Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

We managed to get business class tickets for the trip back to LA with a stop over in New York, which I hope didn't last long because by the time we touched down there, our children were getting restless despite how comfortable our seating was. The air in the airplane wasn't that great and everyone knows how brilliant airplane food is so by the time we reached New York, I was grateful for the break and so were our children.

The thing that worried me the most in our lengthy trip to New York was that Tommy never said a word to me. All his energy and attention was turned back to Tamara, not giving a single reason why he was acting the way he was. If anyone was worried for that length of time, without a word, you'd definitely noticed that something was up and it most likely wasn't because of you. I spent that silent time, along with playing with Tamara and breast feed the both of our children, to try and figure out why Tommy was acting the way he was.

I eventually decided that it would have to be something to do with either Adam or Tommy's family. I knew that Debbie was pretty good with everything, since I wanted to give her charge of my children if Tommy and I had to go on tour and couldn't really take our children with us. Anthony seemed like he was pretty stable, despite what he had to deal with in Mary. They only problem with that family was definitely Mary and she must have done something to upset the balance, which, in turn, affected Tommy and I returning home with their grandchildren. I couldn't think of a reason why Adam and Sauli would be a problem now, especially since Adam should have been focused on the album release and preparations for the world tour that would accompany it. And I knew that my father was in prison and couldn't do anything from there to hurt me.

Mary. That would be the person that I would pin everything on for now until I had something or someone else to blame.

Our stop over in New York was just for an hour, which was really good because I didn't want to stay in one place for too long that wasn't our home. During that time, I decided that I would try and talk to Tommy and try and at least get a few words out of him. There was only so much silence that I could take from someone that I love. Even Tamara Jayne and Gabriel gave me more of a reaction than Tommy did. We were sitting at a restaurant in the terminal, getting some actual food in us that didn't taste as rubbery as the food on the plane.

"So, what's with the extended silence?" I questioned Tommy as I watched him pick at his food.

In return, he gave me more silence and didn't even look up at me. He was pretending that he didn't heat me. Brilliant. Great. Someone who didn't want to talk to me. Like I needed someone like that in my pretty lonely life. I decided to try to pierce through his shield of silence again.

"Tommy," I said soothingly, reaching out towards him. "You can't keep up this silence for long and keep all your emotion bottled up inside of you. I'm worried about you. I love you."

Something I must have said, or done, caused him to push himself back from the table and give me the strangest look that anyone had given me. He looked at me like I had the plague, like I was some kind of disease. After a second, or two, of staring at me, he stood up from his seat and left the table without a backwards glance. There was still a lot of his food left on his plate as something plagued his mind. To distract myself from my worry, I went to look after our beautiful children but it wasn't long before they fell into a deep slumber and I was left to my own devices.

Tommy didn't return to the table until we had to leave to board our plane. His hands were shaking and his eyes were red. He had definitely been crying. But about what? To prevent upsetting him further, I decided not to question him and let him do as he pleased, within reason though. I handed him his ticket when we were about to board his plane, but he waved it away as he immersed himself in looking after our children. It looked like that was the only thing that was keeping him together, and there was nothing I could really do about it. I decided that I would let him spend as much time with his son and daughter because it at least kept the smallest of smiles upon his lips.

We boarded the plane and set off for LA, which I hope wouldn't take to long in the states we were in.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I was probably the most grateful person in the world when the taxi pulled up to the front of my house. Our hours, I should say. There was more than one person that would be living here forever now.

I ushered Tommy away when he tried to pay for the taxi fair and I saw a grateful look spread across his face as he went for Tamara Jayne and Gabriel before heading into the house. I shuffled over to the taxi driver and paid him what money I owed him. Before I went to leave, he called me over to say something.

"That's your husband?" the Taxi Driver asked me and I nodded in response. "Something is on his mind."

"I could tell," I said sarcastically but I knew that I shouldn't have said it so because the Taxi Driver's brows furrowed.

"Something bad must have happened to him when you weren't looking," he commented. "Something must have effected him so bad for him to make him act they way he is. Someone in his family because no one else could give him that hurt."

And with that, the Taxi Driver pulled away from the house and leaving me confused. I decided to take the Taxi Driver's thoughts into consideration so I could figure out what was going on with Tommy. Deep in thought, I returned to the house and locked the door behind me. I looked about the foyer, noticing how the house felt so different and not apart of me anymore. Not like I lived much in this part of the house but it still should seem familiar but it strangely didn't. It had a smell I didn't recognise but I put it to the back of my mind and thought it the cleaners had been through it recently, trying to make it smell fresh.

I slunk through the rest of the house, walking out into the backyard. The pool gave me the shivers in remembrance of all the things that had happened in there. The backyard also looked different after the wedding and all of that. I guess it was just seeing the house after being away for so long. I walked back to the smaller house that Tommy and I would be living in. Soon enough, I thought, we would have to head back over to the main house. There was no way Tommy and I could raise our children in such a small house.

I walked up the stairs, dragging up the bags that we had taken with us to the UK and stumbled into the bedroom. Tommy was setting Gabriel and Tamara Jayne into a crib together and pulling over a small blanket to cover them. They were such good kids to keep quiet all this time. I had expected them to be loud and screaming for attention all the time but they were strangely mature. I was grateful for that. I pulled the bags over to the bed and set them on the ground beside it. I set down on the bed and sighed, not sure of I was glad to be home in surroundings that seemed kind of odd.

Tommy turned to come towards me, his face strained when his mobile began to ring. He hesitantly decided to pull it out from his pocket to see who was calling. His brows creased as he disappeared from the bedroom and into the bathroom, strangely not wanting me to over here the conversation. When he shut the door and uttered a soft "hello," I quietly snuck over to the bathroom door and pressed my ear against it. I could hear Tommy shuffling around the bathroom in attempts to gain a place where he could steady himself. His movements stopped after a while and he began to speak.

"What do you mean it's today?" Tommy said, annoyed. "Kassie and I just got back from the UK. We're exhausted and have two kids to look after…No, you can't just expect me to bring them along as well. They deserve their sleep too…Do you really expect us to attend the funeral? Seriously, what kind of father are you." Tommy sighed. "Fine. I'll speak to Kassie about it."

And with that, Tommy opened the door quicker than I could move away. He saw me standing against the door, listening to his entire conversation. An expectant look crossed my features as I waited for an explanation from Tommy.

"There's something that I have to tell you."