Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

"What the hell is going on?" I demanded, the tiredness of the trip taking over whatever else I was trying to convey.

"I'm not sure you'd want to hear it right now," Tommy replied, leaving the bathroom and ushering me back into the bedroom.

When he closed the door behind me, I grabbed him by the arm and forced him to stop moving. I pulled his face around to mind and made him look in my face. His eyes were darting around everywhere, unable to stay focused upon my face.

I hit him once, hard, across the face to try and keep him focussed. I didn't like to do that to people but it managed to get his attention fixated upon me. I repeated my question and it took him a moment to recover and reply to the request I made of him.

"My father…" he started. "Died. Not longer before I got that call."

I let my hands drop to my side, shocked at the news that I had just received. It made me feel worse for what I just did to him -- slapping him, that is. I had to take a few steps back over to the bed so that I didn't crash and burn onto the floor.

Tommy's father was one of the nicest parents I had ever met in my entire life, but it wasn't like that was much of a challenge compared to how my father turned out. He was like that father I had always wanted but never had and to hear that he had passed was heartbreaking.

Tommy joined me on the bed, staring out into nothing in front of him. I looked over to our children, watching them sleep motionlessly. I couldn't imagine leaving my children without Tommy and I. I didn't want them to have a life like mine, or Tommy's…without parents, or a strong mother or father that could be there for them. I wanted to be there when they grew up, graduated high school and bought home their first partner, in whatever orientation they might choose to be.

Even at this stage, I was proud of them even if we had only been together for a while. When I thought back over the time that I had been with them, it was strange that we had not been together longer. I loved them with all my heart, just liked I loved Tommy.

I took Tommy's hand and squeezed it tightly. We turned to look at each other, tears brimming at Tommy's eyes. I couldn't bare to see him like this, loosing a family member like that.

"It should have been her," Tommy whined through his teeth as I wiped the tears from his cheeks when they began spilling down. "My mother should have died instead of him."

"How could you say something like that?" I said to him, pulling away and totally hurt by what he had just said. "Despite her actions, your mother is as much of a good woman as your father was a kind and loving man. Besides, why should you wish death on anyone like that?"

"Because she deserves it!" Tommy screamed but then ducked away into himself, afraid that he would wake our children.

"Nobody deserves it," I said to him, taking his face in my hands. His chocolate eyes were all creamy now, laden with sorrow and tears. "Not even your mother. Death will soon claim us all in time, and for your father, it happened to be his. Your mother might be a tough woman to deal with but that doesn't mean that you will have to deal with her all the time. You have a loving and caring family here with me and your children. Nothing could break the support that we have for you through this harsh time. I promise you, everything will be alright in the end."

The edges of Tommy's lips twitched up at the edges as he reached across to me and kissed me lightly upon the lips. I could feel the chocolate oozing from hiss eyes to his lips as I tasted his tears.

Pulling away from each other, he confessed to me, "I am so glad I met you and married you, my love. You are the best thing that could have happened to me."

"And you are the best thing that has happened to me, Tommy Joe Ratliff," I said, placing my hand upon my heart before then moving it across to his heart. "And that love will never diminish, despite how many years pass."

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I didn't want to take my children to the funeral, nor did I want to leave them this close after their birth. In the end, I left them with a baby sitter I hired at a venue where all would be going after the ceremony had finished. Tommy and I were at the front of the small crowd that had gathered to commemorate the death of Tommy's father.

His mother was nowhere to be seen and I wasn't surprised that I couldn't see her. I went with Tommy when the will was gone over and she managed to get nothing from her "husband." The house was given to Tommy's sister, in which she was ever grateful for while the mother was kicked out of home and forced to find her own accommodation.

The money that had been left behind, which wasn't much, was split up between Tommy and his sister equally. We had decided to save the money to help our children through school, even though we knew that we would have enough for them both. There was no harm in being prepared for what life might throw at you.

Tommy somehow managed to keep his composure throughout the entire service, even when the priest finally allowed those to lower his father six feet under. I knew how much Tommy disliked being around anyone remotely religious, but it is what his father would have wanted so he couldn't complain about that.

Tommy's sister squeezed his shoulder as she began to depart with the rest of the small crowd of distant relatives and friends of the deceased. Tommy and I stood there until everyone had disappeared and the graveyard attendants had piled the dirt back onto the grave so that it was nothing more than a flat piece of ground with a headstone.

I had to practically drag Tommy from the graveyard, knowing that we had better get back to our children and not let ourselves be haunted by the dead and memories of his father. We stood on the edge of the graveyard, our car not far from where I was stopped by Tommy.

He turned to me and took me around the waist. There was pain in his features, that was plain to see, but there was a new life that I could see in those eyes of his. There was something that I was slowly figuring out. It was a playfulness that I had not seen since we had been married and were about to embark on our trip over to England.

"What are you thinking in this dark time, Mr. Ratliff?" I asked to him, resting my hands upon his shoulders.

"I don't know," he replied, drawing us closer together. "What are you thinking Mrs. Ratliff?"

"That you're hiding something from me," I said, kissing him upon the tip of his nose. "And you're not telling me."

He gave me a weak smile, the first one that I had seen since the news had been broken to us. Tommy said, "I think it's time we try to do this honeymoon again."

The End.