Some Say This Can't Be Real.

Our holiday cheer was suddenly cut short when we were all gathered at the Good Shepherd Cemetery, visiting Jimmy on the one year anniversary of his death. It had been a solemn day for everybody. Most of the group had said their few words and left while very few of us couldn't tear ourselves away from the headstone. I sat there with Zack, Karlee, Amy, and Arin for the longest time, listening to Zack tell us stories about Jimmy until silence had fallen over us for a bit.

I had suddenly become overcome with emotion that I stood up and walked towards my car. Zack followed and was at my side in seconds. “Lisa?”

I turned towards Zack with tears streaming down my cheeks. “I can't be here right now. I'm sorry, but I just need to be alone for a while. I'll be home later.” I turned back to my car, and within seconds, I was driving away, leaving my friends and boyfriend all watching as I left.

Zack had his own car so I didn't feel too entirely guilty for leaving him. I needed to get away. Hearing him talk about what Jimmy had been up to during the times that I was gone had become too much. I could partially blame the sudden mood swing on my being pregnant, but it wasn't a good enough excuse as to why I sped off with tears pouring down my face. I took the short drive to the oceanfront, parking by the pier and walking to the end of it. I stared into the ocean for the longest time until my emotions had calmed, but my mind hadn't cleared.

I pushed my hand through my hair and walked back to my car, knowing exactly where I needed to go to clear my mind. Drums. I pulled into the apartment complex where my friends lived and parked near the storage garages. As I approached the one we had I saw that the door was opened slightly. I figured they were in there talking band talk until I heard the fast paced, familiar sounding drumming. “Jimmy!?” I shouted absently as I ran to the door and swung it open.

My jaw dropped as I watched Arin drumming away to one of the faster songs from my brother's band. I watched as he flawlessly executed the machine-gun sounding riffs of the song “Bat Country” in awe. I almost couldn't talk when he had finished, but instead just made a sound that I couldn't even explain. Startled, Arin turned and looked shyly at me. “Busted?” he asked meekly.

“Where in the hell did you learn to play like that? You're like my age.”

“I've been listening to Avenged forever. Jimmy was one of the reasons I picked up a pair of drumsticks. I was bound to pick it up somehow.”

“Well, you're so busted, because you heard the guys a few days ago, they need someone to drum for them on their new tour.”

I watched as Arin suddenly appeared extremely shy. “Well...No I couldn't do that.”

I pulled a chair next to where he was sitting. “Arin, you're a million times better than I am. I saw what you just did, and I swear to god only Jimmy could pull that off, but you did. Please just let me tell the guys about you?” It had taken a lot of coaxing, but Arin had agreed that we'd approach the guys with the idea at the next get together in a few days to celebrate New Years.

“So are you doing okay now?” Arin asked after the deal was made. “You left the cemetery so fast and we were all worried.”

My head hung a bit. “I'm okay. I just got overcome by emotion. It's been rough accepting that Jimmy is gone. He was one of my best friends and then I disappeared on everybody. Not to mention that his death was what brought me back, so I never had a real chance to say goodbye to him, you know?”

“Makes sense. I'm sorry I can't be of more support to you on this, but you know I'm here if you want somebody to talk to right?”

“Yeah.” I reached over to give him a hug. “Thanks.” I paused a moment. “You know, if I hadn't fallen in love with Zack and if you were around at the right time, I probably would've wanted to date you. You're an alright kid,” I laughed softly.

“Good to know, but I'm glad that he makes you happy, and it's umm...” he paused to nod towards the small bump that was beginning to protrude just slightly. “...it's clear that you two are in love.” He laughed before blushing.

We talked for almost another hour before I decided to head home. It was like Zack was waiting for me because as soon as I walked in, he was there, pulling me into a hug. “I know you said you'd be okay, but I was still worried,” he said as his face nuzzled into my hair.

“I'm fine, really,” I said, smiling. “I went to the pier for a bit, then went to play for a bit but-oh!” I exclaimed as I nearly dragged him to sit on the couch. “You know how you guys mentioned wanting a new drummer for this tour? Well I busted Arin today, and I shit you not, he's like a younger Jimmy.”

Zack's eyebrow rose. “Really?”

“Yeah! I convinced him to let me tell you guys at the New Years party in a few days and he agreed to show you guys.”

“Well, I'm sure we can give him a chance.”

“Baby, he's better than I am.”

Zack laughed. “Alright, alright. I believe you, and I'm glad you're happier than you were this morning.” His arms wrapped around me. “I don't need to see you so stressed or upset. It's not healthy for you, and definitely not healthy for the baby.”

I nodded as my excitement wore down. Zack and I settled on the couch with a movie until I was overcome by fatigue at an early hour and just wanted to go to sleep. It had been an eventful and emotional day for me, and I was just ready to sleep it off.