We Can't Forget Last Summer

Pursing my lips and placing my hands on my hips I examined my room carefully. Everything was of significance now to me; the walls, the wispy curtains, and the wonderful white comforter lying upon my once bed.

I swallowed a lump in my throat and my eyes averted to the black and brown suitcases on the other side of the room. They didn't belong; they simply didn't look right. The ugly, dark colors stuck out like a sore thumb, grasping away the attention of the perfect room. Still, I couldn't help but stare at them. My eyes were glued to them for several reasons. The one above all was that these suitcases were the only thing in this room, aside from myself that knew Tempe wasn't home. The suitcases belonged to Nevada's sun and were to be stored away in my gigantic house's attic. They were with me when I arrived; a peevish, bitter girl. And now they're with me as I leave; a lonely, lost girl.

"I'll go with you."

The voice behind me caused me to jump slightly, catching my breath in the process. I turned around, my hand placed over my heart, which was still beating heavily.

I looked at Taylor, who stood in the hallway, oddly. I raised an eyebrow, but slowly remembered what she was talking about. I shrugged. "I feel like I have to go. It'll be my last time seeing them."

Her eyes were wide and full of sympathy. "You do have to go. They're your best friends. They deserve a goodbye."

"But he'll be there."

My gaze landed on my feet and my eyes stung. I sucked in a breath and looked back at Taylor, blinking repeatedly. She simply shrugged. "It will be difficult, but they're just as important.'

I nodded my head cautiously and bit my lip. "But what about Sara? This is my last night here. Shouldn't I spend it with her?"

"She's your Aunt; you'll see her again."

What Taylor said was right, but at the same time it made my stomach drop. By implying that I would see Sara again, it meant that I wouldn't be seeing the boys again. I spun around on my heel and closed my eyes tightly.

Why did this have to be so hard? What happened here that made me so emotional? What had completely changed the person who I was?

I didn't want it to be this hard.

"It'll be fun. A nice way to end the summer."

As I heard Taylor turn and walk down the hallway and I muttered quietly to myself, "And my life."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Coming to this party was a mistake.

Taylor and I pulled up to the house, which nearly pulsated down to the blaring music from inside. Outside, young adults and teens laughed on the front lawn, sipping alcohol from their cups. As we walked up to the front door, a boy, most likely just about twenty ran out and puked in a bush outside of the door.

"Who's house is this again?" Taylor whispered from behind me.

I shrugged, not really knowing myself. "Friend of the bands. I think his name is Eric? I'm not sure."

We walked into the party and were completely bombarded by drunks, stoners, and above all, slutty band chicks. I rolled my eyes, realizing this whole house was probably chock full of groupies. When Jared invited me, he even said a couple other bands would be at the party. In fact, the guy who owned this house was in one.

Taylor and I found the kitchen pretty quickly. Despite this, we weren't quite able to move through the crowd in their. I spotted Kennedy on the other side of the kitchen, talking to someone I didn't know. I tried to call for his name, but the loud music made it nearly impossible for me to even hear my screams.

I sighed heavily and walked back outside of the kitchen. We found the living room where the stereo system was located. It was impressive, if I may say so myself. At this point, I had lost Taylor and was left alone by the system. I figured the only thing I could do was examine it due to the fact I had nothing better to do.

"Pretty awesome, huh?" A guy came over and shouted.

I nodded my head. "The volume on this thing is crazy."

"I know!" He chuckled, running a hand throw his chocolate brown hair. "It goes up insanely high."

I laughed lightly and looked over at him. "I'm Carson."

His eyes lit up almost instantly. "Thomas? Carson Thomas, right?"

"Yeah."

He grinned, the chuckled and enveloped me in a hug. He squeezed me tightly and then moved back, opening out his hands. "What do you know! I'm Eric! Call me Halvo though!"

I cocked an eyebrow. "This is your party, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah! Pretty great, eh?"

I sucked in a breath. "Yeah, sure," I paused and smiled curiously. "How do you know me?"

"You're Carson. The Carson!"

"And?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm practically John's best friend. We've known each other forever!"

"Oh," I said, nodding my head. "Awesome."

He chuckled. "I heard about the breakup. John's a fucking wreck. But hey, I get why you have to leave. Summer can't last forever."

"Exactly."

"It's too bad I didn't get to meet you sooner. My band was on tour all summer." He shrugged.

"Oh, well, that must have been cool at least."

As 'Halvo' began to speak, an arm wrapped around him and turned to me. Jared smiled at me and shouted, "You made it!"

I held out my hands. "I made it!"

"This is great! Here, let me get you a drink."

I parted ways with Eric and followed Jared into the disastrous kitchen. We made our way through people, occasionally crashing into others and earning a curse or two, but nothing extremely bad. Jared poured me some type of drink, but to be honest I didn't really care what the hell it was. I took it eagerly and let the substance sting my mouth and throat.

I took another sip as Jared asked, "Have you seen John yet?"

I shook my head. "Haven't seen him in two days. He's here, right?"

Jared nodded his head. "He's pretty hammered too."

I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes. "Great."

"Wanna go out back? Garrett and Pat are. And I think I saw Taylor out there before."

I didn't even answer; I followed Jared quickly, taking the occasional sip of my drink now and then.

The next thing that happened was fast and inevitable. While walking through the living room, I spotted the tall, lanky boy decked out in a leather jacket, black skinny jeans and his signature cowboy boots. His eyes were tired and sorrowful, but he still managed to grin crookedly at the blonde in front of him and place his hands on her tiny hips.

I felt like someone, somehow threw a boulder at me. The wind was knocked out of me and I had an extremely difficult time trying to catch my breath. My eyes were glued to the two of them, happy and drunk, no concerns or worries. I bit down on my lip so hard that I began to feel a light amount of blood in my mouth.

I couldn't swallow, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do anything. I tried to clench my fists to express my anger, but soon discovered that I was just too tried too.

"Carson?" Jared asked, leaning in.

He followed my gaze to John's and muttered a cuss under his breath. He let out a heavy breath and shook his head. "Don't pay attention to that."

But I did. I couldn't peel my damn eyes away from it.

The two began to dance, the girl moving her back into John, his hands sliding up and down her torso. With every movement they made, another breath of mine was lost.

After what seemed like decades, John and the girl moved so they were facing my direction. Despite this, John was too focused on the girl in front of him. He was having fun; she was having fun. To me, having fun wasn't even a possibility in my life anymore.

Then it happened. John looked up for a brief second and our eyes instantly connected. He stopped moving to the beat and his hands fell to his sides. He stumbled a second, most likely due to how drunk he was.

I felt someone approach me on my other side. I didn't look, but I recognized the voice clearly.

"I want to say 'I told you so', but I think you already know."

It was Austin. I felt like turning and hugging him, but I was completely incapable of doing so at this moment. John, limply and lifelessly was still looking at me. His eyes weren't scanning my body and even moving for that matter. They were boring into my eyes, as were mine to his.

I let out a shaky breath.

"I made a huge mistake." My voice cracked as the words fell out of my mouth.

I knew I was too late though. I broke John's heart, just like I broke every guy's heart. Only this time, my heart was tearing right in half at the same time.

And Austin truly did have the right to say 'I told you so' because he was right. John liked me a lot and I liked him. This was a lot more than a crush. This was beyond anything John and I have ever experienced before.

"You didn't make a mistake Carson. You're doing what's right for you, and that's what's most important." Jared chimed in.

I shook my head, my eyes becoming watery. "No I'm selfish. I hurt him."

Before I could process anything, John was approaching me, his stride thickening, along with his drunken confidence.

He was right in front of me, slightly wobbling and his brow furrowed. I let out another breath, my eyes stinging like a mother.

"Why are you here?" His voice was harsh and full of aggression.

Before I could reply, John cut me off. "To ruin my life even more? Well guess fucking what Carson? I don't think you can top yourself on that one."

"I'm leaving tomorrow," I mumbled, my voice fragile and weak.

"Well good,"

He turned to walk away, but I chased after him, my eyes now glassy. "Don't fucking act like nothing good ever happened to us John. Don't act like you don't mean anything to me."

John whipped around. "Well I obviously don't! I'm just another one of these guys you play stupid, sick games with!"

"Stop." I clenched through my teeth and sniffed.

"You know what Carson? I know exactly why you want to go back to fucking Nevada."

"Oh yeah?" I placed my hands on my hips. "Why then?"

"Because you're just a fucking rich, spoiled brat. You just want to go back to your money and soak in it. You want to marry some rich, fucking prick so you can go on and be with your money the rest of your life."

"You god damn know that's not true!" I shouted, only now realizing the music had come to an abrupt stop and the entire party was glancing at us.

John rolled his eyes. "Fine! Then just go home, obey your parents the rest of your life, and throw yourself on any guy you can because we all know how much you really want to loose it!"

My mouth opened and I stared at John. I went to say something, but John cut me off chuckling to himself. "We were going out for two weeks and you tried to have sex with me about four times. You're just a desperate, spoiled, rich, heartbreaking, wannabe whore."

John shook his head, a look of disgust present on his face. His voice lowered. "And let's be honest, the only reason you haven't lost your virginity yet is because it's the only thing holding you to your childhood, which is the only time you were truly happy."

John turned away, a smirk splattered on his lips. As he strutted away, anger boiled inside of me. A grin finally found it's place on my face.

"It's not like you're any fucking better John!" I shouted. "You act like the biggest player in town, meanwhile you're a virgin yourself."

John stopped in his place. The room whispered and broke out in commotion. He whipped around and walked towards me. He grabbed my wrist and began to pull me out of the house. I slapped at his arm. "Don't fucking grab my wrist!" I shouted, instantly being reminded of the previous times I had told him the same exact phrase.

We ended up on the front lawn, shouting profanities at each other. The crowd in the house followed us outside.

"How the fuck do you know that?!" He shouted, his face red.

"You told me!"

"You were piss drunk when I said that!"

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms across my chest. "It's not that hard to figure out when your brother's also told me and your ex-girlfriend said you would never put out."

He narrowed his eyes on me and I shrugged.

"You're no better than I am."

John's lips were pursed and tightly together. His face was red and I knew he was holding something back, but I couldn't take it any longer. I was now the angry and bitter girl I was when I arrived here.

"I don't know what I ever saw in you." I snapped.

No response.

"I hate everything about you. I've had since the moment you fucking whistled at me when I first got here." I shook my head, my eyes narrowing in on him.

I sucked in one breath. "I hate how fucking skinny you are. I hate your tattoos. I hate your messy hair. I hate your eyes. I hate your voice. I hate your god damn boots. I hate your car. I hate how you somehow manage to smooth talk your way into shit. I hate how confident you are in yourself. I hate your apartment. I hate the way you walk. I hate how you make me so god damn emotional."

I bit my lip tightly and glared up at him.

"I've said it before and I'll fucking say it again. I hate you John. I hate you so much."

By now, hot tears were streaming down cheeks and my vision was cloudy. I couldn't read John's face, but it didn't matter. I wouldn't be seeing John O'Callaghan for the rest of my life.

"I thought you were different." John croaked out.

I shook my head. "I always knew you were...... you."

"No you didn't."

I stared at him, my anger floating away. I didn't want to admit he was right, so I remained quiet. It was the last time I would be seeing him and I wanted to make sure I did this right. I sucked in a breath and stared at him.

"I don't know what you expected John. The summer doesn't last forever."

He pursed his lips and shook his head. "It wouldn't matter," He shook his head. "you'd still be the rotten slut you are."

My eyes widened and I couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears and uncontrollable sobs broke out and I was unable to contain myself. I had never cried in front of someone other than John and my Uncle Rich. But here we were, in front of this entire party, witnessing all of this.

I managed to somewhat compose myself. I sucked in a shaky breath, and sniffled. "You may have thought I was different John, but god, even if I hated you I thought you had at least some decency." I cringed and snapped, the tone of my voice full of anger.

I didn't let him get another word in. I cut him off, shaking my head. "Have a good fucking life."

I marched away, across the front lawn and found myself wandering down the unfamiliar, dark, damp road. Tears ran down my cheeks and I found myself sitting on the sidewalk after about five minutes of walking. I sobbed and sobbed, not stopping for any time. I hadn't cried like this in forever.

I couldn't even tell you why I was crying so much either. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I just continued crying hysterically all alone, by myself.

Finally, a familiar car pulled up next to the sidewalk. The headlights shone in my eyes, not helping the headache that was already approaching due to the amount of tears that had sprung moments before.

Taylor emerged from the passenger side quickly, running over to me and engulfing me into a hug. It was now that I realized how important she was to me and how much I would miss her. I hugged her slim figure back tightly, gaping for air in between breaths. "Shhh Carson. It's okay. Shhh." She comforted me, lightly rubbing my back.

There were four other figures that emerged from the car after her though. I hadn't expected them to come, but the fact that they did made my tears stop and my heart skip several beats. I immediately fell into their arms, instantly feeling better.

"I love you guys." I mumbled while hugging them.

"We love you too." One of them said, and I just melted into them even more.

The worst thing about leaving Tempe would be this. I was leaving the only real family I had ever had. Back home, there was no love or compassion and god, I needed love and compassion.

Whether we see each other in the future, or whether we don't, they will always be my family.