brother... And... And his best friend got me pregnant... How the hell would he cope? How would he even have the guts to say I was his brother again?! Would he leave the band? What the hell would happen?! Holy crap, would he tell our parents?! God... I could just see the conversation now...

Hi, mom. Just leaving you and dad a message. I've been good. The bands good. Oh, did I mention Bob got Mikey pregnant?

My mind continued to race, throat becoming dry at the thought of Gerard slaughtering Bob. Sweet, caring Bob. Wouldn't hurt a fly Bob. Always helped out on tours Bob. Never meant to get Mikey pregnant Bob...

“B-Bob... I...” I stuttered a few words before my stomach began to grumble, aching pains in my abdomen and stomach acid and food churning in my gut. I grabbed at my stomach, all three of the men around me becoming suddenly concerned of my condition. Damn, so this is what pregnant stomach pains feel like...

Before I knew it, I was rushing myself to the bathroom, thankfully making it in time as fell to the floor and puked up the contents of my stomach into the toilet, becoming relieved as it finally settled down. After a few moments though, I could feel it start to grumble again, and I buried my head in the bowl once more, not nearly digested food splashing into the toilet again.

Finally being able to gain control of my stomach again, I flushed the toilet with a shaking sweaty hand, closing the seat on top of the bowl and resting my head against the cool plastic seat. It felt nice, I have to say, and I knew I would have to get used to it; this would be happening a lot more often than I thought.

I closed my eyes in an attempt to relax, but I soon heard foot steps walk up to the bathroom door. It was Bob. Bob, Bob, Bob. Ah, Bob. Why'd ya have to get me pregnant, man?! Why?! I opened one of my eyes slowly, head still rested against the cover, “Hey there.”

“You okay?” He asked concern in his voice. I nodded, and he smiled, and I did too. It was contagious I had to say.

And you know what happened next? All hell broke loose.

The sing-song voice of the ever familiar lead singer rang through the hotel room, me wincing in pain as a headache decided to settle itself in my brain, “Guys! I'm here! And I have Starbucks!”

Lovely. Gerard's here.