Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

Most of our days were like what I experience in that moment. I managed to convince Tommy not to cook me dinner every single night but we had a few bottle of wines that would last us a few days at least and we both couldn't resist having, even though it might not be so good for the baby I carried. I was much more relaxed than I had been in recent weeks leading up to our wedding and through the recording of the album. I knew Tommy had always made me feel that little bit better whenever I was feeling stressed but I was glad that I had left everyone behind to spend some time with him alone without anyone else intruding. My heart was feeling content as Tommy spoke daily to my stomach, making me laugh whenever he did so. Our embraces were comfortable and our nights sleeping were almost endless as we had no stress of waking up at any given time.

It got to our last week when I tried to talk to Tommy about letting us go up to visit Elizabeth and her family. It was hard to since he still had his thoughts on us spending time alone together. We had spent almost three weeks together alone and it was time to at least face someone from the outer world apart from the clerks at the local stores. It took a while to get him out of the house, knowing how much he didn't want to go. I waited outside for him with a heavy jacket and watching the snow fall across the front yard. It was beautiful sight, catching myself in the moment as I watched the snow fall to the ground. I took a deep breath as I watched it, a small tuft of white air coming out of my lips. I heard a shuffling of feet from within the house and it wasn't long before Tommy stumbled out of the house and locked it behind him. He sighed and I heard him shiver in the coldness of the weather outside. I smiled to myself as I made my way down to the car.

I waited patiently as Tommy walked down to the car and handed me the keys, saying, "I don't feel like driving. You want to see them, you drive. I want my sleep."

"Fair call," I said, taking the seat and moving around to the drivers seat on the wrong side to what I was used to and hopped in.

Tommy took my place in the passenger and sighed as he relaxed into the stiff seats. He closed the door behind him and pulled the seatbelt over his chest, not really happy to be heading all the way back up to London but did what I asked of anyway. I wanted to go alone but he didn't really want to be left alone in a small little house a long way from the big city. What I did let him do, however, was have a choice in the music that was played int he car. Although his music wasn't horrible, everyone still prefers their own music to everyone else's. I began to drive the down the street as he plugged in his iPhone and flicked through his songs, attempting to find something that we could listen to on the way back to London.

Earlier that day, I had called up Daniella, Elizabeth's mother, to ask of her address. I told her not to tell Abby or Elizabeth that we were coming. I kind of wanted Tommy and our appearance as a surprise, thinking it was also time to give them a visit. Daniella's voice, however, didn't sound as strong when I mentioned Elizabeth. This gave me more reason to want to visit them, thinking that something drastic had happened to her. Not voice my concerns, I tried to sound as natural as I could with the same going for Daniella. We both knew that each of us was trying to hide something in our voices and absolutely failing to do so.

I almost laughed at how fake we sounded but I guess we just couldn't help ourselves. It was something that couldn't be said over the phone, only in person. If it was something like this, you knew it just had to be serious. This unknown cause that made my heart feel that I had to see this family even more provided another reason for Tommy even though I could not provide him with all the answers he wanted. I only could provide him with what I felt or the little I knew. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to convince me otherwise, he finally relented into me going to London to visit Abby, Elizabeth and Daniella, but wouldn't let me do it alone.

I didn't really want him to be there, but I guess he only wanted to protect me and be there for me. He had been kind enough on the plane, so I wondered where his kindness went after I was treating strangers so kindly. I guess he only thought they would last for that moment and tried to be as nice as he could towards them before they took their crappy cattle class seats towards the back of the plane. I had enough money to be kind to Abby and Elizabeth but I knew he wanted to use that money for us, or to be saved for the future. I could always make it back, with Adam's album about to go on sale just after we had to perform our first live gig.

Although I didn't know exactly where it was, Debbie had mentioned it in one of our recent conversations over the phone. She promised she would give me all the details when she picked Tommy and I from the airport the following week. We had almost spent a month in England and it had almost gone to fast for my liking. Even though I wanted to try and spend the time that I had left with Tommy while we were here, I knew that I had an obligation to Elizabeth, Daniella and Abby, especially after the tone I had heard in Daniella's voice. I needed to seem them, and soon. I didn't just want them to be a passing visit while Tommy and I were going to Heathrow. I actually wanted to spend the day with them so I could fully understand what was going on in their lives. Daniella was getting me slightly worried.

I felt Tommy's hand upon my own. Obviously he saw something in my face that worried him and whatever it was, I did my best to try and wipe it off my face. It failed miserably because the music went off as Tommy said, "Maybe it's not such a good idea to go and see them if it's affecting you this much."

"What are you talking about?" I said, but I could hear it in my voice and I knew that Tommy could hear it too. It was shaking and unstable. "I'm completely fine." No matter what I said, it would always shake. "You're just worrying about nothing, that's all."

"Whatever effect these people have on you, it's obviously taking it's toll," Tommy said, his hand resting upon mine that was shifting gears upon the clutch. "I've told you multiple times that it was never a good idea to go see them."

"But I have to now that I've told Daniella that I was coming," I said. "She's expecting us." Tommy gave me a look. "And her voice sounded chocked up when I saw Elizabeth."

"Just think of the baby," Tommy said, squeezing my hand before removing it and turning back to pick an appropriate song upon his iPod. "I don't want anything to happen to them again, especialy if it's because of some stranger that we hardly even know."

I sighed and we spent the next little while in silence, the only thing that filled the silence was the music that he played from his iPod. The streets started to get more crowded, houses coming up more often than not and people moving about like it wasn't their business. I tried to think of the directions that Daniella had told me. I made a few wrong turns, to both Tommy and I's annoyance, before I actually found the street that Elizabeth, Abby and Daniella lived in for now.

I was still getting used to driving on the wrong side of the road and almost crashed into a car as I searched the numbers of the houses. I eventually found the small, little house that the lived in and reversed parked into a spot just outside. Turning off the car as Tommy sighed and looked over to me, an expression of dislike crossing over his face. I knew he was just doing it for me and I felt sort of bad for dragging him all the way out here against his will.

I looked away from him before I felt any more of these emotions welling up within me and got out of the car. He soon followed after a few moments and I locked it behind him. I went around the car to stand behind him, noticing his eyes fixated on something. My eyebrows furrowed as I followed his line of vision up to a woman standing at the top of the stairs by the door. I recognised her as Daniella and she was crying. The lines of tears where outlined by her make-up running down her face and my heart was caught up in agony. Tommy clutched my hand as I took a deep breath and made my way up to her.