Bite Your Tongue

12:10 P.M
Korinne;;

I resisted the urge to beat my head against my desk repeatedly as yet another idiotic troublemaker raised their hand to answer the teacher’s question. Spanish was usually my favorite class, since it came easily to me and because the teacher didn’t force anyone to speak it out loud unless they volunteered to do so. Sadly, the ones who usually volunteered had such little knowledge of the language that I was completely clueless as to why they were even allowed to move on to Spanish II.

Ms. Larson sighed as Cameron Jenkins waved his hand around wildly in the air.

“Yes, Cameron?”

“Uh, the answer to number five is el pozo, right?”

No! You dumbass.

“Cameron, what is the question asking?” Ms. Larson asked tiredly.

Cameron glanced down at his workbook. “…I don’t know…” he admitted finally.

“Next time, be sure you understand the question before you raise your hand.” Ms. Larson walked back to her desk and sat down.

“There are only a few minutes until lunch. You can start on your homework,” she said. There was a flurry of movement as some people took out sheets of paper and others simply turned to their friends and begin to talk. I just sat there. The homework would take me less than ten minutes when I got home, plus I had other things to dwell on for the moment. Like the fact that the man of my dreams was taken.

The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. But I honestly couldn’t help but imagine what Brian’s girlfriend looked like; what she had that I didn’t; if she was funny, or dumb, or anything like that. I had been trying to spot Brian with her over the past two days so I could get a clear mental image in my head of who I had to hate for the rest of eternity, even though that sounded completely stalker-like. I didn’t care. Identifying and planning on strongly despising Brian’s girlfriend had given me a purpose recently, and though I still felt like there was a black cloud constantly floating over my head wherever I went, drowning me in the downpour, at least I could shoot pretend lightning bolts at whoever this girl was.

The bell rang for lunch and I didn’t bother rushing. I hated lunch, especially since I didn’t know and didn’t care to know anyone at this school--

Except for Brian, of course. Can’t forget him.

Go fall in broken glass.

--and therefore sat alone every single day. I brought a book with me, as well as my iPod, and was easily able to drown out the noise of the cafeteria around me. No one bothered me, and I liked it that way, even if it got terribly lonely at times. Sometimes I wished I had friends; I would be looking around the room and just see a group of people sitting at a table, laughing and feel an ache in my chest because all that did was remind me that I was alone.

I eventually made it to the cafeteria and tagged on to the end of the Bakery line. I didn’t mind waiting nearly ten minutes for my food; I wouldn’t eat much of it anyway. I just didn’t get that hungry anymore.

When I finally got my food—a bottle of water and a bag of salt & vinegar chips—I paid for it and headed for my usual table in the corner by the window. What I wasn’t expecting, however, was for someone to come hurtling through the air in front of me.

“KORINNE!” the person shouted. I blinked a few times before realizing it was Zacky.

“Dude, seriously. There is no reason for three trips to the cappuccino machine each morning before first period,” Jimmy said, walking up a few feet behind Zacky.

Zacky glared at him and then turned to me.

“I didn’t know you had lunch this period! Where are you sitting?” he asked cheerfully. I pointed to the table not far away and Zacky frowned.

“You sit by yourself?” he asked. I nodded and let my gaze drop to the ground. Great, now they probably think I’m a loser.

“Well, not anymore. Come sit with us!” Jimmy said. I raised my head quickly in disbelief. I looked at both of them and was shocked to find nothing but certainty showing on their faces.

“Let’s go!” Zacky exclaimed. He seized the arm that wasn’t holding my food and book and began to steer me over to their table. Jimmy trailed behind us, walking at a slow pace that matched ours only because his legs were so long.

We reached the table within seconds, thanks to Zacky’s hyper behavior. I looked around nervously at Elias, Matt, Johnny, and three girls I didn’t recognize that were all so exceptionally pretty I felt like a wildebeest next to them.

“Hey guys! Look who I found!” Zacky shouted loudly, bringing everyone’s attention towards me. Fuck. I hate people staring at me…

Matt waved and mumbled something that could have been a greeting as he chomped his way through a sandwich. Elias paused with a Hot Cheeto halfway to his mouth and shot me a ferocious glare. I forced myself not to shudder and looked away. He was mad. I was sure of that. He probably didn’t want me to steal his friends from him, but it wasn’t like that could ever happen. Most people have no desire to become friends with me, and I wish I could have told him that. He continued to glare at me for a few more seconds before looking away and returning to his lunch. I knew he couldn’t say anything in front of his friends, and I was glad for that. I just hoped I wouldn’t be paying for it later.

“What's up, Korinne?” Johnny asked. He patted the seat next to him and I hesitated slightly. Does he seriously want me to sit by him? The question was answered for me as Jimmy pushed me forward gently in the direction of the chair. I took the seat and couldn’t help but be pleased when Jimmy sat on the other side of me. This was new; people usually didn’t like to be around people who brought them down.

“Hi, I’m Stevie,” said the girl next to Jimmy. She had honey-colored hair to her shoulders and green eyes that I regarded enviously.

“Are you new? I don’t think I’ve seen you before,” she asked. Jimmy rolled his eyes.

“She can get overly friendly, but don’t worry, you get used to it,” he muttered under his breath.

“She’s new,” Jimmy added in a louder tone. “Korinne is Elias’s sister.”

“You didn’t tell us you had a sister, Elias!” said a girl with curly black hair. Elias shrugged as the girl turned to me. “And I’m Delia, by the way.”

I smiled at her, and then my gaze fell on the other girl at the end of the table, who was half-sitting, half-standing in her seat and craning her neck to see something across the room. She had long blonde hair and a perfect body that made me want to chuck my chips into the nearest trash can and never eat again.

“Zoe! Sit your ass down and introduce yourself,” Stevie barked.

Zoe?

“Yeah, Brian’s on his way. You know he likes to take his time,” Johnny said. I looked at Zoe with a new light…a light bathed in hatred. So this was Zoe, Brian’s Zoe. I hadn’t even known the girl for five minutes, and I already wanted to shoot lasers through her vital organs.

Zoe sat back down with an annoyed sigh, but she smiled when she turned to me.

“I’m Zoe,” she said. I forced myself to smile back.

“So, Korinne…you know, it is customary for people to say something back when they meet someone new,” Delia said. She took a sip of what I guessed was carrot juice and I immediately felt like an idiot. Can I crawl into a hole and die now? I saw Elias open his mouth, most likely to say something about how I was mentally retarded or something like that, but Matt spoke first.

“Oh, Korinne doesn’t talk,” Matt said. Stevie raised her eyebrows.

“Really? Why not? Are you mute?” she asked bluntly. I shook my head.

“She just doesn’t, Stevie. Not everything has to have a reason behind it,” Jimmy said. Stevie shot him a filthy glare.

“If you don’t talk, then how do you communicate with people?” Delia asked, seeming genuinely curious.

“Only ask her things she can respond to with yes or no answers…at least, that’s what Brian said. But I expect she can write as well,” Johnny explained.

I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I saw Zoe narrow her eyes at me a little when Johnny implied that Brian somehow already knew me. Bring it, bitch.

“Do you know my boyfriend Brian, Korinne?” Zoe asked. I nodded slowly.

“Of course she does! They’re next door neighbors; duh,” Zacky said.

“I swear to god, those idiots working behind the counter in the line must have just gotten off the train from Dumbassville,” Brian said irritably as appeared by the side of the table, fries in hand. “They took forever to keep the line moving.”

Stevie rolled her eyes. “What is it with you and fries?”

Brian looked at her as if she had asked him why the grass is green. “They’re my favorite food,” he replied, simply and seriously.

“I thought you were never going to get here,” Zoe whined slightly as Brian sat down.

“Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?” he said with a grin, before leaning in and kissing her full on the mouth. I quickly dropped my gaze to the table and forced myself to think happy thoughts, instead of things like what weapons of mass destruction I was going to use to bring Zoe’s life to an abrupt end.

“I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: you two disgust me,” Matt said.

“Did you ever stop to consider that you’re just jealous because you’re not getting any?” Stevie asked innocently.

Matt glared at her for a second before his face softened into a cocky grin. “Who ever said I’m not getting any?”

“Ew, Matt!”

“Would you please not talk about sex while I’m eating?” Delia requested.

Zacky rolled his eyes. “Right. I forgot about you and your delicate stomach. But you know, everyone has to do it eventually. And if you want someone to show you the ropes, well, I’m available…”

Delia’s eyes grew wide as more laughter erupted around the table.

“I…uh…I appreciate your kind offer, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline,” she said finally. Zacky grinned.

“You know you want me.”

“Delia gets all formal when things make her uncomfortable,” Jimmy told me. I smiled at him gratefully, liking his running commentary of things.

“I do not!” Delia exclaimed indignantly.

“You totally do,” Matt insisted.

“Yeah, well…” Delia struggled to come up with a comeback. “I hate you all,” she finally said.

“Aww, we love you too, Delia!” Zacky proclaimed sarcastically, throwing his arms around her in a tight bear hug. Delia blushed, and I saw everyone else exchange a glance. I looked at Jimmy curiously.

“Oh,” he said, somehow anticipating what I was wondering. “They’re made for each other, but for some reason, they’re not together,” he said quietly. “Go figure.”

This was honestly the most entertaining lunch period I’d ever had. Even though I had just met these people, I felt almost completely comfortable around them. Not one of them seemed to mind my silence, which was extremely weird, but I wasn’t going to dwell on that. For the first time in a long time, I felt accepted, like I had friends. The only thing that worried me was that if they were all Elias’s friends, then they were probably juniors, and I was only a freshman. I hoped that they wouldn’t completely ditch me if or when they found out my age.

“I need ice cream,” Brian declared suddenly. He got up and headed over in that direction, ignoring the calls of Jimmy and Stevie, both of whom wanted ice cream as well.

“Asshole,” Stevie muttered. Then she brightened. “Korinne, do you have any plans for tomorrow night?” she asked suddenly.

“Oh, shit,” Jimmy groaned. “Say you do,” he told me.

“Shut up, Jimmy!” Stevie said. I looked at both of them, completely confused.

“We make an effort to have a slumber party at Stevie’s house at least two Fridays a month,” Delia said. “It’s been a tradition ever since seventh grade.”

“And it’s notoriously girls only, which I still don't understand,” Jimmy added.

“Yeah! We should totally have a boy-girl sleepover one of these days!” Zacky said.

“Uh, no. That’s probably the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard of. My mom thinks that you’re all sex-crazed, hormonally-overactive miscreants who’ll jump all over us girls once she leaves the room,” Stevie said.

Johnny snorted. “Please. Not all of us are sex-crazed…Zacky, though, may be a different story.”

“Hey! I’m not…well, maybe a little. And I wouldn’t jump all over anyone…unless they asked me to, of course,” Zacky said, grinning.

“Whatever.” Stevie dismissed them with a wave of the hand. “I think you should come, Korinne. We always have space for a new friend,” she said.

“Don’t go! It’ll be like selling your soul to the devil,” Matt warned.

“Yeah, you should come hang out with us, instead,” Jimmy said. Delia scoffed.

“Yeah, that’d be a real blast. All you guys do is sit around, drink, and attempt to play video games while you’re drunk,” she snapped.

“Well, it’s a hell of a lot more fun than painting each other’s toenails or whatever it is you girls do at those things,” countered Johnny.

“You know what, Johnny? You can go play freeze tag in traffic.”

“Make me.”

Delia opened her mouth to reply, but she was cut off by Zacky.

“Hey! Let’s try not to kill each other!”

“You’re all ridiculous,” Zoe said. She got up from the table and went to join Brian in the ice cream line. I stared at the ground under her feet and willed it to open up and swallow her whole.

“Don’t listen to them, Korinne. It’s your decision,” Stevie said.

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, and everyone rose from their seats. I dumped my empty bag of chips into the trash can and headed back to class, feeling more content than I had in a while.

+++

5:45 P.M.

I was actually, dare I say it, happy. I didn’t know how long it would last, but I was going to do my damnedest not to let it slip away.

Brian had come over earlier after having received a phone call from Stevie telling him to go next door and get my phone number so she could convince me to come to her sleepover. I was thrilled—just the sight of him was enough to make my day, even though he could never be mine. I gave him my cell number, and not even five minutes after I saw him disappear back inside his house, my phone announced to me that I had a new text message, from Stevie. She eventually got me to accept her offer, and I had to admit, I was kind of excited. The last slumber party I had been to was in sixth grade, and everyone ended up having to leave early because the girl hosting the party had had an allergic reaction to something in her birthday cake and had to be rushed to the emergency room.

I liked feeling like people wanted me around, and I definitely wasn’t going to miss this chance. I left a note for my mom in her office where she would see it as soon as she got home from work, asking permission to go. The only thing I wasn’t looking forward to was being around Zoe for an extended period of time. I knew all of them were friends, but couldn’t Zoe have a previous engagement or something?

I was too nervous, too full of energy to sit around and do nothing, so I got out my Biology textbook and forced myself to study for the test tomorrow. Science was my worst subject, after math of course, but I had somehow passed Geometry last semester.

I guess I must have gotten pretty into studying, because I didn’t notice Elias standing in the doorway until he spoke.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

I jumped upon hearing his voice. My heartbeat sped up as I scrambled off of the bed and stood, regarding him nervously.

“Answer me!” he shouted, stepping into the room.

I looked at him helplessly, half wishing I could shout right back at him, and half wondering what it was that I had done to upset him—again.

“Do you think that you can just waltz into my life and steal my friends?” he demanded.

Oh, so that’s what this is about.

I shook my head quickly.

“Well, good, because it’s not going to happen.” Elias stormed over to me, and I backed away as far as I could before my back connected with the window. Shit.

“Sit with us again at lunch, and see what happens. I won’t have you snatching away the first fucking friends I’ve made here,” he said, his voice suddenly growing calm. Now that scared me. I stared back at him with wide eyes, wishing we would get it over with already.

“They don’t even like you,” he said slowly. “They just feel bad for you since you don’t talk. No one likes you, Korinne.”

“You’re a waste of space!” he shouted suddenly. He backhanded me across the face with enough force to send me flying to the ground.

“No one will ever want to be friends with you! Especially not after I tell them what you did to Dad and Grandma! You fucking piece of shit!” Elias aimed several kicks at my legs as he spoke, and I flinched every time his foot connected with my shin.

“Don’t you dare go near them again, or I’ll make sure it’s the last thing you ever do,” he said with finality. He kicked me one last time and stormed out of the room, leaving me alone to burrow into the depths of despair.