Bite Your Tongue

Korinne;;

Even though we had only been there for an hour, I already hated our new home more than anything on this earth.

“But you don’t understand,” my mother said. “We have no car. There must be something available.”

Hopefully not.

The airport was way too loud, we hadn’t eaten on the flight, and the fact that I was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room with our suitcases piled around me was doing nothing to get rid of the anger I could feel flaring up. I was supposed to be keeping an eye on the suitcase, but in all honesty, I wouldn’t have minded if someone walked up and snatched my mom’s Louis Vuitton garment bag, just to give me an excuse to throw something at someone. I didn’t know how my brother, Elias, could be so chill in annoying situations like this—he was slouched in a chair near the exit, flipping through an SAT prep book. I wished that he would stop pretending like he was still the same Elias, and that my mom would stop acting like he was god’s gift to the world. He really wasn’t. I couldn’t stand him.

“M’am, I’m sorry. We just rented our last car. However, I would be happy to call a taxi service to accommodate you,” the guy at the rental counter said. His fingers were poised over the phone, and I could see in his eyes that he was hoping my mother would go for the second option.

“How could you possibly be out of vehicles? This is ridiculous!” My mom raised her voice.

Several people that were now leaving the building cast a worried glance in her direction as they stepped through the sliding glass doors. I let myself sink to the ground and curled up in a little ball, with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs. I had no desire to see my mother cause another public disturbance, one that would bring today’s grand total up to five. Traveling didn’t at all sit well with her.

“Mom, relax. We don’t necessarily have to drive ourselves; a taxi will work just fine.” I heard my brother’s voice and knew that his reassuring tone would have her calmed within seconds. Sure enough, she soon agreed to a taxi. And ten minutes later, we were on our way.

We were going home. Our new home, to be exact. After the accidents, my mother had decided that a fresh start and a change of scenery would do all of us some good and accepted a promotion at work. I had been thrilled—my mom thrived off of deadlines and stress, and she was so much more enjoyable to be around when she was doing what she loved instead of what got us by. But all of that thrill had quickly vanished when she revealed the location of said new job—California.

Within a month, she had purchased a house and pulled Elias and I out of the same private Catholic school we’d been attending since kindergarten. I had yet to discover anything about the public school we’d be attending, and to be quite honest, I was terrified about the first day. I envied Elias and his ability to deal with things so well; he hadn’t even been upset when we’d found out about the move. I, on the other hand, was about an hour away from faking some rare and severe illness to avoid going to school tomorrow.

I was terrible at making friends. Really, really terrible. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how, it was just that every time I tried to have a conversation with someone, the words would get stuck in my throat or end up coming out wrong and then I’d wish I had never spoken at all. People tended to think I was disabled or something, and I simply let them think that. It was easier than explaining why I couldn’t bring myself to talk anymore. I’d never been good with words, unless they were written words. I could write fairly well—my old English teacher confessed that she’d sometimes assigned essays just to see what I would come up with—but when it came to speaking, my entire brain shut down. I would get so worried about what other people would think that I’d end up staying silent. It sucked, because I wasn’t always this way. I used to be happy, outgoing, and cheerful. I used to have a wonderful life that I wouldn’t have traded for anything. I used to not be such a colossal failure at all things social. But then the accidents had happened, and everything had changed.

“Korinne?”

I emerged from my suitcase cocoon to see my mom standing nearby, looking impatiently. I stared blankly at her.

“Come on, we’re leaving,” she said.

We split the suitcases evenly between us and made our way outside. It was ridiculously bright and sunny, and my thoughts were interrupted for a moment, which was a good thing. Because when I was left alone with them for too long, things could get scary.

+++

5:00 P.M.

Our new house was the size of those houses back home we would always drive by and wish we lived in. It sat atop a large hill overlooking the ocean—a nice view, but the actual dwelling was far too spacious for the three of us. I had already gotten lost several times in an attempt to find my bedroom. I guessed that was the one downside to living in an exclusive neighborhood.

My mom’s new job was going to require her to work even more than she did before, and she’d be making a ton more money. We would have never been able to afford a house like this if we still lived in Atlanta off of her old salary. She’d been working her ass off for two years, trying to get promoted, and now that she finally had, it seemed like I was the only one who wasn’t beyond excited about the new opportunity. What was wrong with me?

To take my mind off of things, I stood by the window and admired the view. I had to admit, the ocean was pretty.

Unless, of course, there was a hurricane or some other water-related natural disaster. Then you would have a lovely view of the magnificent tidal swells as they washed overhead and drowned you.

Oh, wonderful. Great positive thinking.

The sand was perfect, unblemished. There was a house a couple of hundred feet away, but I hadn’t seen any activity over there yet. It felt like we were living in our own corner of the universe, and it was quite nice. The situation would only have been improved by me living alone.

I jumped as there was a knock on the door and hurried over to answer it, nearly tripping over the box of stuff I hadn’t gotten around to unpacking because I was too lazy. I had already unpacked my computer and all of my books, of course. Everything else could wait.

My mother didn’t hesitate to open the door herself; she walked right on in. She looked tired, I noticed, but then again, when didn’t she? We shared the same dark brown hair, olive skin, and brown eyes, but the comparisons ended there. Apart from the basics, we looked like completely different people.

“Dinner’s on the counter, sweetie. I brought stuff from Kentucky Fried Chicken, alright? Just heat it in the microwave if it’s not hot enough. Elias is downstairs if you need him. I have to go and meet my new boss; he wants to go over a few things before tomorrow. Oh, and your bus arrives at 7:25, so make sure you don’t stay up too late,” she rattled off in one breath.

I nodded, and she kissed me on the forehead quickly before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her. I flopped facedown on my bed, and my heart started pounding furiously in my chest as the two words I’d been avoiding sent me into a panic:

Public school.

Attending the same school for ten years had pretty much destroyed any desire I’d had to go to a different school. I didn’t particularly love Catholic school, but from what I had seen on TV, public school was worse. Much worse. I didn’t see why I couldn’t be sent to a private school here—it wasn’t like money was an issue now, after all. The only thing I was excited about was the fact that I wouldn’t have God and religion forced down my throat all day long, and I was also looking forward to wearing what I wanted to school instead of the mandatory uniform. My terror overweighed my excitement, however. I was going to start school in the middle of the year. It wouldn’t have been so bad if we hadn’t moved until the summer; then I could have started sophomore year with the rest of my class. But no, we had to move in the middle of January.

I pressed my face into the mattress, since I hadn’t gotten around to unpacking my sheets yet. My hands were now shaking. I couldn’t even begin to fathom what was going to happen tomorrow. I’d never been the new kid before, nor had I ever attended a public school. I had no clue what to expect, or how to act…People were going to think I was mentally retarded or something. At least at my old school, people had known about the accidents and understood or somewhat understood my reasons for staying silent. Here, I was just going to be another nobody. A nobody who didn’t talk.

Shit.

I lifted my head enough to rest my chin on the mattress. A strand of blue hair hung in front of my eye, and I blew it away angrily. The dye job had been a combination gift from my mother—half early birthday present, half bribe to get me to cooperate with the move. She thought that my hair would be a conversation starter. Ha. I personally didn’t mind, it was actually kind of cool-looking. I just hoped that it wasn’t so cool-looking that everyone stared at me. Getting stared at freaked me out.

I have got to stop doing this to myself.

I sat up and looked around my room. The walls were painted a plain white, but my mom had promised me earlier that I could choose whatever color I liked to paint over it with. Boxes were strewn haphazardly all over the glossy hardwood floors, some spilling over with clothes or random crap. My computer, a shiny silver laptop, sat on the large white desk in the corner. My enormous collection of books was stacked neatly on the floor in front of the desk, since we hadn’t had a chance to buy a bookcase yet.

I sighed.

Guess I’d better finish unpacking.