Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

There was a silence for a while longer as I stared at Tommy, trying to figure out what he was going to say before he was going to say it. I was trying to see if he was letting off any early signals of what had happened while I was asleep. I couldn't get anything but the fact that something drastic had unfolded and I had totally missed it. Damn me trying to help people. It always seems to bring me bad luck but then again, it had brought me Gabriel and Tamara Jayne. How could I complain about that? Even if one looked a lot like Adam, the other was like a mixture of both Tommy and I. Maybe I could live with that, I don't know.

As for my career, however, I wasn't so sure of. Tommy was holding something back from me about the release of the album that I had, we had been working on with Adam in the midst of all our frustrations and anger and disrespect of each other. When we finished it, I thought it sounded spectacular. It was one of the best pieces of work that I had accomplished, especially without the help and support of my father, despite the fact he was an absolute ass and deserved to be in jail for what he did. Harsh, maybe, but that's what I had experienced in my past and I was going to leave it that way. What's past is past.

It was a long time before Tommy replied to me and by the time he did, the nurse from earlier returned to the room to retrieve Gabriel and take him back to his twin sister. Tommy then passed me the glass of water again to help fully rehydrate me and draw out our silence even longer. After a few sips and a worried glance from Tommy as I set my glass down, he finally decided to give me the answer I wanted.

"Adam released the CD and…" Tommy started, swallowing hard before he went on with some heavy encouragement on my end. "It didn't go as well as we had hoped."

"What do you mean?" I questioned, confused.

"Adam was going to play the gig acoustically on the Ellen show with just Monte," Tommy said. "Since I was over here, not wanting to leave your side; Camilla disappeared, and was practically uncontactable; and you were here, totally unconscious and obvious to what was going on around you. As soon as they played the gig, Adam got word of Monte releasing a new CD without Adam's permission. Heaps of people thought it was the new CD that we had all worked so hard on but it wasn't, as you know."

"So what happened to Monte?" I said, trying ro piece together a story from what Tommy was reporting to me. "Adam and Monte have been together in a band for years now. It's not like Adam would hate him for something so petty."

"Well, Adam felt betrayed," Tommy said, taking my hand as he spoke. "And I don't blame him, either. Adam was just about to release a new album that we were all so proud of and Monte comes along and releases something from the past without anyone's permission. If I was in Adam's position, I don't think I would have liked it either."

"What happened to Monte then?"

"I thought after that it kind of spoke for itself," Tommy replied, as he looked up to me. "Adam asked Monte to leave the band because he couldn't work with people that would do something like that to him. Adam is a very honest person….as honest as a person can be. No one is an open book. Everyone has their secrets."

"As everyone has the right to."

"So without a guitarist, pianist or a regular drummer," Tommy finished off, a small smile playing about his lips. "Adam had auditions again and I re-audition in hopes to be picked as his guitarist."

I squealed, suddenly filled with energy and launched myself out at Tommy who thankfully managed to catch me before I fell off the bed. I showered him with kisses before he eventually managed to push me off and managed to return to what civilized conversation we were having.

"Congratulations!" I said happily. "I am so proud of you."

"And I am proud of you to," he said conspicuously.

"What do you mean?"

"You got into the band to."

I looked at Tommy in surprise. How could I have gotten into the band if I hadn't been there to audition? If anything, I'm a multi-instrumentalist and not really good at one thing, kind of spreading my "talents" around. To be picked to be on the band for Adam Lambert was an honour, especially with what we all had been through and that doesn't just mean me and all the stuff that I had to put up with.

"What for?"

"Drums," Tommy replied, getting kind of excited for the next part. "And we had another girl audition named Ashley for the bass and she absolutely nailed the audition. I think you might like her?"

"You think?" I questioned as Tommy nodded like a little puppy. "I think you are beginning to like her."

"Did you seriously just say that?" Tommy said, giving me a look. "Do you seriously doubt my loyalty to you."

"Give me a break, okay?" I retorted. "I just got out of a coma. I am allowed to be suspicious of the changes around me and ask questions if I need to."

"But not ones like that."

"Oh, get off," I said, turning from him and snuggling underneath the rough hospital covers.

"I know you don't need anymore sleep, Kassie, so don't act like you need it."

When I didn't respond, the silence began to hang in the air again. After a while, Tommy decided to leave the room to give me some space. It was good because for the first time in months, I was left to my own thoughts without Adam, Tommy or anyone else deciding to ruin my silence, despite how comfortable it might be with them around. Sometimes people just needed their breaks and this was mine.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I was let out of the hospital a few days and tests later along with Tommy and our two children. The nurses had tough be how to breast feed, which was strange at first but I knew I would eventually have to get used to it. I was advised not to let my children go to the bottle too soon as whatever they got from me would help strengthen their immune system. I laughed because I knew that they wouldn't be getting any strength from me, especially in the state that I was -- vampire and all.

I sat in the back seat of the car that Tommy had hired to take us to the airport to look after my children. They looked so peaceful as we drove through the city, so unconcerned with the world around them or what happened before them. During my coma, Tommy had gotten them some clothes and some toys to keep them entertained while they waited for their mother to wake up. I began to play with them and their toys, their laughs bringing smiles to our faces.

I knew that my children would have been suspicious of me at first, by their cries to escape my arms and contentment when they were in Tommy's but we had grown used to each other so by the time that we were together in the car driving towards the airport, we were happy as happy could be. If anything, these babies would help me get through what was to come when Tommy and I got back to America. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind, not wanting to think of all the things that had changed when we had gotten back there…the average record sales that Adam had received on his album and the re-arranging of his band. I just hoped that all would run smoothly when Tommy and I showed ourselves.

When Tommy told me we were leaving so soon for America, I questioned him why.

"We have spent to long in this God forsaken country and look where it has lead us," he said.

I had understood his point and I didn't need to go against his will any longer. The choices that I had made while we had been over here were bad and lead me to painfully having my two children, almost having a miscarriage along the way. This also didn't include the fact that I had been put into a coma for about a month with Tommy and I not being their for the launch of the album we had been working so hard on. We need to get out of here and I needed to start listening to Tommy because whatever I was doing was leading us into trouble.

It seemed time had passed by quickly enough and we reached Heathrow in no time. Tommy went to pay for the hiring of the car as I took our babies out of the back seat and awkwardly stood by our luggage and children. He came back soon enough to help us get to the lounge we were supposed to be waiting at. Since our children did not have passports, we gave the officers at customs their birth certificates, hoping that it would be enough. It got us through but we had to remind ourselves to get them papers soon. Having two children that were born in a European country would deem to be handy since Tommy and I would be doing a lot of traveling once Adam decided to go on tour.

Which begged me to raise the question to Tommy when we were waiting to board our flight in the flight lounge, "What are we going to do with Gabriel and Tamara Jayne when we go on tour?"

"It's a bit to early to be thinking about it," he commented, playing with Gabriel.

"What about leaving them with Debbie and your father?" I said, rocking Tamara in my arms.

"Are you really so desperate to leave your children so soon?" Tommy said, giving me a look of disgust. "You've only just had them for crying out loud."

"I know, but I am only trying to think ahead," I retorted, turning my attentions back to Tamara who gurgled happily in my arms.

"Try not to think that fart ahead because you might not know where it will get you," Tommy said, turning his body fully from me.

If I was sure about anything, it was questioning how much Tommy had changed over the last month that I had been asleep.