If I Could Gather Up the Nerve

“You’re always doing this,” I hissed, shoving Ethan’s shoulder, “They didn’t do anything! I dropped my bag, and it tipped over—”

“Why were you crying?” his voice softened for the first time, since we got in the car.

My features calmed, and I turned to look out the window, “Aiden.”

“He came back around? What the hell was he—”

“I just thought about him,” I cut him off, feeling his eyes on me. I didn’t flinch, though; I just kept my eyes on the window, “for a second.”

When we got into the driveway, I pushed myself out of the car. I slung my bag back over my shoulder, hearing the soles of shoes pad against the pavement and turned towards the noise.

“I’m sorry about today,” my lab partner started, rubbing the back of his neck absentmindedly, “John can be an ass.”

I nodded slowly, confused as to why he was apologizing for John.

He stuck his hand out, smiling, “I’m Garrett, but you probably knew that—” he cut himself off, face flushing bright red, “I’m such a dumb ass,” he chuckled.

I allowed a grin to take my lips for a second, before it fell in unison with his hand, “Riley,” I whispered, folding my hands in front of me, cradling my left with my right, “Uh, thanks.”

His look changed to confusion, but I gave him a small wave and followed Ethan inside. I set my bag down in the foyer, before making my way upstairs and into my room. I sat on my bed, reaching for my Geek Love and put my nose in the book.

“Riley,” Aiden inched my door open, a smile plastered on his face, “sweetie, did you have another bad dream?”

I nodded solemnly, wiping feverishly at my eyes. I pulled Mr. Snuffles (my bear) against my chest, as he sat down on the bed next to me. He kissed the top of my head, pushing my hair from my face.

“What was it about, sweets?” he murmured, tucking me back into bed. He took Mr. Snuffles, tucking him under my arm, before crawling in behind me.

“A big bad doggy,” I sniffled, “was chasing Efan, and he bit Efan’s arm. Then Efan disappeared, and I got really scared.”

Aiden chuckled lightly, “It was just a dream, sweetie. Ethan’s asleep in his room.”

“Really?” my eyes lit up slightly, as I watched him.

“Mhm,” he hummed, still smiling. He kissed my forehead, “I promise.”

I shoved my book to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest as my eyes watered. I dug my face into my knees, hiding my sobs and shook my head.

“Riles,” Ethan’s voice broke my silent trance, as he walked in, “Shit, sis,” he jogged over, pulling me into his arms, “What happened?”

I shook my head anxiously, resting my head on his shoulder, “I’m glad he’s gone,” I murmured, meeting Ethan’s eyes, “Aiden, that is.”

“Me too,” he bit his inside cheek, sighing quietly, “I can’t believe mom let him stay here that long.”

“She thought she was in love,” I sat up straight, shaking my head, “go figure, she’d pick one of the creepiest guys to walk the fucking planet.”

Aiden Phillips was my mom’s first boyfriend, after she and my dad split. Dad went off to join the military, and for the first year, mom just lazed around. Two years, the day after I turned six, she brought Aiden home.

Aiden was my worst nightmare.