Some Say This Can't Be Real.

As I came closer to my car, I was able to make out the figure, and he wasn’t all smiles and happiness either.

“Brian? What are you doing here?” I asked.

“You didn’t answer my texts, and I wanted to talk.” His words were slurred.

“I was asleep, and I was going to call you tomorrow, cause I’m tired and just wanna get home and go back to sleep.”

“Well why don’t you just sleep with him?” he asked nodding towards Zack’s building.

“Why do you even care?” I asked, trying not to use a snotty tone. “And how drunk are you?

He just shrugged. “Can we talk though?”

I sighed. “About what? You said it was my fault.”

“You led me on.”

“No I didn’t,” I snapped. “If I led you on, then I wouldn’t have ever had intentions of dating you. I had intentions of dating you, therefore I didn’t lead you on.”

“Then what was with that comparison? Comparing how both he and I treated you which basically told me that you were never gonna date me.”

“I didn’t fucking mean it like that!” I snapped again, raising my voice louder than I wanted to. “You fucking hung up on me before I could explain myself.”

“Then explain.”

“I wanted to make you really think about it. Yes, I had intentions of dating you, but did you honestly believe that I was going to right away after what you did to me?” I began to realize that I wasn’t making much sense. “Look, if I didn’t have any intentions of dating you whatsoever, then I wouldn’t have gone out with you last weekend. Something about it just didn’t feel comfortable. I said I wasn’t ready to date, but you were basically starting to force yourself on me. Especially when you kissed me.”

“Zack talked you out of it, didn’t he?”

“Between him and Val, they both helped me get my thoughts together, but they didn’t talk me out of dating you.”

“I just don’t understand why you suddenly made the decision.”

“I’ll be honest, I just didn’t feel comfortable to start a relationship with you.”

“Why?”

“Well, look at our past, Brian! You did rape me three years ago, and have done nothing but make fun of me since I’ve known you.”

“I know that, but how have I been lately? We made up, I apologized, you accepted, and we’re friends now, why couldn’t you just go with it for a while?”

His question raised a point, and I hung my head. “I don’t know. Maybe because I didn’t want to keep on having this mental debate on who I’d end up with. I knew that one of you guys would end up being badly hurt, and I wanted to stop it before it escalated,” I said, impressed with myself for what I managed to say. “Just let me go home, and we’ll talk later.” I reached around for my door handle, and that was when I was able to catch the smell of alcohol.

“No.” He grabbed my wrist. “We’re going to get this straightened out right now.”

“Brian, let me go. You’re drunk.”

“Oh shut up, I only had a few drinks.”

I couldn’t help but gasp when he told me to shut up. “What is your fucking problem?” I asked.

“I just want you to be mine,” he said softly, loosening his grip on my wrist.

“Why were you so understanding a few days ago when I told you I was gonna pick Zack?” I pulled my wrist away from him, shoving my hand in my hoodie pocket. I wrapped my fingers around my phone. “Why can’t you just accept the fact that I just wanna be friends?”

“I want more than that.”

“You just want the fucking sex don’t you?” I said in almost a growl.

“Well it was amazing,” he said, wearing a grin.

I rolled my eyes. “You’re kidding me right? It wasn’t amazing. You fucking raped me!” I shouted.

“Just imagine how it could be if it was consensual?” He still grinned, and I stepped back nervously, touching the ‘call’ button with my thumb.

“Look, just go home, get sober, and call me tomorrow or something. Please?” I asked.

“Just come over now, let’s spend the night together, and I won’t bother you about it anymore, and then you can just know that I’ll be here if you change your mind about Zacky.”

He wasn’t taking no for an answer, so I pressed the call button and left the phone in my pocket, hoping Zack would answer and overhear Brian’s threats.

“No, Brian. I won’t, because I wanna be with Zack, and just want a friendship from you. I’m not coming to your place. Now will you move so I can get in my car and go home?”

“Just for tonight, come on.” He stepped towards me, closing the gap. “I’m asking nicely right now.”

“I appreciate that you’re asking nicely, but I’m not going to come. I’m not coming over so you could get me into your bed and fuck me again. Why the fuck are you acting like this all over again?”

“Damnit, don’t be difficult, Lisa. All I’m asking for is one night.”

“Go get fucking sober, and just leave me alone.” I stepped backwards again as he continued to close the gap between us. I began to sidestep in hopes of getting closer to my car.

“Keep swearing at me, because it just makes me want you more.” The tone of his voice was starting to scare me.

“Brian, get the fuck away from me!” I took advantage of a moment I had to make a dash to my car.

I couldn’t get into my car fast enough. Brian grabbed me from behind, whipped me around and pinned me against my door. “We can just do it right here,” he said, his breath reeking of Jack Daniels. I tried to struggle against him, but I knew it wouldn’t work. He buried his face in my neck, kissing feverishly. His body pressed up against mine, holding me firmly against my car. I continued to struggle, hoping that Zack answered his phone and was overhearing what was going on. “You just don’t know how bad I want you.”

“Get off me,” I said. “Please, just get the fuck off me!”

With no words, he reached to open my back door. He jerked me with him, then pushed me into my backseat, climbing in on top of me. I continued to struggle against him as he forced himself on me, kissing me roughly while trying to reach for the button on my jeans.

“Just give in and take it, it’ll be fine.”

“Brian, I don’t want you. Get off.”

As his hand nearly ripped the front of my jeans, he began to explore. I wasn’t going to give up my struggle, but I knew I wasn’t going to win. As I tried to kick him away, I felt his fingers against my core. “Yeah you do, you’re already soaking wet.”

Tears began to flow as I continued to fight against his size. As I closed my eyes to begin the search for a happy mental place, the weight of his body left my own, and I heard curse words pouring into the air. I composed myself enough to sit up and see Zack dragging Brian away from my car.

“What the fuck is your problem, Brian!?” Zack shouted. “I can’t fucking believe you!”

“She’ll end up crawling back to me in the end.” Brian started to walk away as I buttoned my jeans and stepped out of my car.

“Get the fuck back here and talk to me. I wanna know why you keep doing this to her. I thought you were understanding about this.”

“I’m fucking drunk, I don’t know what I’m doing.” He continued to walk away.

“You have problems, Bri. Go the fuck home and sober up before I call Johnny.”

Brian stopped and turned. “I want her okay!? I wanted her to be my girlfriend, not yours, but she fucking chose you, and I thought I could change her mind.”

“She did choose me, not you, so just accept it! She’s my girlfriend now, not yours, so deal with it.”

“Please don’t tell Johnny.” His expression changed to a sorrowful one.

“Then go the fuck home, forget this happened, and go get your mind together. Just stay away from her for a while.”

“I’m sorry.” He then turned on his heels and began to walk away.

Zack finally turned his attention to me, running over where I leaned against my car. I leaned, staring at the ground. Showing no emotions as the shock of what happened sunk in. He scooped me in his arms and held me close. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

“Fine,” I said, still limp in his arms, not returning the hug.

“Come back up and stay with me tonight.”

“I just wanna go home,” I said in a monotone voice.

“Please, just stay with me tonight? You’re scared and in shock right now. I want to make sure you’re okay.” He was almost pleading.

“I’m fine. I just wanna go home.” I tried to push him away from him.

“Lisa, baby, look at me.” He pulled back, taking my face in his hands to meet my eyes. “I’m not going to force you to come up, but I just don’t want you driving home like this. You’re starting to scare me, so I’m going to stay here with you until you snap out of this.”

I sighed, and as emotions of fear, shame, and embarrassment flooded through me, I buried my face into his chest, letting lose the tears that had built up. “Why is he doing this to me?” I asked in a sob, finally hugging him.

“I don’t know, just come with me.” I followed him back to his apartment, sitting on the couch and curling up. “You want me to call Johnny?”

“Not right now. Just sit with me?”

He nodded and sat next to me so I could curl up next to him comfortably. It took a few minutes for me to calm down and compose myself, trying to forget what happened, hoping that it wouldn’t cause the nightmares to start again. Thirty quiet minutes passed until Zack finally broke into the silence.

“You feeling any better?” he asked quietly. I responded with a short nod, curling up next to him even tighter. “Just tell me if you need anything. I’m right here for you, baby.” He began to rub my side in a comforting manner.

I soon relaxed and slowly began to uncurl my body. “I’m sorry.” I said, looking up at him. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine. I’m just glad that it didn’t become worse than it was. I promise that I’ll talk to him though.”

I turned away to stare at a spot on the wall. “I don’t want Johnny aware of this, unless Brian says something.”

“I’m just gonna talk to him man to man and try to settle this. Now if it gets to a point where just he and I can’t settle it, then I may have to bring the guys in.”

I shrugged. “It’s whatever then.”

“So, do you still wanna go home or what?”

“No, but I don’t have any clothes.”

“Did you forget that I run a clothing line? Come on.” He stood up and started walking towards the hallway. I followed him to the door to his spare room that contained a few boxes. “Just find a shirt in an open box, and I’ll get you a pair of sweat pants.”

I went through the first open box I saw and grabbed a t-shirt in my size. As I walked out, Zack met me holding a pair of black sweat pants. I grabbed the sweat pants from him and he headed back for his front room while I went into his bedroom. I changed into the clothes, tossing mine into the corner. I looked in the mirror that was hanging on his closet door. I could see the faint marks on my neck where Brian was attacking it. Once I was situated, I headed back out, finding him in his kitchen.

“Thanks, Zacky, for everything.” I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around him from his side.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “No problem at all.“ He kissed the top of my head. “You wanna go to bed now? Or watch a movie?” He didn’t seem the least bit tired.

“I’m tired, but go ahead and watch a movie if you want. I’m just gonna crash.”

“Okay, you know where to find me if you need anything.”

I leaned up to give him a kiss before I headed to his room, climbing into the bed and getting comfortable. I laid there in thought for a bit until I heard my phone vibrating from my pants pocket in the corner. I was going to ignore it, but knowing it could be Johnny, I got up to go get it. My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw Brian’s name under the text message notification.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t drink when my mind races about you.

A short sigh escaped my mouth as I contemplated on calling him. I peered through the door and down the hall where the living room TV droned, then I pressed the call button. It rang twice before he answered.

“Lisa, I’m so sorry.” His words were still slurred, but not as badly as earlier.

“Why do you keep doing this?” I asked as I paced the room.

“I don’t know. Just don’t run away again.”

“I’m not going to, I just wanna know why you keep trying to do this to me.”

“Every time I think about you and I drink, I just can’t help but get that feeling that I wanna sleep with you.”

“Well, stop thinking about me and drinking.”

“I’m just gonna try to stay away for a few days, to clear my head.”

“Why don’t you just take a vacation and go away for a week or two?”

“I might. Just know that I’m sorry. You did choose him, and not me. I just want the best for you, and you all are right, I don’t deserve you. Not even as a friend.”

“Bri, I love you as a friend, and I want you to be that.” I finally stopped pacing and went to go sit in bed.

“Well, if you see me and I ignore you for a few days, don’t take it personal.”

“Fine. Zacky is gonna come talk to you eventually too, just a heads up.”

“I figured. I’m sorry, okay? I just don’t want you to run away again, especially at a time like this.”

“I’m not going to run away. Just, do what you need to do to clear your head. I’m going to bed now.”

“Goodnight.” He hung up before I could respond.

I set my phone on the nightstand along with my glasses and laid down, curling up with one of the pillows against my chest. After trying for an hour to fall asleep, I couldn’t, and wished I had my pills. Eventually I just sat up, about to go join Zack in the living room, but before I could even get out of bed, he appeared in the doorway, shocked that I was still awake.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I said, laying back down.

“It’s okay,” he said, walking to his side of the bed. He climbed in behind me, pulling my back into his chest and wrapping his arms around my waist. I felt his breath against the back of my neck. “Sleep now, you’re safe with me,” he whispered before pressing his lips gently against a small exposed area of my neck.

I instantly felt relaxed, and listened to both of us breathing. My mind finally cleared and I was able to fall asleep peacefully, wrapped up in Zack’s arms.