We Can't Forget Last Summer

The dark room engulfed me. I felt more alone than ever. My body shivered from the cool air and the scratchy blankets covering me weren't helping the situation whatsoever. After about fifteen minutes, the door cracked open. I froze, thinking it must be someone I didn't know. But of course, it wasn't. It was Rod.

He sat next to me and reached out. "You okay?"

I swallowed hard, and shook my head stiffly. "No."

"Austin told us what happened."

I bit my bottom lip hard all while containing my exasperated breaths and tears in. "I'm a terrible person, aren't I?"

Rod scooted over closer to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "No. Of course not. To tell you the truth, everyone is pretty mad at Austin."

I shook my head. "That can't be true."

"It is though. Look Carson, right off the bat everyone knew something was wrong. Even Kennedy said- you look tired. Everyone is aware that something is wrong with-" Rod stopped himself, not sure where to go.

"Wrong with me." I finished his phrase.

He sighed heavily. "Yeah. Something is wrong and Austin took advantage of that."

"Rod, I don't want to be one of those girls who freaks out over a guy. It's not me."

He shrugged and rubbed my back gently. "You're still not. You'll never be that. You've been through a lot of shit, and if I were you I'm not sure how I'd be able to handle it. And everyone deserves their own moments from time to time. Especially those who have been to hell and back."

"I haven't been to hell though." I muttered into the blankets.

"You're allowed to be messed up. It's human."

I coughed lightly and then sat up, hugging Rod tightly and not letting go. Several tears ran down my cheeks and I sniffled lightly and tried to hold them back. Rod pulled me in tighter and then whispered into my ear, "You wanna get out of here?"

I nodded my head and began to get out of bed. I stood in my panties and bra, glancing down at myself. I laughed lightly and rubbed my eyes. "John thought Austin and I had sex."

"That explains why he was so mad." Rod smirked, then his eyes scanned my body, "And of course, how great you look."

I chuckled, but was interrupted once there was a soft knock at the door. Austin stood there awkwardly, "Is this a bad time?"

I shrugged. "Not really."

"I'll leave." Rod walked towards the door. As he exited he leaned back in, giving us a cocky smile. "Now you two kids don't do anything stupid!"

It was a good attempt to lighten the mood. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work.

Austin closed the door behind him and walked towards me as I got dressed carefully. "I'm real sorry about that."

I shrugged. "It's fine." My head stung, and I started to remember the drinks he gave me. What was in that shit?

"It's not, Carson. I took advantage of it. I didn't realize you were-"

I sucked in a breath. "A psycho?"

He shook his head, took several steps towards me, and chuckled lightly. "You're not a psycho."

"Emotionally damaged?"

"No... I guess, sad." He let out a breath as I sucked one in.

"Yeah..... sad."

"I think you're a really great girl." He nodded his head.

I shrugged. "Then why don't you just ask me to be your girlfriend!" I chuckled and bent down to put on my shoes.

"Really?"

His question caught me off guard, so I simply didn't reply. He took a seat next to me and peered over, "Carson?"

I looked up with my eyes tired, yet wide.

"Carson? You wanna try to be my girlfriend?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The store was busy as hell. Sara and I stood in the back filling out paper work and taking care of other business items. Taylor was with us, giving me grins whenever I place my signature on something. I would roll my eyes and try to pretend it wasn't a big deal, but in reality, it was.

The place looked pretty much the same aside from the extension added onto right side of the shop. A small bar with a kitchen-type area was added behind the guitar section and random tables were scattered about, people sitting enjoying their coffees and on their laptops. Another section was added to the back of the shop. It looked like a recording, studio area, but in actuality it was an area for guitar lessons.

"The place looks so great." I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Well it's all your now." Taylor smirked.

"I still can't believe it."

Within seconds, Rod walked into the back office. "You have a visitor, Carson."

"I do? Who?"

Taylor rolled her eyes. "Who do you think?"

I turned to Sara. "Are we all done here?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "It seems so. I just need to get a few more copies and licenses for you to sign, but I probably won't have those until tomorrow."

"Okay. That sounds good. I'm going to go see who that is."

I walked out of the office, and behind the counter. Standing in the record section stood Austin glancing through some vinyls.

"Hey." I smiled while walking over to him.

He looked up at me and grinned. "Hey," He responded as I approached him.

His lips met mine and he gave me a quick peck. "How's the business going?"

I shrugged. "It's not mine just yet."

Just then, the bell on the front door rung indicating a new customer was entering the store. Instinctively, I glanced up, but froze upon discovering who it was.

John stood there with his girlfriend looking around the store, smiling lightly to himself. But when his eyes found Austin and I, our fingers locked and standing too close to each other his smile was wiped off his face dramatically.

"I've come to the conclusion I'm going to be murdered." Austin whispered.

"Shhhh," I turned to him. "It'll be fine."

John, hand in hand with his girlfriend came towards us. "Hey!" She smiled, recognizing Austin I assume.

"Hello Mel. How are you?"

She gave him an award wining smile and shrugged. "Oh you know, same old same old. And you?"

I examined her carefully. She was neat and clean and pretty much perfect. Her soft, light brown hair had a slight wave to it and her skin shared a glow that only Arizona could give her. Her dress was white with a pink and green floral pattern and on her wrist was a silver charm bracelet.

It was then that I realized something.

This was the girl John lost his virginity to.

"Oh I'm fine," Austin grinned, then turned to me. "Have you met my gal, Carson?"

Fucking hell, he had to call me his gal? Right in front of John? I mean, I'm sure he knew by now- but come on.

"Oh I've heard much about you." She stuck out her hand and I shook it lightly. Her voice was golden and pure. Everything about her was wonderful.

"It's nice to meet you" was all I could manage to say. What was I suppose to say? "I've actually have to go. I have to take care of some business. " I dropped Austin's hand and moved towards the door.

"I'll see you around."

"Hey," Austin muttered, grabbing my arm and pulling me back to him. His lips hit mine with force, and the whole thing was a bit awkward.

I barely smiled as I broke. I couldn't help, but glance at John who's face was pain stricken. I quickly rushed out of the store.

It wasn't until I was outside did I realize I didn't have a car. Somewhat surprisingly, John and Mel walked out of the store several minutes later. I walked up to them, fearless, and asked, "I know this is a big favor and I'll owe you later, but can you drive me to the cemetery?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Riding in the backseat of a car where you always used to ride in the front seat is beyond weird and uncomfortable.

John drove the car and Mel sat shotgun-obviously. Soft music played on the radio and other than that there was no noise whatsoever.

I watched their relationship intensely. To be honest, they barely spoke, but that may be on account that I'm here. After a steady five minutes of awkwardness, Mel turned around a huge smile on her face.

"So you just moved back, right?"

I nodded my head. "Correct."

"How was Nevada?"

I didn't have to give this girl a huge story. "Pretty shitty."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

She swallowed and sucked in a breath. "Where are you living now?"

"Greenword Apartment Complex."

John spoke before she could. "What?"

"That's the same as John!" Mel laughed.

I nodded my head. "Yep. My brother is there too. The apartments are pretty cheap and also nice. My friend Rod is my roommate."

"Oh, good for you!" She smiled. "How long have you been back?"

"About two and half weeks."

"Wow, and you already have everything together. Good for you."

I nodded my head. "Thanks."

We pulled up to Tempe's only cemetery, and my heart dropped. "Thank you for the ride." I said as I opened the car door.

"Hey, won't you need a ride back?" Mel asked.

"That's alright. I'll call Rod."

Finally, Mel wasn't the one the speak. John scoffed, "Not Austin?"

I shot him daggers. "Or maybe I will call Austin. Jeez."

I closed the door behind me and walked into the cemetery, sucking in the cool, winter air. It had been too long since I had been here last. If I remembered where his headstone was to begin with it'll be a miracle.

Ten minutes later I was still wandering around.

"It's over here." A voice from behind me spoke out.

I turned around to find John, waving me over to where he stood. I walked over to him. "Where in hell have you been this entire time? I walked past this spot like thirty times."

He shrugged. "I dropped Mel off."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

I glanced down at the headstone, sucking in a breath. I pursed my lips then plopped down on the ground so I was face to face with the stone. Above me, John chuckled softly. I glanced up at him. "Do you mind if I have a minute alone?"

John put his hands up. "Not a problem."

He walked away, I'm not sure where to, but he walked away. Sucking in a breath and clearing my throat I prepared myself. My eyes scanned my Uncle Rich's headstone with careful caution.

"I'm sorry it's been forever," I began. "I guess it just never made sense to visit you. And to be honest, me talking to a rock in the ground still seems a little ridiculous to me. But I know you're down there."

"Wait. I mean down below me- like your body. I know your soul is in heaven and god, I sound awful right now." I let out a laugh.

I started to tell him everything. I'm sure he already knew, but either way, it was important for me to get it all out.

"And then there's John," I shook my head, laughing. "everything with him is such a mess. I know you wanted us to know each other, but some people just don't attract I guess. We can't do anything functionally. And here we are now, practically physically incapable of having a normal conversation.

"Everything is a mess, but somehow at the same time everything is great. I'm happy- for the most part. And now that I'm back here I think things will get better. It only makes sense to."

"It'll get better."

John's voice from behind me caused me to jump and fall back. I looked back at him, sucking in a breath and shaking my head. "You scared me." I muttered, before standing up and brushing off my jeans. "What did you say?"

John cleared his throat, "I said it will get better."

I scoffed, "And how do you know that?"

He shrugged. "I don't really. I guess it's just because you're back where you belong."

I looked down at the grass below me. I pursed my lips trying to think of something to say, but of course nothing came to mind. I looked back up at John who seemed to be standing a whole lot closer than ten seconds ago.

"You have a great job, an apartment, friends, and a boyfriend. What's more to ask for?"

And that's when I knew the problem. I wanted John. I didn't want Austin. He was just filling some strange gap inside of me.

Despite knowing this all I could say was "I don't know."

"Why'd you move back?"

"I was unhappy."

"But that's where you wanted to be."

I shook my head drastically. "God," I muttered, "I've said it once and I'll say it again- just because I left doesn't mean I wanted to."

John reached out to me, but his arm fell halfway back to his side. He sucked in a sharp breath, "You have Austin."

Austin isn't you.

"I know."

"So be happy."

My head snapped up to him. "Do you even realize what you're saying? It's a whole lot harder than it seems."

He rolled his eyes and I spat, "Are you happy?"

He shrugged. "I guess so."

"No! You can't guess so. It's a yes or no answer."

"Well I don't know then!"

"Then why don't you just be fucking happy!"

He paused before speaking. His shoulders were hiked up and ready to give me some sort of response, but fell flat. He looked down at his feet and let out a breath. "Okay, I get it." He muttered.

So that was it. John took me back to the store without a word left over. He left. I went inside.

After everything this is what we were. Nothing.