We Can't Forget Last Summer

"It's alright sweetie, we'll work something out."

Sara's warm, comfortable hands on my shoulders no longer soothed me. I was in somewhat of a trance. I didn't move from my spot at the island in the kitchen.

Taylor took a long sip of her tea out of her navy blue mug before setting it down on the counter. She inhaled a light breath and walked over to me.

"You don't have to go," She told me. "you're nineteen."

Essentially, Taylor was right. My parents didn't control me anymore- I was free to do whatever I pleased. But the thing was I didn't have anything to do. I didn't have a life- I chose to do nothing in spite of my parents. I did it to get back at them only to find out now that it was a terrible mistake.

My mother offered me an intern job at her practice; most likely doing simple petty jobs. Either way it was something.

They had left at about six o'clock. It was now going on ten and the small mug of tea in front of me made my stomach growl. I was hungry but I wouldn't admit it. Carter ordered chinese food to eat for dinner, but when it arrived I was too stressed to eat.

"I know," I muttered. "But I need to."

Sara's hands tensed on my shoulders. She knew I was right, despite how she was avoiding the topic like a plague. She sucked in a sharp breath and took a seat next to me. She took hold of my hand and turned to me.

"You should only do what you feel is best."

I swallowed hard, blinking repeatedly. I looked over at Carter who sat on the edge of the counter, his eyes on me intently. I glanced up at Taylor; the pain in her eyes evident.

"I have to go," I sucked in a breath. "She's offering me a job and I have to start somewhere," I bit my lip, turning towards Sara. "You know how much I love working at the record store but-"

She nodded her head, understanding. Working at the store wasn't getting me anywhere. Taylor was right- I was nineteen and I had a whole world in front of me. And as much as I hated to admit it the only way I was going to see that world was to go back to my parents.

"I love it here more than anything and I don't want to go. But wanting something and having to do something is different. I have to do this for myself."

That's when Carter brought up the worse aspect of all of this.

"And John?"

Just hearing his name stabbed me in the heart. I bit my lip, my eyes averting to the tile floor. I held my breath, not wanting to say it. I looked back up at my brother and shrugged.

"I have to find my life before I can add John in."

I could practically hear Taylor bite her lip and turn away. She picked up her mug and paced the room. She sucked in a breath and began to say something but stopped herself, her shoulders slumping down in the process.

"What you're doing is very responsible dear." Sara patted my hand gently. "And as much as I hate to see you go I know this is right."

I nodded my head. I wanted to say something but I couldn't bring myself to. So many thoughts occupied my brain, but one stuck out above the rest.

I have to break up with John.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I convinced Carter to drive me to John's apartment. It was late and he may not have been back from the hospital just yet, but I knew where he hid his key.

I figured I'd do it now; you know, rip it off like a band-aid.

I said goodnight to Carter and reached towards the top of John's door, sliding my fingers until they hit the small, silver key. I smiled and unlocked the door to the dark apartment. I flicked on the light and sucked in a deep breath. I grinned lightly, closing the door behind me and noticing an acoustic guitar lying across the living room couch. He had been writing.

I walked into John's bedroom, collapsing on his bed. I hadn't realized how tired I actually was until I laid down. I absorbed his sheets and blankets and laid my head down against a pillow. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes.

I fell into a deep sleep full of blackness. I was out like a light. All my worrying and stressing caused me a lot of sleepless nights, but finally I could rest despite what was to happen in the near future.

I don't really know how, but I felt his body plop down next to mine and his arms wrap around me, pulling me in. I automatically adapted to this; sinking into his body and becoming one. I could smell him, which sounds totally weird but oddly enough, was comforting.

"How's Shane?" I mumbled, not fully awake.

"Good," His voice caused my stomach to jump lightly. "just a sprained wrist is all."

"Good." My weak and tired voice trailed off.

John just held me closer, as if he knew what was in store for us. I didn't want to think about that right now though. I didn't want to think about how not thinking about it made me sort of a tease. I didn't want to think about how I'll probably never see him again. All I wanted was to be with him, right here and right now.

I turned around in his arms, suddenly awake. I bit my lip and stared at him. It was dark, but I knew he was there. I could have easily given myself to him right now. I wanted to desperately, but hell, we had only been together for about two weeks. Talk about rushing it. And of course, I would have to break up with him in the morning.

But I really would have. I wanted to loose it to John. He was the only person I could even imagine loosing it to. And if we did it right now it wouldn't be just some horny kids full of angst; it would be sweet and passionate- exactly what I was holding out for.

He lightly peck my lips and then rested his head on the pillow. " 'Night Carson."

"Goodnight John."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When I woke up the next morning I was alone. I sat there for some time, thinking over what I was to say.

Reality suddenly hit me right in the gut. I was scared. I promised John I wasn't going to run off because he wasn't like the other guys. And he wasn't. He was so important to me for whatever reason. But I had to do this for myself and if I was important to him he would understand.

I got up, my stomach boiling with fear. I walked down the hallway and peered into the kitchen to find John, shirtless and in a pair of black boxers flipping pancakes on the stove. I chuckled softly at the sight.

He heard me, turning and smiling. "What?"

I shrugged. "I never pegged you as much of a cook."

He turned to me, grabbing my by the waist and pulled my into him. He kissed the top of my head. "My mom always makes pancakes for us and I would watch her from time to time. One mother's day she got sick and I felt really bad so I googled how to make pancakes and vuela! Ever since then I've pretty much become a professional pancake maker."

"Well are they good?" I inquired.

"What? You think they'll be bad?"

I snaked away from him, smirking and shrugging. "Well there's only one way to find out, isn't there?"

John bit back a smile and then turned his attention to the stove. He used his spatula to put the finished pancakes on a plate. We walked over to the kitchen table and I helped myself to one.

"Moment of truth," I said before taking a bite.

"Well?" He asked, his eyes waiting patiently, searching my face.

My eyes widened as my taste buds screamed with delight. "My god!" I laughed. "These are great!"

John leaned back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. "Told you so."

I smirked, taking another bite. The both of us ate in a comfortable silence, occasionally taking glances at one another and laughing lightly. We weren't even saying anything; we just snickered and exchanged looks.

What surprised me most about this whole thing was that John didn't ask me why I came over last night. It seemed almost expected. I thought about how he asked me to move in and my stomach flipped. I ignored this though, realizing none of it would ever happen.

"You wanna hang out here for the rest of the day? We can just watch movies and stuff." John asked, taking another bite.

My thoughts screamed at me not to accept this offer. They told me to break this off right here and right now. But my body was so comfortable here with him; I didn't want to get up.

"Sure." I agreed and we finished eating.

The two of us curled up on the couch and decided on watching some action movie. I rested my head on John's shoulder and his arm draped around my shoulders. Before I knew it the two of us weren't even watching the movie. Instead we were on top of one another, tugging at our clothes and our lips attached. My fingers tangled in his hair and he moaned my name lightly which set my insides on fire.

His fingers linked in my short's belt loops. He pulled my waist closer to him and thrust his pelvic area into mine. I let out of breath, reaching my head up and biting my lip. John chuckled and gently placed his head on the back of my head, guiding me back to his lips.

We soon separated after that, laughing lightly and turning our attention back to the movie. John lowered the volume though, turning to me.

"I never asked you about what happened with your parents."

"Oh," The thought popped into my mind again. "It was... okay." I shrugged.

"Really?"

I sucked in a breath, knowing that this had to be the moment. As the words were about to fall out of my mouth my heart began to ache painfully. My stomach flipped nonstop and I stumbled on my words.

"Yeah.... I mean, they were annoying and strict and what not. Same old, same old pretty much."

"Oh. That's good."

I nodded my head. "I know. I'm happy it went over so well."

The lies that managed to spill out of my mouth amazed me. I turned my attention back to the television, biting my lip nervously. My shoulders slumped over as I realized how terrible the mistake I just made was.

John's lips touch the skin just below my ear. They trailed up and down my neck. He then whispered, gently in my ear. "I'm happy for you. Really."

I stared forward, tense and sucking in a sharp breath.

Shit. This was gonna be a bitch.