280 Days
3.
Around 5:00 in the morning, Charles finally gave up on sleep, fished Ina’s spare key out of his wallet, and set off for her apartment. He got there 15 minutes later, managed to slip past the land-lady, and made his way into Ina’s apartment. It was dark, and he could see Ina was in bed, with Edgar still curled up underneath the radiator. Charles sighed heavily, pulled off his shoes and his coat and his jeans, and, quietly as he could manage, slipped into bed beside her. He wrapped his arm around her waist, being careful not to wake her up, and she relaxed against him.
All was quiet for a long moment, and it was easy enough to pretend that nothing had ever happened. She was just back from Christmas break and he was visiting her at her place, enjoying the feel of her soft worn sheets and the sound of Edgar purring like a chainsaw in the corner and the soft light from the scarf covered lamps sitting on the coffee table. The whole place smelled like Nag Champa incense and oil paint and Jean-Paul Gaultier perfume blended together to make the scent that was solely Ina’s. He closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair, inhaling deeply. God, he loved the smell of her hair.
They stayed like that, both of them sleeping sounder now that the other was beside them, until mid-morning, when Ina woke suddenly, her heart racing. She bolted up, for a moment not realizing that it was Charles asleep in the bed with her. He woke up too, and, seeing her panicked expression, grabbed her hand, stroking her palm with his thumb.
“Shh, Ina. It’s me. Only me. Don’t worry,” he murmured, She exhaled slowly, closing her eyes.
“You scared the life out of me, Charlie,” she muttered, laying back down beside him. Another moment passed, and then Charles heard Ina start to cry.
“Oh, Ina, kitten, don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” he pleaded. She grabbed the front of his shirt, still sobbing.
“Charlie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t want for this to happen,” she whimpered,
“Hey, hey,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. “It’s okay, Ina. It’s okay, we’re okay, we’re gonna be okay.”
For the first time in nearly three days, Ina felt relieved. Charlie was here, he still loved her, and he was telling her that everything was gonna be okay.
“I’m gonna take care of everything,” he said, pulling her close. She curled against him, staring at the ceiling, smiling for the first time in days.
“I’ve got a friend,” Charles continued. “He’s an OB surgeon. Best in New York. We’ll get this taken care of, and then everything can go back to normal,” he said, running his fingers up and down her arm. Her heart stopped again.
“What?” she questioned, sitting up and looking at him. He grabbed her hand, kissing her palm gently.
“Look, it’s safe. You won’t hurt. You won’t have to go to a clinic. It’ll be quick, easy, and then everything will go back to normal. Just how it was before.”
Ina just kept staring at him, her eyes big as plates.
“You want me to have an abortion?” she finally asked, curling her legs up to her chest and rocking back and forth. Charles sat up.
“No. No, I don’t want you to. But Ina, I don’t think we have any other choice.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, her whole body numb.
“Ina, if you keep it, everyone will find out. If they find out, I’ll get fired, your degree might be revoked. What’ll happen if your parents find out? Sure, you’re of age, but I’m 20 years older than you, sweetheart. That’s not exactly smiled upon. I just don’t think we have any other choice.”
Ina felt sick. Her throat was raw and her heart was beating fast. Her breasts ached and she wanted to throw up.
“You really think that’s our only option?” she murmured. Charles rubbed his temples, closing his eyes.
“Yeah, Ina. I don’t think there’s anything else we can do.”
Ina was frozen. She didn’t know what to feel or think or do. Charles looked at her, so small in her tattered gray nightshirt. She was still rocking back and forth, her eyes closed, her face drawn. All of a sudden, she opened her eyes, jumping off the bed.
“I’m going to be sick,” she moaned, hurrying to the bathroom. The door shut and the lock clicked and Charles put his head in his hands.
“This is a nightmare,” he muttered. “A nightmare.” He could hear Ina retching in the bathroom, then the toilet flushed and the sink started running and then she walked out, her legs shaky.
“You okay?” he asked, standing up and walking towards her. Ina recoiled from his touch.
“No, Charlie. I’m not okay. I’m pregnant. You want me to have an abortion. I’ve been throwing up exactly three times every morning for a week. I am definitely not okay,” she snapped, walking into the kitchen. Charlie stood still.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry that this is happening to you.”
Ina took a glass down from the cabinet and opened the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of ginger soda. She filled the glass and took a sip and grimaced, closing her eyes.
“You ought to be sorry that this is happening to us,” she said, blowing her nose on a paper towel. Charles padded into the kitchen.
“I am sorry that this is happening to us! You think this is easy for me? Ina, do you have any idea how guilty I am? I’m worried sick that I’m going to get fired and you’re going to get your degree revoked and do you know that I dreamt your dad came up here and shot me last night? I feel like a pedophile, Ina!” he exclaimed, leaning against the refrigerator.
“You’re not a pedophile,” Ina muttered, pouring the last bit of ginger ale down the sink. “Can you hand me those crackers?” she said, pointing to the top of the refrigerator.
“Here,” Charles mumbled, pulling down the box of saltines. “Ina, do you realize that I could be your father?”
Ina took the box from him. “Yeah, Charlie. I know that. But it doesn’t matter! I fell in love with you two years ago and that hasn’t changed. I don’t care about your age. I don’t care about your hair. I don’t care about the little crow’s feet around your eyes. I love you. Charlie, I do. And you know what?” she closed her eyes, shuddering. “I’ll do anything to protect you. Just… just let me think. Give me time, Charlie. I just need some time.”
“Ina, I know. And you know that I love you. But Ina, sweetheart, we don’t have time. You know, this sort of thing, the earlier the better,” Charles said, rubbing his eyes. “We just don’t have the time.”
Ina shook her head. “Charles, have you been through this before? With… with another woman?”
“No!” Charles exclaimed. “No. I’ve just seen too many of my friends have to go through this. Taking care of it late… it’s tough. On everyone. Just… this is what we have to do, Ina. We have to.”
Ina bent over the kitchen counter, resting her head on her hands.
“Okay, Charlie. Okay.”
On the outside, Ina was sure that she seemed calm. But on the inside, she was reeling. All through high school she’d been the good girl. The virgin. The perfect, straight A student who never got into trouble of any kind. And now, here she was, about to terminate the product of a secret affair with her college professor. She felt like screaming, crying hysterically. But she didn’t. Just hunched over the counter, counting the specks of Formica on the counter.
Charles and Ina were curled up in his bed with their glasses of wine, watching a movie on TV. On the screen, a woman was cuddling her tiny toddler, cleaning the dirt off her knees while a bank robbery was going on a block away. Ina sighed, nestling into Charles’ side.
“You ever thought about having babies, Charlie?” she asked, her eyes fixed to the screen. Charles looked down at her, bemused.
“Well, of course. Who hasn’t?” he laughed, ruffling her hair.
“Yeah, that’s true,” she whispered. They got quiet for a moment, Charles glued to what was happening in the movie.
“Oh, come on. This passes for cinema these days? I mourn for the art of American filmmaking,” he groaned, flipping the channel. Ina looked up at him, rolling her eyes.
“We were watching FX, babe. What else did you expect?”
After a few moments of vainly flipping through the channels, he turned off the television, flicking on his stereo instead. Soft jazz started to play in the background, and Charles chuckled lowly, taking both their glasses and setting them on the bedside table. He started snaking his fingers under the hem of her nightgown, but Ina stopped him, sitting up. Charles sighed, rolled his eyes, and put his hands behind his head.
“Yes?” he asked, looking at her. He could almost feel her thinking.
“Charlie, do you think you’d ever want to have children?” she asked, pulling her legs up to her chest and rocking back and forth.
“Well, Ina… maybe? I don’t know, kitten. I’m getting old,” he said, closing his eyes. “Why?”
Ina shrugged. “I don’t know,” she said, resting her head on her arms. She was quiet for a moment, then she looked at him, blushing.
“Do you think you’d ever want to have a baby with me?”
Charles laughed.
“Oh, come here, you,” he said, pulling her down beside him. “If I was 20 years younger, yes. I would have a baby with you.”
Ina sighed, curled into his shoulder, and then Charles kissed her and switched off the light.
They never talked about children again after that.
“When do you want to go?”
Charles was behind her now, rubbing her back. His hands were steady. Strong. For a brief moment Ina relaxed into his touch.
“Never,” Ina groaned.
“Look at me,” Charles said, his voice soft. Ina turned around. He was teary-eyed too, and Ina bit back a sob at the sight of him. He reached forward , taking her hands in his.
“I’m sorry, kitten. I’m so sorry.”
All was quiet for a long moment, and it was easy enough to pretend that nothing had ever happened. She was just back from Christmas break and he was visiting her at her place, enjoying the feel of her soft worn sheets and the sound of Edgar purring like a chainsaw in the corner and the soft light from the scarf covered lamps sitting on the coffee table. The whole place smelled like Nag Champa incense and oil paint and Jean-Paul Gaultier perfume blended together to make the scent that was solely Ina’s. He closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair, inhaling deeply. God, he loved the smell of her hair.
They stayed like that, both of them sleeping sounder now that the other was beside them, until mid-morning, when Ina woke suddenly, her heart racing. She bolted up, for a moment not realizing that it was Charles asleep in the bed with her. He woke up too, and, seeing her panicked expression, grabbed her hand, stroking her palm with his thumb.
“Shh, Ina. It’s me. Only me. Don’t worry,” he murmured, She exhaled slowly, closing her eyes.
“You scared the life out of me, Charlie,” she muttered, laying back down beside him. Another moment passed, and then Charles heard Ina start to cry.
“Oh, Ina, kitten, don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” he pleaded. She grabbed the front of his shirt, still sobbing.
“Charlie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t want for this to happen,” she whimpered,
“Hey, hey,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. “It’s okay, Ina. It’s okay, we’re okay, we’re gonna be okay.”
For the first time in nearly three days, Ina felt relieved. Charlie was here, he still loved her, and he was telling her that everything was gonna be okay.
“I’m gonna take care of everything,” he said, pulling her close. She curled against him, staring at the ceiling, smiling for the first time in days.
“I’ve got a friend,” Charles continued. “He’s an OB surgeon. Best in New York. We’ll get this taken care of, and then everything can go back to normal,” he said, running his fingers up and down her arm. Her heart stopped again.
“What?” she questioned, sitting up and looking at him. He grabbed her hand, kissing her palm gently.
“Look, it’s safe. You won’t hurt. You won’t have to go to a clinic. It’ll be quick, easy, and then everything will go back to normal. Just how it was before.”
Ina just kept staring at him, her eyes big as plates.
“You want me to have an abortion?” she finally asked, curling her legs up to her chest and rocking back and forth. Charles sat up.
“No. No, I don’t want you to. But Ina, I don’t think we have any other choice.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, her whole body numb.
“Ina, if you keep it, everyone will find out. If they find out, I’ll get fired, your degree might be revoked. What’ll happen if your parents find out? Sure, you’re of age, but I’m 20 years older than you, sweetheart. That’s not exactly smiled upon. I just don’t think we have any other choice.”
Ina felt sick. Her throat was raw and her heart was beating fast. Her breasts ached and she wanted to throw up.
“You really think that’s our only option?” she murmured. Charles rubbed his temples, closing his eyes.
“Yeah, Ina. I don’t think there’s anything else we can do.”
Ina was frozen. She didn’t know what to feel or think or do. Charles looked at her, so small in her tattered gray nightshirt. She was still rocking back and forth, her eyes closed, her face drawn. All of a sudden, she opened her eyes, jumping off the bed.
“I’m going to be sick,” she moaned, hurrying to the bathroom. The door shut and the lock clicked and Charles put his head in his hands.
“This is a nightmare,” he muttered. “A nightmare.” He could hear Ina retching in the bathroom, then the toilet flushed and the sink started running and then she walked out, her legs shaky.
“You okay?” he asked, standing up and walking towards her. Ina recoiled from his touch.
“No, Charlie. I’m not okay. I’m pregnant. You want me to have an abortion. I’ve been throwing up exactly three times every morning for a week. I am definitely not okay,” she snapped, walking into the kitchen. Charlie stood still.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry that this is happening to you.”
Ina took a glass down from the cabinet and opened the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of ginger soda. She filled the glass and took a sip and grimaced, closing her eyes.
“You ought to be sorry that this is happening to us,” she said, blowing her nose on a paper towel. Charles padded into the kitchen.
“I am sorry that this is happening to us! You think this is easy for me? Ina, do you have any idea how guilty I am? I’m worried sick that I’m going to get fired and you’re going to get your degree revoked and do you know that I dreamt your dad came up here and shot me last night? I feel like a pedophile, Ina!” he exclaimed, leaning against the refrigerator.
“You’re not a pedophile,” Ina muttered, pouring the last bit of ginger ale down the sink. “Can you hand me those crackers?” she said, pointing to the top of the refrigerator.
“Here,” Charles mumbled, pulling down the box of saltines. “Ina, do you realize that I could be your father?”
Ina took the box from him. “Yeah, Charlie. I know that. But it doesn’t matter! I fell in love with you two years ago and that hasn’t changed. I don’t care about your age. I don’t care about your hair. I don’t care about the little crow’s feet around your eyes. I love you. Charlie, I do. And you know what?” she closed her eyes, shuddering. “I’ll do anything to protect you. Just… just let me think. Give me time, Charlie. I just need some time.”
“Ina, I know. And you know that I love you. But Ina, sweetheart, we don’t have time. You know, this sort of thing, the earlier the better,” Charles said, rubbing his eyes. “We just don’t have the time.”
Ina shook her head. “Charles, have you been through this before? With… with another woman?”
“No!” Charles exclaimed. “No. I’ve just seen too many of my friends have to go through this. Taking care of it late… it’s tough. On everyone. Just… this is what we have to do, Ina. We have to.”
Ina bent over the kitchen counter, resting her head on her hands.
“Okay, Charlie. Okay.”
On the outside, Ina was sure that she seemed calm. But on the inside, she was reeling. All through high school she’d been the good girl. The virgin. The perfect, straight A student who never got into trouble of any kind. And now, here she was, about to terminate the product of a secret affair with her college professor. She felt like screaming, crying hysterically. But she didn’t. Just hunched over the counter, counting the specks of Formica on the counter.
Charles and Ina were curled up in his bed with their glasses of wine, watching a movie on TV. On the screen, a woman was cuddling her tiny toddler, cleaning the dirt off her knees while a bank robbery was going on a block away. Ina sighed, nestling into Charles’ side.
“You ever thought about having babies, Charlie?” she asked, her eyes fixed to the screen. Charles looked down at her, bemused.
“Well, of course. Who hasn’t?” he laughed, ruffling her hair.
“Yeah, that’s true,” she whispered. They got quiet for a moment, Charles glued to what was happening in the movie.
“Oh, come on. This passes for cinema these days? I mourn for the art of American filmmaking,” he groaned, flipping the channel. Ina looked up at him, rolling her eyes.
“We were watching FX, babe. What else did you expect?”
After a few moments of vainly flipping through the channels, he turned off the television, flicking on his stereo instead. Soft jazz started to play in the background, and Charles chuckled lowly, taking both their glasses and setting them on the bedside table. He started snaking his fingers under the hem of her nightgown, but Ina stopped him, sitting up. Charles sighed, rolled his eyes, and put his hands behind his head.
“Yes?” he asked, looking at her. He could almost feel her thinking.
“Charlie, do you think you’d ever want to have children?” she asked, pulling her legs up to her chest and rocking back and forth.
“Well, Ina… maybe? I don’t know, kitten. I’m getting old,” he said, closing his eyes. “Why?”
Ina shrugged. “I don’t know,” she said, resting her head on her arms. She was quiet for a moment, then she looked at him, blushing.
“Do you think you’d ever want to have a baby with me?”
Charles laughed.
“Oh, come here, you,” he said, pulling her down beside him. “If I was 20 years younger, yes. I would have a baby with you.”
Ina sighed, curled into his shoulder, and then Charles kissed her and switched off the light.
They never talked about children again after that.
“When do you want to go?”
Charles was behind her now, rubbing her back. His hands were steady. Strong. For a brief moment Ina relaxed into his touch.
“Never,” Ina groaned.
“Look at me,” Charles said, his voice soft. Ina turned around. He was teary-eyed too, and Ina bit back a sob at the sight of him. He reached forward , taking her hands in his.
“I’m sorry, kitten. I’m so sorry.”