Some Say This Can't Be Real.

I had snapped awake after the dream, relieved at the fact that it was indeed just a dream. It didn’t help much though, seeing as the dream was something real. After wiping a few damp strands of hair from my face, I looked at the clock. It was eight in the evening. The apartment was silent. I wondered if they had went out without me, or were still asleep.

I walked around the darkened apartment for a moment. Amy’s door was closed, meaning she was asleep, and Karlee passed out on the couch. Not wanting to wake either of them, I went back to my room and proceeded to distract myself with TV and internet. I had also figured that since they knew where I was, I might as well reactivate my old Facebook account. After doing so, I discovered endless messages and comments from them all, asking where I was, if I was alive, and everything. I didn’t read any of them, except the one that caught my eye. It was from Jimmy, just a few days before he passed.

Hey kiddo,

I know it’s been a while since we’ve heard from you, but maybe I’ll have some hope that you’ll get this message somehow. It’s Christmas here, another Christmas with the guys, and listening to Johnny talk about the only gift he wants. That gift being his little sister to come home. Some of them are saying that you ran off and killed yourself, but I know that you’re still alive out there.

It’s been hard on me as well as it has been on Johnny. Granted that you and Brian never got along, you were my best friend next to him. Every time I would talk to you if I needed to vent, you would listen. You would hear every word that I said, and I feel as in that time my feelings for you were stronger than those of just a friendship. Like you were to any of us, you’re the little sister I never had. You have a home here, and I hope you don’t forget us. I hope you get this message and come back to us.

I’ve had some weird revelations today, which I expressed into a song for our new album. Can’t say what my thoughts have been meaning lately, but I can just feel like the end is coming close. The end of what? I don’t really know, but I just have this feeling. I miss you, Lisa, I really do. We all miss you, and we want you to come home. We want our little sister back.

The message brought tears to my eyes. It almost seemed ironic that he said what he did, then passed away days later. I looked at his profile which was covered in friends, family, and fans with their ‘RIP’ messages. What really affected me was his last status update, missing my unofficial little sister. Wish she was here. It brought even more tears to my eyes, and by now they steadily poured down my cheeks.

“Fuck, Jimmy, I miss you so much.” I wiped my eyes.

I noticed that a few of my Huntington friends were still around, so I changed my status to read alive and well, will be in touch. I closed up my laptop before staring blankly at the TV for a while. Not even paying attention to what was on, I just used the time to keep on contemplating. Knowing I could call and talk to any of them, I didn’t want to ask their opinion because I knew what they would say, they would want me to come back. Johnny and Valary already have said the same thing to me. I hadn’t expected the decision to come so quickly, but I also realized the only thing holding me back was Brian. Still laying in bed, I reached for my phone scrolling to find Johnny’s name and pressing the call button.

“Hey, sis,” he answered.

“Hey,” I replied.

“What’s up? You made it back okay?”

“Yeah, got in earlier today. I’ve been thinking the whole way home.”

“About?”

“Coming back of course. I’ve figured that the only thing holding me back is Brian.”

“We tried talking to him, but he won’t say a thing. He just says ‘nothing happened between us. She just got sick of me I guess.’”

“Of course,” I said in disappointment. I gave Brian some props for not blabbing to everyone else about it.

“I know that something happened that both of you guys are keeping from us. As your brother, I’d like to know.”

“In due time. I need to find the right time to tell you.”

“Alright, deal. So, did you decide?”

“Yeah, I’m going to start packing soon, then I’ll be back.”

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.” The smile was highly evident in his voice.

“Just don’t tell anyone yet, because I don’t want anyone making a big deal out of it. I’m going to try and be back within two weeks or so. Can I stay with you?”

“You didn’t even have to ask. You know you’re more than welcome to stay with me. You’re my sister, I’m supposed to look out for you. Just let me know when you‘re gonna be on your way so I can get the guest room a little cleared out.”

“Alright, I will. Thanks so much, Johnny.”

“You know it’s no problem at all.”

“Yeah.” I paused and sighed. “Johnny? I miss Jimmy so much.” My voice cracked as I began to choke on the lump in my throat.

“I know, we all do. Everyone is taking it hard right now, but we’re going to pull through this.” His voice also started to break.

“Yeah. It’s just…it happened so unexpectedly, and…fuck I feel horrible for leaving, because I didn’t expect this kind of news to get us back in touch.”

“Did you ever have plans to talk to us again?”

“I don’t know. I still have nightmares, I still think about it everyday. I’ve thought about you guys everyday for the past three years.”

“Well I know it’s under bad circumstances, but I am glad to hear your voice. I was so glad to see you, to know that you were alive. And to top it off, I’m glad you’re coming home. Well, home, home.”

“Me too. I’ll see you soon?”

“I’ll be here. And I won’t tell anybody.”

“Well, I did get in touch with Valary again, so you can tell her if you want to.”

“I’ll leave that to you. Stay in touch?”

“I will. Can I start shipping some stuff there when I start packing?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks so much Johnny.”

“Okay, stop thanking me. You know I’d do anything for you.”

I let out a small laugh. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll see you soon.”

“Alright. Love you.”

“Love you too, bro.”

I hung up my phone and went to grab something to drink. With intentions on going back to sleep, I needed to take my pills to do so. Karlee was awake now, watching TV.

“We going out?” she asked.

“I don’t really feel like it. I was just talking to my brother. I’m…I’m going back.”

“I thought you would. It’s fine with us. Amy said her brother would be interested. Promise me this though, that you’ll still stay in touch? And we’ll even come visit you.”

“I will.” I smiled. “I can introduce you to the guys.”

“That’d be pretty awesome.” She smiled.

“I’m going back to bed now. I kinda had a bad dream, so I’m going to take my meds and pass out.”

“Alright, goodnight.”

I grabbed a drink and headed back to my room. After taking both pills, I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed, curling myself in with my covers and pillows. The dosage of the sleep aid was enough to kick in almost instantly, sending me into a deep, dreamless sleep.