Some Say This Can't Be Real.

I woke up feeling refreshed, smiling when I remembered the dream I had. The dream of my wedding day. I stepped out of the bedroom and noted the silence throughout the apartment. Johnny’s door was closed, indicating that he was still asleep. I grabbed a handful of clothes and headed for the bathroom for a shower. Once clean, I grabbed my phone and headed to the kitchen to make some coffee. Before starting, I sent a text message to Brian.

You up? I wanted to get together and talk to you.

After I started the coffee, I shuffled through the fridge to find something for breakfast. I couldn’t find anything that I had a taste for, so I just nixed the idea and sat on the couch to watch TV. A typical Tuesday morning, there was nothing entertaining on, so I stuck with the news, showing a good weather report. While it was winter, it hardly got cold in southern California, which was something I had missed since I was in Chicago. I had no desire for the brutally cold Chicago winters and all of the snow. I was lost in the news when my phone began to vibrate with an incoming call. Looking at the display before I answered it, I saw Brian’s name.

“Hey,” I answered.

“What did you wanna talk about?” he asked.

“I’d rather we get together and talk about it if you don’t mind.”

“What time? Because the guys and I have something going on today. We’re all getting together with Mike to talk about album stuff this afternoon…” he paused, and as I was about to answer him back, he cut me off. “Which reminds me, is Johnny even up yet? Because he was supposed to be at the studio a half hour ago.”

“He’s still asleep. I think. Hang on.” I walked to Johnny’s room and knocked on the door. After knocking a few times, and getting no response, I opened it. His bed was empty, and made in a half-assed manner. “He’s not even here.”

I could hear shouting and shuffling over the phone, but couldn’t make out the words for a moment. “Oh, never mind, he’s walking in right now.”

“Can we get together later though? Maybe walk the boardwalk or something.”

“You can come to my place at like four or five.”

I hesitated for a moment, thinking of what could happen if I upset him in his own place. Not to say that I didn’t trust him, but I would’ve rather the talk be in public. “I figured the boardwalk because the weather is nice, and I could use a walk. You know how I am with outdoors.”

“Okay, fine. How about by the pier at four-thirty?”

“Deal. I’ll see you later.”

I spent the day inside watching movies, surfing the internet, and gathering my thoughts of what to say to Brian. Eventually I began to get restless and wanted to go outside. I grabbed my keys to the storage garage and headed out to it. After hooking up my iPod to it’s speakers, and turning on the play list I made to play along with, I sat behind the drum kit and began to play. As always, I got so into playing that I was unaware of my surroundings until someone tickled my sides. After jumping with a squeal, I turned to see my brother and an older guy behind him.

“Johnny, you’re an ass!” I said as he was laughing at me.

“Well if you didn’t go off into la-la land when playing, then I wouldn’t have had to do it. I came to show off the kit.” He turned to the person behind him who stepped forward. “This is my sister, Lisa.”

My eyes turned to the older guy who was now standing next to Johnny. “You must be Mike.”

“That would be me,” he said, extending his hand.

“I think it’s great that you’re helping the guys out,” I said as I shook his hand.

“Well, I’m kind of surprised that you’re not.”

I put the drumsticks back into the container. “I haven’t been playing that much. I’m only twenty-two years old with a few short years of experience.”

“Practice makes perfect. Maybe one day.”

“Maybe.” I turned to my brother. “What time is it?”

“Almost three. Why? Got a date?”

I rolled my eyes. “Maybe.” I stood up and headed to go inside. “Nice meeting you, Mike. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

Mike gave a nod and I headed inside. I was sweating a bit while playing, so I jumped in the shower again just to rinse off. After getting dressed, I sat in my room for a bit in thought again. Making sure I had all my thoughts together. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone going off with incoming text messages. One was from Zacky asking what I was up to, and the other was from Brian telling me that we could meet up now if I wanted to. I didn’t reply to Zack, but told Brian I was on my way as I was walking out to my car. After I parked as close as I could get to the pier, I headed towards it. I spotted Brian standing there talking to some people. As I approached, the group disbursed, and Brian smiled at me.

“Hey,” I said, trying not to let his confidence break the barrier in my head again.

“What’s up?” he asked as we started to walk.

“I’ve been thinking. I know it seems like I haven’t been thinking too long, such as giving everything a few months, but still, I’ve made up my mind.” I watched the ground in front of me as I walked.

“Well, I can ask you who, but I can tell by your body language right now that there isn’t much good news for me.” The hurt appeared in his voice.

“It’s not like that. It’s more like knowing how Zack has felt about me since before I even left. If it wasn’t like that, then I would’ve contemplated a lot more. You’ve changed towards me a lot in the past month, and I couldn’t be happier that we’re cool now, but with him, things just feel…they feel right.”

“I understand. It’s because I was a dick before. Even though I had been trying to convince you to be my girlfriend, I knew it wouldn’t have happened.”

“I applaud your confidence, and how you’ve acted. Those alone actually made the decision harder.” I hesitated, but decided to tell him what Zack had been telling me. “Before I go on, I need you to promise me that there won’t be any tension between you and Zacky.”

“He’s my best friend, why would that happen? Of course they’re all pissed at me, but it’s not affecting our friendship.”

“He was intimidated by your confidence lately. He denies it, but it’s too obvious to hide. He’s also said that you don’t deserve me after how you hurt me.”

“He’s right, but I just thought I’d try anyways. It never hurts to try.” He stopped walking and leaned against a railing. “I had imagined us being together, and doing things the right way, and actually planning a child.”

I stopped and stood in front of him, still avoiding eye contact. “Did it really hurt you that bad when Johnny told you about that?”

“It did. I was so fucked up that night that I didn’t even think. I didn’t even remember what happened until I found out that you ran away. I didn’t find out for a few days. Johnny wouldn’t tell anyone, because he thought you just needed some time away from everyone, or something like that. He always mentioned that you would fight with your parents?”

“Yeah, a slight addition to why I ran away.” I looked over his shoulder to the water.

“That’s what he thought for about a week while trying to contact you, but when he couldn’t, he eventually came to us saying that he thought you ran away. We all then were trying to contact you, but couldn’t. We tried the internet too, because he knew you were always on Facebook and Myspace.”

“I made new ones under a different name as I made new friends in Chicago. I may have ran away at the snap of a finger, but I planned everything out while I was on the road.”

“That day last month when I saw you at the cemetery and told you to go see him. I knew you did when I saw him the next day. He was happier.”

“Of course.” I paused for a second, frowning at the changed subject. “But anyways, you’re not mad at me right now are you?”

“No. I just want you to be happy, and not run away again.”

“Thanks for being so easy about this, Bri.” I leaned in to give him a hug.

“Don’t worry about it. As long as we stay friends, I don’t care.” He hugged me back. “Even if you have him, just know that I’m here for you as well. Along with everybody else.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I know.”

“So, what now? How about some food?”

Only then did I discover my growling stomach. “Sure, as I now realize that I haven’t eaten all day.” I laughed.

We stopped for something to eat, and talked while doing so. Darkness quickly fell while we ate and decided to call it a night afterwards. I gave him one last appreciative gesture before we parted ways and I headed for my car. Next on my list was to meet up with Zack. It was then that I remembered the text I ignored earlier. As I was walking up the stairs to the apartment, I was typing away a message to him.

Sorry for not replying earlier. I was in the middle of something. I’m taking a few days to chill out at home, but what are you doing this weekend?

I sent the message as I approached the door before stuffing my phone in my pocket so I could let myself in. I discovered Johnny, Matt, and Mike sitting in the living room playing video games. After greeting them, I sat around and watched for a while, until my phone started going off in my pocket. I reached for it, reading the text from Zack.

Not doing anything this weekend, so be in touch. Getting really restless over what your decision is.

I just grinned at the message until suddenly my thoughts were shaken by Matt swearing loudly. I looked up to see that he died in the game, and I just laughed at him.

“Fucking bullshit!” he sighed.

“Keep playing then,” Johnny said. “I don’t wanna play anymore anyways.” He handed his controller to Mike before sitting next to me. “What’s up?” he asked.

“Just watching grown men act like children over video games,” I said with a laugh. “Went for a walk with Brian earlier to talk about a few things. Surprisingly went pretty well.”

“As in you two are gonna start dating or something?”

“Nah.”

“Eventually?”

“Nope.” I watched my brother’s eyes light up just a little bit as he figured it out. He didn’t even have to ask me. “You boys have fun. I’m going to bed now.”

I walked into my room, changed into my usual sweat pants and tank top before climbing into bed. While trying to fall asleep, I was thinking of ways I could break the news to Zack. I wanted it to be perfect, but how to pull it off?

“This must be what it feels like for a guy to think of how to propose to his girl,” I said, thinking out loud. “Fuck.”
Usually when my mind was racing, I wouldn’t fall asleep for the life of me, but somehow during my thought process, my mind blanked out and I fell right to sleep.