Some Say This Can't Be Real.

January slowly turned into February. Time was uneventful, revolving around staying distracted while trying to heal. There would be days where someone, or even all of us, would be completely upset. As for Brian and myself, things couldn’t be better as far as friendship. The past between us seemed to be completely forgotten, and that was less tension on everybody. Even my brother seemed much more at ease. With Valentine’s Day approaching I was actually a little nervous, because I knew that someone was going to try and take me out. It was all a matter of who would ask me first. At a bar, a week before the holiday, the winner approached.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked, biting his lip.

“If it has to do with my favorite ‘gag me till I puke’ holiday, then no,” I replied.

“Not necessarily. I want to take you out to a nice dinner. It may or may not have relation to Valentine’s Day, but I still owe you.”

“Brian, I said you didn’t have to do anything. The apology and clean slate were enough. We’re even now.”

“No, because I said you could’ve hit me and you didn’t. I owe you big.”

“I take personal checks,” I said jokingly.

He sighed, but wasn’t going to give up. After running a hand through his hair, spiking it absently, he looked at me again.

“I’d like to take you out. It doesn’t have to be a date. It could be two friends going to dinner to talk. I would love to have a one on one conversation. Maybe get some things straightened out between us.”

I laughed to myself about how he wouldn’t give up, yet at the same time, I was flattered. “Alright, but it’s not a date. Just let me know when.”

“What if I wanted to take you out on Valentine’s Day, but not in celebration of it?”

“I’d call your bluff on that, because I have a feeling you’d show up with flowers or something.”

He blushed a light shade of red. “Okay, you’re good. I was going to show up with flowers. I really would like to take you on a date.”

“I know you would, but I’m in a dilemma right now, trying to get my thoughts together. I’m really torn, and don’t want anyone to get hurt, nor do I want times to get awkward.”

“Zacky?” Brian asked, clasping his hands together, catching me completely off guard. “Johnny told me that Zacky had asked you out before.”

“He did, and he still likes me. I like him, and I like you, that’s why I’m torn.”

“Well, whatever you decide, I’ll support it. I would love if you gave us a chance, but understand why you wouldn’t.” His eyes fell into his drink.

I reached and placed my hand on top of his. “Just give it time. We can hang out as friends for now. There just has to be more focus on healing after Jimmy. I don’t want any bad decisions made because we’re still hurting over him or something.”

His eyes met mine again. “I understand. I really just want to make everything up to you.”

“Brian, your apology was enough. That along with how you’ve changed. Trust me. Please?”

He nodded once. “Just don’t tell Johnny, because he’s still uneasy about us spending time alone together. He’s talked to me a few times about it.”

“He’s my brother, he’s supposed to be like that. I’ll talk to him about it.”

“So, next Sunday at six? Dinner and a movie?”

I grinned. “Alright, I‘ll come by your place and we can go from there. On two conditions though. It’s not a date, and no flowers or anything of that nature.”

He returned the grin which was almost irresistible for me. “Deal. Would you like another drink?”

I shook my head and watched him walk back towards the bar. No sooner did Brian walk away when Zack came and sat next to me, rambling about how Johnny beat him at pool. I knew it was coming too.

“So, I got you alone for a moment, wanted to ask what you were doing on everyone’s favorite lovey-dovey holiday?” he asked, smiling at me.

What is so damn appealing about me? I asked myself. “I’m actually going out that night.”

“Brian beat me to the punch, didn’t he?” I saw his green eyes fall towards the table.

I felt horrible. “He did, but he’s just trying to pay me back for what happened.”

“I see. In my opinion, he can’t pay back any amount to make up for what he did. He’s my best friend, he’s basically my brother, and we’d all die for each other, but what he did to you is something that’s unforgivable.” The anger and disgust towards Brian were evident in his voice.

“That’s you. I’m more forgiving than that. Especially since it’s in the past.”

“Yeah true, but still. I told Johnny that if you were my sister and that happened, all friendship aside, I would’ve beat the hell out of Brian.”

I sighed. “I know how you guys can get, but Johnny has a point for being easily forgiving as well. You guys have been best friends since God knows when, and you’re all grown men. Everybody has come to an understanding that this friendship won’t crumble because of what Brian did, but also that everyone is pissed at him for doing it.”

Zack nodded in agreement. “Good point, but still. You know that I still like you as much as I always had, and I would’ve liked to take you on a date next week.”

“We can go out, but I’m just not in the mindset where I want to date yet. I told Brian the same thing. I like you guys, both of you, and I just feel it that eventually I’ll have to make a decision. There’s just so much in my head I need to get together. I also don’t want you two to start fighting over me.”

“That wouldn’t happen.”

“Zacky, I’m already sensing tension because I told you I was going out with him next week. You wanna know my observations right now? He’s confident he can beat you to me, and you’re scared that you’re going to lose the battle.”

His eyes told me he wanted to protest, but also that he knew I was right. It did flatter me that he was fighting so much to be with me, which gave him points ahead of Brian. I just wanted everyone to heal over Jimmy before anything.

“Well, how about spending a few days with me then?” he asked. “No dates, just two friends, we can chill at my place, talk, play video games, watch movies…” he trailed off for a moment. “I wouldn’t guarantee that there won’t be any cuddling though.”

I grinned, letting a soft laugh escape through my lips. “Okay, deal. I’ll come over Thursday morning. We can get hopped up on sugar and play video games.” I laughed a bit more now.

Zack returned the smile. “That sounds like a fucking great plan right there.” He added laughter after his statement.

We talked a little more over drinks, joined the guys in pool, and went our separate ways when the bar closed. Johnny and I were in his car on our way back. I figured it would be a good time to ask him.

“So, question. Are you still uneasy about letting me be alone with Brian?” I asked, looking over at him.

He glanced at me for a moment before returning his eyes to the road. “Yeah I am. I just still don’t trust him. After all, he did sneak into my apartment and r-forced you to have sex with him.” He still refused to say the word.

I hung my head. “But he has been good to me lately now. After the talk, the apology, things have taken a turn for the better.”

“They have, I know, it just still makes me uneasy. I can’t stop you, obviously, because you’re twenty-two, but just know that I won’t be too thrilled. I guess you can say it’s because I’m trying to look out for my little sister.”

I smiled. “I understand, but you still shouldn’t be so uneasy about it.”

“I’m trying to work on it. Like I said, if you wanna hang with him, go ahead, I can’t stop you. If I really did want to, I’d lock you in your room.” He laughed.

I laughed with him. “You would do that wouldn’t you?”

“Only if I really had to protect you from something.”

I continued to laugh and shook my head. “Rodger that.”

Upon arriving home, we both just went to our rooms and crashed for the night. Like usual with me I couldn’t fall asleep for a while. My anxiety had ceased to where I didn’t need the medications, but I still had nights where I needed my sleep aids. Ignoring the don’t take with alcohol warning, I popped the usual two, swallowed then with water and laid down with my iPod on. I barely got through one song before I was knocked out cold.