Without You
o3 The Fire.
I know you’ll find your own way when I’m not with you tonight.
At one o’clock this morning, I went to sleep. Of course, by “went to sleep” I mean that I went to my room and got ready to go to sleep. I put Live in the LBC in, turned my fan on, and turned the lights out. I sat on my bed, grabbed my mp3 player, and listened to two songs; Fiction and Victim. During the duration of Victim, I started crying. Once it was over, I laid down with my teddy bear, Jimmy (whom I got last Christmas), and began to talk to his namesake.
First I apologized for crying. I hate crying about him, because I know he doesn’t like it. Anyways, then I asked him to give me strength; strength to get through today and any other day that was tough for me. I told him I understood if he couldn’t help me out. I understand, because I already asked for a lot back in August when I asked him to help me get to the Avenged show in Council Bluffs, when -on the way to the show- I asked him to stop the rain so that I wouldn’t get wet.
Eventually, I started talking about him. I told him what an amazing person he was. So funny and smart. I told him he was probably the most amazing person to ever walk the earth. I believe in my heart that that’s true. He was always so happy. Even when he was in pain. Everyone has pain, but Jimmy used his to make himself and others happy and strong. I told him about the fire that’s in him. You can see it in every picture of him. Look at his eyes. It doesn’t matter if he’s smiling in the picture or has a brooding expression on his face. The fire is there.
This fire kept him going. It was the spirit inside of him. It made him who was; who he is. It was like the fuel, and he was a steam engine. Some people may think that after Jimmy passed away, the fire died. But I realized something this morning; and it’s the reason I’m so happy today.
When Jimmy passed on, his fire didn’t go out. Jimmy gave a bit of that fire to each and every one of us as he passed from this life into the next. We just need to realize it. I realized it. I have that fire right now; it’s awake in me. I’m going to use this fire. To make me and those around me happy. I’m not going to be sad about Jimmy, because even he wouldn’t be sad. I’m going to smile and laugh and help every one else be happy. That’s what Jimmy wants. Don’t use his fire to bring other people down with the pain you’re feeling; use it like he used it.
I love you, Jimmy, you crazy motherfucker. And thank you; for everything.
At one o’clock this morning, I went to sleep. Of course, by “went to sleep” I mean that I went to my room and got ready to go to sleep. I put Live in the LBC in, turned my fan on, and turned the lights out. I sat on my bed, grabbed my mp3 player, and listened to two songs; Fiction and Victim. During the duration of Victim, I started crying. Once it was over, I laid down with my teddy bear, Jimmy (whom I got last Christmas), and began to talk to his namesake.
First I apologized for crying. I hate crying about him, because I know he doesn’t like it. Anyways, then I asked him to give me strength; strength to get through today and any other day that was tough for me. I told him I understood if he couldn’t help me out. I understand, because I already asked for a lot back in August when I asked him to help me get to the Avenged show in Council Bluffs, when -on the way to the show- I asked him to stop the rain so that I wouldn’t get wet.
Eventually, I started talking about him. I told him what an amazing person he was. So funny and smart. I told him he was probably the most amazing person to ever walk the earth. I believe in my heart that that’s true. He was always so happy. Even when he was in pain. Everyone has pain, but Jimmy used his to make himself and others happy and strong. I told him about the fire that’s in him. You can see it in every picture of him. Look at his eyes. It doesn’t matter if he’s smiling in the picture or has a brooding expression on his face. The fire is there.
This fire kept him going. It was the spirit inside of him. It made him who was; who he is. It was like the fuel, and he was a steam engine. Some people may think that after Jimmy passed away, the fire died. But I realized something this morning; and it’s the reason I’m so happy today.
When Jimmy passed on, his fire didn’t go out. Jimmy gave a bit of that fire to each and every one of us as he passed from this life into the next. We just need to realize it. I realized it. I have that fire right now; it’s awake in me. I’m going to use this fire. To make me and those around me happy. I’m not going to be sad about Jimmy, because even he wouldn’t be sad. I’m going to smile and laugh and help every one else be happy. That’s what Jimmy wants. Don’t use his fire to bring other people down with the pain you’re feeling; use it like he used it.
I love you, Jimmy, you crazy motherfucker. And thank you; for everything.