Bite Your Tongue

7:50 A.M.
Zoe;;

The only thing keeping me from punching someone in the throat was the fact that Brian was sitting next to me. His presence prevented me from being furious at my mother, who had scheduled my doctor’s appointment for eight o’ clock in the morning. I knew she meant well by trying to get it over with early on in the day, but depriving me of my sleep was not cool. The only reason I’d even agreed to go was because Brian had wanted to come along, and if he was offering to go to doctor’s appointments with me, then it was obvious that he was fully invested in the relationship.

I probably should have gone to bed earlier last night, but The Hills had been on until late, and besides, it was summer. I didn’t have to go to bed early if I didn’t want to.

“Zoe?”

“What, Mom?” I snapped. I’d been mere seconds away from dozing off in my chair, my head resting on Brian’s shoulder.

“Honey, are you feeling okay?”

“I’m pregnant. How do you think I’m feeling?”

“You’re not feeling sick, are you? I can ask someone where the bathroom is if you need to use it.”

“Mom,” I said. “With all due respect, shut the fuck up.”

Her jaw dropped, but she quickly recovered and transformed her shock into anger.

“Zoe Rebecca Windham, don’t you ever speak to me that way again. I know you may be having mood swings but that is no excuse for such blatant disrespect. Am I clear?”

I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t my fault that I was grumpy from waking up so goddamned early.

“Yes. Sorry.”

“Good.” She clicked the pen in her hand shut and got up to return my new patient forms to the reception desk.

“She’s such a bitch,” I muttered, once she was out of earshot.

Brian looked at me in disbelief.

“She was just trying to see if you needed anything. What’s wrong with that?“

“She was a bitch about it!”

He sighed. I could tell that he was already frustrated with me acting like a raving lunatic, but it wasn’t like that was something I could control. He, along with my mom and everyone else, would have to get over it.

“Just try not to take out your frustrations on your mom, okay?”

With his eyes on mine, he squeezed my hand, and all of my anger instantly melted away.

“Okay.”

I kissed him quickly on the lips, drawing back just as I heard my name being called. I followed the source of the noise until I found myself looking at my mom, who was accompanied by a woman appearing to be only a few years older than her.

“We’re ready for you,” said the nurse.

I got up nervously, holding Brian’s hand for support, and followed the nurse down the hallway. She weighed me and measured my height, and then got us settled into an examination room, where she took my blood pressure and temperature. She also poked at my nose and ears, took some blood to run tests on, and wrote down a list of my current medications. Afterwards, she left, stating that the doctor would be in shortly.

“So,” said my mom. “Have you two decided where you’re going to live once the baby’s born? Is Brian going to move in with us, or will you two get your own place, or…?”

I glanced at Brian, who looked as bewildered as I felt. Neither of us had given any thought to life after we became parents. And I didn’t see any reason to, since there was still quite a bit of time until we had to think seriously about things.

“Um, no. We still have, like, seven months, Mom.”

“I know. But it doesn’t hurt to start planning ahead.”

“Whatever,” I said under my breath, reaching for a magazine. I had just reached the third page when the door opened, revealing a pretty Asian woman with a super-cute pair of red glasses that I wanted to steal right off of her face. She introduced herself to us with a smile.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Chen.”

“Hi, I’m Lisa,” said my mom. They shook hands.

“Nice to meet you.”

“I like your glasses,” I blurted out.

“Thank you!” she said. “You must be Zoe.”

“Yep.”

Her eyes moved over to rest on Brian.

“Are you the father?”

“Yes. I’m Brian.”

“Well, let’s get down to business.”

Dr. Chen took a seat on the stool across from me and reached for a clipboard loaded with paper. She fired off a string of questions about my medical history, and I hadn’t even heard of some of the things she asked about, so those questions were mostly dealt with by my mom. Once the background information was taken care of, she focused her questions on the future.

“Will Zoe be having a hospital or a home birth?” she asked.

“Of course she’ll be having the baby at a hospital,” my mom replied. She turned to me. “You’re not having a home birth, that’s revolting,” she muttered.

“And are you going to deliver naturally, or through a Caesarean?”

“I don’t care. As long as I’m drugged up enough to not feel anything.”

Dr. Chen laughed. “Okay. You still have plenty of time to decide, though. Many women change their minds about pain medication at the last minute.”

“I’ve already decided.”

“All right then.” She clicked her pen shut. “All that’s left to do now is some general examinations, and then you’re free to leave. Now, Brian, you’re welcome to sit in the waiting room for the next few minutes.”

Brian looked puzzled.

“Why do I have to leave?”

“I’m going to do a pap smear and an internal pelvic exam. But you’re welcome to stay if you’d like.”

His face contorted as he tried not to look disgusted and failed.

“I’ll uh…be outside.”

The rest of us laughed. He did too, but as he left, I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t only freaked out by all the gross stuff. He was freaked out about the actual pregnancy itself, and he sure as hell wasn’t the only one.

I just hoped that he wasn’t going to back out. I knew I couldn’t do this without him, yet even with him, I had a feeling we were in for a bumpy ride.

This isn’t going to be as easy as I thought.

+++

9:34 A.M.
Korinne;;

I hadn’t even been running for more than two minutes before I decided on one thing.

Anyone who jogs for fun is obviously insane.

I’d gone downstairs this morning for breakfast, only to find my path to the Poptarts blocked by a thoroughly engrossed Elias and Maddie. It was great and all—Elias hadn’t had a girlfriend for as long as I could remember, and it was nice to see that he’d finally made his move, plus, Maddie was really cool—but I’d just wanted my damn breakfast. I didn’t understand why she had had to come over so painfully early in the morning, or why they had to make out in front of the cabinets. It wasn’t like Elias was going anywhere, and he had a bedroom, after all.

Eventually, I’d decided to go for a run. I personally detested most forms of physical activity, especially running, but I figured that since I lived in California now, and because the beach was so pretty and would hopefully distract me, I would be able to handle a short jog.

I was sadly mistaken.

My body started to reject the movement after a grand total of five minutes. It hurt to breathe, like my ribs were crushing in on my lungs every time I tried, screaming Wow, you’re out of shape. This is what you get for drowning your sorrows in ice cream and junk food. Sucks for you! Still, I pushed on, letting my self-hatred fuel me to run faster instead of slowly eating me alive from the inside out. I ran until the world around me became a blur, until the only thing I was aware of was how badly I wanted to stop. And then, when I felt like I was literally about to die, I slowed to a stop.

I collapsed onto the sand, gasping for air like I’d been drowning. More than anything, I wanted to lay down, but I’d read somewhere that that was a bad thing to do after running, so I forced myself to stay sitting up. Then I realized that I could still see my house from where I was.

Fail, Korinne. EPIC. FAIL.

Shut up!

Despite how pathetic I felt at not even making it out of he neighborhood, I started to laugh. Hysterically. I didn’t know if I found my failure genuinely funny, or if lingering feelings of misery from seeing Zoe shopping for baby stuff the other day were manifesting themselves through a psychotic episode, but for whatever reason, I simply could not stop laughing. I was glad that our neighbors rarely utilized the beach, because I had enough to deal with—I didn’t need my neighbors thinking I was crazy.

Once I was sensible enough to stop laughing like a maniac, I got up walked back over toward my house. My legs felt like lead, and I was practically dripping sweat, which was felt disgusting but strangely gratifying. Since no one was around, I felt comfortable enough to strip down to my bathing suit—one of the ridiculously revealing ones my mom had purchased when she’d actually remembered that she had kids to care for and done her bulk shopping a few days ago. It was a lime green string bikini, and it showed way too much skin for my liking. But since my other option had consisted of a red strapless onepiece thing with so many cutouts I hadn’t even known how to put it on, I’d gone for the bikini.

I crawled over to the water and rolled around for a bit. Once I was completely soaked, I lay there, letting the tide move me gently back and forth. The sun was a lightweight blanket of warmth on my face, not too overbearing but just hot enough to be enjoyable. I let my mind wander, and wander it did, from worried thoughts about skipping an entire grade, to heartbreaking thoughts about how the person I wanted was starting a family with someone else. Eventually, the thoughts combined into a wordless roar of noise inside my head, and instead of fighting it, I let it overwhelm me. Thinking about everything at once somehow seemed to ease the knot of anxiety that had settled into my stomach, and soon I was more relaxed than I had been in a long while.

I was half-asleep when I thought I felt footsteps approaching me. I told myself I was just being paranoid, and cast the worry away.

“…Are you okay?” a voice asked suddenly.

I jumped, letting out a small yelp. My eyes shot open and focused on Brian, who was standing over me, chuckling.

“Sorry. I thought you heard me.”

“God, what are you, like a fucking ninja or something? Holy shit.” I hauled myself into a sitting position and tried to look casual. My heart was pounding, both from being startled and being near him.

“You’re not hurt, are you?”

I laughed. “No. I went jogging…but I kind of suck at it. So I decided to just lay here instead.”

“Sounds like fun.”

Then he did something that made me certain I was hallucinating. He took off his shirt, placing it nearby, and joined me.

I fought to maintain a facial expression that didn’t suggest that I was about to jump his bones, right then and there.

Oh, sweet holy Jesus. Has he gotten better looking?

…

Korinne?

*Drools*

Snap out of it!

Wha..? Oh, uh…sorry. What were you saying?

“Korinne?”

I forced myself to look at him and not at his shirtlessness.

“Is something wrong?” he wondered.

“No, I was just, uh…never mind. It’s nothing. How’s life?” I stammered, hoping he’d just answer the damn question and not read too much into me blabbering like an idiot.

“We repainted our kitchen.”

“Really? That sounds…exciting.”

“It was a blast,” Brian said, rolling his eyes. “My mom made me go with her to Home Depot, where she swore up and down that she was going to paint and only needed my help with picking out the colors, and of course, the second we get home, she’s upstairs watching Desperate Housewives and I’m stuck painting the entire damned kitchen.”

“That sucks. What color did you paint it?”

“I don’t remember what it was called. We looked at so many color samples that I literally wanted to find a nail gun and shoot myself in the eye. It’s some kind of green, though. Kind of like your bathing suit.”

His eyes rested on me for a second, and it suddenly seemed like the temperature had increased by several trillion degrees.

“Anything else?” I asked. “Or was painting the highlight of your week?”

“…Um, I went with Zoe to a doctor’s appointment this morning.”

A giant fist seemed to grab hold of my heart and make every beat a tortuous struggle.

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to…make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“You’re not making me uncomfortable.”

He blinked.

“Okay, maybe a little. But…I’ll get over it. I mean, we’re neighbors, Brian. All of our friends are friends. We can’t avoid each other forever.”

He looked at the sand, drawing small circles in it with his finger.

“I know. That’s why I was wondering…”

“…Yeah?”

“Do you think we could still be friends?”

There was no hesitation in my answer.

“Of course. I already miss talking to you.”

“Well, you don’t have to miss it anymore.” He held out a hand. “Friends?”

“Friends.”

We shook hands, and it was silent for a moment before I started to laugh.

“That handshake was pretty lame.”

“I know,” he agreed.

As a form of atonement, perhaps, he gave me a quick hug. And it definitely wasn’t lame.

We sat there for a bit in comfortable silence, listening to the sound of the waves. I kept stealing looks at him, trying to catalogue as much as I could so I would remember him better when he wasn’t around. Every once in a while our eyes would meet, and he’d smile and my heart would skip a beat, and we’d both quickly look away. It was awkward, but it was an awkward we could handle. And it was just enough to completely make my day.

“I should go,” he said eventually.

“Me too. I don’t want to get sunburned.”

We said our goodbyes, and headed for home. I skipped into my house, feeling like I was on top of the world. Elias and Maddie had, thankfully, vacated the kitchen. The house practically shook with the beat of the music Elias was blasting, and I hummed along to the tune as I set about fixing myself some lunch.

I grabbed a box of Pizza Rolls out of the freezer, arranged some on a plate, and put it into the microwave. As I was setting the time, I got the feeling that I was being watched. I told myself that it was impossible to be snuck up upon twice in one day, and instead of investigating, I ignored the feeling.

But when I went to put the Pizza Rolls box back into the freezer, I saw something out of the corner of my eye, and let out a loud scream.

Jimmy was leaning against the refrigerator, laughing at my reaction.

“Jimmy! What the hell are you doing here? How did you even get into the house?!”

“Your brother let me in.”

“When!?”

“About an hour ago. He said I could wait until you got back from jogging.”

I took deep breaths, willing my heartbeat to return to normal.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. You’re just the second person to scare the living shit out of me today.”

“Sorry.”

The microwave beeped, telling me that my food was ready. Jimmy’s face lit up.

“You made Pizza Rolls?!”

“…Yes.”

“Okay, I’m officially staying for lunch.”

“I don’t remember inviting you, but okay, whatever.”

He let out a triumphant yell and retrieved the plate. I followed him over to the table.

“Why are you here, anyway?”

“I was bored, and no one else was home. So I decided to grace you with my presence.”

“I’m honored.”

“You should be,” he said. He tossed five or six pizza pastries into his mouth.

“Hey!”

“What?”

“You just ate, like, half the plate!”

“…And?”

“Ugh!”

I took the plate from him and made sure to get some food for myself before he stole the rest. The plate was quickly emptied, and Jimmy immediately went back for more.

“I have good news,” he said while he dumped more Pizza Rolls onto the plate.

“Really? What?”

“Well, you know how we’re recording a demo CD, right?”

“Wait, what?! Since when?”

“…Since a few weeks ago. Anyway, one of the guys at the company got us a gig at a local club. And we got free admission for six people, so…”

“Are you inviting me?”

“Yes.”

“…But I’m sixteen. I don’t think I could get in.”

“You don’t look like you’re sixteen. And it’s one of those ‘eighteen to party, twenty-one to drink’ clubs. Besides, none of us are old enough to get in, and they’re still letting us play. You’re friends with the band. I doubt anyone is going to card you.”

He has a point.

Yeah, but I don’t know how I feel about sneaking into a club.

Oh, come on. Rebel a little.

Zoe will be there.

So will tons of other people. You probably won’t even have to talk to her.

But…there’ll be alcohol, and I don’t drink.

Stop making up excuses. You’re just scared because Jimmy’s asking you and you think that saying yes is the same as admitting that you like him.

I’m not scared!

Really? Prove it.

“Okay. I’ll go.”

Ha.

“Awesome. It’s in about two weeks, so you have time to plan your outfit or whatever the hell it is that you girls do.” He jabbed at the buttons on the microwave. “How the hell do you work this thing?”

I got up to help him. “Here, I’ll do it.”

Jimmy rummaged through the cabinets while I relieved him of his microwaving duties.

“Ooh, Poptarts,” he said suddenly.

“Those are mine.”

“Sharing is caring, Korinne.”

I glared at him. “Touch the Poptarts and you die.”

He grinned, lifted one finger, and poked the box.

“Jimmy, I swear, if you don’t stop touching that box—”

He grabbed the box and dashed across the room.

“I already got my exercise for today. I am not going to chase you around the kitchen. Give me back the Poptarts, and no one gets hurt.”

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

He opened the box and reached for one of the packages inside.

“Jimmy!”

Ignoring me, he opened the package, pulled out a pastry, and licked it.

“No!”

I lunged for him, and I must have caught him off guard, because within the next second, we were both on the ground.

“Give me back my Poptarts!”

“No!”

I sat on his stomach and reached for the box he was holding over his head.

“GIVE ME THE DAMN POPTARTS!”

“Wow, Korinne, on top of me again?”

“Shut up!”

“Make me.”

I tried to grab the box from him, and as I did, he flipped us over, pinned me to the ground, and started tickling my stomach.

“Omigod, stop! Fine, keep the Poptarts! I don’t care anymore!” I shrieked in between giggles.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He stopped his tickle torture and sat back on his heels.

Our laughter faded away into silence, and for a second we just looked at each other.

“Nice bikini,” he said.

I cursed myself for forgetting my clothes outside, something I hadn’t been aware of until just now.

“Thanks.”

Silence prevailed again. I tried to think of something to say, but thinking clearly was, for some reason, becoming incredibly difficult around him.

“Woah, sorry, don’t mean to interrupt,” a voice suddenly said from the doorway.

I looked up to see Elias standing there, with Maddie at his side. They looked entertained by the suggestive way in which Jimmy and I were twined around each other.

“He stole my Poptarts,” I said.

Elias smirked. “I’m sure he did.”

The microwave beeped, and Jimmy went to get his food. I got up as well, trying to act as casual as possible. Elias went to go look through the refrigerator, and Maddie instantly accosted me.

“What was happening there?” she asked, her eyes bright.

“Nothing.”

“You were rolling around on the floor with him.”

“Nothing was happening!”

But even as I said it, I knew I was lying to myself.

There was definitely something happening there.