Bite Your Tongue

11:12 A.M.
Brian;;

“Dude, seriously. I don’t know how you put up with Stevie on a regular basis,” Zacky said. He looked disdainfully at the paper in his hand, on which Stevie had written a list of things she expected to be accomplished before tonight—the Sunday Night Movie Tradition she’d so spontaneously reinstated. “No offense, but the girl’s a bit of a lunatic.”

Matt laughed, continuing his struggle to wrestle a vacuum from the depth’s of Zacky’s hall closet. “She just thinks we all need a bit of fun before going back to school tomorrow.”

“Well, I agree, but…fuck, I’m not the one who stormed into someone else’s house and gave them chores. On the last day of Winter Break, no less.”

“I don’t think that list qualifies as ‘chores’,” I said. “I think it’s more of a guideline as to how we can avoid being crushed by falling piles of crap.”

Zacky gave me a look that carried poison and dropped his eyes once more to the list.

“Jesus. I don’t see why we have to have the stupid movie thing here, anyway. Everyone knows I don’t clean when my parents aren’t home.”

This was true. Zacky refused to even take out the trash when his parents were away, claiming that he was entitled to a little bit of laziness every now and then. But every time, his thinking came back to bite him in the ass, because once his parents returned, he would be grounded until the house was returned to its former state. He technically wasn’t even supposed to have any friends over until one could walk through the house without tripping over an empty pizza box or a crushed can of Red Bull or any other Zacky-related debris, but Stevie had begged and pleaded with his mom until it was agreed that we could watch movies here as long as Zacky cleaned the house beforehand. Zacky, obviously, was not pleased with the situation.

“Your house is in the middle of everyone else’s, “ Matt pointed out. He finally managed to free the vacuum and began unwrapping the power cord. “It takes everyone less time to get here than it does for everyone to get to say, Jimmy’s.”

“So? Since when does anyone care about paying a little extra for gas?”

“Your house is the most comfortable, too.”

“Jimmy’s living room is at least twice the size of mine!”

“Just accept it, Zacky. You have cleaning to do.”

“This isn’t fair. The girls get to go food shopping, you guys get to sit around and do nothing, and I have to clean.“ Grumbling, Zacky tossed the list to the ground. “Both of you can suck my dick,” he said, snatching the vacuum out of Matt’s hands.

Soft footsteps sounded on the stairs. A moment later, Zacky’s mom appeared, looking displeased.

“Don’t let me hear you using that kind of language again,” she warned.

“I won’t.” He waited until she’d moved toward the kitchen. “Let you hear,” he added in an undertone.

He stared at the vacuum, perplexed, for a moment.

“See, this is why I don’t clean. I don’t even know what the hell to do with this.”

“Zachary,” his mom said sharply, poking her head around the corner. “I know I raised you with the knowledge of how to operate a vacuum.”

Zacky rolled his eyes and mumbled a few unpleasant things.

“Right, well, you have fun with that.” I got up from my perch on the couch, stepping over a few empty pizza boxes. “I need to call home and check on Victoria.”

“Go ahead. I’ll make sure Zacky doesn’t try to strangle himself with the vacuum cord,” Matt said reassuringly.

I let out a soft chuckle and made my way into the quiet of another hallway. It had taken several hours to convince myself that it was okay to leave Victoria for a day. Even though my mom had randomly decided to be an angel and practically forced me to leave the house and have some fun, I still felt guilty about leaving my possible daughter. Even if she didn’t turn out to be mine, I still didn’t want to be responsible for giving her trust issues or anything. So I’d been calling home every half hour, just to make sure she was okay. Also, no matter how hard I tried not to think about it, I was anxious for the results of the paternity test to arrive. It had been over a week since Zoe had reluctantly taken Victoria to get blood drawn. I’d paid extra for the results to be delivered as fast as possible, and by this point I was seriously considering a murderous rampage throughout the hospital to find the damn results myself. How hard was it to test some DNA and send out the fucking results?

Closing my eyes, I took a few deep, calming breaths, and reached for my cell phone. I quickly dialed my home number and leaned against the wall, waiting for someone to pick up. One ring had barely trilled into my ear before my mom answered.

“Brian?”

“Yeah. How’s Victoria?” I asked, anticipating the same answer I’d been receiving for the past hour.

“She’s fine. I put her down for a nap about ten minutes ago.”

“Okay. So—”

An obnoxious wailing noise interrupted me. It rose to a loud, annoying peak, and declined in volume, regressing to a hiccuping sound.

“Oh, hush, will you?” my mom said.

“What is that?”

“Zoe. She dropped by a while ago to visit Victoria.”

“Why’s she making that noise?”

“She volunteered to get the mail, and was, um, very displeased with the contents of one particular letter.”

“…Are you talking about what I think you’re talking about?”

I could hear the smile in my mom’s voice as she answered. “Well, if you think I’m talking about the results of the paternity test, then yes.”

My heart lurched violently, hopefully inside my chest. “The results arrived?”

“Yes.”

“…And?”

There was a faint crinkling sound. She cleared her throat.

“Mom! You don’t have to read me the entire medical report! Just tell me what the hell the letter says!”

“All right, fine,” she said with a laugh. “You’ll be pleased to know that Victoria is not your baby.”

There was another anguished wailing noise, but to me, it was barely audible. Someone was rejoicing in a particularly loud series of shouts that echoed throughout the relatively quiet house, and it took several seconds for my brain to tell me that I was making those sounds. My body seemed to move of its own accord, jumping and flailing all up and down the hallway, narrowly avoiding injury. I was ecstatic; a man possessed. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so happy, and although the feeling was foreign, it was really fucking welcome.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing out there?” Matt called.

I ran back to where Matt and Zacky were—Zacky was still trying to figure out what to do with the vacuum—and jumped into the air, clicking my heels. This resulted in me almost falling and busting my ass, but I laughed it off, too delighted to care.

“Did he just click his fucking heels?” Zacky wondered, laughing incredulously.

“YES, I DID! I DID JUST CLICK MY FUCKING HEELS! AND YOU KNOW WHY?”

“Because you’ve lost your mind?”

“THE TEST RESULTS ARE BACK!” I shouted. “VICTORIA’S NOT MY BABY!”

Instantly, we were all yelling; Zacky’s frustration with cleaning forgotten as he joined me in obnoxious, celebratory noises. I felt like the world had brightened, like all of the misery Zoe had put me through was erased by the fact that I didn’t have any obligations to her anymore. I could live my life. I could live it the way I wanted to, without regard for Zoe or any of her craziness. I didn’t have to force myself to be with someone I hated. I could actually be happy for once, and this realization was almost too much to handle.

After a minute or two, my mom’s voice in my ear reminded me that I was still holding the phone.

“Brian? Are you still there? Or have you left us for the Land of Loud Noises?”

“I’m here, I’m here,” I replied, grinning.

“What should I do with Zoe?”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s curled up in a ball in the middle of the living room. What should I do with her?”

I stifled a laugh. “Let me talk to her.”

“…As you wish.”

There was a pause, and then my ears were met the with sound of Zoe sniffling.

“Brian? Oh my God, please, I love you! Don’t be mad at me! We can make it work, I promise! I love you, please, just—”

I started laughing hysterically.

“Why are you laughing at me?! I LOVE YOU! Please, just stay—”

“Go fuck yourself, you stupid whore,” I said, and eagerly went back to celebrating.

+++

4:35 P.M.
Korinne;;

The suspense was killing me. As I stood in front of the microwave, preparing bag after bag of popcorn, I tried not to dwell on the bundle of nerves that had been nestled in my stomach for the past few days. Maddie had told me Brian’s reaction to the truth, that he’d forced Zoe to go and find out whether or not Victoria was really his. And ever since then, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. I kept replaying the memory of discovering that Zoe was just as filthy of a slut as I’d always thought she was, but it didn’t make me feel any better. The perpetual cynic in my soul had somehow convinced me that the baby was Brian’s anyway. That I’d never get a real chance of happiness with him. And that fear was almost impossible to shake off.

“I think we have enough popcorn, Korinne,” Elias said suddenly from behind me. “We only need enough for ten people, not three hundred.”

“Well, I don’t know how much popcorn you and Maddie eat. And Stevie told me to make a lot.”

Elias rolled his eyes. “If Stevie told you to jump off of a bridge, would you do it?”

At this particular moment in time? Probably.

I gave Elias a look, telling him that he wasn’t helping, and focused on the sound of kernels popping to keep my mind off of things. I didn’t want to think about why the results of the test were taking so long, or about how pathetic I was for expecting Brian to immediately inform me of the results. I didn’t want to think that maybe he already knew if he was really a father or not and had just decided not to tell me for whatever reason. I didn’t want to think about that reason being that he didn’t want me anymore, or—

“That was Zacky on the phone,” announced Delia, walking into the room. She tucked her cell phone into the front pocket of her jeans and let her hip rest against the counter next to the microwave. “He said that he and Matt and Brian will be back from their beer run soon, and that he thinks Jimmy and Johnny should be getting their asses over here sometime soon. Oh, and Stevie called from the video store to say that she’ll be back soon, too, and she wants us to make sure the DVD player’s ready so we can start at five o’ clock sharp.”

“Okay. What should I do with all the popcorn once it’s ready?”

“I don’t know. Put it in a giant bowl, I guess.“

Delia went to the refrigerator and was retrieving a carton of orange juice when the doorbell rang. Elias announced that he would get it and headed for the foyer as I searched for a bowl. The voices of Jimmy and Johnny soon permeated the relatively quiet house.

“Dude, you should have been there, it was fuckin’ hilarious—”

“It wasn’t funny, Jimmy.”

A moment later, they appeared in the kitchen—Jimmy, as his usual tall, mischievous self, and Johnny, who looked, if possible, worse than he had the last time I’d seen him. Johnny immediately took a seat at the table and put his head in his hands. Jimmy, on the other hand, loitered in the doorway, laughing. Elias walked past the kitchen, shouting that he was going to go tear Maddie away from the celebrity news shows.

“What happened?” Delia asked Jimmy.

“I went to Johnny’s on the way here, so I could pick him up, and when I get to his house, Zoe’s there, and the girl was flipping out. She was screaming and crying and threatening Johnny and just basically being a fuckin’ lunatic, and all of a sudden she just stops and falls to the floor and sits there. And she wouldn’t say anything anymore, she just kept staring at the wall. Johnny’s mom had to call an ambulance to come get her, she was so worried.”

I rolled my eyes, my hands finally closing around the edge of a bowl that seemed large enough. I took it out of the cabinet and began to fill it with the popcorn I’d made so far.

“What’s Zoe mad about this time?” I had the feeling she was just acting extra dramatic in an attempt to get Brian’s attention.

Jimmy paused his laughter for a second to look at me incredulously. “Didn’t you know?”

“Know what?”

“The baby’s not Brian’s. It’s Johnny’s. Zoe was pissed.”

The popcorn bag in my hands fell, raining kernels upon the tile like fluffy yellow raindrops. I gaped at Jimmy, not breathing.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Johnny confirmed dismally. “He called about an hour before Zoe showed up. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him so happy.”

I wasn’t sure for how much longer my legs would function, so I lowered myself to the ground and started to collect the fallen popcorn.

“That’s…that’s great,” I said. I tried to look ecstatic. Inside, however, my mind was in an uproar.

So he knew. He didn’t have to have anything to do with Zoe anymore. Why didn’t he tell me? In my pathetic, lovesick heart, I’d expected to be the first person he told. I’d expected that we’d be making up for lost time by now. It seemed like he’d informed the whole world of his newly-happy status, and I was the only one out of the loop. I was exaggerating, I knew, but I was hurt. If he hadn’t told me already, did that mean he didn’t ever plan on telling me? Did that mean that he didn’t want me anymore?

Delia joined me on the floor, helping with the popcorn cleanup. Her eyes inquired about my current emotional state, but I gave nothing in the way of the answer. I wasn’t quite sure what to feel.

“I should probably go,” Johnny said, quickly getting out of his seat. “I promised my mom a full explanation, and I have a feeling she won’t be thrilled if I wait until later.”

“You have fun with that.” Jimmy dropped into the seat Johnny had previously occupied. “So. When do the movies start?”

“At five, you idiot,” Delia said. She moved towards the trash can, and Jimmy gave her a friendly poke in the side. She slapped him on the back of the head.

“Ouch!”

“Don’t poke me.”

Distantly, I heard the sound of the front door being opened. I froze.

“We’re here!” Zacky shouted.

“And we brought alcohol!” added Matt.

Brian’s laugh hit me next. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to get off of the floor, stand up straight, and try to look like I wasn’t slowly falling to pieces on the inside.

“I’ll go make sure the DVD player is…whatever Stevie said,” I hurriedly announced. I dashed down the hall and into the living room. The couch was, unsurprisingly, occupied by a rather entertained Elias and Maddie. I rolled my eyes and poked at the DVD player a bit.

“So, where is everyone?” I heard Brian ask from the kitchen.

“Stevie must still be at the video store, or on her way here,” Delia replied. “Johnny went home to talk to his parents, I have no idea where Elias and Maddie went, but I’d bet that they’re making out somewhere, and Korinne went to go check the DVD player.”

“Oh. Okay.”

That’s IT? OKAY? Why don’t you love me anymore?! I wanted to shout.

Instead, I decided to stop being a chicken. I left the DVD player and Elias and Maddie alone and returned to the kitchen. The first thing I saw upon entering the room was Brian, six-pack of beer in hand. Etched upon his features was a carefree, joyous expression that automatically brought a smile to my face. I was happy that he was happy.

At least until he looked up and saw me, and the happiness slid right off of his face like someone had put his good mood into a barrel and shoved that barrel over the edge of a waterfall.

I quickly averted my gaze, feeling like I’d been punched in the stomach.

Well, this was going to be a fun night.

+++

It was impossible for me to concentrate on the movie. Everyone else was thoroughly engrossed in some high-adrenaline action flick I couldn’t even remember the name of. I just stared at the wall, occasionally sneaking glances at Brian to see if he was looking back. With every hopeful slight-turn of my head, I felt more and more pathetic. I wanted to talk to him, yet at the same time, I didn’t, because I didn’t know if I could handle him rejecting me again. So I sat simply in silence, trying to look interested as things exploded on the screen.

“I need more beer,” Zacky announced loudly. His announcement was accompanied by a rather disgusting burp.

“No one cares, dude,” replied Matt.

Zacky seized a handful of popcorn and threw it at Matt.

Stevie rolled her eyes. “Settle down, you two.”

“But I want a beer!”

“And I want a million dollars,” Maddie said. “But we don’t all get what we want, now do we?”

Zacky pouted. “Elias, your girlfriend’s mean.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I’ve only had one—no, wait…two…four? Yeah, four beers.”

“So you definitely don’t need any more.”

“Yes I do!”

“You’re going to be so hungover tomorrow morning.”

“I don’t care!”

“Jesus Christ.” Listening to his whining was making my mood worse. “I’ll get it. Just stop talking.”

“Thank you!”

“Could you get me some more Hot Cheetos, too?” Elias asked.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t feel like it.”

“Aw, come on—”

“Fine!” I ran my hands through my hair in an effort to calm down and refrain from screaming. “Anyone else want anything? Since apparently I’m your new waitress?”

“Uh, no. We’re good,” Stevie said, eying me with concern.

“Beer’s in the basement,” Zacky reminded me. “That fridge is colder.”

Grateful for an excuse to leave the room, I hurried away to the sound of an exceptionally noisy explosion onscreen. The basement, thankfully, was cool and quiet, devoid of any weird tension or lingering feelings or drunken whining. First, I found Elias’s damn Hot Cheetos on top of a small table, and tucked the bag under my arm. Then I took my time, walking around and looking at things, pretending to have trouble finding the freezer even though it stood clearly to the right of the stairs. But after a few minutes, I accepted the fact that I couldn’t stay down here forever, and I opened the freezer. Three six-packs of beer were arranged haphazardly on the top shelf, and residing on the bottom shelf were several mini-bottles of wine. I grabbed a beer for Zacky and was reaching toward a bottle of wine for myself when someone cleared their throat, startling me and prompting me to bump my head on the top of the freezer.

“Ouch! Shit.”

“Sorry,” Brian said. “I thought you heard me.”

I lifted my head to see him standing on the stairs, leaning on the railing and looking concernedly at me.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” I grabbed my desired wine bottle and closed the freezer door. “What do you want?”

He frowned slightly. “You’ve been down here for a while. And I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, so now you want to talk to me.”

Rolling my eyes, I started up the stairs, pushing past him.

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” I reached for the doorknob and twisted. It remained firmly shut. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What?”

Reluctantly, I turned around to face him. “It’s locked,” I said.

He tried the knob for himself and frowned again. “That’s weird.”

I stared blankly at him.

Brian gave a frustrated sigh. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re acting kind of…not like yourself.”

“Well, you haven’t exactly been Mr. Sunshine, either.”

“Korinne. What’s going on?”

“You looked at me like I was the Grim Reaper.”

“What?”

“Earlier, when I walked into the kitchen. You were all happy and whatnot and then you saw me and you looked at me like I was the Grim Reaper or something.”

His expression went from confused to uncomfortable.

“Oh,” he said.

“That’s it? Oh? So I don’t even get an explanation as to why you’re acting like an alien?”

“I’m sorry…I was just..I didn’t know what to do! And hey, I’m not the one who’s being hostile for no reason!”

“I’m not being hostile for no reason!” I tried, but I couldn’t stop the tears that sprang to my eyes. And then, to make matters worse, I started babbling. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me that Victoria’s not your baby! I mean…I thought that was the only thing keeping us apart. Unless you just don’t want me anymore. Which would really, really suck, by the way, especially after everything we’ve—”

“Korinne.”

I blinked away the wetness in my eyes. A wounded countenance had crossed his features.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I didn’t tell you because I thought that maybe you didn’t still want to be with me.”

“Why in the hell would you think something crazy like that?!”

“Because…I was a jerk, I broke up with you because of a lie Zoe told me; I know I made you miserable, I treated you like crap, and I thought you might have had enough. You must have hated me—”

“Brian. Shut up.” I dropped the Hot Cheetos and the booze, not even caring as the bottles rolled noisily down the stairs. “I could never hate you.”

And then I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his, kissing him as hard as I possibly could. The ferocity of his response—of his lips scorching mine, of his arms locking tightly around my waist—was enough to throw off my balance, and we teetered precariously on the edge of the top stair for a second. Then my back made contact with the wall, and he expressed his relief by crushing his body to mine. My nerve endings felt like they’d been set aflame, making his every touch into a completely different kind of delight. My hands grabbed at his hair; my breath came in ragged gasps. I was hopelessly adrift in his touch and his taste and his smell, and I cherished every minute.

There was suddenly knocking on the door. I glanced weakly at the knob, which was twisting back and forth but not opening.

“Ignore it,” Brian murmured, his brushing my ear.

I couldn’t protest. “Okay,” I said in breathless agreement.

I kissed him again; his tongue moved with mine, hot stabs of pleasure jabbing at my every weak point.

The knocking on the door continued. Stevie’s voice traveled through the dark wood.

“What the hell are you two doing down there?” she wondered. “And why is the door locked?”

Zacky’s voice joined hers. “Oh. I guess I accidentally locked the door.”

“Thanks, Zacky,” Brian said loudly.

“Yeah, thanks. Really.”

“You’re welcome.”

I could almost picture the smug smile on his face.

“Okay, well, we can’t just leave them there, can we? You guys are going to miss the rest of the movie—”

“Fine by me,” said Brian. He ignored Stevie, who kept talking, and looked at me closely.

“So…does this mean you want to get back together?”

“Well, duh,” I said.

I leaned forward to kiss him again, happily giving myself over to the moment.