We Can't Forget Last Summer

"You cut your hair." He muttered, sprawling out across my bed.

"And now my bed is soaking wet," I huffed, walking into my bathroom and grabbing several towels. As I walked back into my room, I found John in his exact same spot, his eyes closing. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head in the process.

"You can't fucking do this, John."

His eyes flicked open, the green attacking me all at once. Surprisingly, he looked alarmed. "What?" He asked, as if he hadn't a clue what the problem here was.

"You can't just fucking show up at my house and act like everything is okay, and then come up to my room and pass out on my bed soaking wet."

He sat up on my bed and leaned towards me, grabbing the towels from me. He let out a breath. "I would tell you, but I think you have a dinner you better get back to."

I groaned and tried to spit some words up, but it really wasn't working. Yet again, I huffed loudly and marched out of my room, snapping the door shut behind me. My shoulders then fell as I turned back around, opened the door and poked my head through the frame.

"Don't make any noise and don't look through my shit."

"Don't worry," He waved me off, "I need to catch up on some Zs anyway."

I shook my head and left the room. As I walked back downstairs I noticed the conversation in the dining room slowed down. The food must have been served.

As I sat down at my seat and dug into my meal, I looked up at Rod sitting across from me, his dark eyebrows raised and blue eyes peeking out at me.

I bit back a smile and let out a breath. My mother glanced at me, giving me a peculiar look, but ignored my sigh.

The rest of the night was pretty much a drag, which was expected of this event as it was. We ate dinner, had dessert and the adults had cocktails. The Asbern's then left, but Rod found his way back in the house to help me deal with John. My parents went to bed quickly.

"Do you know why he's here?" Rod whispered as we made our way down the hallway.

"No idea."

I slowly creaked open the door and poked my head through. There was John in the same exact position passed out on my body. I stifled a groan and looked back at Rod. "I can deal with him. You can leave."

I watched as Rod yawned and nodded his head. "Yeah, that's probably the smart thing to do. You sure you'll be okay?"

I shrugged and looked back at John. "I think so."

"Well I'll see you later then."

Rod left and I walked back into my room. I grabbed a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt and changed in the bathroom. By now I knew how John was and that he could possibly not be sleeping and was just waiting for a show. I hate to admit it, but the thought made me smile lightly. I sucked in a breath, rolled my eyes and walked back into my room.

Sure enough, John was sitting up right on the bed smiling up at me. I folded my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall. "Care to explain all of this?"

He shoulders fell and he let out a breath. "I guess it's about that time."

"Get to it."

"I'm not going to tell you it if you're going to be all snappy about it."

"John," I warned.

"Ok! Fine. Sheesh," He sucked in a breath. "You know how Jared has relatives that live down the street from you and that's why he was the one to drive you to Arizona at the beginning of the summer?"

"Yeah...."

"Well Jared came up to visit them and I tagged along."

"Is there any particular reason why you did that?"

John looked up at me, his eyebrows raised and his lips pursing. "Isn't that a little obvious?"

I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head. "I thought we were done with this."

"Clearly not."

I turned around to him, placing a hand on my chest. "I am John! I am! I can't do this anymore!"

He bit his lip and I watched in carefully as it slid under his front teeth back into place. His adam's apple bobbed and he looked at the bed comforter for a minute. "Don't tell me that you don't think about me." His voice was low and cautious- almost as if he was scared of his very own words.

I didn't want to lie, but if it could stop this madness that was driving me insane, then I guess I had to.

"I don't."

"You're going out with Rod, aren't you?"

I shook my head. "No I'm not. I'm going out with his brother- who was just downstairs."

"They're from money?"

I sat down on the bed next to John, my eyes glassy and my vision getting cloudy. "I'm sorry John. I really am sorry about the way things had to end, but I knew that this was going to happen from a very young age. I prepared myself for this a long time ago."

"But you don't even like him, do you?"

I sucked in a breath. "It doesn't really matter."

It was quiet for a moment- the only sounds were us breathing and the hum of the lamp next to my bed. I bit back a lip and looked at John, my heart aching and falling apart at the seams.

"I came up here because I wanted to apologize for being such an asshole. I was wrong and I wasn't thinking of things from your point of view. I guess I was just angry because I didn't want you to have this kind of life."

"It was inevitable." I sucked in a breath.

"It shouldn't have to be."

Once again, silence engulfed us and I felt the need to curl up next to John and just fall asleep there. All I wanted was one more night alone with him- just our hearts next to each other beating in sync.

So I moved next to him and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him. I rested my head on his neck and inhaled slowly.

"I'm sorry." I muttered.

"So am I."

John inhaled a sharp breath and looked up at the ceiling. "It's sort of ridiculous how I can just come here and feel like everything's normal again. Look at us right now, " He swallowed hard, biting his lip for a moment. "Sometimes I still feel like you're mine. I still feel like we're together and that after a long day I'm going to come back to the apartment and fall asleep next to you. I came up here because I needed to end this on good terms. You're wrong when you say this was just a fling, Carson. It was anything but."

I remained silent.

"Don't tell me that you don't think about me."

"You obviously don't think of me," I snapped. "you fucked another girl."

"I had to get over you somehow."

"You were a virgin!"

John sat up abruptly. "Did you think that I would wait for you?!" His eyes were wide, a odd mixture of surprise and anger. "What do you think is going to happen? I faced reality- I knew that this wasn't going to happen again and I just had to get over the girl I loved-"

I rolled my eyes. "You did not love me."

"I fucking did too. You clearly didn't realize that us happening again wasn't going to be the way this ended. We're over. You made that clear."

I jumped off my bed. "Then why are you here, John?! Tell me."

"Because I had to apologize."

"No! You just said you wanted one last night and if you wanted one last night that means you're clearly not over it!"

He stood up and rushed over to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. His green eyes sank into mine as he sucked in a breath.

"I can't forget last summer, Carson. I can't fucking forget it and I know you can't either. So why don't we stop kidding ourselves and just own up to how much we miss it and how much all of this sucks."

"You don't think I know this sucks?! You think I was happy to break up with you? I hated the fact that I had to leave."

He ran a hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck. "I can't stop thinking about you."

I didn't reply.

"If I kiss you right now- would that change anything?"

I was suddenly terrified. If he were to kiss me I'd fall into a hole that I wouldn't be able to get myself out of. All of this progress I had made- or at least thought I made. Right now, looking at him, feeling his breath on me, I knew I could fall right back into his arms and never leave.

But I made my decision already. John was a thing of the past that I would have to get over. It was the only option.

"It would make everything worse."

He pursed his lips and nodded his head stiffly. "I know," He then gave a half hearted smile and breathed out a laugh. "It was worth a shot though."

"I'm sorry, John." I muttered.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes, a comforting smile on his lips. "It sucks that we couldn't make this work- and let me tell you, I'm dying on the inside. Like I said, I can't forget last summer and I can't forget you."

"But I get it," He bit his lip for a moment. "As much as I hate to- I get it. I had to grow up and realize it sooner or later."

I wanted to say something, but I wasn't really sure what. So instead, I nodded my head and John left. I fell asleep alone in my bed, but I left the spot where John's body laid alone. I watch as the imprint slowly raised to form it's original spot.

Not only was his indent gone, but so was he.