Bite Your Tongue
Storm
8:05 A.M.
Brian;;
Matt’s car felt like a prison. My mom’s car engine had exploded or something like that, so she’d taken it to the shop and borrowed my car to get to work. It was a minor inconvenience, but one that had been easily resolved. I’d managed to get a ride from Matt, and now me, him and Zacky were on the way to school—well, they were on their way to school. I was on my way to find Jimmy and rip him into tiny pieces.
After I’d told Zacky my suspicions, he’d convinced me to at least wait a day before confronting Jimmy. I had a feeling that he didn’t believe me, that he thought I was simply still mad at Jimmy for dating Korinne and wanted an excuse to beat him up again. I knew he had a point. Somewhere deep down inside I knew that Jimmy wasn’t violent unless provoked, but that knowledge didn’t stop me from being angry at the possibility of him hurting Korinne. I was stuck in an endless cycle of trying to calm myself down and trying to control my rage. And the sound Zacky was making as he annoyingly attempted to consume the remains of his frappuccino, completely drowning out the sound of the Metallica CD we were listening to, definitely wasn’t helping.
The noise seemed to be bothering Matt, too.
“Zacky,” he said sharply. “Shut the fuck up.”
“I wasn’t even talking! I’m just trying to finish my math homework!” He held up a mangled sheet of notebook paper and his pre-calculus textbook as evidence. Then he went back to sucking on the straw of his drink.
“When you asked if we could stop at Starbucks, I thought you wanted coffee. Not some pansy-ass fucking frappuccino.”
“Frappuccinos are the fuckin’ shit, man.”
“Don’t spill any in my car.”
“I’ll do my best,” Zacky said, rolling his eyes. There was yet another loud slurping noise, and then he turned to look at me. “How do you find the domain of a function again?”
“Dude, how the fuck did you pass Algebra 2?” Matt asked, laughing.
“No idea.”
I shook my head and looked out the window, wishing that their conversation was enough to distract me from the tidal wave of anger swelling inside my body. It felt like there was a herd of enraged bulls galloping around inside my torso, and that as soon as I stepped out of the car, they would burst out of my chest and trample Jimmy’s face. And as nice as that little scenario sounded, I didn’t particularly want to get in trouble for fighting on school grounds. I drummed my fingers against my leg, hoping to dispel some of my disquiet, and closed my eyes in an attempt to meditate as Zacky tried audibly to recall the steps for dividing fractions.
When the car slowed to a stop a few minutes later, my eyes flew open, and I immediately began scanning the school parking lot for signs of Jimmy. I felt like somewhat of an assassin. I imagined crouching down on the roof, searching him out and targeting him with some fancy gun, and taking him down before anyone would know what had happened. The undiluted violence of my thoughts scared me a little bit, so I refocused on my current surroundings.
“Do not leave that cup in my car, Zacky,” Matt warned.
“Okay.” Zacky rolled down his window and placed the now-empty Starbucks cup on the roof of the car.
Matt chuckled, muttering a few swear words, and began to collect his backpack and textbooks from the front seat. I followed suit, mindlessly slipping my backpack over my shoulder as my eyes continued to dart around the parking lot. A second later, I spotted Jimmy strolling past a car full of cheerleaders. The sight of him made me feel like slaughtering small animals.
“There’s the fucker,” I growled. Fuck the school rules, I’m going to kill him. I grabbed for the door handle and pulled, but it didn’t budge. I glared at Matt.
“Unlock the damn door!”
“Nope. Not until you think logically for another minute or two. I know how you get when you’re angry, Brian. Just try and calm down.”
“I’ll calm down when I’m dead! Just unlock the fucking door!” I shouted, pulling viciously at the handle.
“There’s a reason it’s called a child lock, Brian,” Zacky said, his voice irritatingly calm.
“Fuck you! I’m not being a child!”
“Um, yes, you kind of are.”
“I swear to God, if you don’t unlock the door right now, I’ll break the window and climb out!”
Matt instantly unlocked the door, probably fearing for the safety of his precious car. I threw the door open, ignoring Zacky’s protests behind me and stormed after Jimmy. I shoved person after person out of my way and reached him in seconds, snatching the strap of his backpack and yanking him backwards.
“What the—”
Before he could say anything else, I swung him around into the side of the nearest car and grabbed the collar of his shirt.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER?!”
His eyes widened in confusion. “Dude, what are you talking about—”
“YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, JAMES!”
“No, actually, I don’t—”
“WHERE’D SHE GET BRUISED RIBS, THEN?!”
He frowned. “Wait, are you talking about Korinne?”
“No, I’m talking about Whitney Houston,” I spat, rolling my eyes. “YES, I’M TALKING ABOUT KORINNE!”
He pushed me away, hard, his eyes blazing. “You’re sick, Brian. I didn’t touch her.”
“Oh, right, of course you didn’t—”
“You really think I would hurt her like that?!”
“I don’t know what to think anymore, Jimmy!”
He gave me a look of utmost hatred. “I would never do anything to hurt her.”
I studied him closely, even though it wasn’t necessary. I knew him well enough to know that he was telling the truth.
“Never,” he continued. “Even if we did break up.”
“What?”
“Don’t make me repeat it,” he said miserably.
“You—-you guys broke up?”
“Yeah.”
“When?”
“About a week ago.”
I felt like I needed to sit down. Instead I leaned against the nearest car, trying to process everything. “Is that why she was in such a bad mood yesterday?
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I know she also had to serve detention with Zoe yesterday morning, so maybe—”
“Wait, what?! Since when did she get detention with Zoe?”
“Apparently, they got into a shouting match in the middle of Web Design, and the teacher gave them detention. Korinne was pissed—you know how she is, all worried about college and shit.” Jimmy sighed. “That’s, uh, kind of why we broke up, actually.”
“What do you mean?”
“It seemed to me like she was more angry about having detention with Zoe than just having detention at all. And I’m not stupid, I can put two and two together.”
“I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Brian,” he said. “She obviously still has feelings for you.”
“Where the hell did you get that idea?”
“She hates Zoe.”
“Yeah, well, so does about half the school—”
“But I’ve never seen her as angry as she was when she was telling me what happened. It was just…painfully obvious. And as much as I liked her, I didn’t want to waste my time anymore.” Jimmy readjusted his backpack. “There’s no point in wasting time being with the wrong person,” he said.
With that, he turned and walked off toward the school, leaving me with a hell of a lot to think about.
+++
4:12 P.M.
The fact that it was supposed to rain later this evening seemed to make perfect sense. It usually rained when I was in a bad mood, or when I was having a bad day. Sometimes it rained before I had a bad day, like the world was determined to make me miserable. And the sucky thing was that I liked rain, as long as it didn’t decide to drop from the sky on days like these. After my extremely confusing confrontation with Jimmy in the parking lot, I’d failed a quiz in Government, discovered that we’d had homework in Microbiology, and nearly decapitated myself with some sort of weight-lifting machine in Personal Fitness. Then they’d run out of fries at lunch. So, by the time I got home, I was not happy, I had a killer headache, and all I wanted to do was collapse onto the couch and eat until I fell asleep.
But when I walked into the living room, dumping my backpack onto the floor, I saw that the couch was already occupied. Zoe was sitting there looking unhappy, and it took all the energy I had left to keep from simply fleeing the room.
“What do you want, Zoe?” I asked irritably. “And how the hell did you get in here?”
“Your front door was unlocked.”
“Oh.”
She stood up and walked over, taking my hands in hers.
“You look stressed,” she said concernedly.
“I’m hungry.” I pulled away from her and went into the kitchen. Annoyingly, she followed me.
“Why are you here?”
“I thought you’d be happy to see me.”
I snorted and quickly turned it into a cough. “I’ve just had a really bad day, that’s all,” I said, going to investigate the contents of the refrigerator. “Jesus, I’m fucking starving.”
“Well, I was hoping I could talk to you.”
“Knock yourself out.” Literally, if you don’t mind.
Zoe settled into a chair at the table. “So, I had detention yesterday.”
“Congrats. Would you like a gold medal?”
“There’s no need to be so nasty, Brian.”
I straightened up, holding a container of leftover baked ziti.
“What do you want me to say?” I snapped. I got myself a plate and scooped out of portion of the pasta, trying not to think about how satisfying it’d be to throw the open container at Zoe’s face. “I don’t really care, Zoe.”
“How can you not care?!” she shrieked. “I’m your girlfriend! I’m having your baby!”
“That doesn’t mean I’m obligated to make you feel better about a punishment you probably deserved.”
“It wasn’t my fault! That dumb bitchy ex-girlfriend of yours told the teacher I was being mean to her!”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, sure. Whatever.”
“I’m not lying!” she said viciously. “The little bitch wouldn’t stop teasing me and when I told the teacher she interrupted and made it sound like I’d been doing the teasing! You need to talk to her, Brian! Tell her to be nice to me!”
“Excuse me?”
“You need to control her! I’m your girlfriend now, and no matter how jealous she might be, she needs to treat me with respect!”
“I can’t control her, Zoe. It’s a free country—she can treat you however the hell she wants! Stop expecting everyone to bow down and kiss your feet.” Angrily, I shoved my plate into the microwave and set it to cook for two minutes.
Zoe was silent for a few seconds before I heard her burst into tears. Thunder clapped outside and I heard it start raining.
“God, Brian! I hate when you say things like that! I feel like you don’t love me!”
Well, you got that right.
“Get over yourself, Zoe. I don’t have the energy to deal with you right now.”
“You don’t have the energy? I’M PREGNANT, BRIAN!”
“I know.”
“Then you should be nice to me! God, I just…I don’t understand why everyone has to be so mean!”
“Uh, maybe because you’re kind of a bitch?”
Zoe seized the jar of peanut butter off of the counter and tossed it in my general direction. It missed me by several feet, and I started laughing. “Wow, that was pathetic.”
“Shut up!” she screamed. “Just shut up! Fuck! I wish I could kick you like I kicked that stupid bitch! I’d kick you so hard your ribs would BREAK and not just bruise and then I’d kick your heart and you’d be dead, DEAD! AND THEN YOU’D FEEL BAD FOR BEING MEAN TO ME!”
“You’re the reason Korinne has bruised ribs?!”
“WELL WHO THE HELL ELSE DO YOU THINK IT WAS, THE BRUISED RIB FAIRY?”
“Get out,” I said lowly.
“No! I’m going to stay here as long as I damn well please!”
“Get the fuck out of my house, Zoe,” I said, imbuing my voice with enough hatred to make a little girl cry.
“I don’t like the way you’re talking to me, Brian!”
“THEN GET OUT!” I bellowed. I gestured to the door. “The door’s still unlocked! Or do you need an instruction manual to operate it?”
Screeching, she stormed over to the door and threw it open.
“Fuck you!” she yelled, slamming the door behind her.
“Good fucking riddance,” I yelled back.
I locked the door, fuming, and went back into the kitchen to retrieve my food. Not even a minute later, there was the sound of someone pounding frantically on the door, accompanied by Zoe’s apologetic voice.
“I’M SORRY, BRIAN! I’M SO SORRY! PLEASE LET ME BACK IN!”
“I wouldn’t let you back in even if the world was coming to an end,” I muttered to myself.
Thunder suddenly clapped again, and just as suddenly, I realized that I wasn’t hungry anymore. The argument had left a bitter taste in my mouth, my headache had worsened to the point where I thought that at any moment the walls would be painted with the remains of my exploded brain, and I just needed to sit somewhere and relax. I ditched the baked ziti and headed outside.
Rain soaked through my clothes almost immediately, but instead of being uncomfortable, it was somewhat relaxing. I kept walking until I was in the middle of the beach, and then I sat down. My mind was a mess of thoughts about recent events, and one of those thoughts involved whether or not it was wise to be sitting outside during a thunderstorm, but then I remembered from the weather forecast that it wasn’t supposed to be a severe thunderstorm, so I figured I was okay.
So I tilted my head up to the sky, let the rain pelt my face, and lost myself in the flood of thoughts inside my mind.
+++
4:20 P.M.
Korinne;;
“I’m not going to watch a movie with you guys if all you’re going to do is sit there and make out the entire time.”
Elias and Maddie separated themselves from each other, giving me apologetic smiles.
“Sorry.”
“Yeah, sorry.”
I adjusted the ice that I was holding to my side, and, for the billionth time today, took a breath and hoped it wouldn’t hurt. “It’s fine,” I said. Ouch. Damn it!
“Do you need more ice?” Elias asked, noticing my pained expression.
“No. I just need to stop breathing, that’s all,” I said miserably. “I think I’m just going to go lie down.”
“Are you sure? We’ll stop making you uncomfortable, I promise,” Maddie said.
“Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks though.”
I took my ice and went upstairs. Once I left the warm confines of the living room, the rest of the house seemed cold and unforgiving, and it made me feel lonely. I wanted to go back downstairs, and I knew Elias and Maddie would have welcomed me, but I felt as if I was intruding on their happiness, somehow. Like my mere existence was enough to destroy their bubble of perfection. Sighing and wincing, I walked along the familiar path to my room. I put the light on and woke up my computer to get some music playing. Then I gently laid down on my bed, wishing that I had something more interesting to do than listen to music and watch the rain falling outside.
I was feeling better, despite the whole ‘it hurt to breathe’ thing. At least, better than I’d been feeling yesterday. It felt like it, anyway. When I’d tried to go to bed yesterday, I’d simply started crying because my ribs hurt so badly. Today, though, I could at least lay down without bursting into tears. The pain was, of course, still there, but it wasn’t as severe.
Or maybe you’re just convincing yourself of that so you won’t feel as shitty.
That’s a definite possibility.
Stevie had made me tell her how I’d gotten hurt, and she’d threatened to report Zoe to the appropriate school officials, but I hadn’t wanted to make that big of a deal out of it. I felt pathetic enough as it was; I didn’t need to school treating me like the victim of a bully. Instead, I’d told Mrs. Robertson that Zoe had arrived late and left our detention early, and I was pretty sure she’d be getting her punishment for disobeying orders sometime soon. I’d expected to feel amazing after getting back at Zoe, but I just felt sick, and a bit dizzy. I wondered if I’d develop some sort of respiratory problem from not being able to breathe properly. Maybe then I could sue Zoe for almost killing me.
Yeah, and maybe rainbow cows will start falling from the sky!
I rolled my eyes and decided to stop living in my dream world. It was almost the weekend, but I still needed to do my homework. I sat up, wincing as my ribs decided to be painful again, and started searching for my history book. It took me a minute or two to realize that it was nowhere to be seen.
“Shit.”
I checked all the usual places I put my books, finding nothing. All my other textbooks stared back at me, but my history book seemed to have grown legs and ran away. I mentally cursed it to the fiery bowels of hell and went downstairs to look. In the living room, the TV was displaying some sort of warning about the thunderstorm, which had apparently become severe. Elias and Maddie were ignoring this and were fully horizontal on the couch, kissing like the world was coming to an end or something. I thoroughly searched the main level of the house—with no success—before returning to the living room.
I cleared my throat. “Have either of you seen my history book?”
There was no response except a badly stifled moan. Rolling my eyes, I seized a pillow off of a nearby chair and tossed it at Elias’s head. He glanced over his shoulder at me, looking dazed.
“What?”
“Have you seen my history book?”
“Nope.”
“It’s a U.S. History book, right?” Maddie asked.
“Yeah.”
“Weren’t you studying outside on Tuesday? Maybe you left it on the beach.”
“Shit!”
Frantically, I found some shoes to put on and went over to the hall closet to grab an umbrella. I knew the book was probably sopping wet by now, and that I’d have to get a new one, but the possibility of it somehow being dry propelled me outside into the downpour. There was a clap of thunder so loud I felt the rumble throughout my entire body. Wet sand squished between my toes as I walked—flip flops probably hadn’t been the best idea, now that I thought about it—and even though I had an umbrella, the rain was still finding ways to reach my skin. I did a quick check of the area around the back of the house before venturing forward, and that was when I saw it—a figure sitting in the middle of the sand, staring off into space.
I squinted hard, trying to see if it was a serial killer or not, and a second later, I recognized the figure as Brian. What the hell is he doing?! I hurried over and nudged him with my foot. He was soaked, his hair plastered to his face; his clothes plastered tantalizingly to his body. He didn’t move.
“Brian?”
He simply sat there, staring.
Shit, he’s not responding.
Maybe he’s a robot.
Okay, that is about the LEAST helpful thing you could possibly say right now.
I dropped down onto my knees and gave his shoulder a push. “Brian! There’s a severe thunderstorm going on! What the hell are you doing?!”
Jesus Christ. I snapped me fingers in front of his face several times and even lightly slapped him on the cheek, and when I was about to start screaming at him, he turned towards me suddenly.
“Korinne?”
“Thank God!” I exclaimed. Lighting flashed somewhere in the distance. “What’s wrong with you?!”
He looked at me for a long, long moment, and before I could ask him once again what was wrong, he grabbed me around the waist. The umbrella fell from my hands as I fell on top of him, and as the rain began soaking through my clothes, his mouth lowered onto mine.
I was frozen for perhaps half a second before I kissed back, throwing my arms around his neck like he was life raft helping me float above the surface of the ocean. His lips were cold and yet somehow they warmed me, somehow they made all of my muscles melt into warm butter. My lungs seemed to shrink and hold less oxygen, and the strong grip of his arms holding me tight really hurt my ribs, but I didn’t care. Nothing in the world felt as right, as natural, as kissing him did and I couldn’t think of a better feeling. I didn’t think one existed. All that existed to me was the feel of Brian’s arms around mine and the feverish passion of our kiss.
Suddenly, there was a bone-rattling clap of thunder, and a flash of lightning from somewhere dangerously nearby. The shock made us break apart, and we simply sat there for a few seconds, staring silently at each other. Then there was some more thunder, and the crashing rumble of it was enough to bring me back to my senses.
“Oh my God.”
“What? Are you okay? Did you—shit, did the lightning hit you?”
“No, I’m fine, I just—”
I couldn’t think straight. A traffic jam of thoughts—he has a girlfriend you just broke up with jimmy his girlfriend is pregnant you don’t need to be in love with anyone right now—had formed in my mind. My legs felt like cooked spaghetti, but I got to my feet as quickly as I could.
“Where—”
“I’m sorry…I—I have to go.”
I grabbed my umbrella and ran. I ignored his voice shouting something behind me, ignored the feeling in every fiber of my being that was yearning to be in his arms again, and dashed inside my house. I dropped the umbrella and slid down to rest against the door. My heart was pounding, my ribs were aching, and I was trembling all over. And I was more overwhelmed than I’d ever been in my entire life.
Brian;;
Matt’s car felt like a prison. My mom’s car engine had exploded or something like that, so she’d taken it to the shop and borrowed my car to get to work. It was a minor inconvenience, but one that had been easily resolved. I’d managed to get a ride from Matt, and now me, him and Zacky were on the way to school—well, they were on their way to school. I was on my way to find Jimmy and rip him into tiny pieces.
After I’d told Zacky my suspicions, he’d convinced me to at least wait a day before confronting Jimmy. I had a feeling that he didn’t believe me, that he thought I was simply still mad at Jimmy for dating Korinne and wanted an excuse to beat him up again. I knew he had a point. Somewhere deep down inside I knew that Jimmy wasn’t violent unless provoked, but that knowledge didn’t stop me from being angry at the possibility of him hurting Korinne. I was stuck in an endless cycle of trying to calm myself down and trying to control my rage. And the sound Zacky was making as he annoyingly attempted to consume the remains of his frappuccino, completely drowning out the sound of the Metallica CD we were listening to, definitely wasn’t helping.
The noise seemed to be bothering Matt, too.
“Zacky,” he said sharply. “Shut the fuck up.”
“I wasn’t even talking! I’m just trying to finish my math homework!” He held up a mangled sheet of notebook paper and his pre-calculus textbook as evidence. Then he went back to sucking on the straw of his drink.
“When you asked if we could stop at Starbucks, I thought you wanted coffee. Not some pansy-ass fucking frappuccino.”
“Frappuccinos are the fuckin’ shit, man.”
“Don’t spill any in my car.”
“I’ll do my best,” Zacky said, rolling his eyes. There was yet another loud slurping noise, and then he turned to look at me. “How do you find the domain of a function again?”
“Dude, how the fuck did you pass Algebra 2?” Matt asked, laughing.
“No idea.”
I shook my head and looked out the window, wishing that their conversation was enough to distract me from the tidal wave of anger swelling inside my body. It felt like there was a herd of enraged bulls galloping around inside my torso, and that as soon as I stepped out of the car, they would burst out of my chest and trample Jimmy’s face. And as nice as that little scenario sounded, I didn’t particularly want to get in trouble for fighting on school grounds. I drummed my fingers against my leg, hoping to dispel some of my disquiet, and closed my eyes in an attempt to meditate as Zacky tried audibly to recall the steps for dividing fractions.
When the car slowed to a stop a few minutes later, my eyes flew open, and I immediately began scanning the school parking lot for signs of Jimmy. I felt like somewhat of an assassin. I imagined crouching down on the roof, searching him out and targeting him with some fancy gun, and taking him down before anyone would know what had happened. The undiluted violence of my thoughts scared me a little bit, so I refocused on my current surroundings.
“Do not leave that cup in my car, Zacky,” Matt warned.
“Okay.” Zacky rolled down his window and placed the now-empty Starbucks cup on the roof of the car.
Matt chuckled, muttering a few swear words, and began to collect his backpack and textbooks from the front seat. I followed suit, mindlessly slipping my backpack over my shoulder as my eyes continued to dart around the parking lot. A second later, I spotted Jimmy strolling past a car full of cheerleaders. The sight of him made me feel like slaughtering small animals.
“There’s the fucker,” I growled. Fuck the school rules, I’m going to kill him. I grabbed for the door handle and pulled, but it didn’t budge. I glared at Matt.
“Unlock the damn door!”
“Nope. Not until you think logically for another minute or two. I know how you get when you’re angry, Brian. Just try and calm down.”
“I’ll calm down when I’m dead! Just unlock the fucking door!” I shouted, pulling viciously at the handle.
“There’s a reason it’s called a child lock, Brian,” Zacky said, his voice irritatingly calm.
“Fuck you! I’m not being a child!”
“Um, yes, you kind of are.”
“I swear to God, if you don’t unlock the door right now, I’ll break the window and climb out!”
Matt instantly unlocked the door, probably fearing for the safety of his precious car. I threw the door open, ignoring Zacky’s protests behind me and stormed after Jimmy. I shoved person after person out of my way and reached him in seconds, snatching the strap of his backpack and yanking him backwards.
“What the—”
Before he could say anything else, I swung him around into the side of the nearest car and grabbed the collar of his shirt.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER?!”
His eyes widened in confusion. “Dude, what are you talking about—”
“YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, JAMES!”
“No, actually, I don’t—”
“WHERE’D SHE GET BRUISED RIBS, THEN?!”
He frowned. “Wait, are you talking about Korinne?”
“No, I’m talking about Whitney Houston,” I spat, rolling my eyes. “YES, I’M TALKING ABOUT KORINNE!”
He pushed me away, hard, his eyes blazing. “You’re sick, Brian. I didn’t touch her.”
“Oh, right, of course you didn’t—”
“You really think I would hurt her like that?!”
“I don’t know what to think anymore, Jimmy!”
He gave me a look of utmost hatred. “I would never do anything to hurt her.”
I studied him closely, even though it wasn’t necessary. I knew him well enough to know that he was telling the truth.
“Never,” he continued. “Even if we did break up.”
“What?”
“Don’t make me repeat it,” he said miserably.
“You—-you guys broke up?”
“Yeah.”
“When?”
“About a week ago.”
I felt like I needed to sit down. Instead I leaned against the nearest car, trying to process everything. “Is that why she was in such a bad mood yesterday?
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I know she also had to serve detention with Zoe yesterday morning, so maybe—”
“Wait, what?! Since when did she get detention with Zoe?”
“Apparently, they got into a shouting match in the middle of Web Design, and the teacher gave them detention. Korinne was pissed—you know how she is, all worried about college and shit.” Jimmy sighed. “That’s, uh, kind of why we broke up, actually.”
“What do you mean?”
“It seemed to me like she was more angry about having detention with Zoe than just having detention at all. And I’m not stupid, I can put two and two together.”
“I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Brian,” he said. “She obviously still has feelings for you.”
“Where the hell did you get that idea?”
“She hates Zoe.”
“Yeah, well, so does about half the school—”
“But I’ve never seen her as angry as she was when she was telling me what happened. It was just…painfully obvious. And as much as I liked her, I didn’t want to waste my time anymore.” Jimmy readjusted his backpack. “There’s no point in wasting time being with the wrong person,” he said.
With that, he turned and walked off toward the school, leaving me with a hell of a lot to think about.
+++
4:12 P.M.
The fact that it was supposed to rain later this evening seemed to make perfect sense. It usually rained when I was in a bad mood, or when I was having a bad day. Sometimes it rained before I had a bad day, like the world was determined to make me miserable. And the sucky thing was that I liked rain, as long as it didn’t decide to drop from the sky on days like these. After my extremely confusing confrontation with Jimmy in the parking lot, I’d failed a quiz in Government, discovered that we’d had homework in Microbiology, and nearly decapitated myself with some sort of weight-lifting machine in Personal Fitness. Then they’d run out of fries at lunch. So, by the time I got home, I was not happy, I had a killer headache, and all I wanted to do was collapse onto the couch and eat until I fell asleep.
But when I walked into the living room, dumping my backpack onto the floor, I saw that the couch was already occupied. Zoe was sitting there looking unhappy, and it took all the energy I had left to keep from simply fleeing the room.
“What do you want, Zoe?” I asked irritably. “And how the hell did you get in here?”
“Your front door was unlocked.”
“Oh.”
She stood up and walked over, taking my hands in hers.
“You look stressed,” she said concernedly.
“I’m hungry.” I pulled away from her and went into the kitchen. Annoyingly, she followed me.
“Why are you here?”
“I thought you’d be happy to see me.”
I snorted and quickly turned it into a cough. “I’ve just had a really bad day, that’s all,” I said, going to investigate the contents of the refrigerator. “Jesus, I’m fucking starving.”
“Well, I was hoping I could talk to you.”
“Knock yourself out.” Literally, if you don’t mind.
Zoe settled into a chair at the table. “So, I had detention yesterday.”
“Congrats. Would you like a gold medal?”
“There’s no need to be so nasty, Brian.”
I straightened up, holding a container of leftover baked ziti.
“What do you want me to say?” I snapped. I got myself a plate and scooped out of portion of the pasta, trying not to think about how satisfying it’d be to throw the open container at Zoe’s face. “I don’t really care, Zoe.”
“How can you not care?!” she shrieked. “I’m your girlfriend! I’m having your baby!”
“That doesn’t mean I’m obligated to make you feel better about a punishment you probably deserved.”
“It wasn’t my fault! That dumb bitchy ex-girlfriend of yours told the teacher I was being mean to her!”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, sure. Whatever.”
“I’m not lying!” she said viciously. “The little bitch wouldn’t stop teasing me and when I told the teacher she interrupted and made it sound like I’d been doing the teasing! You need to talk to her, Brian! Tell her to be nice to me!”
“Excuse me?”
“You need to control her! I’m your girlfriend now, and no matter how jealous she might be, she needs to treat me with respect!”
“I can’t control her, Zoe. It’s a free country—she can treat you however the hell she wants! Stop expecting everyone to bow down and kiss your feet.” Angrily, I shoved my plate into the microwave and set it to cook for two minutes.
Zoe was silent for a few seconds before I heard her burst into tears. Thunder clapped outside and I heard it start raining.
“God, Brian! I hate when you say things like that! I feel like you don’t love me!”
Well, you got that right.
“Get over yourself, Zoe. I don’t have the energy to deal with you right now.”
“You don’t have the energy? I’M PREGNANT, BRIAN!”
“I know.”
“Then you should be nice to me! God, I just…I don’t understand why everyone has to be so mean!”
“Uh, maybe because you’re kind of a bitch?”
Zoe seized the jar of peanut butter off of the counter and tossed it in my general direction. It missed me by several feet, and I started laughing. “Wow, that was pathetic.”
“Shut up!” she screamed. “Just shut up! Fuck! I wish I could kick you like I kicked that stupid bitch! I’d kick you so hard your ribs would BREAK and not just bruise and then I’d kick your heart and you’d be dead, DEAD! AND THEN YOU’D FEEL BAD FOR BEING MEAN TO ME!”
“You’re the reason Korinne has bruised ribs?!”
“WELL WHO THE HELL ELSE DO YOU THINK IT WAS, THE BRUISED RIB FAIRY?”
“Get out,” I said lowly.
“No! I’m going to stay here as long as I damn well please!”
“Get the fuck out of my house, Zoe,” I said, imbuing my voice with enough hatred to make a little girl cry.
“I don’t like the way you’re talking to me, Brian!”
“THEN GET OUT!” I bellowed. I gestured to the door. “The door’s still unlocked! Or do you need an instruction manual to operate it?”
Screeching, she stormed over to the door and threw it open.
“Fuck you!” she yelled, slamming the door behind her.
“Good fucking riddance,” I yelled back.
I locked the door, fuming, and went back into the kitchen to retrieve my food. Not even a minute later, there was the sound of someone pounding frantically on the door, accompanied by Zoe’s apologetic voice.
“I’M SORRY, BRIAN! I’M SO SORRY! PLEASE LET ME BACK IN!”
“I wouldn’t let you back in even if the world was coming to an end,” I muttered to myself.
Thunder suddenly clapped again, and just as suddenly, I realized that I wasn’t hungry anymore. The argument had left a bitter taste in my mouth, my headache had worsened to the point where I thought that at any moment the walls would be painted with the remains of my exploded brain, and I just needed to sit somewhere and relax. I ditched the baked ziti and headed outside.
Rain soaked through my clothes almost immediately, but instead of being uncomfortable, it was somewhat relaxing. I kept walking until I was in the middle of the beach, and then I sat down. My mind was a mess of thoughts about recent events, and one of those thoughts involved whether or not it was wise to be sitting outside during a thunderstorm, but then I remembered from the weather forecast that it wasn’t supposed to be a severe thunderstorm, so I figured I was okay.
So I tilted my head up to the sky, let the rain pelt my face, and lost myself in the flood of thoughts inside my mind.
+++
4:20 P.M.
Korinne;;
“I’m not going to watch a movie with you guys if all you’re going to do is sit there and make out the entire time.”
Elias and Maddie separated themselves from each other, giving me apologetic smiles.
“Sorry.”
“Yeah, sorry.”
I adjusted the ice that I was holding to my side, and, for the billionth time today, took a breath and hoped it wouldn’t hurt. “It’s fine,” I said. Ouch. Damn it!
“Do you need more ice?” Elias asked, noticing my pained expression.
“No. I just need to stop breathing, that’s all,” I said miserably. “I think I’m just going to go lie down.”
“Are you sure? We’ll stop making you uncomfortable, I promise,” Maddie said.
“Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks though.”
I took my ice and went upstairs. Once I left the warm confines of the living room, the rest of the house seemed cold and unforgiving, and it made me feel lonely. I wanted to go back downstairs, and I knew Elias and Maddie would have welcomed me, but I felt as if I was intruding on their happiness, somehow. Like my mere existence was enough to destroy their bubble of perfection. Sighing and wincing, I walked along the familiar path to my room. I put the light on and woke up my computer to get some music playing. Then I gently laid down on my bed, wishing that I had something more interesting to do than listen to music and watch the rain falling outside.
I was feeling better, despite the whole ‘it hurt to breathe’ thing. At least, better than I’d been feeling yesterday. It felt like it, anyway. When I’d tried to go to bed yesterday, I’d simply started crying because my ribs hurt so badly. Today, though, I could at least lay down without bursting into tears. The pain was, of course, still there, but it wasn’t as severe.
Or maybe you’re just convincing yourself of that so you won’t feel as shitty.
That’s a definite possibility.
Stevie had made me tell her how I’d gotten hurt, and she’d threatened to report Zoe to the appropriate school officials, but I hadn’t wanted to make that big of a deal out of it. I felt pathetic enough as it was; I didn’t need to school treating me like the victim of a bully. Instead, I’d told Mrs. Robertson that Zoe had arrived late and left our detention early, and I was pretty sure she’d be getting her punishment for disobeying orders sometime soon. I’d expected to feel amazing after getting back at Zoe, but I just felt sick, and a bit dizzy. I wondered if I’d develop some sort of respiratory problem from not being able to breathe properly. Maybe then I could sue Zoe for almost killing me.
Yeah, and maybe rainbow cows will start falling from the sky!
I rolled my eyes and decided to stop living in my dream world. It was almost the weekend, but I still needed to do my homework. I sat up, wincing as my ribs decided to be painful again, and started searching for my history book. It took me a minute or two to realize that it was nowhere to be seen.
“Shit.”
I checked all the usual places I put my books, finding nothing. All my other textbooks stared back at me, but my history book seemed to have grown legs and ran away. I mentally cursed it to the fiery bowels of hell and went downstairs to look. In the living room, the TV was displaying some sort of warning about the thunderstorm, which had apparently become severe. Elias and Maddie were ignoring this and were fully horizontal on the couch, kissing like the world was coming to an end or something. I thoroughly searched the main level of the house—with no success—before returning to the living room.
I cleared my throat. “Have either of you seen my history book?”
There was no response except a badly stifled moan. Rolling my eyes, I seized a pillow off of a nearby chair and tossed it at Elias’s head. He glanced over his shoulder at me, looking dazed.
“What?”
“Have you seen my history book?”
“Nope.”
“It’s a U.S. History book, right?” Maddie asked.
“Yeah.”
“Weren’t you studying outside on Tuesday? Maybe you left it on the beach.”
“Shit!”
Frantically, I found some shoes to put on and went over to the hall closet to grab an umbrella. I knew the book was probably sopping wet by now, and that I’d have to get a new one, but the possibility of it somehow being dry propelled me outside into the downpour. There was a clap of thunder so loud I felt the rumble throughout my entire body. Wet sand squished between my toes as I walked—flip flops probably hadn’t been the best idea, now that I thought about it—and even though I had an umbrella, the rain was still finding ways to reach my skin. I did a quick check of the area around the back of the house before venturing forward, and that was when I saw it—a figure sitting in the middle of the sand, staring off into space.
I squinted hard, trying to see if it was a serial killer or not, and a second later, I recognized the figure as Brian. What the hell is he doing?! I hurried over and nudged him with my foot. He was soaked, his hair plastered to his face; his clothes plastered tantalizingly to his body. He didn’t move.
“Brian?”
He simply sat there, staring.
Shit, he’s not responding.
Maybe he’s a robot.
Okay, that is about the LEAST helpful thing you could possibly say right now.
I dropped down onto my knees and gave his shoulder a push. “Brian! There’s a severe thunderstorm going on! What the hell are you doing?!”
Jesus Christ. I snapped me fingers in front of his face several times and even lightly slapped him on the cheek, and when I was about to start screaming at him, he turned towards me suddenly.
“Korinne?”
“Thank God!” I exclaimed. Lighting flashed somewhere in the distance. “What’s wrong with you?!”
He looked at me for a long, long moment, and before I could ask him once again what was wrong, he grabbed me around the waist. The umbrella fell from my hands as I fell on top of him, and as the rain began soaking through my clothes, his mouth lowered onto mine.
I was frozen for perhaps half a second before I kissed back, throwing my arms around his neck like he was life raft helping me float above the surface of the ocean. His lips were cold and yet somehow they warmed me, somehow they made all of my muscles melt into warm butter. My lungs seemed to shrink and hold less oxygen, and the strong grip of his arms holding me tight really hurt my ribs, but I didn’t care. Nothing in the world felt as right, as natural, as kissing him did and I couldn’t think of a better feeling. I didn’t think one existed. All that existed to me was the feel of Brian’s arms around mine and the feverish passion of our kiss.
Suddenly, there was a bone-rattling clap of thunder, and a flash of lightning from somewhere dangerously nearby. The shock made us break apart, and we simply sat there for a few seconds, staring silently at each other. Then there was some more thunder, and the crashing rumble of it was enough to bring me back to my senses.
“Oh my God.”
“What? Are you okay? Did you—shit, did the lightning hit you?”
“No, I’m fine, I just—”
I couldn’t think straight. A traffic jam of thoughts—he has a girlfriend you just broke up with jimmy his girlfriend is pregnant you don’t need to be in love with anyone right now—had formed in my mind. My legs felt like cooked spaghetti, but I got to my feet as quickly as I could.
“Where—”
“I’m sorry…I—I have to go.”
I grabbed my umbrella and ran. I ignored his voice shouting something behind me, ignored the feeling in every fiber of my being that was yearning to be in his arms again, and dashed inside my house. I dropped the umbrella and slid down to rest against the door. My heart was pounding, my ribs were aching, and I was trembling all over. And I was more overwhelmed than I’d ever been in my entire life.