Bite Your Tongue

Korinne;;

We sat in the hospital, on uncomfortable plastic chairs, while my mother cried. There was no way she could have driven home in that condition, and though Elias could have, he wasn’t willing. None of us seemed to want to leave the building where my grandma had died. Her body was probably already starting to decompose as they wheeled her down the morgue.

They said she had died of heart failure. She had suffered from heart failure before, but it hadn’t been fatal, and instead, she had received a pacemaker. We thought she was okay. I was so shocked at how sudden everything was—one second she’s perfectly fine, and the next, she’s lying on a hospital bed, cold and dead.

I blinked to prevent myself from going cross-eyed. I had been staring at the same magazine on the table next to me for nearly thirty minutes now, while my mother’s anguished sobs echoed in the background. A faint buzzing sound brought my attention to my pocket, and I glanced at the screen of my cell phone, which told me that I had one missed call. I shoved the phone away and returned to staring at the magazine—I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

The phone buzzed again a few minutes later, and again, I ignored it. Several more times it vibrated, and eventually I got so annoyed that I tossed the thing to the floor beneath my feet. Elias returned from wherever he had gone—to the bathroom, maybe. I didn’t remember—and resumed his spot in the chair next to me.

“Why is your phone on the floor?” he asked softly.

“It was pissing me off,” I replied. Elias sighed and picked up the phone. He flipped it open and frowned, then showed it to me.

“You have twenty missed calls from Dad, Korinne. He must be worried sick.”

I shrugged. Elias sighed again and began to dial a number—my dad’s, I guessed. He hung up after getting no answer and called again. This continued for several minutes before he gave up and set the phone on the table.

I don’t know how much time passed after that. It could have been minutes, or hours. I just sat and stared, keeping my mind empty of any and all thought. And then, suddenly, there was a flurry of activity from down the hall by the emergency room doors. I looked up to see an ambulance come screeching to a halt outside of the sliding glass door. Seconds later, doctors were swarming around the patient as they were rushed into the building.

Elias stood up quickly, startling me.

“What is it?” I asked. He said nothing, just hurried forward. The room had grown nearly ten times louder within the past minute, with doctors yelling instructions and things. “Car accident,” one said. “Hit by another driver head on.”

It happened in slow motion. I watched as one doctor scribbled something down on a clipboard at lightning speed, and another two placed an oxygen mask over the man’s nose and mouth. I stood up and came to stand next to Elias, who was merely watching the action.

“Elias, what-”

“It’s Dad, Korinne,” he said flatly, pointing to the gurney. The world seemed to spin and grow cold as I took in the sight of my father, who lay there as still and unmoving as a statue while various hospital staff hovered over him. I caught a glimpse of his face and immediately wished I hadn’t, for it was mangled and bloody. I heard a gasp and didn’t realize for a few moments that it had come from me.

“You did this.”

I looked at Elias in confusion, shocked to see the anger in his eyes.

“What?”

“You were home with grandma, Korinne. You should have checked on her,” he said.

“But...there was no way I could have kn-”

“And if you had answered your phone, Dad would still be alive.”

“What does that have to do with anything? And Dad’s not dead, Elias, he’s right there!” I shouted, right as the doctors took off down the hallway with my dad.

“I bet you he was rushing home to make sure we were okay after you didn’t answer!” Elias yelled suddenly.

“He’s not dead!” I screamed back.

“He better not be,” Elias responded. The look on his face conveyed nothing but hate and chilled me to the bone.

A nurse came over a few minutes later to have my mother fill out some papers. My poor mother, she didn’t even realize that her husband was in the hospital until that moment, she had been so overcome by grief. And now, with the possibility of the loss of another person close to her, she began to fill out the forms like there was no tomorrow. Elias and I sat far away from each other, him at one end of the waiting area, my mother and I at the other. I could practically feel the waves of rage rolling off of him, and I didn’t understand how any of this could be my fault. I told myself that he was just overreacting, that he’d apologize once my dad was out of surgery and we were allowed to see him.

But that never happened. One hour later, my dad was pronounced dead.

I woke up suddenly, and for a moment, I didn’t know where I was. Then it came back to me in flashes—Elias lunging at me with a silverware drawer, the freezing, perilous water, and Brian—

Wait, where’s Brian?

I sat up and gasped as the movement irritated the bruises on my back. I felt tears stinging at the corners of my eyes and willed myself to keep taking deep breaths, hoping the pain would pass. My throat felt as if I’d taken a letter opener to it and gouged out the flesh. I looked around the room, hoping to see some water or something, and realized all at once that I was in Brian’s room. My heart started to beat faster. I was wearing his clothes, too. And…I was in his bed. Which was delightfully warm and comfortable, by the way. I found myself wanting to stay there forever.

Instead I sighed and threw the covers off of myself, trying not to make a mess as I stepped slowly out of the bed. My legs hurt but that was nothing new. I made my way to the door and opened it further, surprised it hasn’t been closed all the way. The doorknob touched the cut on my hand and I pulled away quickly. There was a long gash running the length of my palm and it hurt to make a fist. I grasped the doorknob with my fingertips instead and opened it that way, stepping quietly out into the hallway.

The carpet was ridiculously soft underneath my bare feet. Where are my shoes? I decided to search for them later and headed to where I thought the stairs might be. I was grateful to see that I was right—I just hoped that Brian doesn’t have any siblings to see me like that, because I was sure I looked dreadful. I walked down the stairs and stopped. I didn’t know where to go. Then I heard a noise from what I assumed was the kitchen and went in that direction. On my way I passed by the living room and saw Brian curled up on the couch, asleep under a few sheets. I felt a pang of shame. I could have taken the couch; he didn’t have to give me his room.

He looks so adorable when he’s asleep.

I don’t think that’s appropriate, given the circumstances.

Oh, relax. It’s not like Zoe can hear your thoughts.

I resisted the urge to go and crawl under the sheets with him, to feel his warm body so close to mine like it had been last night when he hugged me. I couldn’t think of a single thing better than that feeling, that feeling of absolute security and comfort. I would give anything to feel those arms around me again, to feel that muscular chest pressed gently against mine, to—

“Oh! You’re awake!”

It seemed I had overlooked the fact that Brian was on the couch and therefore someone else must be in the kitchen. That person was Zacky, who was wielding a spatula in one hand.

“I was just about to come and see if you wanted any breakfast,” he said.

Breakfast? What time is it? Shit, I’m going to be late for school!

I pushed past Zacky and ran into the kitchen, relieved to see the time reflected on the microwave. The relief vanished, though, as I saw that it was 11:30 A.M.

“You okay?” Zacky asked from behind me. I whirled around and pointed to the clock. He looked confused until I seized a notepad and a pen from the counter and wrote School?

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s a teacher workday, didn’t you know?”

Thank god. I shook my head and wanted to collapse to the floor with relief. I was in no shape to deal with school today, though I made a mental note to mark all future days off on my calendar when I got home so I might circle them with a celebratory glitter paint pen or something along those lines.

“Hungry?” Zacky asked. My stomach answered the question for me with a loud growl, and Zacky chuckled.

“Okay, have a seat. Are scrambled eggs okay? Well, they’re going to have to be, because that’s all I can make,” he said to himself.

I sat at the table and anxiously await the food. I began to wonder why Zacky was there. Did…shit, does he know?

Zacky set a plate of eggs in front of me and took the seat to my left. I took a few bites of egg and felt as if I’d died and gone to heaven. It was just eggs and cheese, but it was delicious. I’d devoured nearly the entire helping when Zacky spoke.

“So…Brian told me what happened,” he said slowly. My eyes shot up to his face as my fork dropped to the table with a clatter.

“Don’t freak out, okay? He just…he didn’t know what to do, and he called me, and I came over.”

I stared at him. Now two people know. What’s next, the entire world? Fuck, what if everyone finds out? Elias will kill me for sure then.

“Are you mad?”

No, I just wish I had drowned. Now I’m burdening you and Brian…I really should have drowned.

I shook my head. Zacky sighed and played with a bit of food on his plate, flipping the morsel over and over with his fork.

“He really cares about you, Korinne. We all do,” Zacky said.

“You know, in the future, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk about me like I’m not in the room,” Brian said, walking into the room. He yawned and ran a hand through his hair.

Zacky rolled his eyes. “You weren’t in the room when I said it, dumbass.”

He received a playful shove on the shoulder from Brian, who crossed the room and went about making himself some coffee. I tore my eyes away from him and stared intently at my plate, because he was wearing only jeans. No shirt. His hair was ruffled from sleep and I wanted so badly to touch it, to curl my fingers around the silky strands as I brought my lips to his and—

“How are you feeling?” Brian asked. He shoved the notepad from before across the table to me.

I’m feeling like shit on toast, thanks. How about you?

“Fine,” I wrote. Brian looked at me, and I could see that he didn’t believe what I’d written. He opened his mouth to say something but got cut off by the sound of his cell phone ringing.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, rolling his eyes. The second he left the room, Zacky put down his fork and looked directly at me.

“Right, so…I know this is going to seem incredibly inappropriate under the current circumstances, but I just need to know something…” he trailed off. I raised an eyebrow in puzzlement.

“Do you like Brian?”

+++

Brian;;

I looked at the phone disgustedly. All I wanted to do was get back into the kitchen and talk to Korinne, but no, someone was calling me. I knew without even looking at the phone that it was Zoe. I mean, who else would be calling me this early in the morning?

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Zoe cooed into the phone. I rolled my eyes. I didn’t know why she found it so alluring to constantly talk like a sex goddess.

“Hey.”

“So…what are you up to today? My parents are working, which means I’ll have the house to myself…” she trailed off.

I sighed and rubbed my face. It seemed like all Zoe ever wanted to do now was have sex. She’d call me whenever her parents weren’t home to see if I wanted to come over and watch a movie or something, and then we’d somehow end up naked in her bedroom. Not that I was complaining, but we never hung out outside of the house anymore. And I kind of missed it, but there was no way I could tell Zoe that without hurting her feelings. Plus…today, I needed to keep an eye on Korinne. I couldn’t leave.

“You know I’d love to, but…I’m really not feeling that well,” I lied. I felt a bit of guilt start to eat away at the edges of my conscience.

I could practically see Zoe pouting on the other side of the phone. “Oh, no! What’s wrong?”

“Uh, my throat is killing me, and my mom thinks I might have strep.”

“Do you want me to come and bring you some cough drops?”

“No!” I almost shouted. “It’s…if it is strep, it could be contagious.” There was no way she could show up here. If she saw Korinne, she’d flip out.

“Oh…well, I hope you feel better. I’ll let you go,” Zoe said.

We said our goodbyes and I tossed the phone into a chair. I really, really hated lying, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine the hell Zoe would raise if she knew why she really couldn’t come over.

The funny thing was, as I headed back into the kitchen, I wasn’t really all that upset about not seeing Zoe.

+++

Korinne;;

I let my eyes wander onto everything but Zacky’s face as I searched for an answer to the question. The microwave. The window. Anything.

“Did you hear me, or are you choosing to ignore me?” Zacky asked, smirking.

I settled on a shrug. Good, keep him guessing.

Zacky sighed. “Look, Korinne, I’m not going to say anything if you do. I’m just curious.”

Yeah, right. You’re his best friend! I’m not that stupid.

I shook my head.

“Is that a ‘no, I don’t like him’, or a ‘no, I’m not going to tell you’?”

I held up one finger in response.

“The first one?”

I nodded. Zacky stared at me, like he was waiting for me to just crack and spill my heart out. I tried my hardest not to break his gaze, for that would surely be a signal that I wasn’t being truthful. However, I couldn’t help but look away when Brian reentered the room.

“You two having a staring contest?” he asked, sounding amused. Zacky blinked.

“Something like that,” he replied, giving me a look that I didn’t like. I had the feeling that I would have to be extra careful not to stare longingly at Brian whenever Zacky was around from now on. “Who was that on the phone?”

“Zoe,” Brian said. I thought I detected a bit of annoyance in his tone, but I didn’t dwell on it.

“What did she want?”

“To hang out.”

Zacky smirked. “Oh. I see. Hang out.”

“Shut up!” Brian said, laughing. I drummed my fingers on the table quietly and tried not to think about what they were talking about.

“Well, what did you say?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “God, what is this, Interrogate Brian Day or something? I told her I had other things to take care of,” he said, briefly glancing at me. As I much as I was afraid to go home, I wouldn’t want to be a burden to Brian by staying here all day. With a sigh, I reached for the notepad.

“Go see Zoe if you want. I can just go home,” I wrote. I shoved the paper towards Brian, whose eyes widened when he read it.

“No!” he said suddenly. “I mean, you can’t. It’s not safe,” he added.

“He’s right; you’d better stay here. At least until we figure out what to do,” Zacky said.

There was nothing they could do; I didn’t know what they were rambling on about. I could only hope that Elias had expelled his murderous streak last night and would just stick to beating the crap out of me from now on. Though there was a part of me that wished I could call a social worker or something and get out of here, but that would mean leaving the first friends I’ve had in a while, and I wasn’t willing to give that up.

“What do you mean?”

“Korinne, we’re not letting you go home if your life is at risk. Maybe we should call child services, or--”

I seized the notepad and wrote furiously, and Zacky broke off in mid sentence.

“No! You can’t…just…could you just not say anything about it? Please?”

“But Korinne-”

I underlined ‘Please’ several times and looked at them hopefully. Just forget about it, please, forget about it.

Brian exchanged a look with Zacky that I couldn’t quite comprehend before giving a resigned sigh.

“Fine,” he said wearily. Thank fuck. “But be sure to let us know if anything else happens.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ll take care of it,” Brian said. I didn’t question any further than that, for there was an edge to his voice that kind of scared me.

They allowed me to go home several hours later only after Zacky had gone to check if anyone was there. Apparently, the house looked empty, but both of them insisted on seeing me safely inside. I was annoyed but at the same time grateful, because I honestly didn’t know what I’d do if Elias had been home. Brian told me to stay in my room with the door locked until my mom got home, which I had planned on doing anyway, and then, they were gone. I found myself wanting to run back to Brian’s house shouting “Don’t leave me!”, but I figured that probably wouldn’t go over well. And besides, he was off to ‘hang out’ with Zoe. Whatever that meant.

I shuddered at the thought of them doing…well, whatever it was they were doing. Zoe couldn’t have been much older than me, so why she was engaging in such activity was a complete mystery. I had the uncharitable thought of haha, she’s going to get pregnant, but then immediately thought of something else. Zoe being pregnant would be awful. Then Brian would have to be with her, and I’d never have a chance, and—wait, why am I even thinking about this?

I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I locked my bedroom door. A shower was first on the agenda, I decided. While the water was running, I discovered that I was still wearing Brian’s shirt. I refrained from building a shrine around it, because that would be creepy, and instead folded it and placed it neatly on the counter. Then I stepped under the showerhead and let the hot stream of water wash away the stress of the last twenty-four hours or so.