Bite Your Tongue

6:38 P.M.
Korinne;;

The man across from me was tapping his foot, just like he’d been doing for the past two hours. I couldn’t tell whether he was doing it out of nervousness or impatience, but I imagined that his leg must be starting to hurt. I focused on his movements to help myself forget about why we were at the hospital—because every time I thought about that, I wanted to bash my head into the nearest wall until my brain leaked out through my ears.

I had started freaking out mere moments after seeing Elias fall down the stairs. I had pushed him. This was my fault, and no matter how many times Stevie and Delia tried to assure me that it wasn’t, I knew it was. It would be on my conscience forever if anything happened to him. But I didn’t even understand why I was so worried. He had hurt me pretty badly, too, and I had expected to feel better after shoving him. Instead I felt much worse, if that was even possible.

“Mr. Finnerty?”

The foot-tapping man looked up as a nurse walked into the waiting room, clipboard in hand.

“Yes?”

“I can take you to see your wife now, if you’d like.”

I watched them go, feeling panicked. The doctors had said it didn’t look like Elias had any serious injuries, but if so, why hadn’t we been allowed to see him yet? I don’t think my mom even noticed how long we’d been here. She’d been on her phone and laptop the entire time, doing something work-related, and that disgusted me. Her own son was in the hospital and she couldn’t even stop working long enough to actually give a shit.

“Ms. Reynolds?”

My mom was still deep in conversation with someone and typing away madly, so I nudged her.

“Mom. Mom.”

“Hmm?”

“The nurse is talking to you.”

“Oh!” She looked up at the nurse as if she had just appeared and hadn’t been standing there for several moments already. “Yes?”

“Your son is awake, now. Would you like to see him?”

“Oh, of course. Just let me finish this e-mail. Korinne, you go; I’ll be there in a minute,” my mom said.

I looked at her in disbelief before getting up and following the nurse. I concentrated on counting each floor tile we passed so I wouldn’t notice how ridiculously fast my heart was beating. Part of me was curious to see what Elias had been trying to talk to me about earlier, but the other part feared he was just trying to distract me so he could hit me again.

“Are you the sister?” the nurse asked.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Your brother’s got a broken leg, so be careful not to bump into it or anything, but apart from that, he’s fine.”

Fuck. A broken leg?! My level of misery intensified as the nurse slowed to a stop in front of a door and gestured for me to go inside. I envisioned running from the building, screaming, because I really didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to have to explain to Elias why I’d pushed him—if he even wanted an explanation, that is.

I took a few tentative steps into the room. Elias was relaxed on the bed, looking bored. He had a large, bulky cast around his left leg, but that didn’t seem to be bothering him as he watched what looked like an episode of Law & Order: SVU. His eyes fell on me, suddenly, and as a reflex, I backed up into the wall.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hey.”

I approached the bed slowly and settled into the chair next to it.

“So…how’s your leg?” I asked.

“…It’s broken.”

“I’m so sorry about that,” I blurted out. “I really didn’t mean to push you down the stairs…I should have listened to what you were trying to say…”

“It’s okay. I probably should have gone about talking to you differently,” he said.

“So…um, what did you want to talk to me about?” I wondered nervously.

Elias looked down at his hands and opened and closed his mouth a few times before speaking.

“I just…I wanted to apologize…for everything…”

I raised an eyebrow. Is he serious?

“I never meant to hurt you…I don’t even really know why I did any of those things…I think I was just too angry, and you were just there…and, God, some of the things I said to you…I’m so, so, sorry, Korinne.”

“Really?” I questioned, my voice barely a whisper. I was shocked.

“Yes. And…I really hope you’ll forgive me…but of course I understand if you don’t…”

I looked at him, and in that moment, I didn’t see Elias, the brother who hated me and wanted me dead. I saw Elias, the brother who just wanted his little sister to be happy, so badly that he was willing to do anything to make it happen. Part of me wanted to tell him to just fuck off, that there was no way we could ever put everything that had happened behind us, but I knew that wouldn’t help. And, oddly enough, I kind of wanted my brother back.

“It’s okay,” I said. “You’re forgiven.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the look of shock on Elias’s face.

“Seriously?” he asked, his brow furrowing with disbelief.

“Yeah…”

I smiled at the same time that he did, and then, without even thinking about it, I ran forward and hugged him. The hug didn’t last long, however, because Elias’s arms were remarkably similar to Brian’s—not in an ‘I’m attracted to you’ sort of way, in a ‘You make me feel safe’ sort of way— and I couldn’t handle that. I pulled away quickly, trying to rid my eyes of the wetness they were now experiencing. I felt Elias looking at me and I quickly tried to arrange my face into some semblance of a happy expression.

“Korinne?”

“What?”

“Is everything okay?”

I nodded and reached for the remote control on the table next to the bed, hoping that changing the channel would change the subject as well. Elias seemed to guess what I was doing, however, and he moved the remote out of my reach.

“Hey!”

“You’re not okay, Korinne; it’s pretty damn obvious. What’s wrong?” Elias asked.

“Nothing,” I replied. My eyes fell onto the small container of red Jell-O on the tray of food he had been brought.

“Are you going to eat that?”

He glanced disgustedly at the Jell-O.

“Hell no. And don’t change the subject.”

I sighed and took the Jell-O anyway. Maybe eating would take my mind off of things.

“Are you just going to ignore me?” Elias persisted.

“I’m not ignoring you. I just don’t feel like talking about it.”

“And why is that?”

I glared at him.

“What? I just want to know why you’re so upset, that’s all.”

I poked the gelatinous mass in my hand and focused on the sight of the jiggling Jell-O as I spoke.

“Brian broke up with me,” I said quietly.

Elias was silent. I looked up at him, almost afraid of his reaction, and was surprised to see his face unnaturally calm.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” he exploded suddenly.

“Um…no?”

“That bastard!”

I watched with alarm as Elias seized the crutches that were propped against the wall and started to sit up.

“What are you doing?!”

“What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m going to go kill Brian!” Elias exclaimed.

“What?!”

“Do you think I’ll go to jail for shoving one of my crutches down his throat?”

“Elias, you can’t--”

“Never mind; it’s totally worth it.”

“Elias!” My shrill shriek stopped him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to kill anybody.”

“Oh, yes I do!”

“No, you don’t.”

“Are you sure? Because if I had a girlfriend and she dumped me, I’d want revenge.”

“Well…it’s not like he dumped me for no reason.”

“Then why did he dump you?”

Fuck. Why’d he have to ask me that? I didn’t want to say it out loud. I could barely handle the idea of never being able to be with Brian ever again. I could barely handle the idea of Zoe having Brian’s baby—a baby that was sure to be gorgeous, since both of them were so good-looking. And I could barely handle the idea of having to watch their damn kid grow up, which I knew I would have to do, since there would be no escaping the new parents. I could already tell that Zoe was going to be one of those mothers who went around shoving their newborn into the faces of anyone who was willing to watch.

As if I didn’t hate her enough already.

“Korinne?”

Shit. I had forgotten that Elias was waiting for an answer, and I still didn’t know if I could give him one.

“Zoe’s pregnant,” I managed to choke out. “That’s why he dumped me.”

Elias looked confused.

“So what if she’s pregnant? They broke up, didn’t they?”

“Yeah…”

“Then how the hell is he sure if the kid’s his or not?”

“Because she told him it was.”

“Oh, so everything that comes out of Zoe’s mouth is automatically true?” Elias snorted. “Korinne, she could have been lying.”

“She wouldn’t lie about something like that. That’d be reaching a new low, even for Zoe.”

Although, it wouldn’t surprise me if she was lying. We are talking about the girl who tried to get you date-raped, remember?

Still…I really don’t think she’d be desperate enough to do something like that.

Whatever. It’s your boyfriend she stole.

Elias looked at me strangely for a few seconds.

“Whatever you say.”

We sat silently for a bit; Elias watched TV and I ate my way through the disgusting hospital food. I forced myself not to think about the fact that Elias had a point. As much as I wanted to believe that he was right—that Zoe was lying about her baby being Brian’s—I wasn’t about to get my hopes up only to have them shattered again. I would find a way to deal with this. I would.

+++

12:16 P.M.
Brian;;

“Dude!”

Zacky shoved me forward irritably.

“Pay attention.”

I sighed. “Sorry.”

I had been so preoccupied that I hadn’t seen the line move. And I was almost always alert during lunch, but right now, my mind was frozen on one image—the image of an ambulance peeling out of Korinne’s driveway last night. I had been on my way back from getting back together with Zoe, and out of nowhere, I had seen an ambulance leave Korinne’s house, with Stevie and Delia following it in Stevie’s car. I hadn’t slept at all after that; I couldn’t stop worrying.

Korinne hadn’t been at school since we’d broken up, which only made me worry more. Zacky had told me that Delia had said that Korinne was sick, but I had no idea if she was genuinely sick of if she just wasn’t in any shape to come to school. And, as bad as it sounded, I hoped that she was truly sick, because I hated the idea of her being upset because of me. Though—selfishly—that was the conclusion I’d come to. She’d tried to drown herself in the ocean once before—what if she’d done something worse in reaction to our break-up?

“Are you still worried about Korinne?” Zacky asked.

“Yeah,” I admitted.

“Well, you can stop now, because she’s over there with Stevie.”

My head whipped towards the direction Zacky was facing, and, sure enough, there she was. She was standing in line to get a wrap, talking to Stevie. I instantly felt as if a giant weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. She was okay. But that still didn’t explain the ambulance.

“You okay?”

I tore my eyes away from Korinne and fixed them instead on Zacky.

“I guess. I just can’t help wondering what the ambulance was for.”

“Ask her.”

“What?”

“Just ask her, if it’s that important to you.”

I looked at Zacky like he had started to grow a third foot out of his throat.

“Are you insane? She must hate me!”

“Brian, I really don’t think Korinne could ever hate you.”

I didn’t know if Zacky was right, but I hoped he was, because I really wanted to talk to Korinne. After two days of not seeing her and three days of not speaking to her, I was going crazy. Long-term separation didn’t seem like it was possible, but maybe I could handle it—as long as I could still talk to her.

I glanced quickly around the cafeteria and was immensely relieved to not see Zoe. I knew she was probably off throwing up in a bathroom somewhere—she’d been doing that a lot lately—and that I should probably go check on her, but I really wanted to talk to Korinne, and I knew Zoe would never allow it. Which was exactly why I had to speak with Korinne—immediately.

“I’ll be right back,” I told Zacky.

Before I had time to chicken out, I walked over to Korinne and Stevie, who had gotten their food and were searching for a table—a table, I realized with a pang, which most likely wouldn’t be anywhere near the one I was sitting at. Korinne’s eyes met mine, and for a second, it was like nothing had ever happened. I kept expecting her to smile and run over to hug me, but that didn’t happen. Instead she just looked and confused, and, unfortunately, hurt.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey.” I wanted to hug her, kiss her, anything—but I couldn’t. “Can I talk to you for a second?” I asked.

Korinne opened her mouth to respond, and before she could, Stevie interrupted.

“No, you can’t talk to her, but you can go fuck yourself up the ass with a rusty chainsaw,” she snapped.

“It’s fine, Stevie,” said Korinne.

“No, it sure as hell is not fine! Are you seriously going to stand here and talk to this shithead like nothing happened?”

“Stevie, please.”

Stevie glared at me for a full minute before throwing her hands up in surrender and walking away.

“You wanted to talk?” continued Korinne.

“Yeah…I just…I saw an ambulance leaving your house yesterday…and I just wanted to know if everything was okay.”

She looked surprised. “Oh. Um, yeah, everything’s fine. The ambulance was just for, uh--” She broke off, staring at something behind me with an expression I couldn’t decipher. Something whacked me in the leg, hard, and I turned around to see Elias hobbling over on crutches.

“Sorry about that,” he said, not sounding the least bit sorry. “The ambulance was for me,” he added.

“You?” I repeated.

“Yup. I fell down the stairs. I have got to stop playing Guitar Hero on my Nintendo DS while walking. It doesn’t work out too well,” Elias said with a laugh.

“Oh. So…oh. Okay then.”

I looked to Korinne, shocked to see her looking somewhat relieved by Elias’s presence.

“I guess I’ll see you around, then?”

“Okay.”

Against my better judgment, I turned and walked away; leaving Korinne with the one person I never thought she’d ever look comfortable around. Something was going on, but, clearly, I couldn’t ask Korinne about it because I was now the enemy. And that really, really sucked.

+++

12: 23 P.M.
Korinne;;

“What on earth are you doing here?”

Elias grinned and leaned on one of his crutches so he could use a hand to brush hair out of his eyes.

“I’m here for you,” he replied. “Moral support, y’know?”

“Moral support? Elias, you have a broken leg!”

“So?”

“The doctor said you’re supposed to stay home for the rest of the week!”

“It’s Thursday. Whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “Besides, you needed me,” he added, gesturing to Brian’s retreating form.

“I was fine,” I lied. Actually, I had been pretty close to either kicking Brian in the groin and running from the cafeteria, or bursting into tears and running from the cafeteria. I had a feeling that neither of those would have been wise actions, however.

Elias scoffed. “Sure you were.”

He started to move towards a nearby table, and since I couldn’t see Stevie anywhere and also didn’t want to be seen standing by myself like a loser, I followed him.

“Where are you going?”

“Right here,” Elias replied, sliding into a seat. “Do you want to sit with me? There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Uh, okay.”

I settled into the seat next to him and at the same time waved to Stevie, who was now heading our way.

“So, who is this person you wanted me to meet?” I asked.

“You’ll see,” Elias said, with a giddy smile.

I rolled my eyes and looked curiously at Stevie, who had just sat down in the seat next to me.

“Aren’t you going to sit with Matt?”

Stevie looked at me like I’d just asked her if she was going to eat the pile of dung on her plate.

“No. I’m not letting you sit with just your brother. Delia’s sitting with Zacky, of course, but I’m sitting with you, and Matt can sit wherever the fuck he likes.”

“Um…okay then.”

I was about to start picking at my chicken wrap—I wasn’t really that hungry anyway—when I saw a flash of orange out of the corner of my eye. A short, pretty girl with chin-length, super-straight, orange hair was headed our way. I glanced at Elias, who was smiling widely and looking so happy he seemed like he was about to wet himself. The girl sat down next to him and Elias immediately turned to me.

“Korinne, this is Madeline McCafferty,” he said.

“Call me Maddie,” she insisted. “I hate my full name.”

“Okay. I’m Korinne,” I said.

“I know.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. You’re Elias’s younger sister; you’re sixteen, and you used to go out with Brian Haner, but you guys broke up sometime this week,” Maddie rattled off.

I stared blankly at her. Elias coughed.

“Maddie is um…very observant.”

“I see that.”

“I want to be a celebrity photographer after high school,” said Maddie. “So, I’m apologizing in advance for prying into your personal life. It’s already a habit.”

“That’s all right. As long as Elias likes you, you’re cool with me,” I said.

I winked at Elias, who looked horrified that I’d said the word ‘likes’. I got the feeling that they were a bit more than friends, and I made a mental note to ask him about that later.

Next to me, Stevie gasped suddenly. I followed her gaze until my eyes found Matt, who was heading towards us, lunch in hand and Jimmy and Johnny in tow.

“Matt! I thought you were--”

“Sitting at our normal table?” Matt interrupted. “Fuck no. Brian’s being a jackass.”

“An enormous jackass,” corrected Jimmy.

Johnny was silent as he sat down with the other two. He seemed like something was bothering him, but since I barely knew the guy, I couldn’t exactly ask him what was wrong.

“How are you holding up, Korinne?” Jimmy asked kindly.

“I’m fine,” I responded automatically, even though I really wanted to say I looked at the toaster this morning and tried to figure out how I could kill myself with it. How’s that for “fine?”

“No, you’re not. Here, have a cookie.”

Jimmy dropped a steaming chocolate chip cookie onto my tray and I smiled at him in thanks.

“You look like you could use some Hot Cheetos, too,” said Elias, pouring some out of his bag.

“And some of my pepperoni calzone,” added Matt.

“And some chicken fingers,” Maddie said cheerfully.

“You guys are going to make me obese,” I joked.

But I happily accepted all of the food and started to eat. For the first time all day, I actually felt kind of content. Sure, the guy I was starting to think I couldn’t live without had dumped me and gone back to his evil bitch of an ex-girlfriend, but I still had friends. I had my brother back. And I had managed to stay alive over the past two days, when I really would have preferred the opposite option. Maybe, just maybe, I could deal with this.

But, I reminded myself, you really don’t have a choice.