Some Say This Can't Be Real.

Just as Zack and everyone else had said, keeping busy made the time fly by. Time flew so fast that I barely knew what I was doing with myself. Between working at Zack's office, hanging with my friends for band talk, and babysitting little Jimmy, my hands were pretty full. Valary invited all of us over for Thanksgiving dinner and while it was lonely without the guys, we still had a great time. I was enjoying the few days I had to myself after the holiday also. I was a bit bummed out because my birthday was in two days, and I didn't have my boyfriend here to celebrate it with me.

As a treat to myself for my birthday, I was planning on getting my hair cut and colored because it was starting to look dull and all around just nasty. As I was getting dressed and pulling on my favorite pair of jeans, I noticed that they felt a little tighter than normal. “I guess I need to lay off the chocolate frosting,” I said with a frown.

I was heading out the door when my phone jingled with an incoming e-mail. As I was walking down the hall, I read it since it was from Zack.

Hey babe,

I really wish I could be there for your birthday. I know that it's the day after tomorrow, and I'm upset that I can't be there for it. Nothing new has gone on here, just the same old touring. We have a few dates left still, but we'll be back for Christmas. I hate to bring this up, but did you ever take a pregnancy test? I know we discussed it and all, and I'd really like it to get confirmed. You know I love you, and I don't wanna see you flustered and upset, because then you just get yourself sick and stressed out. I love you so much, sweetheart, and I'll see you in a few weeks. -Z

I sighed when he brought up the pregnancy test. I didn't know why everyone around me thought I was pregnant. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary, and I had just gotten my period again. I knew that the body didn't go through that during pregnancy. Though I could admit that the TV show I began watching with my friends had gotten me a little bit paranoid. After getting my hair cut, I went and saw a movie before heading back home. I stopped at Target to pick up a box of hair dye, and while browsing the health and beauty section, I came across all the pregnancy tests. I figured that I'd just humor Zack and everybody else and just take one.

I paid for my things and headed home. After taking Zack's dogs out, I went to work on my hair, soaking it in the mahogany dye. While it was sitting, I read over the test and how to take it. I then left it sitting on the sink while I began typing an e-mail back to Zack telling him that I took the test, and how I knew I wasn't pregnant because of how my body wasn't giving me any symptoms. The whole getting sick in the morning thing died down since I had that hangover, and aside from the random cravings I'd get for foods I never normally ate, nothing was out of the ordinary with me. Right as I sent the e-mail, not even waiting for the results, Valary called.

“Hey! What are you up to?” she asked.

I set the phone on speaker and placed it on the bathroom sink as I began to wipe spots of dye from my skin. I was always sloppy with hair dye. “I have my hair soaked in dye, and a pregnancy test sitting on the sink to humor Zack and to shut everybody up with their accusations that I'm pregnant.”

“Umm...wow. Well, when you're done with all of that, we were all gonna go to the movies in like two hours. You wanna come? Leana brought the baby to her parents, so we can all go out and maybe even have a few drinks or something.”

While she was talking, I continued wiping dye from my head and went to re-soak the paper towel that was in my hand. Before I turned on the water, my eyes fell over the stick, and a very visible plus sign. I felt all the color drain from my face. “Umm, Val...You've taken pregnancy tests before right? How accurate do you think they are?”

“Depends on the brand, but they're never one hundred percent. Why?”

“I-I think I have to call you back.”

“Lis? Honey, don't freak out, I'm coming over. Just sit tight, wash your hair dye out, and I'll be there before you know it.”

I did what she said and washed the dye from my head and took a quick shower. All the while I kept asking myself if it was possible. Once I finished showering, I got dressed and wrapped my hair in a towel. Soon after, Valary was letting herself into the apartment, calling for me. I showed her the test that was still sitting on the sink. “Val, I'm scared,” I whispered.

She grabbed me into a hug. “Don't be. It could be wrong. Go to the doctor next week and have them give you a blood test.”

“I don't think it is wrong. I have to go to the doctor now, or I won't sleep.”

“I'll take you. I don't want you driving like this.”

I threw my hair up in a quick ponytail before following Valary out the door. The whole ride to the clinic, I was tapping my foot on the floor nervously. I was freaking out and trying to think of how I had to tell Zack after I had just told him that I wasn't. At the clinic after a bit of a wait, I was able to be seen to get a blood test. Waiting for the results felt like the longest wait of my life. My body was shaking and when the doctor reentered the room, I nearly jumped on him. He couldn't figure out the way to tell me the results because he couldn't figure out if I was excited or not.

“The results came back positive. If you'd like to wait just a bit longer, we can do an ultrasound to determine how far along you are. Or we can make an appointment for you to come back.”

“We'll do it now,” I mumbled. I had an idea of how far along I was. The only moment that made sense was that I conceived the night Zack and myself had sex on the tour bus. More time passed while I changed into a hospital gown and was prepped to get an ultrasound. “I just don't understand,” I said to the nurse. “I was getting my period, and...well...I had skipped one due to anxiety, but I don't understand.”

“Every person is different. Some women can get it, others don't.” I sighed as I turned my head to the monitor. “This doesn't sound like something you were planning on.”

“Eventually, but not exactly right now. I had just told my boyfriend that I wasn't pregnant before the test gave me the results.”

“Well, there are plenty of other options if you aren't ready.”

“No. I couldn't do that. I'll accept it. I'm just more shocked than anything. And now I'm even more freaked out because I'd been drinking, and stressing out about stuff, so now I'm afraid that it's not going to turn out normal.” My eyes remained glued to the monitor and I gasped when I saw the image come into focus. I heard Valary gasp as well.

“That is it, and judging by what's here, I'd put you at about ten to twelve weeks.”

As soon as the nurse had told me how far along I appeared, I said that I figured I was that far along. Of course Zack and I had sex after the tour, but that was not long enough for me to even have an idea. She had asked if I wanted a picture, and I nodded, knowing that I'd have to show Zack when they got back from the tour. After I got dressed, I planned out the next few weeks as far as appointments were to go, and then I was free to go.

The ride back to the apartment was awkwardly silent. I was a nervous wreck, but when I really thought about it, I did have some symptoms of pregnancy, but I had just pegged them on anxiety. “Fuck,” I murmured. “I was in the biggest state of denial I ever heard of.”

“I know you're shocked, and I really wish there was something I could say to help you out.”
“I've been in denial before, but holy shit, and now I have to tell Zacky that I am pregnant, after I just told him I wasn't. Then...I have to tell my brother...I'm not so sure how that's gonna go over.”

“It'll go fine. Johnny and Zacky are best friends, and your brother knows that Zee is good to you. I doubt there's going to be any tension.”

My mind went at ease, but I was still scared. I was more scared of what we were going to do about it. We said we weren't ready just yet, and that we were going to plan for when we wanted to try to have a baby. I knew this sort of thing happened all the time, and I know that after a few days, I'd calm down and accept it. “So, still wanna do that movie?” I asked as we walked back up to the apartment.

“Of course. I'll call the girls and tell them we're still going. Michelle and Leana both called me a few times while we were at the clinic.”

I smiled and went to change into a more comfortable pair of jeans. After the shock of the day, I needed some girl time to wind down. As we were on our way to meet the others, my phone rang. I didn't know what surprised me more, the fact that it wasn't Zack, or the fact that it was my brother after just talking about him.

“Hey, sis!” he shouted when I answered. “Why do you sound so glum?”

“Been a rough day.”

“What's wrong? Want me to get Zack on the phone? We've all been having trouble calling out, but I finally got lucky.”

“Umm, no not yet. Johnny, I have to tell you something, but I don't want you to freak out or say anything to the guys. Promise me.”

“I won't say anything. I think I may already know. Are you...umm...” he paused, and I could only assume he was on the bus and that somebody was sitting near him.

“Yeah. I'm three months pregnant. Just, please, do not say anything to them. I'm gonna deal with the whole thing and Zack when you all get back. I took a test this morning that came up positive, and Val went with me to the clinic to get a blood test and then they gave me an ultrasound.”

“Lisa, don't take this the wrong way, but I had a feeling. The random cravings when you were here, and then Zack would tell me about when you got sick and had random cravings then. And of course, Matt mentioned hearing you two on the bus during the tour. I'm sure you two are like rabbits, so we knew it was coming.”

I laughed lightly as I felt my face burning. “Wow umm. Well yeah that was the magical night. I just can't believe I was in so much denial about it. It's almost like, what the fuck?”

“You two weren't ready yet, and you just didn't want to think you really were. I may not be that much older than you, but I remember mom and dad being the same way when they found out they were pregnant with you. They weren't ready for another baby yet, and I'd always hear them talking about it with mom in denial. You're going to keep it?”

“Yeah. I can't do anything otherwise. I don't have the balls to do so, and I know that we're more than financially stable enough for it. We just didn't want it to happen just yet because being in the middle of touring and everything.”

“Well, everything will be fine. You know that. You wanna talk to Zack? I can wake him up, and I need to get to bed.”

“You're all sleeping, don't wake him. I e-mail with him. We're about to meet the rest of the girls for a movie and stuff.”

“Alright, you all have fun and tell them we said hi. Love you, sis.”

I said bye to my brother and hung up the phone. Obviously I was still in shock, but I had felt a lot more reassured that everything was going to be okay.