To tell, or not to tell.

"'Lo"

I jump out of my skin, scared by the sudden appearance of Ashley right beside me. Or maybe I just didn't notice her.

"My goodness, you scared the poop out of me!" I exclaim.

She smirks at my reluctance to swear. Out loud that is. I swear in my mind all the time. And at James because he deserves it.

"You staring at?" She asks, an eyebrow raised, very slightly.

I mentally translate that into a full sentence and reply, "No one. Nothing, I mean, nothing."

She just stares at me searchingly. Then she shrugs. I mentally let out a sigh of relief. Although, I don't know what I'm worried about. If anyone could understand what I'm going through, it would be Ashley. She'd know not to tell...

But there's nothing to tell so it's really all irrelevant. I settle down and we stay in amiable silence for about ten minutes. Mari is busy today, with her other friends, so I don't have to worry about upsetting her.
It becomes apparent that there is no substitute teacher coming to our PE class because my school isn't really all that athletic. Ashley pushes herself from her comfortable spot on the wall where she was leaning and tilts her head at me in a silent question.

"You coming?"

I'm worried about getting into trouble, even though that seems so very unlikely but I'd rather take the chance than be bored for two whole hours. I follow her. I wonder where she's going because she doesn't seem to be heading to the bike sheds, the place where people go to smoke in a big group. In fact, she leads me out of the school gates and round the corner to a little side alley that's just another way to get to a different part of the school grounds. The ground is made up of cobble stones and it is littered with a few cigarette butts and condom wrappers. We come to a corner which is quite sneakily sheltered from view. I didn't actually know about his place and by the looks of it, the people who do use it for some dodgy purposes. Like having it on. In school. Excuse me but that's sort of scary to think about. Ashley pulls out a cigarette and lights it whilst I wonder why she brought me here instead of going to any one of her normal hang outs. I ask her and her reply in short and simple.

"Privacy."

This is fair enough, considering so I lean against the wall and fidget with my fingers to keep myself occupied. I watch Ashley lift the cigarette and bring it to her lips, closing them gently around it before inhaling deeply. I wonder what is going on in that mind of hers, behind those dark eyes. I'm also wondering why she smokes. Nobody finds it cool any more, at least that I know of, it's bad for your health and according to adults it doesn't even feel good unless you force yourself to do it. And yet it must have some allure to make people want to do it, and carry on doing it. I tilt my head to the side, quite amused by my new found conundrum. I decide to find the answer and so, to do so, I ask Ashley for a drag from her fag. Her eyes fill with mirth as she hand it over and watches me stare it down like an old foe. I bring it to my lips and mimic Ashley in inhaling it deeply. The smoke swoops through my mouths and coats my tongue and the insides of my cheek tasting like it smells. It tickles as it slides down my throat, leaving a slightly burning sensation behind. It invades my lungs and makes me want to choke it all out. I cough and splutter as if trying to rid myself of the experience, still clutching the cancer stick in my fingers. I squeeze my eyes tight shut and try to breath normally without the manky, smoke infested breath getting caught in my throat. I hear a small laugh from Ashley and my lips pull down into a frown. I hand her back her fag and rub my neck, trying to sooth it from the outside.

"That was horrible, why do you do that to yourself?"

She shrugs and carries on smoking it, her eyes shining in glee. I shudder and lean on the wall next to her my eyes still closed. "That was gross..."

We stand for a while, her smoking, me trying to recover from my failed attempt at smoking, in silence. Curiosity certainly did kill the cat, or at least maim it's lungs for a short period of time. I imagine by now Ashley has finished her cigarette but it's just to pleasant standing there with my eyes closed and face tilted upwards to catch the warming rays of the newly uncovered sun flitting through the overhead foliage to bother opening them or striking up a conversation. Half a conversation even. I would stay like that for longer if it wasn't for the change in the atmosphere. Ashley has moved from her position, I can feel it and is now staring at me. I feel the presence of what I assume is her arm beside me, my head to specific, and I'm confused by her sudden change in posture. I open my eyes. They clash with Ashley's dark ones that are burrowing deep into my face as if looking for answers to the ultimate question there. She frowns slightly. She is standing in front of me, two feet separating us, if that, her hand resting against the wall beside my head.

"Er..." I awkwardly mumble, "What you staring at?"

She shrugs in response. This is her non-verbal way of saying, " Nothing. " She takes her arm away from beside my head and looks away, standing straight without any support from the wall. Sometimes Ashley's silence is a little bit scary. This is one of those times. We stand in silence for some time. This time it doesn't feel so comfortable. I begin to fidget again, to pass the time.

It seems Ashley has had enough of not doing anything. She shifts from one foot to the other and pulls out her fags from her pocket. I sigh, still not fully recovered, and roll my eyes. She looks at me purposefully as she pulls out one and lights it, inhaling deeply while she smiles.

My phone goes off in my pocket and I pull it out. I have a text from Mari.

Where are you?

I quickly attempt to text her back only to realize I forgot to top up. It's probably best she doesn't know anyway. Ashley blows smoke into my face and I pout at her. She just eye smiles in response. She drops her cigarette and stands on it. Her posture changes to one that of purpose. I watch her carefully and wonder, like I often do, what the hell is going on behind those dark eyes of hers. Then she does the thing I least expected her to.

She tilts my head up by my chin, brings her face so we're mere inches apart and presses her soft lips to mine. She kisses me.