We Can't Forget Last Summer

I woke up engulfed in John's comfortable arms. The beach sand beneath us was cool and somehow managed to remain pleasant throughout the night. The sea air clung to my skin and the seagulls somewhere in the distance squawked at us.

As I peeled away from John he stirred in his sleep. I coughed lightly as sand spilled from my rat's nest of hair. I sat up straight, pulling my knees into me and instinctively wrapping my arms around them. I placed my chin on top of my knee caps and looked out at the water.

I chose not to think about what was to come when John woke up. Things wouldn't be the same now. He wasn't going to tease me and I wasn't going to be the bitch I always was to him. And although something about that made my heart drop, I knew it was for the better.

Something shifted last night. This entire tour was building up until we got to a certain point and quite frankly, I don't know if we reached it yet. Possibly when he wakes up......

I rid my thoughts from my head. I didn't want to think. I was so tired of thinking.

I pulled my phone from my pocket, checking the time. It was only seven in the morning. I knew the guys weren't going to wake up until at least nine. John, well John was always different- some days sleeping in, some days sleeping late.

It was weird how much I knew about him. I had only known him for about two months.

We had a month left of summer. Then The Maine would go on some big tour and I'd be somewhere.

I closed my eyes and tried my best to imagine a place where I was happy. Where I had everything I wanted- but the only problem was that I didn't know what I wanted.

I had changed so much these past two months. I was the hard as a rock, strong, confident, bitchy Carson I used to be. I had soften up. I think, I was back to the real me. The me before Uncle Rich died. The me when I was happy.

I bit my lip and dialed the only person I knew who was awake. They'd be expecting a call anyway.

"Carson?" He picked up after the first ring.

"Hey," I said softly, my voice cracking slightly in the process.

"Hey babe," Russell spoke with an eagerness to his tone. "I can't wait to see you."

I looked down at the sand, a pang of guilt slashing through my stomach. I was betraying someone.

I glanced over at John, who was still out cold on the sand. A light, faint smile tracing itself on his lips.

"Yeah," I let out a breath, turning my attention back to the water and Russell. "I should be home tomorrow around noon."

"Oh that's great!" He exclaimed. "I'll take you out tomorrow night okay? You can wear something nice and we'll have dinner at a restaurant and-"

I cut him off, not caring to hear the rest. "That sounds really nice Russell."

He didn't respond for a moment."Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I looked back over at John quickly. "just tired is all."

"Oh, well why don't you go rest. We'll talk later."

"Okay. Bye."

"I love you Carson."

My heart caught in my throat and I stuttered for a moment. I sucked in a deep breath. "Y-you love me?" I asked, my voice shaky. Tears filled my eyes and I bit down on my lip. No. No. No. No. This wasn't going to happen. I didn't want to be in love. I didn't want someone to be in love with me. Especially Russell. He deserved better than me.

"Yeah of course I do. I know it's soon, but you're just-"

"You don't even know me." I sucked on my bottom lip.

"Sure I do. Don't you love me?"

I closed my eyes tightly. "I d-don't know."

I hated who I had become. Two months ago I would have flat out said no. But couldn't for whatever reason. The words couldn't form in my mouth solely based upon the fact that no one had ever told me they loved me.

Russell sighed. "It's okay Carson. It's okay. You don't have to tell me."

Guilt swept through me yet again. Russell was a good guy. I had been leading him on. I felt the need to say something to him.

"I like you Russell." I lied.

"You too Carson. I'll talk to you later. "

The minute the words spilled out of my mouth, I heard him shuffle behind me, getting up from the sand and stomping away. I spun around quickly, shutting my phone and standing up.

I ran after him calling his name. "John! Wait!"

I quickly caught up to him, pulling his arm to face me again. "You don't-"

"What does that guy have that I don't? Sure he's smart and has a fucking future, but is he really better than me? What's wrong with me? Oh yeah, I'm a fuck up." he aggressively pulled his arm away from me and marched away.

Now I was angry. I scrunched my nose and ran towards him at full speed. Once I gained on him, I jumped on his back, taking his down in the sand. I straddled his waist on top of him so he wouldn't move.

"Let me up." He ordered, but I simply shook my head silently. "Get off me!" He shook me off, but I quickly jumped back up on top of him.

"You don't get it John." I scolded. "You're so fucking stubborn."

"And you're not!?"

A small smile broke out on my lips. "I don't like Russell, okay?"

"Then why are you leading him on?"

I bit my lip, looking down at John into his green eyes. "Because I rather not break up with him on the phone." I smirked.

The sides of his lips tugged upwards until he was smiling. He rolled me over until he had me pinned to the ground. "So you're going to break up with him?"

I knew I had to give John a solid answer, but it didn't seem hard to say it anyway. "Yes."

John bit down on his lip, his eyes on mine. Suddenly a hush tone escaping his lips. "Remember that time you kissed me?" He barely whispered.

"Yes." I breathed out, my chest heaving.

John paused, his eyes now melting right into mine. "That was the best kiss I've ever had."

John closed his eyes and leaned towards me. I felt his breath on my lips and I closed my eyes comfortably.

It was at that moment where a man- an old one for that matter- going for a run on the beach jogged right past us, accidently kicking some sand on us. John's head snapped up and noticed the man, who had head phones in, run away, completely oblivious to what happened.

John laughed loudly and fell down next to me. I started to chuckle too and shake my head. I leaned my head onto John's chest. I tried to imagine the kiss John was about to give, but I ignored this.

"We should get to our room and wash up. I have sand in places that I don't even know about." I suggested.

John let out a light chuckle. "You're right. Let's go." He got up and extended a hand to me. I gladly took it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Since the venue was so close to where we were staying we didn't need to do much for the rest of the day. We had a big breakfast then hung out on the beach some more before deciding it was time to get going.

I help the guys unload their trailer, occasionally taking glances at John. Every time I did so I couldn't help but smile at his lanky arms and legs. I held my laughter in and continued doing my job.

"Stop looking at John and get back to work." Kennedy quietly ordered while grinning.

My face heated up, but I rolled my eyes. "I am working."

Kennedy raised an eyebrow then laughed. "What happened to you guys?"

I shrugged. "To be completely honest, I'm not sure."

"Did you kiss?"

"No."

He laughed. "Well, due to the fact that he will not stop staring at you and you will not stop staring at him I doubt that'll last long." He smirked, picking up an amp and walked away.

After unloading the equipment the guys made their way backstage and I followed suit.

Before the guys got ready they decided on watching Austin's set- something they normally didn't do to the lack of time to prepare. Today they seemed ready to play though. They hummed along to Austin's lyrics, as did I.

Since I had a lot of down time while the guys got ready, I usually watched his set. I had to say, the man was fantastic and definitely underrated.

John stood next to me the entire time. We didn't talk; just listened to the music, peacefully nodding our heads and tapping our feet to the beat. His hand lingered near mine and I would catch myself thinking about holding it.

When Austin's set finished, the guys rushed around backstage- grabbing their instruments and warming up. They quickly did their ritual- chanting "We Like To Party" before running on to stage.

Tim and I took our regular spots on the side of the stage. John ran out last, but before doing so glanced back at me, a worried expression on his face.

John grabbed the mic and spoke into it right away instead of going into their first song. "Wait, wait. Hold up. I gotta do something! I'll be right back."

John turned back to the drum set, where his alcoholic drink was placed on it's ledge. He quickly downed the entire drink and I sighed heavily.

"Why does he have to drink on stage?" I mumbled. "Does he really need it to sing?"

Tim shook his head, eyeing John. "I don't think that's the reason......" He trailed off and I gave him a confused expression.

I quickly turned my head around to find John approaching us- a determined look on his face. That's when I realized he wasn't looking at Tim and I, he was looking at me. Right at me.

Before I could blink John was in front of me. In one swift motion, his hand brushed along my neck until it reached the back of my head and gently brought me forward. He brushed his lips up against mine- sending electric currents through my veins and causing the hair on my arms stand up.

Our lips moved together in sync and I seemed to forget everything. I wasn't worrying or thinking anymore. I was doing what was right.

John pulled away, grinning. "I have a show to do."

I bit my lip and nodded my head. "Go get 'em."

John ran off, waving to the crowd. Jared, Kennedy, Garrett and Pat were all looking at me smiling and laughing.

"Sorry about that. I had to do something very important!" John yelled into the mic and the crowd cheered. The Maine went off right into their first song, leaving me in a daze.

"Well then." Tim said, nodding his head and looking straight.

"Did that just happen?" I asked, still not completely sane.

It's funny how things change once you meet someone. I used to be the girl that made guys fall to their knees- I was the one to kiss them and make them melt. I caused this feeling amongst many different guys. I was a heartbreaker back home.

But now, now, John had me feeling like one of those guys. John kissed me.

"Judging by how red your cheeks are and how happy John looks right now," Tim looked over at me, an amused expression written across is face. "I would say yes."