We Can't Forget Last Summer

My palms were sweaty and my heart was pounding as I made my way up the complex's stairs. The dry Arizona heat bathed against my back, intensely scanning my back. Despite this, the blood that ran wild through my veins was as cold as ice. My whole body shivered as I made my way into the hallway, my eyes moving down each door I passed.

When I arrived at my room, I contemplated going in, and before I really could think, I found myself pushing my keys into the lock and opening the door slowly. Poking my head through, I notice immediately two heads lip locking on the couch in the living area. I paused for a moment, my eyes scanning the long hair and short hair becoming one. I made a face, then cleared my throat.

The two broke free, pushing themselves away from each other, both acting as if nothing was just happening. Stepping into the apartment slowly, I closed the door behind me, and inhaled a sharp breath. "Well then."

Rod sat on the far end of the couch, leaning his head upward and turning around to me. "You're back! Look at that. How are you feeling?"

I smirked, "Oh, you are not getting out of this one."

"Didn't think so," He whispered to himself.

I walked around the couch so I was in front of the two of them. Taylor sat on the other end of the couch, her head in her hands, her eyes desperately scanning the floor. She rubbed her temples and groaned out loud. "Oh God, I'm in deep shit."

I was about to verbally attack the girl, but now, my heart sank along with my shoulders. I plopped down on the coffee table and pouted. Different ideas of what to say next continuously popped into my head, but nothing seem to fit the situation properly. I couldn't make Taylor feel upset, but still, she was dating another guy who happened to be my brother. Yet again, this was Rod, and I knew how Rod felt about her.

"Okay, fine, fine-this is what we're going to do here-"

Rod cut me off by standing up and flailing his arms. "No!" He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "God fucking dammit, what is with everyone? Carson, you can't give us advice on how to run our relationship when you're still hung up on a past one of yours. You don't know anything about relationships. You don't and you know it. So, unless you're planning on marching down the hall and settling with John right this second, then you cannot-and I repeat- cannot tell us what to do."

That's when I stood up and marched out of the apartment.

As I continued marching towards my original intentions, something caught in my throat. Behind me, Rod ran out of the apartment along with Taylor.

"Wait! No, Carson, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that!"

I turned around, shaking my head.

He didn't say anything else. Instead, he bit his lip and nodded his head skeptically. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I turned around and walked forward. This cliche sentimental feeling overwhelmed me. The heartache of John being with someone else welled up inside of me, stabbing me over and over again in the stomach and feeling like someone physically squeeze my heart, interlocking their fist around it. I couldn't breathe, yet at the same time, it was the only thing keeping me alive. I could only keep walking and wing it, because in all honesty, I had no idea what I was doing anymore.

By the time I reached his door, I couldn't keep myself from knocking. I wanted to close my eyes and wait for the horror to begin, but I found that I wasn't even able to blink. I looked down the hallway anxiously to find Taylor and Rod, holding hands, and watching me.

It wasn't until now that I realized so much more goes on outside of your own little world. I mean, look at Taylor and Rod. I had no idea any of that was happening.

And then there was the thought that I never believed I would be in love with someone. I wasn't never a relationship girl, and John never was a relationship boy, but somehow we found ourselves in one, driven mad by love. Driven to pure insanity by this stupid thing that I never pictured myself even believing in.

When this stupid idiot answered the door part of me was so angry, and the other part was full of anguish and desire and just pure admiration. He looked down at me with the same green eyes and glow in them he had the first time I met him. Here he was- the boy who wolf-whistled at me, the boy who grabbed my wrists, the boy who danced with me and sang to me, the boy who fell asleep on the beach with me.

It was the guy I thought I hated, but really knew I loved. He amazed me, somehow. And I hated thinking about him, but it was all I did.

"I'm-"

I couldn't even finish because within the next five seconds, his arm snaked around my waist and he pulled me up to him. His lips grazed upwards against mine before pressing into them. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer. He held my body tight against his, picking me up off the ground.

Waves of nostalgia caused my head to fill with a spirited, drowsy mist. As his sweet, familiar and glorious lips connected with mine, I knew this is where I belonged. I needed him. And I kissed back and it wasn't aggressive or rushed or filled with lust. It was us. It was our old relationship and the sweetness and liveliness of it. His lips continued to find mine and continued to move in sync.

I felt like a cloud. I was flying.

Despite this, I pulled away only to discover his green eyes soaking into mine. I smiled and licked my bottom lip before finishing my sentence.

"I'm still in love with you."

I couldn't know what John was thinking. I didn't know, and as curious as I was, I knew knowing was going to be disastrous. As mush as I mistake I knew this was, part of me felt fulfilled. This is what John and I were. It was closure in a sense. And despite my longing and thickening desire for him, he had to make the decision because I was done. I did all that I possibly could.

I wasn't hurt when he didn't reply. When heart didn't ache terrible and my eyes didn't feel as if needle soaked through into them. I smiled at him gracefully, shrugged and walked down the hall.

I was only about three steps away, when I felt a familiar grasp tug on my wrist.

Mu heart fluttered without even recognition of what was going on. I bit back a smile, then turned around. John stood, grinning like an idiot, his eyes flickering from mine to the wrist in his hand. He slowly raised my hand and kissed my fingers gently, his wonderful eyes never leaving mine.

"So, you really do live a couple apartments down."

I nodded my head, my lips aching from stifling my smile. "I really do."

After several moments, his face fell and he bit his lip. He backed away from me, running a hand through his already messy hair. He looked out towards the road and parking lot. He purses his lips and shook his head. "Shit."

I couldn't help but force out a light, dry laugh. He looked over at me, raising an eyebrow. "You think this whole thing is funny?"

I shrugged, "It is amusing in the slightest."

Licking his lips hastily, he laughed lightly and shrugged carelessly. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm so God damn confused. You make me mad and confused and ecstatic and nervous and every time I talk to you my throat burns and I'm afraid of sounding like an idiot. You hurt me, but I hurt you and sometimes I wish we can get back together but I know that's not the thing I'm suppose to think. I'm suppose to think about Mel and that I should get married and if we were to go ahead and pursue this... desire, then we would just end up destroying ourselves altogether again. We're destined for a tragedy, but something about that is so appealing. All I know is that if I'm going to fall head first into a disaster, I want you to be by my side.

He chuckled lightly, looking around nervously, "That was suppose to be a compliment."

I took a step forward and placed a hand on John's cheek, "I'm done trying, John. I love you. That's it. I've loved you this entire time, but I get it. You've got to do your thing. And as much as it will kill me to see Mel walking down the aisle to you, I know it'll be for the best. Like you said..... tragedy."

Swallowing hard, he shook his head, "No. You're wrong. I'm mean-well-you are right. You shouldn't have to do any more. But, no one ever said that a tragedy can't be beautiful."

I didn't say anything.

"I don't have to figure things out, Carson. I already know."

"Then what is it?"

"It's fighting with you. It's driving you around in my kidnapper's van. It's making you pancakes. It's falling asleep next you. And it's bringing you home to my parents. It's you. God, it's always you. Every day it has been. It will always be you."

I hadn't realized until now the tears rolling down the cheeks. John wiped them away, but I shook my head, sniffing. "Then why are you marrying Mel?"

He bit his lip, "I thought you didn't love me anymore."

"I threw up at the thought of you marrying someone else. What more can that say?" I laughed.

"That is true."

I looked at John for a minute, not quite sure where to go from. Everything was so simple, yet incredibly difficult at the same time. After letting out a sigh I said, "You need to figure you're shit out. I understand that," smiling lightly, I laughed lightly, "You know where to find me when you're ready."

"Okay," He suppressed a smile, nodding his head.

"Okay."

We looked at each other and smiled like idiots. I was biting my lip like a mother, and his eyes were floating right into mine. I wanted to giggle, I wanted to shriek out of pure joy. My whole body shook and I could feel my cheeks heating up.

God dammit why was he so good looking?

"I should go," I finally spoke up.

"Yeah, me too."

John leaned in, closing his eyes. As tempting as it was, I placed a hand on his chest and held him back, smirking. His eyes fluttered open, surprised by my wall. When he saw my grin, his lips curled upward.

I raised my eyebrows, "Not yet."

He looked at me without a word, but I could tell by just his smile that he knew.

We parted and I walked my way back down the hallway. Taylor and Rod stood outside still, dumbfounded and mouths open. I walked past them and into the apartment, smirking. Once both of them followed me in and closed the door, I let out a loud, sugary sigh and fell back on the couch, clutching a pillow close to my chest.

"I've never seen her like this." Rod commented.

Taylor's eyes were wide with confusion, "Neither have I."

"What's wrong with her?" Rod asked.

I let out a giggle and clutched the pillow even tighter, waving my legs and feet in the air.

"Is she fucking high?" Rod walked towards me.

Taylor sighed as she sat down on the love chair across from the couch. "John just kissed her and I'm pretty sure that is the equivalent of lighting up a blunt for her."

"Maybe I should kiss John."

More uncontrollable laughter erupted from me chest and traveled up my esophagus. I rolled onto my side, not realizing the end of the couch was right next to me. Instantly, I fell off the couch, letting out a grunt, but then continued on laughing.

"Mother of God, should we sedate her?"

Taylor sighed, "At least it got her off our case."

"True."

I finally seemed to get a grip on myself, letting out an exhausted breath, and stood up. "I'm in love. I am in lone so much. Oh my fucking God I love John O'Callaghan. I said it! Is everyone happy? I LOVE JOHN."

Taylor wiggled her eyebrows, "This is coming from the girl who use to claim that she hated him."

I fell back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "Have you ever seen him before, though? He has these eyes that only God himself could have constructed. And he's so fucking tall and every time I see him without a shirt I feel... things. And shit, he's perfect. His voice. He's like Jesus for fuck's sake. He's so wonderful. I love him. I love him so much."

"Damn.... she feels things." Taylor laughed.

"I think you seem to be forgetting a major thing here, Carson. He's getting married."

I sat up straight, the buzzing in my head fading. I smiled lightly, "He's going to figure it out."

Rod rolled his eyes, stood up abruptly and snapped, "Right. How could you be so blinded, right now? I thought you were smarter than that. It's either Mel or it's you, Carson. Stop letting him run your life."

And with that, he stormed off to his room. I pursed my lips and looked over at Taylor, who gave me a weak smile. I exhaled heavily and shook my head, "I am stupid, aren't I?"

"No, you're not. Rod just cares about you. He doesn't know John like we do."

"But, John is getting married. He's not just going to break that up for an ex-girlfriend, is he?"

Taylor stood up, laughing lightly to herself. She made her way to the door and took hold of the handle, her hand lingering there for a moment. "When are you going to understand that you weren't just some 'girl' to John? You changed him. He changed you. Something happened there."

She opened the door, but before stepping out she said one last thing.

"Just give it time."