Bite Your Tongue

9:00 PM
Korinne;;

I had thought that nothing would shock me more than Jimmy coming over after the show to kiss me again, but I’d been wrong. I had barely recovered from the kiss when I saw Brian heading straight for us, looking angrier than I’d ever seen him. And before I could even try to figure out what the hell he was doing, he had gotten Jimmy’s attention and punched him in the face.

In an instant, all I heard was screaming. If I contributed to the noise, I wasn’t aware of it. As Brian lunged for Jimmy again, I wanted to look away, but it was impossible. Like driving past a bad car crash, I couldn’t help but stare at the damage. Jimmy began to fight back, aiming a few punches for Brian’s stomach, and I suddenly felt sick. I couldn’t believe that either of them had such violent tendencies. I had to blink to make sure I was seeing things correctly, and as I opened my eyes, I felt myself being pushed backwards as the people in front of me moved to avoid being hit by Jimmy’s body as it flew through the air toward a nearby table.

Please let me be dreaming.

I closed my eyes and squeezed them tight, but even as I went to open them, I knew that the nightmare in front of me wouldn’t have gone away. Horrified, I watched the fight in front of me, barely able to realize that it was actually happening. I knew I was there, I could hear the shouts around me, but everything had a muted quality to it, and the world seemed to be moving in slow motion—like in movies, during a really epic scene where everything is completely silent and the camera is focused on one thing in particular. I was focused on the dueling figures of Brian and Jimmy.

I flinched every time either of them landed a hit on each other, and at one point I think I even stepped forward to try and prevent the damage from worsening, but a hand on my arm held me back—Stevie, probably, judging from the firm way in which the nails dug into my skin—nonverbally communicating to me that I did not want to get in the middle of that. So I stood there, helpless, as two guys who were supposed to be close friends beat each other up. All because of me.

I wanted to cry with relief when I saw the bouncer pushing his way through the crowd. And when the crowd parted slightly, allowing Brian and Jimmy to be dragged outside, I’m pretty sure I did start to cry. Brian, for the most part, appeared to be fine, but Jimmy was limping, blood dripping off of his face, and clutching at his side. I was torn, unable to decide on a specific course of action. I felt an immediate pull to go to Brian—to ask him why he was so mad; to find out if the tiny hope I had of him still liking me was even worth nurturing. Jimmy’s injuries had alarmed me, though, and it was the unforgettable image of him crashing with a loud thud into a table that sent me running out into the parking lot in the direction Matt had taken him.

Zoe was ahead of me, splitting off in the opposite direction as she hurried over to where Zacky had taken Brian. I ignored her, knowing it wouldn’t do any good to think about how much I wanted to switch places with her, and made a beeline for Jimmy. He was slumped against a car that I guessed was Matt’s, and Matt was digging furiously through the trunk. I bent down next to Jimmy, careful not to touch him and cause him more pain. He looked even worse up close. His whole face was starting to swell, and a continuous stream of blood was dribbling out of his nose.

“Jimmy?”

“Fuckin’ shit…didn’t know that fucker could hit so hard…”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Here.” Matt tossed me a box of tissues, which I dropped. I quickly picked them up and, with shaking hands, started to clean up some of the blood.

Loud, clacking footsteps approached from somewhere behind me.

“Is he okay?” Stevie asked.

“I think so,” Matt said. “He got beaten up pretty badly, though.”

“Yeah, no shit!” Jimmy muttered. He winced as I touched a tender spot I hadn’t known about, and I quickly apologized.

“Sorry! Sorry, shit, I’m so sorry!”

“Relax, Korinne. It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine!” I tried to disguise the hysteria in my voice and the trembling in my fingers, but it was no use. “This is all my fault!” I exclaimed.

“No, it’s not.”

“Don’t tell me it’s not, Jimmy! It is; it is!” Tears blurred my vision, and I didn’t bother to try and prevent them from falling. “I knew Brian would probably be mad; I should have told you or something, and now you’re hurt, and Brian probably hates both of us, and OH MY GOD, WHAT IF I BREAK UP THE BAND? I would never forgive myself! SHIT!”

“Woah, woah, woah.” Matt relieved me of the tissue box. “Deep breaths,” he told me.

“Yeah, Korinne, I’m fine. Don’t freak out,” Jimmy said.

“Do you have any idea how much blood is on your face?!”

Matt looked at me warily. Then he turned to Stevie.

“Stevie, maybe you should take her home.”

“JIMMY IS BLEEDING LIKE HE’S HEMORRHAGING THROUGH HIS FACE! I CAN’T JUST LEAVE HIM HERE!”

“Okay, that’s it.”

Stevie hauled my to my feet, despite my best efforts to stay near Jimmy. She placed her hands on my shoulders and gave me a little shake.

“Breathe, Korinne. Jimmy’s going to be fine. He probably just has a broken nose, and a bruised rib or something. That’s all. Nothing serious.”

“A broken nose? Oh my God!”

She sighed, rolling her eyes. “Come on.”

I let her pull me away from Jimmy, but now, without the car blocking my view, I could clearly see Zacky heading towards us, and Zoe having a heated conversation with Brian off in the distance.

“Oh, shit. Zacky’s coming over to stab me or something, and Zoe’s going to kill Brian, and—”

“Korinne! Stop it! You’re making yourself crazy.”

“But…I can’t…this is my fault…”

Zacky came closer and closer, and I started to panic. Maybe he was pissed that I’d hurt Brian, or maybe he wanted to yell at me for being a band-destroying slut. Either way, I was terrified. I couldn’t seem to get enough air to my lungs, and I started to hyperventilate.

“Are you okay?” Zacky asked.

“I can’t breathe!”

“If you’re talking, you can breathe.” Stevie turned to Zacky. “She thinks everything is her fault,” she explained.

Zacky looked at me like I was insane.

“Calm down, okay? You didn’t make Brian hit Jimmy. Jimmy made Brian hit Jimmy. He could have at least told us that you guys were dating.”

“We’re dating!? What? Did he say that? Oh, my God!”

Stevie gave Zacky a sharp look.

“Not helping, Zacky.”

He quickly scrambled to rephrase his sentence.

“Okay, so you’re not dating. You like each other. Whatever. Don’t blame yourself for this. Brian’s just…” He hesitated, as if he had been going to say something else and suddenly decided against it. “He’s an idiot.”

“But he has a perfectly good reason to be mad, I mean, it’s not like I was going around kissing random strangers; this is Jimmy we’re talking about. They’re good friends, I can understand why he’d be upset and all, and now he’s beaten up one of his best friends, and—”

Stevie cut me off with a slap in the face.

“Ouch!” I shrieked. “What the hell was that for?”

“You were getting hysterical.”

“But—”

“I will slap you again if you don’t chill out.”

“Jesus, Stevie, that hurt!”

“That’s kind of the point.”

I glared at her for a few seconds before realizing that that wouldn’t help me feel better, so instead, I forced myself to take deep breaths, trying to stay calm. I’d gotten most of the panic out of my system, so now all that remained was worry, and a slight shakiness that made me feel like I needed to sit down. I leaned against the nearest car, not wanting to alarm anyone by just collapsing to the ground. Both Stevie and Zacky were watching me carefully, as if they expected me to start speaking in tongues.

“Are you okay now?” Zacky said after a bit.

“Somewhat.”

Stevie breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. Let’s get you home before you freak out again.”

“I’m not going to freak out again.”

She shrugged. “Whatever you need to tell yourself.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Could you tell Delia that I’ll be at Brian’s?” Zacky asked. “I want to make sure he doesn’t go on a killing spree in the middle of the night.”

“Sure.”

He walked away, and Stevie began to lead the way toward her car. I followed. When we reached the vehicle, she unlocked it so I could get inside, turned the radio on, and closed the door.

“Stay here. I’m going to go find Delia.”

“Okay.”

I leaned against the seat, letting the calming piano music wash over me.

So, Jimmy likes you, huh?

I don’t know that for sure.

He seemed pretty passionate about informing Brian that you can make your own decisions.

Yeah, but—

He kissed you. Twice. And you liked it.

Flashes of the sensual kiss he’d given me invaded my mind, almost causing me to completely lose my train of thought. I’d never expected to like kissing anyone other than Brian, but Jimmy had definitely given me some things to think about.

Okay, you do have a point there.

Exactly.

Fine. I like him. But I’m not going to do anything about it if it’s going to hurt Brian.

Screw Brian. Jimmy’s a drummer.

…And?

Well, you know what they say about drummers…

What?

…I don’t remember. It’s something dirty, though.

Of course.

Shaking my head at how immature the voice inside my head was, I looked out of the window, searching for something else to focus on. The search ended sooner than I’d expected.

Several feet away, Zoe was kissing Brian like they were about to throw down and do it right there in the middle of the parking lot. I turned away quickly. Facing the other direction helped somewhat, but it didn’t completely dissolve the ache in my chest that seemed to announce itself whenever Brian and Zoe were together. I wondered if it would always be like this—how long did it take to get over someone, anyway? Was I forever destined to long for Brian, even if I was attracted to someone else as well?

I sighed. Closing my eyes, I once again leaned against the seat, and focused on the music until all that existed were the gentle melodies and harmonies leaking from the speakers.

+++

9:05 P.M.
Brian;;

“Brian?”

I hadn’t expected to be followed, so I was beyond surprised when I heard Zoe’s timid voice behind me. I turned to see her standing there, arms wrapped around herself like she was afraid to come any closer.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you su—”

“Zoe, I’m not in a good mood, and unless you want your feelings hurt, I suggest that you leave me alone.”

She rolled her eyes and walked over lay a hand comfortingly on my arm.

“I’m not going to leave you alone. You obviously need someone to talk to, and everyone else is busy, so talk to me.”

“I can’t talk to you about this.”

“Of course you can.”

“No, I can’t.”

I walked away, thinking that she’d be angry enough to let me have some peace for a bit. As usual, though, she persisted. She always persisted until she got exactly what she wanted.

“Brian, please. I don’t care if you still like her.”

I didn’t think I’d heard her correctly. I turned to face her, looking at her in disbelief.

“What?”

“I said, I don’t care if you still like Korinne.”

I stared at her, mouth agape.

“How…what?! How the hell can you not care?”

“I just don’t. Loads of people in committed relationships start to like other people. But they never act on it. And I know you would never act on your feelings…right?”

I considered telling her how badly I’d wished to be in Jimmy’s place when he was kissing Korinne, just to see what her reaction would be. But the scary kind of calmness she possessed was really starting to freak me out, so I decided to just go along with whatever she said.

“Right,” I said.

“Okay. Then we don’t have anything to worry about.”

“But…Zoe, I really just don’t understand why you’re being so cool about this. You hate Korinne.”

Zoe’s eyes grew wide, and she looked at me like I had insulted her.

“That’s not true.”

“You tried to get her date-raped!”

“Do you have actual proof that I was behind that?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. “How do you know she didn’t just pin all the blame on me because she doesn’t like me?”

I shook my head.

“Korinne wouldn’t do that. I know she wouldn’t.”

“I bet you also thought she wouldn’t turn around and fuck one of your best friends without giving you advance warning.”

“She wouldn’t have sex with Jimmy, she barely knows him—”

“Well, they seemed pretty damn cozy back there.”

“Zoe—”

“She’s not worth your time. Therefore, she’s not worth my time either, and I refuse to even worry about her.”

“What is wrong with you?” I wondered.

Zoe gave me a slow, confident smile.

“Brian,” she said, like she was explaining simple addition to a kindergardener, “We are having a baby.”

“Yes, I know that.”

“Okay. Then you should also know that once the baby’s here, you belong to me. You know what? I don’t care what you do until then. Daydream about Korinne all you want. Kiss her, even. I don’t give a shit. But once our son or daughter is born?” She closed the distance between us and ran her finger along my jawline in an extremely possessive manner. “You. Are. Mine.”

After a second, she laughed at my stunned silence.

“Don’t look so shocked. You’ll get used to the idea eventually.”

“I’m not your slave,” I said defiantly.

“I know you, Brian. I know you well enough to be sure that you won’t abandon me. You’ll stick with me, because that’s the kind of guy that you are, but you’ll hate it. Every second you’re with me will be torture, and you’ll deal with it because I’m having your baby. And as long as we’re linked by this child, you’ll do whatever it takes to make me happy.”

“No, I won’t. I’m not going to let you take advantage of me.”

Zoe raised one eyebrow.

“We’ll see about that.”

Then she kissed me, molding her lips to mine firmly in a way I used to love. Now, though, it felt like I was sealing the deal to sign my soul away to the devil. When she pulled away, she simply looked at me for a moment, and I tried to remember if she’d always been so completely crazy. I didn’t understand how I hadn’t noticed before—it was impossible to ignore now. I only hoped that our kid wouldn’t inherit her insanity.

“Goodnight, Brian,” she said cheerfully. She started walking back towards the building.

“You’re fucking insane!” I shouted.

She threw her head back and let out a long, maniacal laugh.

“I’ll get my own ride home, thanks for asking.”

I watched her leave, wondering what I’d gotten myself into.

She was going to make my life a living hell, I knew it.