We Can't Forget Last Summer

It was a quiet day at the store; not that it was usually buzzing with energy. Garrett sat across from me at the counter, flipping through a magazine, humming a soft tune to himself. I sat on my usual stool next to the register also looking through some gossip magazine. I sighed to myself, closing it and shoving it under the counter.

I glanced around the store, realizing today would most likely be the last time I see it in a long time. The pit in my stomach dropped at the thought. I glanced at Garrett, reading an article on what looked to be like motorcycles and once again, a deep agonizing pain took over. I folded my lips in tightly against my teeth.

All of this was a lot harder than I originally thought it would be. Saying goodbye to Sara, Carter, Taylor and the guys is going to be a bitch.

But right now, I couldn't handle it. A quick panic took over and I kept staring at certain spots in the store, reminiscing. I can picture The Maine guys walking through the door, the bell jingling as they did so. John standing in front of the counter, buying a record. Taylor instructing me on how to work the register. Sara sitting on the floor, sorting out a new order of albums.

I didn't want to live without any of it.

Taylor walked in from the back office. A yawn escaped her lips. "Who knew a day with no customers or anything to do would be so tiring?" She stretched her arms up and gave us a small smile.

"Where's the rest of the guys?" She asked Garrett.

He looked up from his magazine, closing it and shrugging. "Jared said he would stop by. I think John is coming because he wants to have lunch with you on your break," He glanced at me.

"The other two, I have no idea."

Taylor walked over and leaned against the counter. She looked up at me, "You gonna drop the ball on John today."

I nearly choked on the air around me. I looked over at Garrett who eyed us curiously. Glancing back at Taylor I muttered, "I think so."

"What?" Garrett asked.

As I bit my lip, Taylor's head snapped over to me. "You didn't tell them yet?"

I cringed. "I wanted to tell John first!"

"Carson, you're leaving in four days- you don't have much time!"

"What is going on?" Garrett asked, his eyes narrowing in on us.

Taylor hit my shoulder, forcing words to spill from my mouth. "I'm leaving."

He still didn't understand though. He cocked an eyebrow and pulled his arms away from the counter carefully, allowing them to fall at his sides. "I..... what?"

"I'm going back to Nevada."

He stared at me for a second and I still wasn't sure if he completely understood what was happening. I opened my mouth to explain, but he cut me off before I could go on any farther. "But why?"

I licked my lips, preparing for what I was about to say.

"My parent's want me to. And I know what you're going to say- I'm nineteen and I don't have to. But essentially, I really do. My mom's office is offering me a job. I can't keep living down here in Sara's house because well, it's sort of like I'm mooching off of her." I scratched my head, pausing for a moment. "I know I have a job and everything, but to be honest, the pay here isn't amazing."

"It's true," Taylor nodded her head. "I'm only working here until I get out of college."

"I don't have a life yet. And if I want one I have to go back as much as I don't want to."

Garrett nodded his head, but stayed silent. He thought for a moment, leaving us in an uncomfortable silence.

"What about John?"

I swallowed hard, facing the harsh reality. "I have to break up with him."

Garrett stood up from his chair and backed up. "No. You can't do that."

"I have to Gare."

He shook his head repeatedly. "Long distance. You guys could make it work."

I let out a shaky breath. Sure, the thought had popped into my mind occasionally, but I knew it wouldn't work.

"It's not like once you guys get off of tour John and I will be reunited. I'm not in the same state. He has family here and I have have," I paused, not wanting to call my relatives my actual family.

Garrett rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his messy hair. He began to pace the room. "Seriously Carson, he's going to be-" He stopped himself, shaking his head. He then looked up at me. "you're like, the first girl he's ever cared about aside from his mom."

"Look, it's going to be hard for me to, but I have to do this."

"He's going to resistant. He's not going to let you get away. You know that don't you?"

I bite my lip and stood up. I leaned against the counter taking steady breaths. Before I could respond, I caught a glimpse of someone out of the window, walking across the street towards the shop.

Garrett and Taylor noticed this too. Garrett even let out a "Shit" upon seeing the boy decked out in tight denim jeans and a black cut off tank-top.

Garrett looked at me in a panic. "You have to do it now. I can't keep a secret like this. I'll crack."

Taylor patted me on the back. "You have to do it now."

God, it was the last thing I ever wanted to do, but I had already made my decision. I suck in a shaky breath and nodded my head sheepishly. "Okay. I'll do it."

John strutted into the store, his crooked smile in tact. He walked over to us, greeting both Garrett and Taylor before leaning over the counter and giving me a kiss on the lips.

"Ready for lunch?"

I couldn't answer him. I wanted so badly to touch my lips and try to feel the kiss he just gave me again. I knew it was the last kiss from John I was to ever get. the thought made me shudder.

"Carson?" He chuckled and waved a hand.

"I have to talk to you." I blurted out.

"Oh?" He pursed his lips. "Okay." He shrugged.

"Let's go outside." I nodded my head, walking out from behind the counter and towards the front door.

The two of us stood outside on the sidewalk. He glanced at me up and down, smiling like an idiot. "A dress? Again?" When I didn't answer he just chuckled to himself. "It looks great."

I slowly and carefully began to speak. "Well I figured I better start getting back into the swing of things."

John furrowed his brow in confusion. "What?" He laughed nervously. "You alright? Didn't you say you only wear dresses when you lived back in Nevada?"

I swallowed the thick knot in my throat. "Exactly." I let out a breath, staring up at John.

John's moved his footing and looked at me, his smile falling. He repeated himself once again. "What?"

"Can you stop saying that?"

"Well can you stop being so vague?" He snapped, suddenly getting angry. It was then that I knew John had figured it out. He was playing dumb, hoping what he realized wasn't true. This hurt almost as much as reality itself.

I bit my lip, staring at him. "I'm going home."

He didn't say anything. His adams apple bobbed and his jaw softened. "I don't get it."

I nodded my head. "You do."

My licked his lips, took a step backwards and glanced at the sky. He looked back down at me, shaking his head. "Why?"

"I have to." My gaze averted to the ground.

"You're fucking nineteen, going on twenty Carson. You don't fucking have to."

I sucked in a shaky breath, nodding my head. "I am nineteen. That's the point. I can't keep staying at Sara's and I can't work at the record store my whole life."

He started to get angry- something that I knew would happen. "You can move in with me! I told you that."

I continued shaking my head. "No."

He struggled with his words and bite back unsteady breaths. "I don't- what. I just. I want- what does this mean?"

"I think we should break up." I was looking everyone except his eyes.

"No, we don't- we can't. We can do long distance, right?"

"You're just as uncertain about that as I am."

John sucked in a breath. "Why are you doing this? You told me you weren't just going to run off on me like other guys."

I looked up at him, suddenly furious. "I was only here for the summer John! What did you expect?"

"I thought that I wasn't just some guy to you!"

"You aren't just some guy."

"Then why are you running away from me?" He looked at me, his eyes glassy. "Fucking god dammit. You- I," He bit his lip, shaking his head. "Don't you realize how much I like you?"

My eyes began to sting, but I sucked it up. "I can't be with you okay? It's not even just this, you make me scared and nervous and fucking- I don't know. Weird! You make me feel so.... weird."

"That's because this isn't some stupid relationship. This is something different."

Suddenly, a tear slid down my cheek, causing me to wipe at my eyes. "See!? Do you see what you do to me? You make me so god damn emotional all the time! I wasn't like this until I met you!"

"That's not a bad thing Carson."

"For me it is." I spat, rubbing my eyes and sucking in a breath. "You're being so selfish right now."

"Me?! What about you?"

"If you really like me the way you say you do, you'd let me go. I have to find my life John. I am nothing right now. I'm just some nineteen year old girl with hardly any money and no future. I have to go. For a second I thought you would understand."

He was silent, bit his bottom lip and looking at me. He took a step forward and reached out for my hand. I jerked away and stared up at him, swallowing hard.

The hurt expression on his face nearly killed me.

"I was only here for the summer John. It's over now. You're going back on tour and back to your life and I'm just going to go and find mine."

"Then what?"

"Then you're going to meet some girl and get married and have kids and grow old together."

He shook his head slowly and carefully. "I don't want that girl though."

"You will."

He stepped towards me again. "No I won't."

I stepped back. "Don't do this to yourself John. Be the one to break my heart because I," I sighed. "I don't want to hurt another guy."

John's hands dropped to his sides and he shook his head. Before walking away he said one last thing that hurt like hell.

"It's a little too late for that."