Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

I went through practically everything in my wardrobe to find something that I could wear. All my clothes were spread out all over my floor to try and find something to wear for tonight. I made outfits of everything on the ground and went amongst the clothes. I kept on grunting to myself, unable to find anything. I sat amongst all the clothes and looked around me, disappointed with myself. I heard the door to m room opening and closing behind me, not bothering to looking at who was coming in the door but was surprised when I didn't smell the familiar scent of Tommy. I turned slightly and saw Adam kneeling down beside me, fiddling with some of my clothes. I could feel a tenseness building but as soon he began rearranging something in front of us that I could wear, I felt it slowly begin to slip away.

I looked over to Adam, studying him for a moment when I noticed that his make-up was smudged and tears lined his face. I could see where the tears rolled because the make-up led me there. I felt a pang of sadness as I looked to him, something swelling in my heart for him even though I could really stand to be around him. Without even knowing what I was doing, I reached out to Adam's face and held my fingers upon his tear streaked cheeks. He paused in what he was doing, looking down at his motionless hands. After a while, I let my hand rest upon his cheek and he let his gaze fall upon me. His eyes showed his pain and it just made me wonder wheat had actually happened to him. His hand went to mine, holding it there for a moment before he pulled it from his cheek.

"What happened to you?" I asked quietly.

Adam looked away from me back down the clothes that he organised for me. I looked back to the clothes, seeing that it actually suited. It was a sparkling black off the shoulder dress that would go underneath one of my arms while the other sleeve went halfway down my arm. It was practically a skin tight dress and I would have no idea how I would look in it. He had also pulled out a pair of drop pearl earrings and thick bangles that suited the dress. I pulled at the dress, liking what he had done. I vocalised it but he said nothing, the only noise he made was his sniffs.

"Where's Sauli?" I said, turning my attentions back to him and rested my eyes back upon him. "What did he do to you that made you the way you are now?"

He got up from next to me and went to sit on the bed, leaning against the wall and looking out the window. It was a perfect shot and if I was a photographer, I would have totally taken that photo but at that moment, it wasn't my place. I got up from my position and went to the bed, sitting beside him and rested my head upon his shoulder. We hand't been like this ever in our friendship. This was always the side of a friendship that I would experience with Tommy rather than Adam. He fiddled with his hands as he looked out the window, sighing before he looked back to me, studying my presence upon his shoulder.

"What happened between us, I didn't mean it," he apologised. "I'm so sorry for all that I have done and what happened to me helped me realise how rude I have been to you. I need you to forgive because I don't know how long this can go on for."

I looked up to Adam, studying him and wasn't sure what I would say. He looked like he had been through a lot since I saw him last and it had only been a short period of time, too. I wasn't short if he was being true about his feelings, if what had happened actually had happened. My hand went to Adam's, pulling at his fingers before settling down into a firm grip. I could tell Adam was still waiting for an answer from me even though I was trying to distract myself from the question at hand by playing with his hands.

I didn't want to be faced with something like this right now but judging by my actions, it was pretty clear that I had forgiven Adam. Somewhere deep in my heart I had already forgiven this man that was the father of my child but my mind was taking control and telling me that the wasn't a man to be forgiven. I hated the fact that I was being torn between forgiving him and not because they could lead down to very different roads. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that I should be thinking of the baby and how it should have at least some contact with it's father and not completely shut off from him because it's mother couldn't deal with the fact that he had royally screwed her over. I looked to Adam, my lips thinning and making my final decision then and there.

"You screwed me over, Adam," I started, trying to best express my thoughts to him. "I liked you enough to not pull myself from you and I was blinded by that like not to realise what you were doing to me. That night when you found out that I was pregnant, you treated my like royalty before only dumping me back on Tommy. By you doing that, I have totally fallen in love with Tommy and I have a feeling it might be real, too. I'm engaged to him for Christ's sake. He is going to be my husband at one point." I could see the pain etching further and further into his face. "But the child that I am holding within me is not his, it's yours. You have a right to see this child, it is both yours and mine with neither of us claiming ownership of it. I can't hold my child back from you because you hurt me in such a way. If I am going to forgive you, we have to start all over again."

I saw a slight smile appear on his tear streaked face as he took my face in his hand. I saw him moving into me and I moved back hesitantly but he moved to my forehead, not my lips. My heart was beating hard in my chest when that happened but I was glad that he understood what I was trying to get across. His hand then hovered to my stomach where a slightly bumped had formed underneath my clothing, rubbing it slowly and softly. After a moment or two, he leaned down to my stomach and kissed it. Adam hovered there for a moment when he said, "If it's a boy, I want to name him Gabriel."

"I think I have to agree with you on that one," I said as he sat back on the bed next to me. "I want you to be there when I have the child."

"I thought you would never ask," Adam said, settling himself beside me.

"It just would've taken me some to ask you, to forgive you," I said.

"So you've forgiven me, then?" he asked me, his eyes lighting up.

My hand move to his cheek and wiped the tears off them, saying, "For the sake of the child, I think I would have to. But just because I have forgiven you doesn't mean that you should take advantage of me again. I don't think I could handle it." He nodded, understanding what I said. "Now, I think I have a dinner to get to."

I slipped off the bed and went to the clothing that Adam had picked out for me. I felt his eyes watching me expectantly, as if forgot to say something. I picked up the dress and turned back to him, giving him a confused gaze. I walked from where I stood to the bathroom and turned to close the door, seeing him get off the bed and beginning to clean up all the clothes that I had strewn all over the room. I pulled on the dress, shifting it so you couldn't notice the baby bump as much. I put on the earrings and bangles before studying myself in the mirror. It suited me, along with the new hair colour I had.

I smiled to myself, noting how good Adam was with picking out clothes because I might need him in the near future as help. I put on the fake eyelashes with the silver balls on the end that I had gotten from the Rolling Stone shoot and styled my make up like the Vogue shoot. When I walked from the bathroom, I noticed Adam had practically cleaned up the room from all my clothes and stood in the middle of the room like a lost puppy. He looked up to me when I walked towards him and smiled widely.

"I only wish that I could see that dress in action," Adam said as we stood awkwardly from each other.

"Charlie is taking Camilla, Tommy and I out to celebrate out engagements," I said with my head cocked to the side. "You can come, if you wish."

"Looks like I'm ready to go, then," Adam said and motioned towards his clothing, making me smile. "I miss your smiles." He embraced me before we headed towards the stairs. "They were always so beautiful."

"You better keep your mouth shut when we get into the presence of Tommy," I said. "His the one that is going to be my husband, not you."

"But your fathering my child, not his," he said as we walked down the stairs. "So, I at least have a right to call you nice things."

"Just get down the stairs, will you?"

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was awkward as it could be in the car. Tommy, Camilla and Charlie were certainly not expected Adam to come along or for us to make up so fast. They had clearly not heard what Adam had just been through but Tommy did question where his other half was. I told Tommy that there would be explanations later when he and I could be alone. I guess there was a fair amount of explanations to be had since Adam and I had decided to start over. I studied him as he sat awkwardly in his seat, looking out at the buildings going past while I sat in Tommy's embrace on the other side of the limo. Tommy was dressed in the pure black suit that he wore for the vogue shoot while, I noticed, Adam wore something a little more casual. A regular suit with an open neck shirt, sparkles splattering the lapel and the top of the breast pocket.

He obviously noticed me looking and turned his eyes to me. I smiled and looked from him, fiddling with the ring that I had on my finger. The limo began to slow down and stopped in front of a large amount of paparazzi. I groaned at seeing this and moved towards the door, stopping Adam from going first, saying, "Let me go first, I need to prove something to a lot of people." I turned back to Tommy who stood behind me. "Count to ten from the moment Adam steps out of the car."

"What do you think you're doing?" Tommy asked me as I opened the door and took a stepped out of the car.

Camera's flashed, people shouted questions and quotes of love. The moment that Adam stepped out of the car behind me, the screams grew even louder, so that I barely could hear anything else. I slid my arm around Adam and posed with him for a few shots, thinking that Adam was getting at what I was trying to achieve. I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek. There was a wave of cheers and screams as I did so before I felt Tommy's hand upon my back, pushing Adam and I forward a little. I pulled my arm from Adam's but he held it there and now it was his turn to do something that I wasn't aware of.

Tommy slid his arm around my back as I stood between Adam and my fiance, seeing that Tommy was playing off what Adam and I created. We posed for a few seconds, smiling, and it wasn't long before I felt their lips on my cheeks. I smiled widely, my eyes squinting as a result. It would've made a perfect photograph for all these paparazzi that littered the front of the restaurant. I let them have their moment before I walked the line that was made by the bodyguards that accompanied us with Adam and Tommy following closely behind me.

The screams died off as we all walked into the restaurant, Charlie and Camilla taking the lead and speaking to the host. We were led to a table in the corner of the room, passing various other celebrities as we did so. I remember spotting the likes of Brad and Angelina, Jennifer Anniston with Courtney Cox and David Arquette walking across the room back to the table along with some of the members of The Black Eyed Peas crowding around a table in another corner of the room.

I squeezed Tommy's hand as I sat down in between him and Adam, the host bringing another chair for the unexpected guest. Everyone ordered a drink while I just stuck with a soft drink, thinking of the baby and not wanting to end up like last time we all went out. Tommy and I sat close together, his arm around the back of my chair as I felt him nuzzling my neck. Camilla smiled at Tommy and I while Charlie just continually glared at Adam.

I noticed this and questioned it, "What's the deal, Charlie?"

"I thought it was just going to be us four tonight," Charlie said, keeping his firm gaze upon Adam. "You know, celebrating our engagements."

"You guys are engaged too?" Adam exclaimed, his eyes moving to Camilla. "Show me the ring, girl."

Camilla was about to show the ring to Adam but Charlie pulled her hand back. She gave him a shocked look at how rude he was being as he said, "You don't need to show him anything."

"Just because he screwed Kassie over doesn't mean he still isn't my friend," Camilla said and showed Adam the ring, Adam taking her hand and studying it. "Besides, it looks like they have made up."

"His the father of my child, Charlie," I said, finally breaking his firm gaze off Adam. "If I don't start forgiving him now, who knows what it's going to be like when Gabriel comes."

"Gabriel?" Tommy questioned as I glanced to him. "You already chose on a name?"

"I think it's a beautiful name," I said. "And it works either way."

"What do you mean by 'either way'?" Tommy asked.

"If we choose either to put down either your surname or Adam's last name," I said. "Don't you think?" Tommy's lips thinned as I turned my attentions back to Charlie. "If you have some issues with Adam, we can sought those out another time because right now, we are here to celebrate our engagements."

"That doesn't leave room for Adam to be here," Charlie continued and quite frankly, I was just sick of it.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Charles," I said as Adam dropped Camilla's hand and our drinks arrived. "If you seriously still have such an issue here, just leave because you're ruining our night."

Charlie's eyes narrowed as he drained his scotch on the rocks and stood from his seat, looking to Camilla and saying, "Come on, honey. We're going." Camilla looked up at Charlie expectantly and didn't budge. "Come on, Camilla. We don't have time for them."

Camilla stayed in her seat and I felt a swell of thanks rise within me. Charlie's gaze moved from Camilla to me, his gaze so strong that it almost pieced straight through my heart. He chucked his napkin upon the table and stormed off, leaving us to ourselves. We all looked at each other, not knowing what to say. I took my soda and sipped at it, my eyes going to Camilla over my glass. I noticed how she fiddled with her expensive ring, thinking carefully about what she was doing before she ripped it off her finger and set it down upon the plate in front of her. I set down my drink and got up from my seat, going around to the other side of the table to sit next to her. I gave her a hug and she rested her head in the crook of my neck, sniffing slightly.

"You made the right decision," I said. "It was a whirlwind romance, I think. You'll have so much more fun with us now that he is out of your life."

"Who needs him," Camilla said, taking one of the shots that had been placed in front of her and drained it. "When I have you guys."