We Can't Forget Last Summer

"Whoa, okay, let's not get too ahead of ourselves here."

I stifled a smile and jerked up, shaking my head in the process. "I'm not get ahead of myself at all." I looked back down at Rod.

His face was full of confusion and pain. I let out a breath and shrugged. "It doesn't make sense for me to be here anymore, you know?"

He was now the one to stand up. As he did so, he ran a hand through his naturally, unchanging messy hair. He let out a breath and bit his lower lip, giving me a knowing look. Rod was reason. Rod was smart. Rod knew how to live a life by the book.

"It's not that easy to just get up and leave, Carson."

"I'm miserable though! Just the thought of going back makes me excited."

"Don't you remember why you came here in the first place? To make a life for yourself."

"I rather be dirt poor, living in a shack than rich and unhappy. I've lived the rich and unhappy life. Let me tell you something- it's not at all what it's cracked up to be."

Rod stormed off to the kitchen, leaving me alone in the living room with my thoughts. I glanced around and eyed the apartment carefully. The place was a mess and reeked of cologne, tuna fish, and shoes. My shoulders fell over as I came to realize something. Rod knew how I felt. He worked a shitty job, dropped out of school and left his wealthy family.

I followed him into the kitchen. He stood in front of the refrigerator with the door open, examining its storage. "Don't tell me you can't relate to what I'm going through. You so can."

He rolled his eyes, irritated with me. "You can't run away from your problems."

"I'm not running away from any problems," I muttered and shrugged, "I'm just getting the hell our of her before I have to face them."

"So you're avoiding shit- that's just great."

"Oh shut up!" I snapped. "You did the same exact thing because you were unhappy."

Rod slammed the fridge's door shut and turned to me. "It's not as easy as it sounds, okay!? John isn't going to take you back. Don't rip of the roots of your life just for some guy. I thought you were better than that."

"You think this is about John?" I made a face, raising my eyebrows. "This isn't about him at all! This is about my friends in Arizona! My Aunt! My brother! It's the only fucking place I've ever been content in!"

Rod sucked in a sharp breath and peered down at the floor. Piece by piece, everything was coming together. As I watched his glassy, blue eyes shine against the floor I was hit with everything.

"Rod, I want you to come with me."

His eyes met mine and he shook his head stiffly. "I know happiness sounds like the most important thing, but it's not. I don't have money Carson. You don't have money. we don't have degrees. We'd have no place to live. You said yourself that you didn't want to mooch off your Aunt anymore. You have to worry about shit like life insurance and health insurance. It's not a piece a cake and in the long run happiness doesn't mean anything."

"I know all of that. I'm not stupid. But we can do it. I know we can. We'll get jobs and get some shitty apartment together. I have had a savings account since the minute I was born and it all went to a college fund-which I didn't even use. So, I'm loaded in that department," I chuckled lightly to myself. "I've also made some money from jobs when I was in high school I have saved up. And even though it's not a ridiculous amount, I have some shit in my checking account. A lot it from the firm. And knowing you and your family, Rod, you probably have the same situation as me."

He licked his lips and looked at me under his brow. "I can't do this. I'm sorry, but I can't."

We were quiet for a minute as I noticed our positions. I was leaning against the counter, opposite of Rod as he did the same. The air around of was sticky and full of words to say, but known of us could do it. I knew what was coming. If he couldn't come, and if I wasn't coming back- this was it.

"I love you." Rod looked at me.

My eyes stung wildly and I thought back to how before the summer I hardly cried and when I did- no one would see me. I was such a different person now. Either way, I cried. The tears trailing down my cold, damp cheek almost felt good in a way. But at the same time, it was just like saying goodbye to the guys. I was parting with my best friends all over again.

"I love you too," I muttered. "so much." Quickly, I crashed into his chest and his arms held me tightly. He rocked me back and forth and kissed me on top of the head several times. Rod was all I had here and as much as I hated to admit it, I was all he had.

"Out of all the friends I've ever had," he sniffed lightly back up so he could see my face. "you were the god damn best." He bit his lip and examined me carefully.

"Funny how we meet some of the most important people in our lives when we don't expect it. And how the time you have with them is the shortest."

His words made my stomach churn and I hugged him again. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "You have to do this."

I wanted Rod so desperately to come with me. I wanted to see him under the hot, Arizona sun. I wanted him to have a beer with me and Austin. I wanted him to joke around with The Maine. I wanted him to meet Sara. And he wasn't going to do any of that.

But he's right. I can't just uproot him from his life.

"Now get out of here before I have a mental breakdown." He chuckled and gently nudged me out of the kitchen and into the living room.

And so I left, half of my heart heavy as hell and the other as light as a feather. I walked towards my car and drove home in silence, peacefully listening to Nevada's night. Although I hated the idea of leaving Rod behind, my desire and the temptation of Arizona was right and was powerful. It was what I had to do.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Everything was packed and there was one last thing to do.

I looked out at the night through my window. It was moving on midnight and I had to hurry my shit up before I got caught. My four bags were ready by my door and my keys were in my back pocket. I had just left a lengthy message at the bank about separating my accounts from my parents and another message to the phone company telling them to do the same. I was freeing myself.

I could barely contain myself as I sat down at my desk and grabbed my pen. My hands shook with excitement and angst. Here goes nothing.

Dear Mom and Dad,

First things first: I didn't steal any of your money so get that out of your head. In fact, I took the liberty of separating any joint and tied accounts we have that way what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours.

Funny how the first thing I mention is money, right? I knew that's what the two of you were thinking though. I could be dead. It wouldn't matter, would it? You'd just be concerned with whether my murderer stole some cash or a couple of your credit cards. Oh by the way- didn't steal those either.

What I'm getting at here is that money has been my life here. And don't get me wrong- I'm eternally grateful from everything you were ever able to get me. You supplied me with anything I needed and I'm fully aware of how lucky I am because of it. So thank you for that. But life is more than money and I'm truly sorry that you will never be able to realize that.

You will never be able to realize why I loved Uncle Rich so much. You'll never realize how great Tempe truly was. You'll never be able to love each other the way that I had loved someone. And you'll never understand what was so appealing about him in the first place.

You just don't understand. And please, I'm and completely on to the fact that I sound like a whiny teenager and you're so lucky that I wasn't one of those. I was just a 'bad seed' I guess.

Anyway, I'm leaving. Obviously.

Don't bother looking for me- although I'm pretty sure you wouldn't bother anyway. I'm long gone. I'm not marrying Marcus or any other tool that you want me to try out. I'm not wearing a fucking dress any day. I'm not going to be a lawyer, a doctor, or a model. And sure, shake your heads at me and think that I have nothing then.

Maybe I do have nothing. Maybe I'm going to show up at my destination and be screwed. But you know what?

I'm sure it will a whole lot better there than here.

Love,
That girl you gave birth to and failed to raise correctly.

Ps. Have fun not meeting your grandchildren.

A giggled escaped my lips as I wrote out the last line. My mother had always hoped from grandchildren from me and my brother. Well, that's long gone.

I left the note on the table and sucked in a breath. I grabbed my four bags, a sweatshirt and my coat. As I walked to my bedroom door, I heard a car horn outside. I made a face, curious, and walked back over to the window.

A familiar car was parked outside of my house. Rod stood outside of it, his hands folded over his chest, his crooked smile present on his lips.

I couldn't contain myself as I rushed downstairs and out of the house. I dropped my bags on the lawn and rushed over to him, jumping up and hugging him tightly.

"Shh!!" He silenced my laughter and light cheers. "I know, I know. Now get your shit."

"You're really doing this?"

He nodded his head. "I just paid my last rent and packed my bags. I was hoping you hadn't left yet."

I hugged him once again and kissed him on the cheek. "You are the best person I know."

"I'm aware. Now come on and get your stuff. And remember to leave your keys here."

I looked back at my car and let out a sigh. "It was a shitty car anywhere." I smirked as I tossed the keys somewhere on the lawn next to the driveway.

"You are such a jerk."

"They deserve it."

He rolled his eyes and helped me get my bags in the back seat. "Alright. We have a drive ahead of us."

I got into the passenger side and smiled to myself. This was really happening.

As Rod started up the car he said to me, "Get some sleep."

"You sure you don't want any company?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I'm all good. You don't mind if I listen to some music though, do you? I''ll keep it low."

"No, not at all." I rested my head against the window. "If you need some rest and want me to drive just wake me up."

"I don't think that's going to happen," He chuckled lightly. "I had four cups of coffee."

"Oh boy." I breathed out, my eyes slowly becoming heavy.

As I thought of Arizona, the one thing I shouldn't have thought of popped up in my head. And I dreamed about him all night.

My eyes were glued to his bare, exposed back. I swallowed hard, trying to remove them, but I couldn't. He spun around quickly, catching me off guard. "Here," He tossed me a pair of plaid boxers and a large, white v-neck t-shirt of his.

"Thanks." I nodded my head, turning for the hallway bathroom, but I stopped myself.

I held in my smile as I quickly stripped down to my bra and underwear. John turned around once again, now noticing me. His eyes popped lightly, his lips parting then moving into a smirk.

I was just about to throw his shirt over my shoulders, when I was tackled, John's arms wrapping around my torso and throwing me back onto his bed. He climbed over me, smiling down.

"You're beautiful."

I felt my cheeks burn, and I looked away avoiding any eye contact. A guy had never made me feel this way. Never in my life had I experienced something like this.