We Can't Forget Last Summer

"When did you get here?"

Taylor looked up from her spot at the camp fire. She smiled lightly and shrugged. "Late last night."

"And what tent did you stay in?"

Her eyes flickered to a tent across the way. I followed her scan only to discover Rod at the other end of it. After last night's incident I slept in the same tent as Kennedy and Garrett. Rod was originally going to stay in the tent with us, but instead snuck out claiming it was "too crowded." Austin had also decided to abandon our tent and sleep with people I didn't know.

So basically Rod had a tent to himself.

Apparently not.

"Are you kidding me?" I laughed, "What?"

She shrugged a hint of pink flushing across her cheeks. "I don't know..."

"What happened?"

She bit on her lip, stifling a smile but simultaneously holding in her guilt. Sucking in a breath, she confessed, "He kissed me."

"Uh-"

I didn't even have time to form words. "And I kissed him back."

"What the fuck!"

"I know!" She placed a hand on her head, "I'm a horrible person. I feel so bad."

I shook my head. "No you don't."

"You're right. I don't." She paused for a minute and glanced over at Rod. "He's just so.......attractive."

Shrugging, I commented, "I'm aware."

"Don't tell Carter."

I shrugged, "I won't."

"You really don't hate me right now? I cheated on your brother."

"Yeah, but I know Rod sort of likes you," I pursed me lips and cringed. "I probably shouldn't have said that."

"He likes me?"

"Something like that. He's weird. Not a relationship kind of guy. That's why I'm not too concerned. I know nothing will come of it."

I tried to ignore Taylor's excited expression fade away. She cleared her throat. "I see," She paused for a moment, then brought up another subject. "Are you going to Sara's tonight?"

I popped a piece of gum in my mouth, offered Taylor a piece-which she accepted-and nodded my head. "That dinner thing, right? I'm bringing Rod-speak of the devil. Who's coming."

"John."

"Oh, fuck me."

She placed a hand on my shoulder. "Hate to make this even harder, but Mel is tagging along. Are you bringing Austin?"

I laughed lightly although nothing about any of this was funny. "Originally-yeah I was. But I don't think we are together anymore."

"You don't think?"

"We almost had sex last night."

"Yeah?"

"And then John and Rod came to the rescue."

"Okay?"

"I told him that when we were going out that I loved him."

"Alright, so you had some sort of epiphany."

"Right. And then John played two songs and I'm about ninety eight percent sure both were about me in some form, even as conceited as that sounds."

Taylor shrugged. "It's highly probable."

"That's what I thought. Then I realized that when he visited me in Nevada he wasn't with Jared and he just drove there for the hell of it. Meanwhile, he was going out with Mel then. And we talked a bit more and we almost kissed."

"Jesus Christ."

"Tell me about it."

Taylor helped me take down the tent carefully and packed up the rest of all my crap. She said that she would drive Rod and I back to our apartment, and we left without saying goodbye to John or Austin. And damn, was that an awkward car ride with the two of them.

So, Taylor dropped us off at our apartment and we took showers and naps and ate food until six o'clock when we realized it was time to get our shit together and actually make ourselves look decent.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I sat alone in my "room" at Sara's house. I grazed my fingers across the white bedspread that I fell in love with upon first sight. I laid back on it, extending my arms across and sucking in a deep breath. Just simply closing my eyes took my back to the summer day's where even though it seemed like a mess, it really wasn't. I wanted it back so badly. I didn't want to be an adult anymore. I wanted to be a stupid, angsty teenager in love and making bad decisions. I wanted to laugh for no reason and cry for no reason again. I wanted to feel alive.

Being dead wasn't what I had planned at the end of the summer. I knew that becoming an adult and moving back to Nevada was going to be a bitch. I knew that clear, but I hadn't recognized how hard the transition was in general. My heart and whole body ached terribly and I didn't want to admit that it was because of a boy.

I was Carson Thomas-the heart breaker. I didn't fall for boys; they fell for me. I rip their hearts out of their chests and stomped on them like the child I always was. And I realized that I still was a heart breaker and that's why I hated me life so terribly.

I hated destroying John and making him go through all this. I hated just showing back up here and only making it harder. I hated leading Austin on when in reality the only reason I used him was to picture him as John. And now, where ever the fuck he is, he must be hurting in some way or another.

And in the end, by hurting everyone else, I only hurt myself.

So, as I stared at the ceiling I recognized something must be done and it has to happen soon. I knew that coming back to Arizona was destructive in a way, but in another it was the first step to solving problems despite it hurting John and result in hurting me too. But either way, it was leading me in the right direction.

I got off the bed and took a last look around my vacant ''room'' before exiting and walking down the hallway and into the lively kitchen. Now, Sara stood at the counter, chopping vegetables with Carter. Taylor sat at the island mixing a salad and Rod sat next to her smiling at her every movement.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Sara looked up suddenly and gave me a warm smile. "We're actually just about done! Dinner is basically ready and the O'Callaghans should be here any minute."

Swallowing hard, I nodded my head limply.

I took a seat on the other side of Taylor, but she got up at that same moment and walked into the dining room. Sara and Carter left the room as well, so I turned to Rod. He let out a breath and shook his head, "I'm in deep shit and I can't even talk to you about it."

"Then don't." I muttered non-nonchalantly. "Just act. Don't think."

"Isn't that sort of destructive?"

I shrugged, "Isn't everything destructive in it's own way?"

He sucked in a breath, "I guess."

"Don't be like me, Rod. Please don't just ignore your feelings because they're going to come back when it's too late. You're not going to be able to do anything then. Do it now."

A knock on the front door sent my stomach into a whirlpool. I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes. I still felt his body close to mine, his hands holding my face. I smelt him too. I smelt past the new cigarette smoke. I smelt the John I remembered from the summer.

"Hello!" Sara sang after opening the door. "Welcome! Come right in."

I kept my back to the door. I wasn't ready.

But apparently some part inside of me was.

I slid off the chair and walked towards the front door cheerfully. "Oh Carson! You look lovely!" Lea smiled and pulled me into a warm hug.

"Thank you! You look great as well."

She laughed lightly, thanked me, and then turned her attention to Rod. "It's nice to see you again!"

"Likewise." They both laughed and Lea moved on to Taylor who was behind me.

Mr. O'Callaghan came up to me next. I hadn't seen him in a long time. I didn't even remember his first name. "Long time, no see, Carson." He looked surprise to see me.

To much of my surprise, he hugged me and gave me a comforting smile and pat on the back. I laughed lightly, "It has been a...very log time."

"We missed ya, kid."

Mr. O'Callaghan introduced himself to Rod and then the two of them started to talk to Carter. Then, i front of me appeared Shane and Ross with two ridiculous smirks on their faces.

"Oh, God." I muttered, already rolling my eyes.

"You didn't say goodbye to us."

Ross's comment caught me off guard. For a second, I stared blankly at the two of them. "...What?"

"When you left," He began, "you didn't stop over and say goodbye."

My heart sank. "Oh man, you guys, I am so sorry."

Shane shrugged. "It's alright. We forgive you."

"Plus," Ross grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. "now that John's out of the picture and you're single...."

Suddenly, the giant himself appeared next to Ross and nudged him in the arm. "Shut it, Ross. She's never going to date you. Get over it."

Mel stood next to John, clinging to his arm and smiling, "Hi Carson."

"Hi," I waved lightly. "welcome."

"You're Aunt has a very nice home."

I glanced around the pace and nodded my head. "Yeah. It's homey."

"Generally home's are homey." John held out his hand.

"Oh," I rolled my eyes. "Sorry I wasn't sure about that one."

"That's okay," He grinned.

I smiled back, almost embarrassed over absolutely nothing. John sucked in an obvious breath, bit his lip and look down at me for a moment. His eyes averted after a long glance and then let out an, "Oh, uh. Let's go to the kitchen."

John and Mel left me in the foyer with Shane and Ross. I was dumbfounded and weak in the knees. Dear lord his damn green eyes and perfect laugh and wonderful smile just.... get me. They make me want to faint.

Ross looked at me in shock. "You guys can't do that kind of stuff."

I raised an eyebrow. "What kind of stuff?"

"He has a girlfriend now." Shane interrupted.

"You can't flirt." Ross said.

"Oh please," I rolled my eyes, "that was not flirting."

"It so was. You don't get it, all flirting doesn't have to be seductive and sexual and shit. It's just that playful stuff. Which you and John always use to do. Break the habit before Mel goes after you."

Shane snorted, "Honestly?" He looked at his brother. "Mel? The girl wouldn't hurt a fly. She's as weak as one though."

"She also has a weird rack." Ross commented.

"Shut up," I narrowed my eyes at them, "I am not taking part in this."

"Just look at it. It's like......lopsided."

"Ross- shut the fuck up."

"You know you want to hate her." He folded his arms across his chest.

"I do not. She seems nice."

"She is nice," Shane nodded his head. "But she's like a weird hippie and she doesn't shave her armpits or something.... I don't even know."

Ross shook his head, "You want to hate her and John wants to hate her so he could have a reason to break up with her."

"That's bullshit," I laughed, "they look happy."

"He looked happier with you." Ross remarked.

"I second that." Shane nodded his head.

"Go.... eat or something. Leave me alone."

Ross sighed heavily and shrugged. The two boys started towards the kitchen and I followed behind them. Abruptly, Ross turned around and looked me in the eyes. "You God damn know that John is keeping an eye on the two of us tonight and you know why. You also know that if I were to kiss you right now he'd beat the living shit out of me. And if you don't realize what that's saying about his feelings towards you, than you are not as smart as I thought you were, Carson."

I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to think it was true. My intentions for tonight was to clear the air. To apologize for the millionth time, but this time truly mean it. I was ready to move on and forget John and all this shit.

But it was true. All of it.