We Can't Forget Last Summer

I pulled at my wrinkled floral skirt, hoping to straighten it out. I let out a sigh as I started across my room and dug through the wardrobe searching for a shirt to wear. I turned around quickly, once again looking at my appearance in the mirror.

My shoulders slumped over, but were covered by my dark brown wavy hair that cascaded over my newly tanned Arizona skin. I stood there, glancing from my feet up. Instead of my cowboy boots, I wore my legendary black combat boots that laced up to the top, which went about seven inches above my ankle. Along with these, I wore black stockings with a floral pattern seemed into it.

My skirt was a mash of black, white, pink, tan and red flowers. I caressed my palm over it, smiling lightly, remembering when I got this skirt. It was a gift from my grandmother this past Christmas. The look on her face when I opened it and smiled wide, thanking her in the process. I truly enjoyed it, although my mother frowned and looked over at her own mother cocking an eyebrow. My grandmother rolled her eyes and went back to looking over at me.

I sighed heavily and looked back at myself. From below the waist, I was ready, unlike my torso- wear I only wore a black bra.

I walked towards the closet and once again searched through, tearing clothing down and pushing hangers apart. The sound of my boots clicked along the ground.

The light knock on the bedroom door hardly phased me. Immediately thinking it was Aunt Sara, I called out "Come in."

Instead, Jared came into the room. "Oh. Uh, sorry." He said, quickly turning around and walking out the door.

"No! No." I walked after him, grabbing his arm and pulling him back. "I need you."

He furrowed his brow and bit his lip. Looking anywhere except my chest. I smiled and chuckled lightly. "Jared, you've become like a brother to me. I don't care."

His shoulders relaxed. "Okay- just making sure. Not that I want to-"

I put a hand on his shoulder. "I get it. Don't worry."

He nodded his head and sat on the end of the bed. "You're Aunt let me in, by the way. I don't want you thinking that I broke into your house or anything."

I let out a light laugh. "That wasn't my concern at all. But, thank you."

He shrugged. "No problem. So, what can I help you with?"

I turned around, holding a hanger. "I need a shirt." I walked over to the wardrobe once again.

He nodded his head. "I see that."

I shook my head, smiling. "I don't know what to wear with this and I am, under no circumstances changing. I love the bottom of this outfit too much to change."

"Okay, uh, do you have something like just a plain white shirt?"

"You think that could work?" I asked.

"Why not?"

My eyes lit up and I scurried over to the closet once again. I pulled out an over sized white v-neck t-shirt. I then over to the wardrobe one last time and took out a chestnut brown belt, buckling it around my waist. I walked back over to the mirror and messed around, tugging and pulling at the outfit until I liked it.

"There!" I turned around, extending my arms.

Jared held out a thumbs out. "Nice job."

"Thanks for helping me out."

"What can I say? I'm a style guru."

I chuckled and we walked out of my room, down the hall, and into the kitchen. "So what brings you here?" I asked.

He sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen, helping himself to an apple in the fruit basket in the middle of the island.

He took a bite, chewed it and swallowed. "We have to talk."

I sighed heavily and took a seat opposite of him. I knew what this was about. I hadn't spoken to any of The Maine since the festival, which was about a week and a half ago.

"I knew this was coming...." I mumbled.

He shrugged. "You ran off. What'd you expect?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "What I-" I stopped myself and sighed. I placed my chin in my hands.

I was embarrassed. I shouldn't have run off like that. The guys- and I for that matter- had no idea who John was talking about on stage. I don't know why I assumed it was me, I just did. And it is most likely the guys definitively didn't think it was about me. The probably thought it was about Tara- which I highly doubted.

"So... you wanna tell me what happened?"

"John hit on me." The words slipped out of my mouth quickly. At least I wasn't lying. "And I got angry, so I kicked him in the balls, and slapped him in the face. Then I went to the side of the stage and started to talk to Russell and-"

"Russell? Is that the guy who asked you out?"

I nodded my head. "And then John told us to get a room and I was just mad. That was it. That's all it was. I have a bad temper, " I shrugged. "I thought everyone knew that by now."

"We do," Jared began, "but you haven't talked to us in well over a week. And when we asked you to come out with us you declined every time."

"I was with Russell."

"The guy who asked you out?"

"Yes." I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"Let me guess- you guys are going out tonight?"

I nodded my head. "It's our first official date. The other times we were just hanging out."

Jared nodded his head, taking another bite out of his apple. "So yeah, the guys are concerned. They're worried about you."

I looked up quickly and stared at Jared for a moment.

"What?" He asked, giving me a weird look.

"They're worried about me?"

Jared shrugged and nodded his head. "Of course they are. Why wouldn't they be?"

"Why?"

"Why..... are they worried about you?"

"Yes," I nodded my head anxiously. "why?"

"Because they care about you Carson. Why else?"

I nodded my head and swallowed the lump in my throat. I inhaled a shaky breath, turned around and opened the fridge. The cool air from it relaxed me for a moment, sending chills throughout my body- calming me down.

No one was ever truly worried about me in my life. Sure, there were times like when I broke my arm when I was ten and my mother rushed to the emergency room with me. But while we were waiting, all I can remember was her worrying about who was going to meet up with the new landscapers visiting our house. She kept glancing at her phone and tapping her foot. At one moment, I found her staring at my arm- almost contemplating whether this wait was worth it.

There was the time where I had a crush on Jim Simmons in eighth grade. He found out and confronted me as I waited for my bus after school. I noticed his friends snickering off in the corner, watching. Jim flat out told me I was a loser that would never get a boyfriend-including himself. Hilary my 'friend' at the time stood next to me, giggling. She proceeded on telling not only all of my 'friends' this, but the rest of the class. The sad part is that Hilary was the only person I considered to be my best friend. I had known her my entire life, yet apparently, she could care less about me or my well-being.

Last, but not least, there was the time my family took a vacation to Hawaii. My mother was at the spa, Carter met up with friends and went to the pool, which left me and my father alone. My dad tried to call the hotel in hopes to get a sitter to watch me, but it seemed as if they didn't have one available. I remember him mumbling curses as he brought me downstairs with him. Somehow, someway my father managed to sneak me into the casino, where he gambled endlessly, winning game after game. He also inhaled drink after drink- later on forgetting about me. I wandered out of the casino and got lost in the hotel. I was young, just about eight and had no idea where I was. I went outside, on the beach and sat in the sand, not anywhere near the water.

My parents didn't realize I was gone until seven o'clock that night. They sent out a search team- but they, themselves, did not bother looking for me. They left the dirty work for the staff. I was found at seven thirty and brought back to the hotel room, where I was repeatedly yelled at and locked in while they went out to dinner.

"Carson?" Jared's concerned tone brought me back to reality.

I shook my head, blinking repeatedly. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that."

"I know you're angry with John and you don't want to deal with him. And I get where ever we are, he's there too. I just-"

"I was wrong Jared. I won't do it again. I promise. I just didn't realize how-" I stopped myself, biting my lip.

"How what?"

I thought for a moment and sucked in a breath. "I didn't realize how close we all were. I still feel like I just got here, but I, you guys are just great.

"I've never had friends like you guys before. 'Never had people who truly cared about me back home. It's just all new to me."

Jared gave me a sympathetic look. He placed his hand on mine. "Everyone really loves you Carson. They really do. You fit right in with us. Even John loves you, despite how much you two fight.

He smiled. "You know how I said when we first met that you reminded me of John?"

I smiled weakly and nodded my head.

"You both have a terrible temper and hold onto grudges way too long. But you also close yourself from everyone. You guys don't talk about how you feel. And you should-really."

I bit my lip. "I will."

"Good."

Right then, Sara emerged from the hallway. "It is just so hot out today, isn't it?" She was shaking her head, wearing her straw hat and gardening clothes. She stopped when she saw my appearance. She smiled wide.

"Well look at you! You looks gorgeous sweetheart! Do you have a date?" She glowed while looking at me.

I did have people who cared about me. I had Sara and I always had Rich. And even Carter. I always did. I just couldn't see them through my parents and friends.

"Yes I do." I grinned.

Her eyes widened. "Oh I knew it! I knew John would ask you eventually. He's a great guy that one," She leaned against the counter shaking her head. "You know, and as silly as this sounds, I always had this fantasy about the two of you getting together. I think your Uncle Rich did too. You are just so perfect for each other. So cute."

I caught my breath and looked at her, shocked. "J-J-John?"

"Yes. He is such a sweet boy. And I could tell by the way he looked at you that he was bound to ask you out one of these days. I'm actually surprised it took him this long. He seems to be the kind of guy to jump right into to relationships, but oh well. He got there, didn't he?"

"Sara, I'm not," I looked over at Jared, who was grinning, almost laughing. "I'm not going out with John."

Her eyes widened. "Oh! You're not?"

"No." I paused, trying to regain my focus. I pushed out a fake laugh and shook my head. "I'm going out with Russell. Don't you remember? He came over a couple of days ago?"

"Oh yes! I'm sorry hon. I just figured...."

"It's okay." I nodded my head, absorbing everything she said.

"He seemed like a charmer that one." She smiled, but I could tell it was forced.

I was thankful then to hear a knock on the front door. Relief washed over me and I sucked in a breath, then exhaled. "That's probably him. I'll see you guys later."

"Have fun!" My Aunt smiled weakly and waved as I walked down the hallway.

I opened the door with force and anxiously, wanting desperately to get out of here and not think about what just happened.

Of course, that's impossible though. Because, of course, John had to be standing right there, leaning against the door frame.

Seeing him there, it made my chest ache. I yearned to fall into his arms, for whatever reason that was. Lately, I had to desire to just lay next to him.

We stood there for several moments, just staring into each other's eyes. I bit my lip and looked into those green orbs of his. He was practically hovering over her while leaning against the frame, despite the fact I was pretty tall as well.

I was breathing heavy and I was almost certain he could hear me.

I finally broke the silence, stuttering along the way. "W-what are you doing here?"

"Uh, I'm," He paused, looking at me with a hopeless expression. "I'm not actually sure."

"You don't know?" I asked, despite hearing these exact words just seconds prior.

He nodded his head and I found myself licking my dry lips. "Um," I closed my eyes tightly and opened them, as if I wanted him to be gone. "Jared's inside. If you're looking for him."

"Why are you so dressed up?" He asked anxiously, ignoring my previous statement.

"I, uh, have a date."

"A date." He responded, not as a question, not really as anything. He looked up and nodded his head, but his whole body moved. He pushed off against the frame, still shaking his his head.

I didn't respond, instead I back away from the door and walked into the kitchen. Jared and Sara, who were in a conversation looked up curiously.

"False alarm." I mumbled as I walked past them.

"John!" My aunt smiled upon seeing him.

I didn't look at him. I didn't want to look at him. I wanted him to leave.

"Hey. While I'm here, I should tell you that my mom is really sorry about the delay on the barbecue."

"Oh, she shouldn't worry about it." Sara waved him off.

He sighed heavily. "Yeah. She keeps delaying it over and over again. That storm a couple weeks or so ago really messed our plans. But this coming Saturday will definitively be the day."

"Sounds like a plan. We'll be there."

I turned around, narrowing my eyes at not only John, but this time Sara. "What? Where are we going?" You could hear the anger in my voice. I already knew what was happening. It was as if I needed to hear it twice to grasp the idea completely.

"John's family throws this annual party every summer. It's always so much fun. You'll love it Carson."

"Who said I'm going?" I snapped.

"Uh," Sara looked at me, clearly alarmed. "Oh. I didn't know you didn't want to...."

"Of course I don't want to go. I don't want to be anywhere near him!"

"Who? John?"

"Yes! Him! I don't want to be anywhere near him!" I was yelling now.

"Car," Jared began, in an attempt to calm me down.

"No!" I shouted and closed my eyes. I held my arms out around, eyes still closed. "I don't want anything to do with him! I, I, I just," I couldn't finished my sentence, mainly because I didn't know what I wanted to say.

"I hate him, okay!? I hate him!"

I grabbed my purse on the island and marched out of the house, slamming the door behind me. Just as I stepped outside, Russell pulled up in his car, thankfully.

I didn't say anything as I got in the car. He greeted me with a "Hey babe."

I bit my lip, holding back tears. "Hi." I said, my voice cracking.

Despite the obvious, shakiness in my voice, Russell didn't seem to notice. In fact, he started to drive and talk about the restaurant he had reservations for us.

All I could think about was how angry I was. I was angry with my parents for not caring. I was angry with John for absolutely no reason. I was angry with my own Aunt for bringing him up. I was angry with myself more than anything.

But I was really scared more than everything. The thought of my parents made me think about why I was down here and my decision not to go to college. My decision to not make a future for myself.

I was lost. I alienating everyone around me because I was scared. I was scared of my future, of my newly founded friends, of my parents.

I was scared of myself.