Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

Note the 'almost'. I felt bad for ditching Adam and I wanted to save all this for at least the wedding night when the 'sparks were meant to fly.' For his sake, and mine, I hope they did. I could see that Tommy was struggling to keep himself away from me in that manner. If it weren't for our so called 'deal', we would already be in the bed right now…unless he decided to take it slow, of course. So in that moment, I pulled myself away from Tommy and moved to the stairs were I waited a moment for him to recover. I watched him take a deep breath as he slowly walked across the room towards me, placing a hand upon my shoulder as if to usher me forward, to get me to wherever we were heading before he didn't anything else that we both weren't ready for yet. I moved from him, his hand dropping from my shoulder as we walked down the stairs and walking across the now messy backyard, filled with plants that had yet to be designed accordingly. We were back in the house before the workers knew that we were there and made our way to the lounge room where we found Adam stretched out on the couch, half asleep with the remote resting lazily upon his leg.

I practically jumped onto the couch near him with a smile upon my face and he instantly awoke. Adam jumped up straight and looked around him. When his eyes rested upon me, I was laughing loudly. He poked his tongue out at me as he relaxed back into the couch. Tommy was amongst the racks of movies and music, running his finger along the cases as if it held a different meaning. After a while, I got up from the couch and joined him by the movies, taking his hand from the lines of DVD's. My eyes instantly went to one and I reached up, struggling to reach it. Tommy's hands went upon my waist and lifted me like a ballerina to the movie that movie that was out of my reach. He held me up there for a little while after I had managed to pull the movie from the shelf. He spun me around in the air so that when I came back down, I was facing him. My hands went to his chest when my feet hit the floor. I smiled at him, my finger going to his lipgloss stained lips and licked the contents off my finger. I could see the desire sweep through his eyes as I moved to the dvd player, putting the disc in its tray before heading back to the couch.

I sat by Adam, close. He switched the channel's so that the movie came onto the screen. Tommy joined us not long after the opening titles scrolled across the screen, sitting a few spaces from me. From my glances to him, I could see he was trying hard to control himself and trying to completely immerse himself into the movie so that he wasn't distracted by me. I settled into my position beside Adam who encouraged me to lean in upon his shoulder. As we watched the movie, I heard feet coming into the room and glanced over the top of the couch to see Jesse walk into the room. I hadn't seen her in a long time but it was good to see her face again. I gave her a small wave as she jumped over the couch and sat in between Tommy and I, crossing her legs over one another. Over Jesse, I saw Tommy relax a fair bit, knowing he had someone between him and me, possibly controlling his desires a little.

"Ooh, I love this movie!" Jesse said and getting a 'sush' from Adam. "Sorry."

During this movie, I couldn't keep myself focussed upon it even if Jesse was sitting between Tommy and I. Knowing that Tommy was most likely feeling the same way, I wanted to feel him beside me instead of Adam. I wanted to rest my head upon his shoulder as he pulled me against him. I wanted to run my hands through his hair as I felt his hands running along my back, feeling each curve. I wanted to be with him but the knowledge of us not being able to do anything more then kiss each other briefly or hug was keeping us apart. Adam must've acknowledge something because his arm was around my waist and holding me tightly against his stretched out body. I buried my head into his chest, trying to get rid of all the thoughts that I was having for Tommy. His hand was running through my hair as I took a deep breath to calm myself from the height that Tommy had felt earlier and had passed it onto me. Adam smelled of a sweet tea and it surprisingly helped calm me so I took another deep breath before I looked back to the movie. We had reached about halfway through and I knew that it would be hours before Tommy and I could lie in bed beside each other.

I pursed my lips as I tried to focus my attentions back on a movie that I had seen a thousand times. It wasn't long before my mind began wandering away again. I didn't think of Tommy, well I hardly did. I thought of the wedding and how extravagant it had become from the idea of something small to something so large. The dress that had been personally fitted by the lady herself, Vera Wang, was, I must admit, beautiful. If it weren't for Debbie, I might've just rocked up in a pair of jeans and a nice top. Something good for someone in the crowd not the bride. I thanked her in my mind for her efforts at trying to get me to look somewhat like a princess. I bet you she even got me a crown to go with it. I would laugh if she actually did but I guess I would have to wait and see if she actually did. I thought of how handsome Tommy would look standing at the altar, waiting for me as I walked down the aisle in his black suit. Now I actually thought about it, I could never ever see myself with Adam like that. How he could be my lover and husband. I almost kicked myself for ever having the thought. If I was ever meant to be with someone, it would have to be with Tommy and no one else. He was the one I was meant to be with.

It was like I was being shaken awake as Adam shifted from underneath me. I shook my head and realised that Tommy and Jesse had disappeared from the room that was now deathly quiet. I slid off Adam and sat on the edge of the seat, glancing over to him, asking, "Please don't tell me I fell asleep."

"You weren't the only one," Adam said groggily as he got up from the couch and straightened out his clothes. "And I don't know about you, but I think you enjoyed that sleep a little more than I did."

Blushing, I changed the topic by asking, "Where did everyone go?"

"Food, probably," Adam said as he helped me from where I sat. '"Hungry?"

"Stop putting a sexual spin upon your words," I said as we walked from the lounge room towards the kitchen.

"You need to stop taking it that way," Adam said. "Because someone is thinking about sex a little too much lately."

"Just because the wedding is coming up doesn't mean I shouldn't be thinking about it," I said as we got to the door of the kitchen and Adam stopped me before I went in

"Just because the wedding is coming up doesn't mean that you should be thinking about it more than usual," Adam said with a glint in his eye. "Besides, you, Tommy and I will be connected somehow by marriage or by the birth of our children."

"I don't really like to remind myself of that," I said, trying to break away from Adam but he held me back to say something more.

"Have you thought about names?" he said, his hand resting upon my stomach.

"Gabriel was our first child, so we can't use them," I said. "And whatever name we give to 'our' children, they will carry the name Ratliff."

"They will carry the name Lambert-Ratliff," Adam said as he finally let me walk into the room.

"Do you know how strange that sounds?" I said as he followed me into the room and finding Tommy by the bench with a glass of champagne and Jesse by the stove.

"How strange will what sound?" Tommy said as I sat by him, resting my head upon his shoulder.

"Adam wants to make our children have the surname 'Lambert-Ratliff'," I said, closing my eyes for a moment as I settled myself into his beautiful smell.

"Do you know how strange that sounds?" Tommy said to Adam as he went to the stove to help out Jesse.

"I just want them to have a little part of me that isn't just my handsome looks," Adam retorted.

I snorted, leaning into Tommy's champagne glass to try and get a sip when he pulled it away from me, giving me a scolding look, saying, "None for you, missy."

I pouted at him, Adam helped Jesse plate up the food and set it in front of Tommy and I as well as a plate for himself and Jesse. I said a small prayer over my food as I began eating. I found some things that I didn't like, but I knew Tommy liked, so I moved them over to his plate while taking some of the food I liked off his plate and put it on mine. We ate a little of our food before he exchanged some more of my food for his own. I saw Adam trying to contain his laughter as he saw us do this. I gave him a questioning look as I took a sip of water that was placed in front of each of us by Jesse. She settled down in her seat and began eating some of her food.

"You're not even married yet and you both act like you've been living together for years," Adam said.

"Better you see the signs now than not see them at all and making the worst mistake of your life," I said as Tommy held out his finger with a bit of the sauce upon it.

I smiled seductively and wrapped my lips around his finger, running my tongue over the contents as I pulled away from Tommy. I could see Tommy smiling, not embarrassed the slightest, as I turned from him with a little of the sauce left upon my lips. Seeing this, Tommy took my head and kissed me passionately. His tongue ran along my lips, licking the last of the sauce off them. He pulled back a moment later, licking his lips and running his fingers over them. Oh, my gosh. Why did he have to do something like that to me right here and right now? I could just see myself jumping out of my seat towards him and taking him right then. Stupid, sexual, thoughts. I guess Adam was right about how I was thinking of sex too much for my own good, lately. I could blame it on anything I wanted but the fact was the I was thinking about it. I cleared my throat as Adam's laughs continued to fill the room.

"Enough of your laughs, Mr. Lambert," I said, glaring at him. "This will make you silent as ever, I was wandering, since I know my father will be unable to attend as far as I know, and Anthony, Tommy's father, won't be attending the wedding because of obvious reasons, I was wondering if you, Adam, would like to walk me down the aisle."