Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

"I don't think that will be an appropriate topic to talk to you about," Adam said as walked into a hallway more recognisable.

"We've covered all the basics, haven't we?" I said. "Besides, you know more about me than I hoped you to know."

I detached my hand from Adam's as we walked out to the courtyard where we had dinner and sat beside the pool, my legs crossed and watching the cool water ripple about. Adam took a seat next to me, watching my fingers fiddle with each other and pick at the nails.

"You have small hands," Adam said and I looked up to him.

"And you don't think that I know that?" I said, as I stopped fiddling with my fingers and looked back at the water.

"Why are you so harsh to me, especially recently," Adam said after a few moments of silence.

I took a deep breath before I said anything, "Because I know you are in a relationship with another man that is currently not in the country. You are making moves on a single girl who was confused at first but now understands that it is wrong to pursue such things." I looked to Adam. "Whatever your planning, Adam, I can't do it."

Adam's lips thinned as he said, "I wasn't planning on anything, Kassie. I genuinely like you, more than just a friend and most points in our friendship. Since I've known you, things have changed so much that I couldn't comprehend what was going on most of the time. Tommy is being the good friend he is and trying to keep me away from you, keep me focussed on the arrival of my boyfriend in the next few days." Adam reached to my cheek and stroked it. "Somehow, I don't think that's going to happen."

I studied Adam's face, trying to look for an answer in his features to the statement he had just made. He practically just poured out his heart and I seriously didn't know what to do, or what to say for that matter. I liked Adam, I practically adored him. Every time he did something like this, my heart would flutter and I wouldn't be able to control myself. I hate the fact that I couldn't be in full control of myself around me and I needed someone like Tommy to keep me in check just like he kept Adam in line.

I guess that's why I had such an admiration of Tommy and mind's heart, if that could even be comprehended, lead towards Tommy. My heart's heart lead me astray to someone that I knew I couldn't have and I wouldn't let myself have. Adam was one of the nicest, kindest people I had ever met in my life and believe me, I barely knew anyone that was nice to me for the right reasons.

If we ever ended up together, although I managed to convince myself that it was never going to happen, we could look after each other and support each other through our struggles. We were already practically doing that right now, although Adam seemed to be looking after me more than I him. I didn't know enough to look after him in ways that I hoped but I could be helping him in ways that I didn't know of, like just being with him or kissing him.

I just didn't know what to do. I liked him but I didn't want to be with him because of the consequences it led to. I sighed and looked from Adam. Distracting myself, I stood up from the side of the pool and pulled off my top, soon followed by my pants. Dumping them on the side of the pool, I dived into the water and let it's coolness wash over me. I was hoping that it would give me some sense of calm and serenity.

As I resurfaced, I pushed my hair off my face and looked to Adam. There I was in the pool, dressed in my underwear and staring at a man that could react in any way at any moment. Unpredictable, I think the word would be. He just watched me, unmoving. I swam over to him and tugged at his leg, making the thoughtless decision to make him come into the pool with me. I think he saw what I was doing and smiled seductively.

Adam stood and began pulling off all his clothing until he was down to some very flattering underwear. I studied him as he stood above me, a certain something taking a particular interest. Oh God, I thought. I was becoming like Dave. I slithered backwards in the water until I crashed into the other end of the pool. He jumped into the pool and I watched him swim over to where I floated.

I moved away from where he headed as fast as I could but I failed as he managed to grab onto my feet and pulled me underneath the water. His hands then went to my waist and pulled me towards him, holding me tightly against his almost naked body. I slowly opened my eyes, the world blurry and dark around me but his blue eyes stood out. I smiled and in doing so, I let out a few air bubbles from my lips. Adam ate the bubbles as the floated to the surface and I tried my best to keep my giggles within me.

It wasn't long before we had to go back to the surface for air but as we did, Adam gave me a small kiss upon the lips. Reaching the surface, I took a deep breath of air as Adam continued to hold onto me while we floated just above the surface. Finally realising that he wasn't going to let me go anytime soon, I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, holding me evermore closely.

This was the most intimate Adam and I had ever been. I was hoping that I could keep it that way, too. There was also another part screaming at me to just cast my mind aside to spend one night with Adam. To be honest, I was still a virgin and there was no way I was giving myself up like that. I wanted it to be with someone special and if I gave Adam my virginity, who knows what I would do after that, who I would throw my cat at.

I knew Adam could see the thoughts going through my mind and he said, "I know that you might be feeling torn and distraught but I won't make you do anything that you don't want to. I won't force you. If you want to do this, that's your decision."

"But it won't be a good one," Tommy said from his balcony that looked out to where Adam and I were. "I won't let you do something like that, Adam, or you, Kassie."

"Who are you to make that decision for me, Tommy?" I shouted back, moving away from Adam and hoisting myself up onto the tiles. "You've been trying to save Adam and I from each other, an I respect you for that, but is it really all worth it?"

"It is all worth it," Tommy yelled. "Is Adam really the person you want to give yourself to? He has been for you through the past couple of days, but if you give yourself to him now, how do you know he will be there for you in the future? His partner is coming to L.A. in a few days, how do you know if he will still be there for you and not discard you like he does with a bottle of mascara?"

I felt tears beginning to water, my voice shaky as I said, "What are you saying, Tommy? Are you trying to save me from Adam for yourself? When I changed, you didn't look at me like that because it was a lapse in your concentration. You looked at me because you wanted to, you wanted to feel my body and have you lips upon mine. Your envious of Adam."

"I'm not like that at all," Tommy said disappearing from the balcony.

Adam hoisted himself out of the pool and stood beside me, wrapping his arm around my body and holding me tight. I was about to push him away but he whispered something into my ear that just made me shiver. I looked down as Tommy approached Adam and I, his face serious and frustrated.

"I'm saving you from Adam and Adam from you because I know Sauli wouldn't appreciate finding out his partner has turned straight for his producer," Tommy said and when I looked up, I noticed that he had just thrown all secrets out the window and straight in my face. "Adam is picking him up from LAX the day after tomorrow and I don't want Sauli not to be there because of a distraction."

"Tommy," Adam said from beside me. "Just let me..."

"I will not 'just let you'!" Tommy exclaimed, spitting at Adam's face. "Kassie is not just someone you can use and abuse at your will because of your looks. You might be doing her a great kindness now but I don't want you to just throw here away when Sauli gets here."

I was beginning to understand what Tommy was saying. Whoever this Sauli was didn't deserve to fly in from wherever he was flying in from to meet Adam at LAX with some girl he had fallen in 'love' with instead of him. I just couldn't do that. My rational mind, my rational heart was taking over and with my heart of hearts, I knew that it was the right thing to do. I couldn't just let Adam use and abuse me. I had no idea of what intentions Adam had with me right now but I couldn't just let him do that, I just couldn't take the chance.

In my nakedness, dressed only in my bra and panties, I slipped from Adam's embrace and stood next to Tommy. Adam's expression changed to anger in a flash and was about to throw a punch at Tommy but I stood in front of him, blocking Tommy from Adam's anger. Before I knew it, I momentarily blacked out and was on the ground, blood dripping from my broken lips and suffering from a nosebleed. My ears were ringing and I couldn't see a thing. My vision had turned black and blurry before returning.

My ears didn't return to normal for a while and by the time that they did, I was back in my room in the shower wrapped up in a small ball. Tommy was still dressed in his clothes and just sitting in the shower with me, not caring for himself. I was thinking about what had happened since I had met Adam. I had befriended him, become close, kissed him multiple times and almost just had sex with him. Most of all, though, he had been there for me and I couldn't just ignore that. He had been kind to me and gave me shelter when I had none. He had found me on the beach. He made me food that I could not make myself. I had made the decision, and I could not be in his presence any longer.

Water washed over my naked body as I hugged my knees and watched the blood wash from my features down the drain. I didn't even blink. Tommy sat with his back against the wall and let the water stain his clothes. I don't think he even cared that he was getting wet. He was doing it for me, maybe. I don't know and I really didn't care. Tommy was with me and that made everything the slightest bit calmer

I wished Charlie was with me but I knew that our friendship was never going to be the same again. Especially with Camilla in the picture. Tommy was practically all that I had left. That's what I had said about Adam and I really hoped our friendship it didn't end up like how that did. I really wanted to keep Tommy as someone close to me so at least I had someone in my life that I could talk to.

Looking up to Tommy, I watched him for a moment before I asked him, "Thank you, for before." Tommy looked at me expectantly. "If you hadn't have come, I would have done something I would've regretted."

Tommy smiled at me as he reached up and turned of the shower, saying, "Let's get you dried and changed." I hesitantly looked up at him as he stood. Tommy rolled his eyes and extended his hand towards me. "I won't look at you like that. I'm the only friend you have left, so don't ruin it."

He practically took the thoughts from my head. I took his hand and he helped me to my feet, my naked body fully revealed to him. Before he could fully be aware of it, he wrapped my body in a towel and sat me on a chair that slid along the bathroom tiles. He held me in place and began brushing my tangled hair. I looked at us in the mirror, seeing Tommy's face utterly serene as he brushed my hair.

When he stopped, setting the brush down, I said, "Don't stop."

Tommy manoeuvred the chair so that he and I were face to face, taking my face in his hands and saying, "Don't let yourself fall for me. I'm the only friend you have."