Now or Never

Liam was asleep when I finally got home. The traffic had been mayhem, and a car crash had blocked off the main street.
Dinner was on the table for me, covered with a layer of cling wrap to keep it somewhat fresh.
I heated up the dinner first, unsure how long it’d been sitting there. While I waited for the microwave to beep, I poured myself a glass of coke, washing the alcohol taste away.
I ate, showered, and headed to bed within twenty minutes. My back ached from bending over, and I could still smell alcohol on me.
Though, the cleaning must have done some good for my conscience. I was able to sleep through the night, only waking to use the bathroom.
Like most mornings, Liam was gone before me. He held a second job in the local shopping center. I wasn’t sure if it was for the money or not, because, together, we brought home over two-grand a week. Of course, most of that went on bills and food. But we weren’t poor, and had no reason to worry.
And, like I promised, I picked up another case of beer on my way to Gerard’s. It was passed nine-am when I knocked on his door. I’d half expected him to be asleep, or passed out on the floor, but he answered the door, only seconds after I’d knocked.
I couldn’t help but smile when the door opened. Gerard looked better. His hair was clean and half brushed, his clothes were fresh. The cut on his cheek was still covered, and the bruises on his arms were slowly healing. He even cracked a smile when he let me in.

‘Morning.’ I chirped, handing the beer over. Gerard just looked at it for a moment, before leading me into the lounge room, where he put the beer on the coffee table.
The living room was nearly spotless. One mug sat on the bookshelf. Though, it was still steaming, so it hadn’t been there long.
I looked around, confused. The place was cleaner than I had left it. The marks on the tables were gone, the dust was dusted. Everything I’d planned to do was done.

‘I had nothing to do yesterday, after you left.’ Gerard explained, looking embarrassed. I just shrugged, taking a seat next to him on the couch.
The cushions seemed softer, more willing to suck my body in.

‘Well, now we have more time to sit and talk.’ I smiled, curling my knees up to make myself comfortable on the couch.
Gerard frowned, weaving his hands together nervously.
‘Why don’t you like talking to me, Gee?’ I asked, snuggling back into the couch. I was used to Liam’s couch. The frame of it was wood, the padding was thin, and it was all around uncomfortable.

‘I fell in love with you, Frank. How can you expect me to forget that?’ Gerard whispered, his eyes closing.

‘I don’t want you to forget. I just want you to talk to me. I want you to be my friend.’ I frowned.
Gerard just shook his head, his arms closing around his chest.

‘I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want your fucking sympathy! I’d prefer it if you’d just leave and forget about me.’ He snapped, standing quickly.

‘I can’t just forget about you! I love you!’ I hissed back, sitting up straight.
Gerard scoffed, his arms thrown out to the side.

‘You love me? You can’t just come here and tell me you love me! It doesn’t work like that!’ Gerard cried out, his hair falling in his face. He brushed it back, only for it to fall back.

‘I’m sorry I left! I’m sorry Liam swept me off my feet! I’m sorry he’s a better lover than you!’ I yelled, my heart speeding up.
Though, the second those words were out of my mouth, my heart stopped, skipping too many beats than normal.
‘Shit, Gerard. I didn’t mean that!’ I gasped.
Gerard’s face fell, his expression dark and slightly frightening.

‘Get out.’ He hissed. I was still shocked at the words I’d spoken, frozen on the spot.
Obviously, my lack of response only pissed him off more. He grabbed my forearm, reefing me into the hall. I dug my heels into the carpet, trying to pull away.

‘God damn it, Gerard! Stop! Nothing gives you the right to manhandle me like this!’ I yelled, trying to tear his hand away. His grip was tight, almost to the point where it hurt.
Gerard didn’t seem to register my words, because he kept tugging. I could feel my shoulder slowly disconnecting from the socket, and the pain was increasing. Tears welled in my eyes as I struggled to pry the strong hands from my arm.
‘Stop it! You’re hurting me!’ I hissed, reaching my free arm forward to shove Gerard away. The closest part of him I could reach, other than his arm, was his ribs, which seemed effective enough.
Gerard yelped, shoving me backwards, into the wall. He cradled his torso, breathing quick and shallow. I forgot all about my stinging shoulder and throbbing back, my mind on Gerard and the pain I’d caused him.
‘Shit, Gee. I’m sorry.’ I whispered, reaching forward, trying to comfort him in the only way I knew how. Though, the second my hand touched his shoulder, he jerked backwards, a whimper leaving his lips.

‘Don’t. Touch. Me.’ He hissed through his teeth, a stream of tears rolling down his cheeks. My hand dropped.
‘Get out, and don’t come back.’ He snapped, escaping in the direction of the bedroom. He sort of limp away, cradling his side.
I looked between the front door and the place Gerard had been seconds before. My heart screamed to follow Gerard, fix him and protect him. But my head told me to leave, obey the broken man. Though, I barely heard the voice in my head.
I followed Gerard’s steps, my pulse racing. I could picture how the house used to look when I’d lived there. Paintings hung on the walls, an end table sat by the bathroom door, a vase on top. The end table was still there, but the vase was gone. The paintings were missing too, except one. Though, the glass had been smashed, only shards remaining in the frame.
The master bedroom’s door was slightly open, unlike the others in the hall. I pushed the door open a little more, creating just enough space to peer in. But, I couldn’t see anymore than the corner of the room, so I pushed the door open further.
Gerard was just pulling his shirt over his head when I stepped in, one arm folded across his stomach while the other awkwardly tugged the material away. He hasn’t noticed me at all.
A sharp intake of breath, from me, broke the silence in the room. His back and sides were littered with bruises and a few deep-looking scratches.
Gerard turned to face me, a scowl crumpling his already pained features.
‘I meant what I said. I don’t want to see you again.’ He spat, crossing his arms in a way to shield his broken body from me.

‘You’re hurt.’ I stated, still in shock. His skin seemed so much paler when in contrast with the angry-looking bruises.

‘I’m serious, Frank. Get out, or I’m calling the cops.’ He said, his voice even, in an attempt to sound calmer. I only stepped forward, ignoring his demands. He gave me a look before reaching for his shirt. I grabbed it before he could, tossing it away.
Gerard held my gaze for a moment, his eyes pleading with me to stop. I dropped my sight to his torso when his sad eyes became too much.
Slowly, I reached forward, my fingertips barely touching his skin, though he flinched back. I tore my hand away, curling it against my chest, looking up into his eyes again.

‘M’sorry.’ I murmured, clenching my fist. He merely looked down, covering the largest and darkest bruise with his hand.
‘What happened?’ I asked, trying to meet his gaze, though he kept his eyes to the floor, away from me.
‘For fuck sake! You could have broken fucking ribs!’ I hissed, the guilt and fear welling up inside.

‘Cracked.’ He whispered, so low I barely heard. I tilted my head, catching his eyes on me before he turned his head away.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘I’ve been to the hospital already. They’re just cracked.’ He spoke, slightly louder than before. He still wouldn’t look at me.

‘Just cracked? My god, did you develop a mental disease while I was gone?!’ I snapped, my fists clenched by my side.
‘You can get sick from cracked ribs!’

‘Believe it or not, I can take care of myself. I’ve got all the medication I need.’ He sighed, dropping his arms, his shoulders slumping forward.

‘Just… Let me help you.’ I whispered, trying to meet his eyes. I wanted to see those hybrid hazel orbs, the ones I’d fallen in love with.

‘I’ve survived this long without you, Frank. I don’t need you. Just leave, already.’ He said, his words dripping with pain and sorrow.

‘I walked out on you once, Gerard. I won’t do it again. Not when you need someone to help you.’ I said, frowning.
Gerard picked up a random shirt from his bed, one that sat in a pile that looked half clean. Like the first, I snatched it from his hands, throwing it away.
‘Don’t move.’ I said, leaving the bedroom.
I searched the bathroom for the first aid kit I’d left there. Luckily, it was still where I’d put it, though, it looks pretty much untouched.
Inside the small kit were band aids, pieces of gauze, bandages and medical tape. I was sure I’d packed painkillers and cough drops in there too, but I wasn’t dwelling on that.
I grabbed the bandage and the roll of medical tape, leaving the bathroom.
Gerard still stood in the middle of the bedroom, his arms covering his chest and his head bowed.

‘What’s that for?’ He asked when he looked up, his eyes on the bandage in my hand.
I ignored his question, moving to stand in front of him.
‘What are you doing?’ He asked again.

‘Put your hands on my shoulders.’ I said, unrolling the bandage a bit. He looked at me, confused.
‘Just do it.’ I said, rolling my eyes.
He raised his arms awkwardly, his hands barely gripping my shoulders. He winced a little.
Slowly, I rolled the bandage around his middle, keeping it tight.

‘Does it have to be so tight?’ He complained when I’d taped the end down, making sure it wouldn’t unravel.

‘Yes. It keeps you from moving too far.’ I said, placing the roll of tape on the bedside table, where Gerard could see it. I doubted he’d keep the bandage on for long, but I hoped he would, even just for a few days.

‘Can I put my shirt on now?’ He asked, avoiding my eyes again. I just mumbled a “fine”, and let him slip a shirt over his head.

‘I know you say you don’t need me, but if you ever do, you can call me. I’m still your friend, whether you like it or not.’ I whispered, gently wrapping my arms around his waist. He didn’t hug me back, but his body relaxed against mine. That was something, at least.
‘I have to go to work. Keep out of trouble, please.’ I said, leaving him standing there.
My heart sank as I walked to the front door, the bruises so clear in my memory. My heart still belonged to Gerard, I knew that. And his pain made me ache all over.
I loved Liam, but I wasn’t in love with him, like I had been with Gerard.
I yanked the front door open, nearly hitting myself with the wood.

‘Mikey.’ A strangled voice said from behind. I turned on the doorstep, finding Gerard standing in the hallway. His eyes were closed, arms wrapped around himself.

‘What?’ I asked, unsure why his brother had come into anything.

‘You asked who did this to me. I answered.’ He said, sighing.
I looked down his body. Even though his injuries were covered, I could still picture them. The thought of Mikey, little, underweight Mikey, doing those things to the man he looked up to was unbelievable. More so because, even on his best day, a toddler could take him down and keep him there.

‘Gee…’ I whispered, at a total loss for words.

‘I deserved it.’ He mumbled, one stray tear falling down his cheek.

‘No you didn’t.’ I protested, stepping forward. Gerard just shook his head, another tear falling. I reached forward, wrapping my arms around him again. This time, he hugged me back, his face hiding in my shoulder.

‘I’m a horrible brother. He and Alicia broke up, and I was too fucking drunk to help him.’ He mumbled into my shoulder. I could feel his tears absorbing into my shirt.
‘He hates me now.’ He whispered, holding me tighter.
I rubbed his back, kissing the top of his head. I’d been in the middle of the Way brother’s fights before, but never had one gotten so physical. Sure, some ended with a black eye and split lip, but never cracked ribs and extensive bruising.

‘He loves you, Gee. You know he does. He looks up to you.’ I whispered to him, running my fingers through his hair, like I used to when he was upset.

‘No, he doesn’t. I wasn’t there for him. I wasn’t the big brother he needed.’ He murmured, his body shaking.

‘Shh… It’s okay.’ I whispered, cupping the back of his neck.
It took a while, but I managed to calm Gerard down. Even when he’d stopped crying, and his body had stopped shaking, he refused to let go.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, twice. Two messages, most likely from Matt.
‘I have to go, Gee.’ I said quietly, letting my arms fall from his body.
Gerard jumped back, like something had electrocuted him.

‘Sorry, yeah.’ He murmured, wiping his eyes.

‘Call me if you need me. My number hasn’t changed.’ I said, placing a small, hesitant kiss on his cheek before leaving.

Matt was waiting for me at the shop, his eyes on me with every move I made.
I’d barely stepped in the door when he dragged me into the back. Customers looked on, worried expressions over their faces. One of the waitresses, Kelly, looked on too, stopped dead in the middle of the shop, with someone’s order in her hands.
I was dragged into the alley behind my shop. We kept it fairly clean, considering it was an alley. The large dumpster smelled horrible, and cardboard boxes littered the ground, but there wasn’t an alcoholic bottle in sight, leaves and dirt were swept. One of the men inside must have cleaned up.

‘Liam called. He has no clue where you were.’ Matt started, his eyebrows raised. He leant back against the wall, arms folded across his broad chest.

‘Look, I’m going to tell him. I just need some time.’ I said, my voice wavering on desperation. God knows how hard Liam would take it if Matt were to tell him I’d been with Gerard.

‘I thought you said he’d be okay with it.’ Matt probed, glaring down at me.

‘He will be. He just won’t be happy.’ I murmured, scuffing the toe of my shoe on the concrete. My hands buried themselves in my pockets, one gripping my car key tightly.

‘Frank, you can’t keep doing this. You’re going to lose Liam. When was the last time you actually had a conversation with him?’ Matt asked, uncrossing his arms. He looked sad, and a little worried.
I had to stop and think for a moment, frowning. The little talk we’d had the day before barely counted as a conversation. I leant back against the opposite wall.
‘See?’

‘I know, Matt. Okay? I know. I just don’t know what to do. Gerard needs someone.’ I sighed, dropping my head into my hands.

‘Do something, Frank. Talk to Liam, explain why you’re so fucking distant. Do you want to lose him, or do we sit here wondering?’ He said, leaving the alley. I watched the door slam shut behind him, a rat scurrying from beneath the dumpster when the door had banged against the frame.
I wished I could be that rat. It could run away from its fears. No-one expected any less of the creature.
I took a deep breath, holding it for a second, and letting go. I stamped my toe against the ground, butterflies forming in my stomach.

‘It’s now or never.’ I murmured to myself, kicking off the wall.