Bite Your Tongue

11:45 A.M
Korinne;;

Two weeks had passed, and I still wasn’t used to things. I had managed to stop getting lost while trying to find my way around school, but I was nowhere near being caught up with my schoolwork, or making any friends. Not that I expected to make friends or anything; it was just nice to hope.

Public school wasn’t actually all that bad. The teachers were a lot more lenient. Plus, they seemed not to notice or care about my lack of speaking. I suspected that my mom told them about the accidents, but it didn’t really matter. As long as my grades weren’t threatened, I didn’t care what they knew.

It was quite easy to slip into a zombie-like state. I had been doing things I hardly remembered doing—going to school, coming home, doing homework, going to bed, and then waking up the next morning to do it all over again. I didn’t know how I was handling this; I honestly thought I would be way too overwhelmed. But I guessed that it didn’t make much of a difference when life had no meaning, anyway. I mean, sure, I could work my ass off to get good grades and escape to an excellent college in a few years, but I just couldn’t see myself doing that type of thing. Honestly, the only thing I could see myself as in a few years was dead. It probably wouldn’t feel that different from how I felt now. Because when you died inside, you just felt different. I didn’t care about what was going on, or what was happening. All I wanted to do was stay away from everyone and be alone.

A loud crash from downstairs, followed by laughter, jolted me out of my half-sleeping, thoughtful state. I sat up, squinting as the sun streaming through the window nearly blinded me. I felt a slight sticky sensation on my hand and looked down to see a yellow Post-It note with my mom’s handwriting on it. With a yawn, I pulled the note off of my skin.

Korinne,

I’ve got back-to-back business meetings today, so I won’t be home until late. Elias is having some friends of his from school over, so he’ll be here if you need anything. There’s money on the counter for pizza or whatever you kids want for dinner. Oh, and honey, please try to finish unpacking your room.

Love, Mom

I rolled my eyes and crumpled up the note, getting out of bed to toss it in the trashcan. I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous of my brother—he had already made some friends, the lucky bastard. I just hoped that they weren’t so loud and obnoxious that it distracted me from my usual Saturday routine of spending all day on the computer.

I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower, not bothering to do anything with my hair after I finished except put it up in a messy bun. I dried off and slipped on a red tank top and some jean shorts, shaking my head at the thought of the ridiculous heat. I would freeze to death if I wore this kind of clothing around this time back in Georgia.

After spending half an hour reading To Kill a Mockingbird, which was required reading for my English class, my stomach began to growl. I remembered that I hadn’t gotten anything for breakfast, and cursed myself. Now I had to go downstairs and possibly run into Elias and his gang of what was sure to be dumbassed friends. Sighing, I put down the book and quietly opened my bedroom door, peeking out into the hallway to make sure it was empty. I padded down the carpeted hallway and paused at the top of the stairs. I could hear Elias’s voice, plus some other unfamiliar ones, coming from the living room. I descended the stairs as quietly as I could, dashing quickly into the kitchen.

Opening a few cabinets, I was relieved to see that most of them now contained food; my mom had finally gone grocery shopping. I took a box of S’mores Poptarts out and set it on the counter. I opened the fridge and retrieved a bottle of water, setting that on the counter as well.

“Damn, Elias! Your house is even more amazing then Brian’s,” somebody said, their voice carrying into the kitchen. Elias laughed.

“Uh, thanks.”

“No way! My house is so much better,” said a voice I assumed to be Brian, whoever that was.

“In your dreams,” another voice said.

“Hey, I’m starving. You got any food?” someone asked.

Shit! I tore the foil wrapper off of a package of Poptarts and shoved both into the toaster, willing it to heat faster.

“Yeah, in the kitchen. It’s the room closest to the front door,” Elias replied.

Come on, toaster, toast the fucking Poptarts already!

My heartbeat quickened nervously as I heard footsteps coming down the hall. Even if my breakfast was ready now, I wouldn’t have been able to leave without them seeing me.

“Shit, his house is nicer than mine,” a voice said appreciatively from the hallway.

They were getting closer. Then, with a small ‘pop’, the pastries shot up in the toaster. I snatched them out and threw them on a plate, wincing as the heat touched my skin. I blew on my fingers gently and seized the bottle of water. Turning, I prepared to flee the room, but found three figures blocking my path. I froze.

“Hey, Elias! There’s some girl in your kitchen!” The tallest one called. He had slightly spiky dark brown hair—or was it black? I couldn’t really tell—and had a number of interesting-looking tattoos covering the skin I could see, just like the rest of them.

“And she’s stealing your Poptarts!” the guy closest to me added. He had longish black hair, green eyes so bright they seemed unnatural, and several facial piercings.

I heard Elias snort and more footsteps from the hallway. “Oh, that’s just my sister.”

“Sister? You didn’t tell us you had a sister,” the other guy said.

I recognized him as the one who had pretty much knocked me to the ground on my first day of school. I mean, how could I have forgotten him? He was gorgeous, with long dark hair and amazing brown eyes. He was looking at me funny, and I wondered if he recognized me as well.

My brother walked in and glared at me.

“Don’t mind her, she was just leaving. Right, Korinne?” he said pointedly.

I blinked back the tears I felt stinging my eyes and nodded, sliding past the guys and out of the room. I hurried back up the stairs, making sure to keep a firm grip on the plate in my hands so I wouldn’t drop it.

“Why’d you tell her to leave? She seems nice,” someone said. I stood at the top of the stairs, curious to hear what they were saying, but terrified at the same time.

I could practically hear Elias rolling his eyes as he answered. “Trust me, she’s not. Don’t waste your time on her, it’s no use. She doesn’t talk,” he said.

“What do you mean? Everyone talks,” a different voice said.

There was the sound of a slap, and a loud ‘ouch!’

“Not everyone, dumbass,” someone said exasperatedly. “Is she mute or something?”

“Nah. She can talk, she just doesn’t. I think she likes to feel special or some crazy shit like that,” Elias explained.

His words were like a punch in the gut.

“Did something happen? I mean, people don’t just stop talking for no reason,” asked another voice.

I heard Elias’s hesitance, and wondered what he was going to say. Would he tell them about the accidents? Would he tell them that he thought it was my fault that my dad and grandmother were dead?

“Nothing happened,” Elias said quickly. “She’s just weird.”

Fuck you.

I turned on my heel and stormed into my room, slamming the door behind me. I threw the plate across the room, sending its contents flying in the air. The paper plate gently floated to the ground, while the Poptarts landed with soft thuds on my desk and on my bed. I tossed the water bottle at the wall, satisfied by the loud sound it made. My legs stopped being able to hold me and I slid down against the door, already feeling tears sliding down my cheeks.

I hate him. Why would he say something like that? I know he hates me, but god! I can’t—

I hate this. I shouldn’t even be here. I don’t deserve to live.

I’m such a failure.

About twenty minutes later, I found myself in the bathroom. I sat against the wall, facing the door, with my legs stretched out in front of me. I didn’t even feel like myself. All I knew was that I needed to destroy something. I glanced around, my gaze finally settling on my legs.

Perfect.

I curled my fingers to make a claw and dug my nails into my thigh--hard. I winced as they broke the skin. Drawing my hand up my leg, I left a trail of five red lines that were just starting to ooze blood. I leaned back and let my head rest against the wall, now suddenly calm. I deserve this, I told myself. I deserve this.

+++

3:22 P.M

“Korinne! Where the fuck did you go?!”

I opened my eyes, hearing my brother calling for me angrily. I blinked a few times and soon realized I was still sitting on the floor in the bathroom.

I must have fallen asleep…

My eyes felt dry and swollen.

“Korinne!” Elias shouted again. I sighed and pushed myself to my feet, gasping slightly as the movement forced me to be aware of the long cuts on my thigh. The blood had stopped flowing by now, but it still stung.

Heavy footsteps came from my room, and I hastened to lock the bathroom door. I didn’t want to deal with Elias and whatever he hated me for this time. I wasn’t quick enough, though, and Elias barged into the room. I stepped back just in time to about being hit by the door as it swung wildly open.

“Do you know what you did? Do you know what you’ve fucking done!?” he shouted at me

I frowned and shook my head, confused and scared at the same time. I backed up slightly as he advanced towards me.

“I swear to god, if you scared my friends into never coming here again, I’ll fucking gut you,” he screamed in my face. I caught a whiff of his breath and wrinkled my nose as the smell of alcohol hit me.

Since when did he start drinking?

“You always have to mess everything up, don’t you? You little piece of shit,” Elias said. I pushed past him and made for the door, stopping only when a hand grasped my wrist painfully.

“Bitch. You’d better get your fucking shit together, or else,” he threatened, his face inches from mine.

His eyes were wide with fury, and his face bright red. I gasped as his grip on my wrist tightened and tried to pull away. Elias laughed.

“Hurts, don’t it?” he asked, shoving me backward.

My back hit the sink, hard, and tears started to fall from my eyes. Elias laughed again, cruelly, and before I even had time to react, his hand connected with the side of my face. I clapped a hand to the spot as it stung, looking at him incredulously. Elias seemed to realize what he had just done and looked from me to his hand. He gave me one final look, and then left the room.

My face crumpled as the sobs grew more gut-wrenching. I couldn’t believe what had just happened, or if that had even happened. Did I dream that?

I shook my head as I stepped out into my room. I went to the door and locked it. My entire body was shaking with sobs as I slid to the floor again. Then I put my head in my hands and wished for something, anything, to happen so I could escape this place.