Some Say This Can't Be Real.

As the tour was coming to a close, everything was changing around us. Over the course of the past two months, there was a lot more love for my band, and we were getting received pretty well along with the support of the guys. Of course, with every few positives, there has to be some negativity. A lot of it would come from nasty comments saying that we were using the guys to get famous. That mixing in the the exhaustion wasn't the best for us, because with more exhaustion came more crankiness and short tempers. The guys were taking care of us as best as they could, but we were also trying to make it on our own and be as independent as we could be. There were many sleepless nights for us trying to make it to the next city. It soon had gotten to where we were taking shorter driving shifts because we couldn't drive very far without beginning to doze off at the wheel.

I was trying not to let everything get to me because it was known that when I get tired, I get cranky. So far I was holding back, but I've had a few moments where I'd have to be alone for a bit to calm down. It was a blessing to be on this tour, but I was beginning to feel like my body was breaking down on me. I hadn't been feeling very well, and I've figured that it's been because I haven't been eating a lot lately. The late summer heat mixed with the stress and exhaustion was taking away my appetite, and if I did eat, I would get nauseous. I still had the energy to play our set, and to play with the guys because as soon as I'd get onstage, the adrenaline would get me going.

I was being oddly quiet on this particular day as we were unpacking our gear and bringing to the area to stage it. The first band was in the process of disassembling so we still had about an hour. I was sitting alone, trying to take a power nap and telling Amy when to wake me. Our set went as it always had. It went well, people cheered, and we walked around for a bit afterwards for people who wanted to talk to us and whatnot. I was trying to calm the cranky feelings that were lingering, but I just had a feeling that something was going to push that button.

“Hey, you're with that band that knows Avenged Sevenfold right?” someone asked as they approached.

“Yeah I am. How are you today?” I asked with a smile.

He shrugged. “You're the drummer and supposedly Johnny Christ's sister aren't you?” He asked snidely.

I arched an eyebrow. “Umm, yeah, I actually am Johnny's sister.”

“I don't know how a band as awesome as them supposedly know a band as shitty as you, and I don't know who you slept with to get on this tour, but you just don't belong here.”

I took a breath to calm myself down before snapping on this person. “I'm sorry you feel that way,” I said as I started to walk away as I saw Amy and Arin walking over to me.

“I've heard you play drums for Avenged's encore too. Such a disgrace to Jimmy and every one of us who miss him. You're just trying to replace him but you're not going to.”

My eyes met Amy's as I felt an angry twitch in my neck. By the look on her face, I knew she had heard what the guy had said as she walked faster towards us. Before I was even able to turn to the guy, Arin had grabbed my arm. “Just ignore him,” he whispered. Arin was one more person that I had become close with, especially on this tour. Maybe it was a drummer thing, or possibly that he was the same age as me, and sometimes I just needed a guy my age to talk to. Nothing in particular, but we just connected well as friends. He in general was one of those people that instantly connected with everybody. “Come on.”

“Nobody said you had to love us,” Amy said to the guy. “But really? To call yourself a fan of Avenged when you go and say something like that about Jimmy and about my best friend? You don't have any idea. We are close friends of the guys, she is Johnny's sister, and Jimmy was one of her closest friends. So have a nice day,” I heard her say as Arin led me away from the guy.

The irritability I was feeling was being fueled, and I was glad that the two of them had came at the right time before I snapped. Once far enough away, I pulled away from Arin with no words and just ran off away from everybody to be alone. I found a place backstage to try and hide, but I wasn't there very long before I was approached. I was sitting and staring at the ground when a pair of feet came into my view.

“Baby?”

I looked up into the eyes of my boyfriend. “Hey.” I murmured.

He squatted in front of me. “Arin came and found me, said you had a run in with someone and then ran off upset.”

“I don't wanna talk about it. It happens, it's gonna keep happening. I'm just exhausted, and when I get exhausted, I get cranky. When I get cranky, I just need to get away before I snap at people.”

He rested his hands on my legs as a comforting touch. “I know you're exhausted, but we're almost done with the tour. Then we have some time to rest. You know you don't have to play tonight if you're that tired. You can go sleep if you want.”

I shook my head. “No, I want to. Trust me, every moment on this tour is just amazing. I've just been exhausted and cranky lately because I think I'm getting sick or something. I'm not sure.”

“Baby, please listen to me for a second. Recently you can barely keep your eyes open, along with your friends, and you all just need to get some sleep. Let Mike do the song tonight, and you go get some sleep.”

“I don't need sleep,” I snapped in a low voice. “I just need a moment to calm down. That guy pissed me off and said I was a disgrace to Jimmy.”

“You're not.”

“I know. It still pissed me off regardless. Please just go away right now?” I whispered.

“I'll leave you alone under one condition. Please just let Mike take it tonight and you and your friends go get some sleep until we leave. Do it for me?” He pleaded with his eyes more than his words and when he pleaded with his eyes, I couldn't help but cave in.

I let out a sharp sigh. “Fine. If it'll get you guys off my case, I'll go find a place to sleep, I won't play the song, miss your set, and not hang out with you at all tonight and half of tomorrow,” I said angrily as I stood up and began to walk away.

“Whoa, babe!” Zack called out behind me. “I didn't mean it like that. You guys need to get some sleep. We've been where you guys are, we know what it's like and we understand. We didn't even have anybody to look out for us like this.”

I sighed again and turned around. “Zacky, please. You all have given us the 'we've been there' speech a million times. We get it. Really. I just need to be alone for a bit before we start fighting about God knows what.”

I heard him sigh behind me as I continued walking. I hated being like this, but I would've hated myself more if I started a fight. I was already upset that I had snapped at him like I had. After running around trying to avoid everyone, I went to their bus and to the back lounge where I shut myself in and laid on the couch. The tour was almost over, and I was ready to be home. There were a few dates in Canada left, then two more US shows giving us a week left of the tour. I laid there just knowing that we'd be hone this time next week and I'd catch up on sleep. I figured that my racing mind wouldn't allow me to sleep, but I remembered having my arm draped over my eyes, and the next thing I knew, the bus jolted. I opened my eyes to see that it was dark, with the exception of the dim light from the TV. Zack was sitting there with his feet propped on the small table, once again clad only in boxers. I smiled as I watched him for a moment. He began dozing off, and when his eyelids fell closed, I moved silently and wiggled my way under his arm against his side. He breathed out as his hand began rubbing my side. “I'm sorry, honey,” I whispered.

“For what?”

“Snapping at you earlier today. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've just been moody.”

“It's okay, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

“Considering I've been asleep for the past ten or whatever hours, I feel a little better. When did we leave?”

“Not too long ago. We convinced the others to sleep in the other bus while the Berry's take the car. They went shortly after you came here. All four of you guys need a good night's sleep.”

“Yeah. The thing is that I don't want us getting too dependent on you guys to take care of us. While we definitely appreciate the support, we also need to learn on our own how to deal with everything.”

“We understand where you guys are coming from. I for one, as well as Johnny don't want to see you getting hurt. You have a group of friends who care about you and we don't need you getting in a car wreck in the middle of the night. It's one of those situations you have to look at on both sides.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I'm sorry I just haven't been myself lately.” I sighed as I rested my head against his shoulder. “I hope I'm not getting sick or something. Lately I've just had no appetite, and if I do eat, I feel sick afterwards.”

“Probably just the stress and exhaustion. We'll be home next week so you can eat and sleep all you want. Go back to sleep, baby.” He whispered into my hair before kissing the side of my head. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I breathed out as I relaxed against his body.