I Will Never Let You Fall

'C'mon, just dial the number. Just call him. He has to know.'

I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, with the stupid hunk of plastic that was destroying my life in my hand, and the phone in the other. John was away on tour, and he had been for about a month. It was a short tour, only about three months or so long, but I couldn't bare him having to come home for me. For this. I glanced around nervously, and saw through the open bathroom door, my bed, the sheets rumpled and the room dark except for the illumination from the TV, casting white flashes across the walls. It was quite a familiar scene to me now, just like the toilet I was usually bent over lately. I kept glancing up and staring at that bed, and about only a month previous, the night before John left. The night that caused this. Every time I looked over, I saw the two of us tangled in the sheets.

I had been stupid. Really, really fucking stupid. I was so caught up in seeing John drive away in the tour bus, and knowing I wouldn't get to kiss him again for a few months, that I forgot something as stupid as to take a pill. Just a tiny little pill, that held my future in it. So, now here I was, sitting in an empty apartment, with a positive pregnancy test, and my phone, working up the courage to call my boyfriend.

I breathed in deeply, and started punching in the numbers of his cell phone. I raised the phone to my ear, and instantly heard the dial tone. It didn't go straight to his voice mail like it would if his phone was off. He was going to answer.

Part of me was wishing I called in the middle of a concert, so I could just leave a message for him to call me back. When I realized he could pick up at any moment, my hands started shaking, and my heart beat picked up a considerable amount.

The phone kept ringing for a little while, and I was about to just give up, and hang up, and wait for him to call me some other time, when his beautiful voice broke through my worried thoughts. "Hey, babe."

"H-Hi John..." I said quietly. I could hear his breathing on the other line, and the sound of voices in the background. I knew I couldn't tell him. He never even really had a spare moment to himself when he was on tour.

"How are you?" He asked. He sounded so happy, and I really didn't want to take that away from him.

"I'm... okay...I miss you." My voice broke. I hadn't been really too upset over the fact that John wasn't around, because I knew he would be back soon, and I talked to him all the time, and he was so happy, so I was happy for him, but I was horribly emotional right now. The fact that John wasn't here was eating me alive. "I miss you."

"Aw, babe, don't cry." His voice was soft, soothing. I imagined his arms around me, and him whispering these words into my ears. "I miss you too. I love you."

"I love you too... I love you." I covered my mouth with my hand trying to stifle the sobs threatening to escape. "When are you coming home?"

"About two months. Are you okay? Is something going on?" He sounded worried, completely unlike how he sounded before I had started crying.

I regained composure as best as I could, and tried to get my voice to stop shaking. It worked, but only to an extent. "No... I just miss you, John."

"I miss you too, Kalie. I'll be home before you know it, alright?"

"Okay." I wiped the tears off my cheeks with my sleeves. "Alright."

"But I have to go now, okay? We just got to the venue and we have to set up. I'll call you later though. I promise."

I swallowed hard. "Okay.... But... John, I have something to tell you."

The line was quiet for a moment. "Okay..." He said slowly. "What is it?"

I couldn't tell him over the phone. I knew I couldn't. All he would do was worry the rest of the tour, or worse, cancel and come home. I couldn't do that to him. I needed to say it to his face. "I love you more than anything." I breathed out, and he chuckled quietly.

"I love you too, babe. Talk to you later."

"Bye, John."

I hung up the phone, and placed it down in my lap, sighing heavily. By the time he got home, I would be three months pregnant.

I got up and threw the pregnancy test in the garbage, wishing the whole situation would go along with it.

--
It was most definitely the best day in a long time. John was coming home at any minute, and I could finally have someone to help look after me... and the baby inside me.

My baby bump wasn't huge, obviously, in fact, it was hardly noticeable unless the person looking had seen my body a lot, and knew exactly every curve, every contour, which, John had. He might not suspect anything, but I still didn't want to exactly show it off. I put on one of his shirts, that hung off me loosely, and a pair of my jeans, and I waited.

I waited extremely impatiently, checking my phone constantly, pacing around the apartment, hoping for him to walk through the door. Every time I even heard a noise that might be a person out in the hallway, my heart would leap. I loved John, and I missed him more than anything. We had been dating for about eight months, but we were best friends a lot farther back than that. We met in high school, and I had always cared for him a little bit. I never even dreamed the feeling was mutual... but I guess, it was.

Finally, I heard footsteps coming to the door. It could have been anyone, and I knew that. People walking through hallways was quite a regular occurrence, but I still ran to the door, and opened it, peeking out and down the hallway.

Sure enough, John was there, walking down the hall, dragging a suitcase along behind him. I was guessing the rest of his stuff would be coming later, when he wasn't too exhausted to carry it all. He looked really tired, but amazing, as always. It was almost weird to see him after those months, in the flesh, but it was so familiar at the same time. It felt like coming home, even though he was the one coming home. He saw me, and dropped his bag. I grinned at him, and he ran over to me.

He scooped me up in his arms and kissed me. I held on to him tightly, like my life depended on it. His hands held me with the same desperation. I missed his warmth, and I missed him holding me, and I just missed all of him.

We stayed there for awhile, without any words at all. I was just so... happy. I had him back, and everything was going to be okay.

Then, I remembered.

I pulled away from him, still holding onto his hand, and he smiled at me, completely oblivious. "I fucking missed you Kalie. I fucking missed you so much." He brushed some hair from my eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too, John." I said, smiling back. "But I have something to tell you, okay?"

He looked confused, which was understandable. "Okay? Is everything alright?" He asked, picking his stuff up off the floor and following me to our apartment.

I shrugged and opened the door. He looked worried now, and I led him to the couch, still holding his hand. "What's wrong, babe?" He asked slowly.

I sighed, and curled up into a ball against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, smoothed my hair and kissed the top of my head. "John, you know I love you, right?"

He nodded. "I know, and I love you too. No matter what."

I smiled. "Remember the night before you left?"

He smirked. "Of course. How could I forget?"

I laughed nervously. "Well... I ... You and me.... We're having a baby."

He turned completely still, and completely quiet. I couldn't even hear his breathing anymore.

"I'm sorry John! I'm so sorry! I forgot to take my birth control for a few days... and... I .... " Tears formed in my eyes. All I could think of was the possibility that he might leave me alone with this baby.

"Why are you apologizing?" He held me tighter, and kissed me with all the love he had. When he finally pulled away, he cupped my face in his hands and looked me right in the eyes. "Kalie, I told you I loved you, and I meant it. I told you I'd love you no matter what, and I meant it. I love you, and I love our baby. I promise I'll never leave either of you alone."

I nodded, smiling at him, in almost disbelief. He kissed me again, and his hands slid down to my stomach. "I love you." He whispered. "Everything is going to be okay."

For once, I actually believed him.