We Can't Forget Last Summer

Three Summers Later

I wasn't a good kid. I wasn't the child that every parent adored. I wasn't the kid that came home every afternoon with exceptional grades. I wasn't the child that behaved in an appropriate manner.

I wasn't the girl you took home to your parents. I wasn't the girl you asked out on a date. I wasn't even the girl that you admired from afar.

I was brutal. I was unscripted. I was flawed. I was rough. I was gritty. I was explosive. And above all, I was a mess.

Then, on a boiling summer day at the age of nineteen I found myself in Tempe, Arizona.

I'm still everything I was. The power of Tempe and all of the people there do not hold the ability to change all that composed me. I still bicker. I'm still hot-headed. And I most certainly am still flawed. There was no way I could erase who I was. Leaving the past behind you doesn't erase who you truly are. And thinking about it now, I realize I don't want to leave that person behind me. That person, that unruly girl within me, is the only reason I'm where I am now.

As I sit here on this lovely, soft, white comforter covering my bed, I know that I am home. I know that this home in one way or another defines me. My eyes flicker to the window on my left. The wide range of desert and vacancy taunts me. There still is a long way to go before I find out the other half of me. Others, I believe, would argue with me. They would say I'm a completely different person than the girl that stepped into Tempe a mere three years ago. They would say I'm softer now. They would say I'm more responsible; less reckless. They would say I'm in love.

And yes, all of that is true. But I know that within me is the same girl. I mean, I am the same person in the end, aren't I?

I glanced down at the delicate, composition paper in my hand. It was quite elegant; reminding me of the life I once had. I slid my fingers along the edges carefully, my eyes not reading the words, but rather glancing over the detailed border around them.

There was no need to look at the words, anyway. I had read them over and over again within the past hour. I knew the words already. They were precise and surprisingly meaningful. They were written in the beautiful, classic handwriting I had admired when I was a girl. A handwriting that I wished I could have possessed. Instead, I found myself with chicken scratch.

I wasn't surprised when Carter dropped off the envelope addressed from Nevada. As he passed it over, the tips of our fingers touching lightly, he studied my face carefully. I didn't flinch, though. I expected this at some point. I knew one of them would try to reach out to me once they felt that I would have grown up.

I took the letter into the kitchen, opening it carefully with precision. Something about ripping either sides of the envelope frightened me.

Once the composition paper slipped out of the enveloped, I took it into my bedroom, sitting down on the bed cross-legged and opening it. I sucked in a deep breath before I began to read.

"Dear Carson,

I do not know where you currently reside, so I am hoping your brother does, which I am sure he does. I contemplated sending this to your Aunt, but I found her unfit for this. This belongs within our immediate family, one that is now broken and torn beyond repair; something that most individuals would find heart wrenching or devastating, yet we all seem to carry on and conduct ourselves rather well. However, it is true I would not know your case. Although I am sure that you're doing fine. I'm absolutely sure that you're beyond ecstatic to be away from the lifestyle you once had.

Carson, I should have known who you were by the time you were nineteen. I should have recognized that child that was eager to escape. I had carried you myself and I had seen you as a small girl. You were destructive and powerful. You were a handful that I couldn't take care of properly. Therefore, you found yourself with nanny after nanny.

I should have known you weren't going to respect my plans for you. I shouldn't have even made plans for you. But despite this, the ways in which both of us acted were at a total fault. But then again, I suppose that is understandable. We have our stubbornness in common. We're hard-headed and eager. We accept no other options than the ones we planned for ourselves.

I know this letter is beyond late, but I've been thinking about you a lot lately. When you left us that letter I was beyond angered and therefore, almost couldn't be bothered. I ignored the pain I had because I didn't realize I had it. For the longest time I felt as if I didn't have a daughter to begin with. I drowned my pain in work, but after awhile the horror of having a child gone sets in. Even for a child that I was never close to to begin with.

I apologize. I am truly sorry for the grief we both have, I suppose. I'm sorry for trying to suppress you. I don't expect you to reach out to me. All I want to do is wish you the best with whatever your life is holding. I wish you experience all there is to life because I believe that I have missed my chance. I would like to imagine that you're going out to do everything I have missed. So please, cherish, enjoy, love, and live.

Sincerely,
Your Mother"

I wasn't quite sure what to make of the letter. I had pushed the problems of my family so far behind me that I didn't care anymore. I had my own family. I had Sarah and Carter. I had Lea, Shane and Ross. I had my boys. I had John.

She said that she doesn't expect me to reach out to her and I know that I won't. There's no reason to go back. There's no reason to add something to my life that I don't wish for. I don't need closure. I never needed it. And if anything, this letter was the closure I didn't need.

Some would call me cruel. Some would call me uncaring. But this was something that dated back to long before Tempe, Arizona changed me.

I put the letter in the drawer next to my side of the bed. I had decided that keeping it would be nice in some way. To get my mind off of it, I took out some paper work and billing papers that needed to be taken care of for the store. However, my mind wandered to something else; Someone else.

Currently, The Maine was on tour in Europe. They wouldn't be returning for another week, which naturally, would make this the longest week of my life. So far, they've been gone for a grueling two month. Of course I talk to John everyday whether it's over the phone, texting, or on Skype. The time zone difference fucks me over a bit, but I don't mind. I spend most of my days with Sarah and occasionally go out to lunch with Lea. Every now and then I meet up with Shane and Ross to hang out with them. Sometimes I walk over to Carter's apartment and watch a movie with him, but that wouldn't work anymore. He was moving in with his girlfriend of a year, a sweet girl named Hannah, who I've become pretty good friends with.

Some days, when I'm not working at the store, I hang around John and I's apartment. I had moved in the same one he always had about a year and a half ago. Rod moved out of the complex and into a small house that Kennedy bought and the two of them threw wild house parties from time to time.

I never wanted to just be waiting around for the guys and John. So I took up some business classes at the University to help me with the store. The classes and work could be grueling from time to time, but they kept me busy and introduced me to some new friends, which is a lot more than what I could ask for.

I began to immerse myself with work. I sat on the bed, cross legged, staring at and reading papers and writing down many different things. I had must have been doing it for a solid two hours before I was interrupted.

I was just beginning to read something about a new shipment of guitars coming in when I felt two hands press down on my shoulders. Knowing that I was home alone, I let out a hurtling shriek, yet my body, completely shocked and horrified, didn't move.

Behind me, an easy recognizable laugh was audible. I whipped my head around, my eyes growing wide. I jumped up onto my feet on the bed, which allowed me to tower over the normally giant figure. I let out a gasp and jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. He held me tightly, shaking me back and forth, "Hey," He laughed.

"What are you doing here?!" I exclaimed as he set me down on the bed. I moved back so he had room to climb on next to me.

I stared at John in awe. He was home a week early. And he just scared me half to death. However, something seemed to be off. Usually, when John got back from being out of the country for an extended period of time, he looked a jet lagged and beyond tired. However, right now he seemed wide awake and was even wearing something fairly nice-clean black jeans and a black button down with a white v-neck underneath it. He glowed as he started to explain.

"The last few shows were cancelled so we were able to get home a little earlier than usual."

Although I was beyond happy he was home, I couldn't help but wonder about the shows. "Why were they cancelled?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I don't know- Venue stuff. Who cares? I'm home!" He fell on top of me, pinning me to the bed. He began to give me soft kisses all over my face. One on the forehead. One of my left cheek. One of my right. One of my nose. And then, one of my lips, which lasted much longer than the others.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, "I missed you." I muttered.

"I missed you, too." He breathed out, "Seeing you right here is so much better than talking to you over a stupid computer."

"I know," I said as my fingers brushed back his hair on the sides of his head.

John sat up abruptly, then looked down at me, "Want to visit Rich?"

I shrugged, "Yeah. Sure. Let me get my shoes on."

Although both John and I often went to see my Uncle Rich's grave, we normally didn't do so right when John got home. I found it a little odd that he wanted to go right this second. I got the feeling that something must have happened while on tour. I didn't pester him though. As we drove to the cemetery I asked John questions about the tour, which he excitedly answered. He told me all about the places the guys visited and promised to show me pictures once we got back to the apartment.

Once we got to the cemetery, John and I walked hand in hand to Rich's grave. The two of us stared at it for quite some time before I turned to John and said, "He would be so proud of you."

It still fascinated me to no end that John and my Uncle Rich were so close. I had this knowledge with me for a decent amount of time, yet every picture I saw, every story I heard just seemed so new and amazing. I would rather hear stories about John and my Uncle than me and my Uncle. From what I could gather, they had a strong bond. Rich taught him how to play guitar and even encouraged him to pursue a career in music. And here is John now-touring the world. It's crazy.

John hadn't replied to what I had said. I turned around questioningly, but stopped dead in my tracks, an enormous lump growing in my throat as I found him on the ground.

I looked down at him as he peered up at in on one knee. I can't even described the earthquake or the volcano erupting within my stomach. I stared at him with intense eyes, unable to break the gaze.

He sucked in a sharp breath and started, "My mom once told me about this girl who I fought over a toy truck with. She said something about how knowing that girl is a privilege in itself. Truth be told, at the time, I had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't remember the girl and I didn't understand why knowing her would be so important."

He was shaking. I was shaking.

"I didn't know that I was interconnected with this girl in so many ways. I didn't understand who she was. I saw pictures. I saw videos. But she was a mystery to me. That is, until the day I saw her walking into her house. And then I just saw her everywhere. And soon, I found out that this was the girl I always wondered about. The girl that my idol thought was perfect for me. And in all honesty, for quite some time I was baffled by that," He let out a soft laughed, "She made me crazy. I wanted to rip my hair out and I know that I wanted to make her rip her hair out. And that's when I realized that we were perfect for each other."

He swallowed and sucked in another breath, "Carson Thomas-which by the way is still the twelfth most common last name in the United States-you have easily become the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know how I managed to make you fall in love with me, but somehow, someway, you still kiss me like the very first time. We've been through hell and back and we still love each other. And yes, I am proposing to you in a cemetery because I wanted the man who brought us together to be the one to know first. I want him to know how much I am devoted to you. How much I love you. How much that I have enjoyed every minute with you since that Ferris Wheel ride we took on the first day we met. How much I love you even when we're fighting. I have been picturing a life with you for the longest time and I feel ready to make the commitment now. Marry me, Carson. I love you so much. Please marry me?"

He opened the small black box in his hands, but my eyes barely fell upon it. I stared into his green eyes and nodded my head slowly and then it progressed into a faster speed, "Yes. I will. I will marry you."

He jumped up, taking the ring out of it's box and putting it on my finger. His lips then crashed into mine as I gripped onto his forearms tightly. He started to pull away after a bit, but I followed him back into his lips. He laughed lightly, then sunk into the kiss all over again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So I have a confession." John announced as we pulled up to Sara's house.

"And what is that?" I asked, smiling. I hadn't stopped smiling.

"I've been home since yesterday."

I laughed, "I knew something was up! You would have been half asleep if you came home today."

"And I lied about the last week of shows. I've been planning this for about five months now. I wanted to surprise you." He parked the car, undid his seat belt and gave me a cheeky grin.

I shook my head, "Jeez, you went all out, didn't you?"

He shrugged, "I had to."

We walked up Sara's driveway. John's hand slipped past my wrist and fell into my palm. I smiled lightly to myself as I watched him do this.

I knocked slowly on Sara's door and looked over at John, "She's gonna freak."

John wiggled his eyebrows, "This'll be good."

The brown door to the classic ranch opened slowly, revealing a group of people behind it shouting, "Congratulations!" Immediately, I was taken back, nearly falling it John standing behind me. He took hold of my shoulders, chuckling softly and walking me forward. I covered my mouth as I noticed all of The Maine and the crew were there along with John's family. I bit my lip as I stared at all of them in awe.

I looked a John and raised an eyebrow, "Any more confessions you wanna talk about?"

"I think this tops it." He winked.

Each person there came up to me and gave me a hug. Lea was the first person over, hugging both of us, "This is so wonderful! I'll finally have a daughter!"

Of course, Sara was next. She held me for a long time, just rocking me back and forth with closed eyes. "My little girl," She muttered and then kissed me on both cheeks, "I'm so happy for you." She said with glossy eyes.

The guys from The Maine seemed to all attack us at once. Pat pounced on me, grabbing onto my arm, while Jared ruffled my hair. Garrett went for a hug right in the center, followed by Kennedy. They really didn't have to say anything. They simply cheered and for the both of us, that was completely fine.

Rod came over next, grabbing my hand and pulling me into a tight hug. He then whispered into my ear, "You deserve this more than anyone." When he pulled away, he clapped John on the back, "Take care of my chick, alright?"

John nodded his head, "Of course."

Ross and Shane, along with Mr. O'Callaghan came over next, each one hugging us and telling us "Congrats." As normal, Ross made some crack about us not being able to make out anymore. I shook my head and said, "It's been awhile since any of that, bud."

Once I had seemed to talk to everyone at least once, John came over and whispered into my ear, "I have one more surprise for you."

"Oh boy." I muttered, then chuckled softly and he took my hand and brought me to the front door. He opened the door, allowing me to see a girl standing there with straight black hair and in a blue sundress. She smiled widely at me as my eyes widened.

"Oh my God!" I yelled, running forward and hugging Taylor tightly.

She hugged me back and shrieked for a moment, jumping up and down. "Carson!"

When she pulled away she went right for my hand and inspected the ring. She looked up at John, "Nice job with this one. You picked it out yourself?" She asked him.

"I sure did."

He nodded her head, "It fits her." She looked back up at me, her eyes wide and blue, "You're getting married!"

I sucked in a sharp breath, "It hasn't sunk in quite just yet."

She shrugged, "Well, I will certainly be here to help you plan all your wedding needs."

I rolled my eyes and laughed, then stopped myself, staring at Taylor with fixated eyes. "Wait. What?"

She stifled a smile, "There was a spot open at a local hospital in need for a nurse, so I took it."

I stared at her in awe, "Please don't be joking."

She bit her lip, "I'm not."

I engulfed her in another hug, then kissed her cheek. She laughed wildly and then pulled away, "I'm back!"

I bit my bottom lip, shaking my head and then glancing over to John. He then placed a hand on Taylor's shoulder and said, "You know, Rod is over there."

Her eyes connected with mine and she raised an eyebrow. I sighed, "Please tell me you're single."

Her shoulders fell lightly, "Well, I am."

I grinned, "Then go have a little chat with my good friend over there, will you?"

She suppressed a smile, a little bit of red growing on her cheeks. I held out my hands, guiding the way for her. Without hesitation, she walked over to Rod and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around his eyes lit up instantly. After that, I left them to their privacy.

John wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer to his chest. We examined the small party going on; our loved ones enjoying themselves and and having a good time. I looked up at John and he looked down at me. I sucked in a deep breath, "I don't know if I've ever been as happy as I am right now."

He kissed the top of my head gently, "I know how you feel."

I wasn't a good kid, but I was a happy kid. I might have been a mess, but I enjoyed myself. I went through some hard things, but in the end, everything was okay. One summer, one summer that I would never forget brought me to where I stand today.Looking at these people, in this town that I loved, I knew I had found my family. I found my family in a strange group of boys. I found my family in two lovely women who replaced my mother. I found family in two best friends. And I found my family in a boy.

I was different and still managed to be the same. I had found myself somewhere along the line. As my hand took hold of John's and we walked into the group ahead of us, there was one thing that I was positive of.

I was home.