Trading Heartbeats

“Ellllllii!!!” I heard someone whine when I got up. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up to see my wasted brother, barely getting his eyes fully opened. “Will y-youu, s-s…till treat me as your brrr-brother if I’m gonna puke on you now?” he asked slowly, he can barely speak properly either.

I widened my eyes and shoved his chest away from my bed. “Gross, Jack! Puke on the goddamn bathroom!” I said as he slowly stood up and had a drunken walk into the bathroom. Right after he closed the door, I heard a loud vomit sound, he probably didn’t make it to the toilet. “Clean that damn mess tomorrow, Jack Bassam!” I shouted before pulling myself to sleep again. A few minutes later, I felt a body next to me, at first I refused to wake up and look who slept beside me but then it bothered me, so I opened my eyes though I was really annoyed ‘cause I hate being up during midnights, I looked back and saw Jack peacefully sleeping while he has the whole covers by himself. I gave in a glimpse of smile ‘cause there’s nothing better than seeing my goddamn-wasted brother sleeping like an angel. I rolled my eyes and pulled the covers from his body. “I love you, brother” I whispered. I turned off the little light beside my bed and went back to sleep.

“Baby sisterrrr!” Again, I heard someone whine before I slowly opened my eyes, but this time, I guess I wouldn’t be that annoyed anymore since it’s already morning. I knew it’s just Jack, so I refused to go look at him and just covered my ear with the pillow. “Get up, pretty baby sister!!!” he whined again as he pulled the pillow from my ear. “Please??!!? I need you, baby sister!” Argh, Jack knows how much I hate it when he calls me like that. I just shook my head and didn’t open an eye. “Grrrr get up Elli Barakat!” he said in a fake mad tone as he shoved my shoulder back and forth.

“I WANNA SLEEP GODDAMN IT!!!” I shouted, still not opening an eye. I know it’s already morning, but I just wanna sleep, Jack should get the hell out of my room. I heard him gave in a heavy sign followed by his annoying smirk. He then touched his index finger to my neck and started tickling it. Oh God. Touch and tickle me anywhere but my neck (and my belly). I started screaming when he started tickling me but he didn’t stop. He gave in an evil laugh while he tickled me. While I was both laughing and being annoyed at the same time, I heard the door open, I couldn’t look on it ‘cause I have to get Jack’s hands off my neck.

“She can almost cry, dude!” I heard a sweet, familiar voice near the door. I managed to look at the door while gripping Jack’s left hand very tight and I realized it was Alex who just spoke. Oh no, Alex shouldn’t see me like this.

“Stop the fuck up, Jack!!!” I said as I tried to remove his right hand on my neck.

“Alex! Help me up here!” Jack said, still not taking his right hand tickling my neck. Alex smirked but then he nodded. This crap has to stop. Not Alex. Not Alex.

He jumped into my bed and looked to Jack. “Where should I place my hyper dancing fingers?” he asked before he giggled.

“BELLY!!” Jack responded with his wide grin. How the hell would he know that my belly’s one of my tickle-able parts too? Alex then touched his hands on my belly and started tickling it so hard. I screamed a bit louder but couldn’t help laughing after every scream. I was almost crying because of extreme laughter.

“Stop it, douchebags!!!” I pleased as I looked Alex into his brown, beautiful eyes. “Please? I’ll get up” I showed them my puppy eyes. They both stopped tickling me and pulled their hands from my neck and belly. “Good. Now what do you two want?” I asked as I sat straight on my bed, shoving my light blonde morning messy hair.

“We need you to be on our next music video” Jack responded, brushing his hand on the top of my head.

“Oh cool. So I’m gonna have a scene there showing off your merch?” I asked as I raised an eyebrow. They both shook their head and I started getting more curious. Jack then looked at Alex then they both followed a smirk. “What?”

“Alex thinks his girlfriend’s a bitch so-”

“It wouldn’t matter if I don’t” Alex cut him off. He somehow managed to be a lil bit serious, but I can still feel he wants to smirk and smirk along with Jack.

“Uh oh. I’m so not going to have a sex scene with you there, Gaskarth” I told him, already knowing what they’re planning to make me do. They want me to be the leading lady on their next music video. They both burst into laughter but I just rolled my eyes. Yes, I’ve been liking Alex, oh uhm developing strong feelings for Alex (much better) since I was fourteen, but I’ve been doing everything to cover that up, so there’s no way I’m gonna agree to be on their next MV to be Alex’s girlfriend or lady or whatever you wanna call them.

“No sex scene!” They both promised in unison while raising both of their right hands on chest level. “But we’d be very close” Alex added.

“Doesn’t matter. Go find a skank, I’m not starring in your music video” I told the both of them, but then they both pouted their lower lip with a mad look on me.

“Please?” Jack asked, leaning over me to show off his puppy eyes.

“Jack, choosing me to be Alex’s partner is like promoting me as a prostitute” I told him before I transfixed my eyes on Alex.

“I’m gonna get you pregnant or going inside of you. We’re just gonna act like, we’re together… Happy together” Alex informed me, then I felt butterflies in my stomach. Honestly, I’d love to do this, I mean, c’mon it’s Alex, but like I said, I wanna cover it all up, I don’t want anyone to suspect what I really feel for him. Never. I shook my head, but then they both tackled me and kissed both sides of my cheek. Alex kissed my right cheek, while Jack kissed the left one. “Ew.” I said as I rolled my eyes. They didn’t pull over, instead they pushed their lips more. “Uh, that’s not working, my lovely band dudes” I said as I quickly pulled myself from their lips and I burst into laughter when their lips almost pressed.

“We’ll do everything, Elli!” Alex said, still a bit sad ‘cause I didn’t agree to be his little girlfriend on their video.

I shook my head and just looked them into their annoying puppy eyes. A few seconds later, they buried their heads on both sides of my neck. “I’m so fugly, no one wants to be my girlfriend for our music video, not even my best friend’s caring and smart sister” he said as he faked a cry. He then wrapped his arms around my torso and I started getting more and more butterflies on my stomach. I don’t wanna giggle or something ‘cause maybe they’d suspect something if I did, so I just rolled my eyes and gave in a heavy sign. “You’re making a sad puppy, Elli Barakat” he mumbled, still not letting go of me.

“I hate it when someone makes my best friend a sad puppy. Do you want me to hate you?” Jack asked while he’s still burying his head on the left side of my neck.

“Let’s see if you can” I told him in an arrogant tone. I heard him whine but I just rolled my eyes and didn’t make a move. “Do you have any plans of staying away from my body?” I asked both of them sarcastically. They shook their head, which tickled my neck, I sqeaked and Jack realized I was already being tickled. He shook his head again, this time a bit faster so he could tickle me more. Alex saw him doing it so he followed. “STOP IT YOU GUYS!” I screamed, almost dying of laughter (again). They didn’t stop and just made the tickling a lot worse. I pulled my head over and bumped their heads together.

“Ow!” they whined in unison, rubbing their heads off. “You owe me big time, you bitch” Jack warned me, I couldn’t tell if his mad look he gave in on me is for real or he’s just kidding around. He then walked out of my room and Alex followed him without saying a word. I sighed as I shoved my light blonde hair. I was kind of worried ‘cause maybe Jack really got mad at me, but they started it all anyway, I told them I’m not gonna agree to be Alex’s little girlfriend on their video, but they’ve been playing with my weakest point. I tried to go back to sleep for several times, but I never did. Nice job, little band dudes, I couldn’t sleep anymore. I decided to get up and go downstairs, but then I realized they weren’t there anymore, they already left ‘cause Alex’s car was nowhere to be seen. They really got mad. As I went back inside then walked upstairs, I felt arms wrapped around me. “Please???” I heard Jack’s voice and it’s like, it’s about to crack. I rolled my eyes but then I managed to look at him, I think he’s a bit more serious this time.

“Why’d you guys choose me? I mean, you could’ve chosen some other girl who would immediately agree to that and wouldn’t have to bump your heads like that?” I looked at him in his big dark brown eyes.

“We just got sick of those girls” he explained and I raised an eyebrow.

“Then why me?” I asked again, challenging him to tell me the exact reason.

“Well, Alex just came up with uhm, having a good friend to be his partner on the video since he hates his girlfriend so much, then we had a hard time who to choose until Alex asked if I’d allow you to do it” he explained, putting his hands on both sides of my shoulder. “Please do it!” he pleased as he knelt down on his knee and looked at me, with his stupid puppy eyes again.

“Alright I’ll think about it” I said as I rolled my eyes, gripping his hands so he could get up.

“How long would you do that? Shooting starts this afternoon” he asked, scratching the back of his head.

“What?!” I asked in confusion. “You should’ve told me earlier!”

“Wait, you’re going to do it?!?!” he asked in excitement with a wide, wide grin on his face.

“I don’t know, I’ll talk to Alex” I rolled my eyes, then he nodded. “Where is he?” I asked before he pointed his index finger to my room. Nice trick, guys. You got me. I sighed as I went to my room and found him searching through my closet. “Hey, Gaskarth” I called before he turned to look at me. I walked up to him, hiding my nervous ass.

“You’re gonna do it?!” he got this huge grin on his smile I rarely see. I shrugged but then he tackled me into a hug.

“Pshh, I didn’t say I’m gonna do it” I rolled my eyes while he’s almost choking me because of his very tight hug.

“Doesn’t matter. I know you’ll do it!” he smirked, still not letting go of me.

“Yea right, I’ll do it, but-“

“But what?!” he cut me off and pulled over from the hug.

“Only if you’ll tell me why’d you choose me” I continued, then he gave me his beautiful curved smile. God, Gaskarth! Why so adorable?

“Well, you know I currently hate my girlfriend so I deci-“

“I know. Then you guys had a hard time choosing a ‘good friend’, until you asked Jack if he’s gonna allow me to do it” I cut him off, crossing my arms.

“Well that’s pretty much why” he said, pinching my cheek.

“No that’s not, there better be a reason why you asked him if he’d allow me” I shook my head, not looking away for his brown eyes.

“Well… I just thought it’d be dope if Jack’s sister will be my girlfriend… on the video” he responded following a smirk. I rolled my eyes then he stopped smirking. “Just kidding, Elli Barakat! Uhm, I don’t know, we’re good friends, and you’d make a good little girlfriend for me” he then looked at me through his brunette bangs.

“Mhmm” was all I could respond. But deep inside, I couldn’t wait to shoot for this video. I mean, c’mon, I’ll be acting as Alex’s girlfriend? That’s a dream, man! Oh uhm, no erase that dream part, it really isn’t. Whatever. “What are doing here in my closet?” I asked, trying to get out of the topic.

“Uh, I just thought maybe it’d be nice to help you pick out what you’re gonna wear on the video. I mean, I don’t know anything about those girly fashion and stuff, but I wanna help” he replied as he put his right arm around my shoulder. Again, I’m getting more and more butterflies on my stomach. You have to stop, Gaskarth.

“Hm… tell me about the video” I looked up to him, still having his arm around my shoulder.

“Well, as you know, we’re gonna shoot for Walls. We’re just gonna have some sweet scenes on there, maybe a kiss or two, but no sex scene, no wild making out or something, I promise. A kiss is probably the closest contact we could have there” he told me, looking down on the floor before he transfixed his eyes on my light blue eyes, and I just couldn’t tell what exactly is going on with him.

“Oh, alright” I nodded with a glimpse of smile while I looked at him. He looked back, I could see some sort of relief on his face.

“Thanks, Ell” he gave in again his signature curved smile. I wrapped my hand around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder.

“No biggie, Alex. I’m doing this for the band, and you know what, I was actually flattered you guys chose me. Though we’ve been like great friends since you and Jack knew each other, this is still overwhelming, so thanks a lot” I said without looking up to him. This wasn’t the first time we had a moment like this together, just the two of us, but it just, it never gets old. As I have said before, I’ve been developing strong feelings for Alex for a long time, but I guess this is the closest I could ever get, but oh well, it’d always be better than nothing.

“I chose you, not the guys” he corrected before we both giggled. “So… wardrobe time?” I nodded, then we both walked up first to my tops. “There’d be scene where we’re like, dating or something, so I’d say choose something casual, well at least for that scene, then… choose something like uh, who’s that L flowery girl? Kara suggested it, I just forgot the name” he said shyly. He’s so cute.

“Lolita?” he nodded. “Sweet! Hey give me a minute, I’ll go check if I have the little Loli dress I wore during a play like three or four years ago” I said as I headed to my dresses’ cabinet. I brought out a heavy piece of box and Alex saw me having a hard time carrying it so he helped. “Thanks” I said before he flashed a smile.

We stayed at my closet for a few more minutes, choosing this and that for this scene and that scene. I couldn’t even remember how many times I fell on the floor because of too much laughter. Alex did everything from wearing my bra to having one of my old tank tops torn up. When we finally got everything up, we decided to go downstairs to meet the guys.

Rian threw the car keys to Alex, sending him a sort of mission-accomplished smile. I looked at Rian. “So I’m guessing you’re the one who hid the car to trick me, huh?” he shrugged but he was still grinning.

“I was told to do so, madam” he mumbled before I nodded.

“So, is everything ready?” we heard a voice from the doorway, and it appeared to be Matt, the band’s tour manager. We all nodded. “Then let’s get the hell out of here. Shooting starts at 3” we all went to the van, Jack and Alex holding my clothes for the shooting.

“I’m glad you agreed to do it, Ell” Kara said as she took off her ponytail and had her wavy brunette hair falling onto her firm shoulder blades.

“The guys did a trick and they got me” I smiled, then the guys laughed.

“We did it guys! Good job!” Zack cheered, giving each of the guys a high five, well except for Alex who refused to raise his hand up.

“Shut up, Zack. You didn’t do anything” he smirked, causing Zack to slap the back of his head. “What the hell dude?”

“I just high fived the back of your head, Gaskank. And just so you know, it was my idea to hide the car, Rian stole the task from me that’s why I got nothing left to do” he whined while he took a can of red bull from the cooler.

The ride took a few minutes, we talked about everything about the trick, how Jack’s and Alex’s lips almost pressed, my weakest tickle points, Alex wearing my bra while we’re raiding my closet, and just everything that happened before we walked into the van. When we reached the so-called destination, the guys immediately went out of the car and met with everyone who’s currently working for the shooting. The shooting place looked so nice, it was like a party themed garden. Greeny, but you can see some red cups and lots of alcohol bottles lined up.

“Elli Barakat?” I heard a voice behind me. I turned to see a slender woman, red haired with some purple and turquoise highlights, in a white leather coat and some blue skinny jeans. I nodded and smiled at her. “I’m Tarah, I’m the makeup artist for the shooting. The guys told me you’ll be Alex’s pretty little girlfriend on the video” I giggled before I nodded again.

“Yea, silly little fake girlfriend” I lend her my right hand then we shook hands. “Nice meeting you, Tarah” I smiled again before she gave me a glimpse of her outrageous smile.

“You too” we let go of our hands. “So… the shoot starts after a few minutes, I better get you ready or I’ll lose my job” she joked as we went to the dressing room. She gave me the first look, which is casual. It took her twenty minutes to finish everything; my hair, my makeup, and my outfit. We shoot the first scene, where Alex and I are like, having some sweet couple’s talk, eyes locking here and there, and holding hands like every five seconds. I’m not gonna lie, I’m having the time of my life, this was everything I’ve dreamed of, to be this close to Alex, except that all of these stuff aren’t real, we’re just acting it all out. There were some weird feelings we both got to encounter during the shoot, but we managed to just ignore it. Of course, he didn’t tell he’s getting those weird feelings too, but I can just tell it by the way he looked at me, he’s like he immediately looked away when it’s unnecessary anymore. We finished shooting most of the scenes, the guys are also done with their part, they played their own instruments on the little but elegant rooftop. They called some friends too, since there’s a scene where we’re all running around, chasing around each and every person, just having a lot of fun. There was also this part where I slapped Alex in the face, we fought like hell, him calming me down, and hugging me, making me feel safer. Then, I realized there’s only one scene left; my romantic little date scene with Alex. This is where I have to be in my Lolita dress and Alex’s in his tuxedos. We’re like in this little romantic room, there were candles and roses everywhere, and in the video the guys are like, secretly filming us, making fun of Alex’s cheesiness with it comes to taking a girl out on a date.

“Ready?” I heard Samantha Robbins ask, she’s the director of this music video. We both nodded and looked at each other. The camera was just a few inches away from our faces, ready to film the last move we’re gonna do; The Kiss. “One, Two, Three, Hit it!” we heard her call.

Alex rested both of his hands around my waist, but then he lifted his right hand and touched it to my cheek. He leaned on me and slowly pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his neck as I tiptoed and the kiss got rougher. Few seconds later, we heard Samantha call. “AND CUT!” Neither of us pulled over from the kiss, all I know is that I’m still kissing him without thinking this is for their new music video. He continued touching his thumb against my cheek as he pulled me closer. We were still kissing after we heard Samantha’s call until I pulled over myself before looking down. “Sorry” I whispered, refusing to look at him. I then looked to Samantha with a confused look on her face. “We’re done filming. You two should go back to the dressing room” she commanded.

I immediately walked away, avoiding meeting Alex’s glare. “Hey!” I heard him call, but I ignored him and continued walking to the dressing room. When I reached the door, I quickly opened it and locked it right after. Good to know I’m alone here. I took off my pink and white Lolita-like dress and placed it on the hanger. I grabbed my black tank top and my red skinny jeans then took them both on right after. I sighed as I looked myself at the mirror, my lipstick’s messed up, I could still feel Alex’s hand touching my cheek. I sat and leaned my back against the wall, hitting my forehead with my right palm. I couldn’t help thinking of what just happened. I should’ve pulled over when I heard Samantha‘s call. What we did was just… wrong. He has a girlfriend, they’re the perfect couple. I’m just a merch girl, we should only be friends. Samantha’s a good friend of Carrie (Alex’s girlfriend), and I’m pretty sure they’re gonna talk about this, I felt so…bad. If something bad happened between Alex and Carrie, it’d totally be my entire fault. I’m just his girlfriend in the video, not in real life. I shouldn’t have ignored him when he called me, ‘cause that only made him suspect something about how I really feel for him. It was all wrong. Wrong. Then suddenly, I felt tears falling down my cheeks, I quickly wiped them away before I heard a knock on the door. It’s probably just Tarah or someone who’s assigned to work in this dressing room. I stood up, wiping my tears again, and opened the door. I just looked down and grabbed my clothes, I didn’t dare to look who knocked ‘cause it’d be really awkward if someone knew I just cried because of that scene.

“Are you alright?” I heard Jack’s voice as I felt his hand resting on my right shoulder. I nodded without looking at him and continued doing whatever I’m doing with my big bag. I sniffed a little but Jack heard it. “Ell are you…” he looked at me with a very worried look on his face “-crying?” he continued. I just shook my head and covered my eyes with my bangs. I couldn’t help sniffing again. Jack shoved my bangs behind my ear and held my face up. “Tell me everything. I heard what happened up there but tell me why you’re crying” he pressed his thumb against my cheek to wipe my tears away.

“It was just… wrong” I shook my head and couldn’t stop shedding more tears. Jack then pulled me for a hug then he rubbed my back.

“It wasn’t. It was just a kiss, and it’s Alex Gaskarth, that wasn’t the first time this happened. Alex likes to cross the line, and this time, I didn’t like him for that, I mean, you’re my sister, you mean everything to me, he should’ve taken an exception for that one. But oh well, that’s just him. Don’t worry about it, everything’s gonna be fine, I promise” he said, still rubbing my back.

“No, it wasn’t because of him” I said while I buried my head on his chest.

“If it wasn’t, then why?” he asked as he pulled a bit over. He wiped my tears away again as we locked eyes again, me seeing his big dark brown eyes, filled with worry and concern.

“Jack… I’ve been developing strong feelings for Alex since I was fourteen” I stopped but I saw Jack’s face, filled with questions, lots of questions. “I’ve been doing everything to cover that all up, but I guess I just messed everything up today… I can’t face him anymore” I shook my head as I wiped my tears away again ‘cause I couldn’t stop from sobbing. It was too much for me, for him, for everybody. “I’m screwed, Jack. I’m fuckin’ screwed!” I almost screamed, but Jack hugged me again, this time a lot tighter.

“Elli…” he whispered before kissing my ear. “You don’t even know…” he looked at me again after he kissed my forehead. I didn’t raise an eyebrow, I didn’t say a word, I just looked at him until he could finish what he’s trying to say. “You should to talk Alex, I shouldn’t be the one to explain this” he pulled himself over, he patted my shoulder and grabbed my hand as we walked out of the room.

“No, I can’t, Jack. I’ll just… go home” I said as I removed my hand from his and ran to get my bag.

“Ell!” he called but I ditched him. I continued running back to the dressing room. When I got everything up, I walked out of the room but saw Jack on the doorway. “Elli, come on” he pleased, his voice about to crack. He tried to grab my wrist but I slapped his hand.

Kara then walked over with car keys on her hand. “I’ll take her home, Jack” she told Jack before slowly grabbing my hand. Jack nodded but didn’t look away from me. I walked into the parking lot with Kara, carrying my big bag. I went inside the car and threw my bag on the passenger seat. I sighed as I looked at the window. Kara looked at me but I didn’t dare to look back, I’m not ready to talk about this. The drive to my house was silent, neither of us spoke, and Kara decided to not play the New Found Glory record. When we reached our house, Kara parked the car on the driveway. I went out of the car and grabbed my bag. We both walked inside and I threw my bag on the floor. I threw myself on the couch, still not feeling well about what happened. “Speak, Barakat” I looked up to see Kara sitting on the recliner beside the couch I’m lying on. I buried my face on the pillow again and shook my head. “Oh well… if you’re not going to say a word to me right now, you better talk to Alex” she said, rolling her eyes while crossing her arms against her chest.

“I’m not that dumb, Kara” I informed her when I looked up again.

“Talking to him doesn’t make you any dumb, Elli” she advised, curling my light blonde hair through her fingers. I shook my head and didn’t say a word. “He wrote that song for you, and he broke up with Carrie so he could have you as his little girlfriend on the video. Well Carrie’s a bitch so she deserves that” she said flawlessly. What?

“Huh?!” I looked up to her, and I saw her smiled. “Nice trick, Kar” I rolled my eyes and lied down again.

“It wasn’t a trick. It’s a fact, Elli. A Fact” she told me in a ‘duh’ tone. She then stood up from the recliner and pulled my hands. “GET UP, LITTLE BARAKAT!!!” she shouted. I refused to, so she tickled me. But before the tickling could get any worse, I decided to just get up and follow her wherever she’s going. She led me upstairs, then she went back downstairs when we reached my room. She gave me a sign to ‘get inside’ while she’s on her way down the stairs.

I went inside my room and saw a guy in tuxedos, sitting on my bed while looking down and scratching the back of his head. When he turned his head up and looked at me, he quickly stood up and gave in a fake half-smile. “Hey” he said as I walked up to him.

“Sorry about-“ before I could finish my sentence, he cut me off by tackling me into a hug.

“Don’t be, Ell” he said as he handed me a piece of paper. I took it from his hand and read it, and realized it contained the lyrics of their song, Walls.

Hey there, it's good to see you again
It never felt right calling this just friends
I'm happy if you're happy with yourself

“That verse means I like seeing you like each and every day, and most of the time, you’re the only reason why I go and visit Jack here. I wanna see you, you light me up. And just the fact that you’re independently happy makes my day complete.” He explained, holding my hand like he’d never let it go anymore.

I'm gonna break down these walls I built around myself
I wanna fall so in love with you and no one else
Could ever mean half as much to me as you do now
Together we'll move on, just don't turn around
Let the walls break down

“For that one, it simply means I’m willing to change for you. I know you don’t like trouble and violence, which is the opposite of me, so if you could give me a chance, I could break those trouble walls I’ve built by myself. I want you to feel safe when you’re with me. I tried getting over the fact that I like you, but then I just… I just failed. You’re the one I want, Ell. I know you wouldn’t believe me, but just ask your brother about this, he totally knows everything about how I feel for you. I want you to fall for me too, ignoring my trouble walls” he said as he looked me straight into my eyes. My tears are starting to blur my eyes, but I managed to wipe it away quickly and looked at him again.

I used to wear you like a ball and chain
I'd run and hide at the call of my name
It was obvious, you were too much for me
Oblivious, I was young and horny

In retrospect, I wouldn't do it again
Stop talking shit to every one of your friends
I'm not the same boy you knew back then

“Uh… I don’t really know how to explain the first part, Ell. But uhm, yeah I’m young and horny, you know that. And for the second part, well, like I said, I know you stay out of confrontation and violence so maybe I turn you off sometimes, and yes I know you don’t really talk shit to your friends about me, so don’t mind that, it’s my goddamn song, but the last line is my favorite. You knew me since I met Jack, I was totally different back then, but now I’ve changed. Just so you know” I giggled after he said that. “Glad to see you smile, Little B” he joked, touching his finger against my dimple.

“Yea right, whatever, Gaskarth. Proceed on the bridge” I told him as I pointed the bridge part of the song.

I can't breathe, my body's shaking
You got a way with the way you take me
'Cause you break me down
You know you break me down

“The bridge!” he called, a small laugh escaped my lips and he smiled again. “You have that affect on me, Ell. Now that says it all. Need more?” he asked as he titled his head, and still not letting go of my hand. I shook my head and kissed him on his right cheek.

“Thank you, Alex” I mumbled as tears start falling down again. Alex immediately wiped it all away and kissed my forehead. “I’ve liked you since I was fourteen” I said while I rested my head on his chest.

“I’ve liked you since I saw you almost killing Jack when you’re like 10 years old or something. At first, I got jealous ‘cause I’ve wondered how lucky Jack is to get a girl like you at that age, but then, I was relieved when I knew you’re siblings. That wasn’t even funny, I’ve never thought Jack’s your brother, you two look nothing alike” he smirked, but I could tell he’s serious about it.

“Oh, Gaskarth!” I said as I tapped his chest. We both laughed and I just buried my head on his chest. “I feel safe when I’m around you, Alex” I told him.

“Good, my wishes are slowly coming true” he said, still not letting go of my hand. Maybe Alex and I would be forever, maybe we’d only last a few months or weeks, but it didn’t matter. I’ve been waiting for this since I was fourteen, since I started falling for him. I couldn’t ask for more, this is just everything I ask for, to be with him, not because we have to for a music video or something, but because we fall for each other, for real. I’ve never been this happy and content, Alex may be an ass or a douche or something, but one thing’s for sure, no one or nothing could describe how much he cares about me, and vice versa.

I love life.

I love my brother, Jack Bassam Barakat.

I love Alexander William Gaskarth.