Decadent

Chapter Two:
Blasphemy
Summer’s over and now we have to go back to that hell hole called high school. Two years left.
Danny is waiting for me when I pull up. He gets in and rolls down the window, then turns on the CD.
It’s the same routine. He has to keep control in his life to balance the chaos he deals with at home. He can’t control his sister’s cancer. No one can, that’s why its cancer; abnormal cells out of control.
He told me the other night when he was staying at my house that she has leukemia. It’s when white blood cells are out of control.
Chronic leukemia, so she’ll have time.
“Wish it would just be over with,” he whispered, like he was ashamed of himself. “Is that so wrong?”
I shook my head and pulled him under the covers and smoothed his crazed hair out of his eyes as if he was a small child.
“Faye?”
“Yes?”
“Can we still have that yellow house?”
I smiled. “Go to sleep Danny.”
“Please.”
“Of course. But I want a ring pop first.”
He laughed himself to sleep.
We pull into the school’s parking lot. I already hate it.
As if he knows what I’m thinking, he puts his arm around me. “It won’t be that bad.”
“says you,” I grumble.
We walk inside and I already see kids being ushered to the office. Danny led the way through the crowd and got us to the scrap of metal that we got to call our locker.
“HEY!”
I jump and turn to see Cassandra.
She has bleached hair with blue in her bangs. Her purple contacts are lined with purple liner.
“God what’s next, green?” I ask.
“It’s in the hat.”
Danny laughs.
“So how was your summer?” She asks me.
I shrug. “Fine I guess.”
She smiles. “Well I have good news for you,” she says, taking my hand.
Danny waves as I’m pulled away.
“Where are you…” and then I stop. I see now, she likes a new guy.
Can’t say I disapprove.
“Isn’t he gorgeous?” Cassandra says.
I grin.
“Tall. Dark haired. Just wish I could see his face.”
“You like him and you haven’t even seen his face much less talked to him?”
And like and answer to her wish, he turned and I heard her gasp. “Look at those eyes.”
I grinned. They were a warm gold, almost like fire.
“I have to get to class,” I say as the bell rings.
“Fine, don’t stalk with me,” she says.
I laugh and walk to my first class.
Alec
I can’t remember the last time I was in high school. It’s been awhile. I don’t like to be around so much emotion, but I have to now.
Eda thinks it’ll help if I’m constantly around people, mostly people my age.
“It’ll be easier for you,” she said, “You're life won’t be so full of pain.”
I just nodded and let her enroll me into high school. Only one condition I told her.
“And what’s that?”
Elisha stands next to me. “Ugh I use to hate Chemistry,” he says, “I was never good at math.”
I grin. “well I have French.”
He laughs. “Yeah good luck with that.”
Then he walks away to find his class. I walk down the other hall and find room A29. When I walk in Madam Louis is in the middle of a sentence.
“Oh you must be Mousier Williams, Ça Va?” She asks
“Ça Va,” I say.
She tells me to sit next to this girl with long brown hair. Her head was looking down and she was writing.
I do as Madam Louis says and sit next to her. The girl doesn’t even look up.
“Maintien, when using the Passé compose…”
Eda wants me to make connection, to live like a normal teenager. I took a deep breath.
“Hi, I’m Alec,” I say.
She waved, still not looking up.
I look over her shoulder to see what the hell is so important.
Eyes slammed shut
As the blade begins to cut
Tears pour
And blood to the floor
The minutes grow longer
While my sweet pain grows stronger
“Do you mind?” She hisses
I look up and see her angry blue eyes. And I can see her soul now.
She’s in a dark room. Her face buried in her knees.
I kneel down in front of her. I’m scared, not knowing what to do. This is the first time this has happened. I’ve never been inside their head like this, I don’t…
I place my hand on her arm.
Her head snaps up and she lets out a loud, earsplitting shriek.
I’m thrown back and we’re in the French room.
At least she doesn’t know what just happened.
But she’s staring at me with a weird expression.
“How?” Her eyes are wide.
I gawk at her. How can she…
“Class dismissed.”
She gets up quickly and runs out the room.
I stay seated in my chair.
Faye
I walk to my next class, my hands shaky.
I don’t remember falling asleep in class. I can still see that dream replay in my head. I don’t understand why it decided to come back now. I thought I was done with that dream, thought he was out of my head. Thought he would leave me alone now, but I was wrong. I guess I can never really erase a memory, for they last forever. And it wasn’t fair.
Danny sees me and walks to me taking my hands in his squeezing them, trying to stop the shaking.
“What is it, Faye?” He whispers.
Over his shoulder I see that guy who was in my dream with me. That’s never happened before. He looks at me, equally anxious, though I don’t understand why.
Danny sees me looking at him, and turns to the guy as well, who walks away quickly.
“Did he do something to you?” He asked, almost growled.
I shake my head. “No,” I whisper.
Maybe I saw him before I feel asleep. I’ve heard of that happening before, dreaming of someone or something that’s on your mind before you sleep.
But Danny pulls me into a hug anyway.
“Come on we need to get you to class,” he whispers in my ear, and I feel safe again.

He’s in my last class as well. That guy who Cassandra likes.
He sits next to me and smiles. “I don’t think I got your name,” he said.
I just look at him.
He looks down, then back up. “I’m Alec, and your name is?” He asks slowly.
I glare at him. “I’m not stupid.”
“She speaks!”
I roll my eyes. “It’s Faye.”
He grins, a bit smug. “There, now that wasn’t so hard was it?”
I don’t say anything as Ms. Harris passes out her syllabus. I’m not too excited about this psychology class; I didn’t need to study my issues. I laugh at myself.
Alec looks at me strangely.
I look back at my desk.
“So where are you from?” I ask.
He chuckles. “Are you seriously trying to start a conversation with me?”
I feel my face grow warm. “Well fine, I was only trying to be polite.”
He laughs again. I wish he would stop that.
“I’m from LA,” he says.
I nod. “Big city, why are you here then?”
He shrugs. “I need to get out of a city where there are a lot of people. I get tempted easily.”
I furrow my brow, this guy is a weirdo. “Uh huh.”
I can feel him grin. “So what about you? Have you lived here your whole life?”
I close my eyes. Places hold memories.
“Yes.”
“Small town girl then,” he says, “Must like it here.”
“I don’t really have a choice.” I say.
“So you don’t like it here,” he asks.
I turned and looked at him. “No.”
He looks down at his syllabus now. “Why not?”
I don’t understand how this switched to me. I was ready to get to know this strange guy I saw in French. Now he was invading my personal life like I was some science experiment.
“I just don’t,” I say kind of harsh, hoping he would take the hint.
But he doesn’t. He’s from L.A.
“Bet the people here suck,” he says, “Small town people are weird.”
He’s one to talk.
“Then why the hell are you here?” I demanded.
He looks up, shocked by the harshness. “I already told you,” he says quietly.
The way he’s looking in my eyes makes my insides squirm, and not in a good way. Defiantly not in a good way, I felt like he was invading my privacy. And then automatically I thought of that night in my room when I was twelve or so.
I closed my eyes and pushed it out of my head. And when I opened my eyes he was staring down at his syllabus, his hands balled into a fist in his lap.
And we stayed like that all during class. When the bell rung, he was the first one out of the door. I walked out and went to my locker, where Danny waited for me. “So how was class?”
“Awful,” I say, “That guy is weird.”
“The one in the hallway?” he asks.
I nod.
“Did he hurt you?” He asks, a hint of anger colors his voice.
I shake my head no, again; at least not physically. He did make me a wreck, though I don’t know way.
At night, that dream replays in my head.
Over and over.
I’m sitting in my pajamas against the wall, with my face in my knees. I'm just sitting. I think I was twelve.
But daddy comes in and shuts the door.
I refuse to let myself think about the hits and burns that happen next.
I sit in bed in a ball, and rock.
Back and forth, trying to soothe the pain away; the burn scares are still on my back from his cigarette.
Danny wakes up next to me and pulls me back down on the pillows. He pulls the blankets up and smoothes the hair out of my face.
“It’s okay,” he murmurs.
Over and over and they run over my nightmares.
Daniel
I hate watching her nightmares.
I watched her toss on her left side and sigh. Then she tosses over and is facing me. I can see the tears.
I pull her into my arms and whisper reassurances into her ear and hope that she hears me in her nightmare.
It wasn’t always like this
I shudder, thinking of my Faye.
She rolls over to her stomach and hugs her pillow close.
She’s always been a restless sleeper.
“Alec,” I hear her say softly.
I tense. First I feel a tinge of jealousy. She usually says my name and her confessions that she believes are secret desires. And then I feel angry, none of which I should be feeling. But I feel like killing this guy, the guy who was bothering her today, the guy that had her on the verge of tears.
I know that I have to watch out for this guy.
He can’t come near her.

Alec
“I don’t understand it Eda,” I say, “I was actually, physically there.”
She purses her lips. “I’ve never heard of that happening.”
Elisha sits down next to me on the couch, biting loudly into an apple. “I think the chick is a total freak. She looks like a freaken vampire.”
Eda laughs. “Elisha, vampires don’t exist. I told you to stop watching those movies.”
He shrugs his shoulders.
I grin at him. “Well she did have a weird hobby,” I say, thinking about that dark poem. “And then that shriek threw me off. They usually can’t make us leave their soul. She should be dead right now.”
“Well be glad she’s not,” Eda says, “Which you’ll have to deal with later.”
I look down, knowing I’ll have to spend another extra hour in that room. I shudder.
“You need the practice Alec.”
I nod.
“Maybe she’s stuck,” Elisha said.
We both looked at him.
“I mean what if something bad happened to her,” he says, “What if she’s stuck in her own mind. You know how humans build a wall around them when they’re frightened.”
Eda looked impressed.
Great, I thought, not only do I look weak, but I also look stupid.
“That makes since,” Eda said.

I walk down the street and stand in front of the church. It’s the furthest I’m allowed to go without burning.
I thank my father for that.
I kneel down and close my eyes.
“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,” I whisper.
Yet I feel no clemency when I go down the list. No sense of relief, I still have that weight on my shoulders.
I hear someone kneel down next to me. I open my eyes and look to my left.
Cassandra.
Purple contacts and all.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
She narrows her eyes. “I should ask you the same question.”
I roll my eyes. “Well I doubt you’re here to ask Father for forgiveness.”
She looks at me funny. “You still haven’t changed. Even in a thousand years, you’re still a huge suck up.”
I laugh.
“You’re a Fallen Angel,” she says softly, “You can’t go back.”
My head falls and I close my eyes, praying so fast that I barely hear myself.
“Alec,” she pleads.
So I place my hands over my ears and pray louder. I ask for forgiveness, that’s all I want, all I need. But it’s the hardest for me to retain.
She puts her arms around me and pulls me in her arms. “Honey, he won’t even listen to us. Thousands of years of praying and we’re still here.”
I’m crying now. And I’m ashamed of my tears. I try and wipe them away before they can see.
But Cassandra catches my hands. “That’s one thing you shouldn’t be ashamed of.”
She kisses the tears on my cheek. “You’re the only one of us who hasn’t given up yet. The rest of us have stopped fighting.”
I shake my head and look up. “Well maybe it’s time I give up too. It’s not like it’s getting me anywhere.”
She shakes her head. “Alec, you don’t understand.”
I remove myself from her arms. “No, and I don’t wish to.”
And then I begin my walk home.
I take my time, thinking of what Cassandra had said. I guess she’s right in the end, no matter how much I pray, I won’t get forgiveness for something I didn’t do. Born of sin. My parents were sinners, the worst kind of sinners.
That’s when I see Faye on her porch. She’s just sitting there on the steps like she’s waiting for someone, her eyes are determined.
I walk over to her and stand in front of her so I’m blocking her view of the invisible.
She looks up. “Can I help you?”
I shake my head. “I was just out for a walk, and I saw you.”
She nods. “Makes sense.”
I gesture the space next to her. “Can I sit?”
She nods again.
I sit down. “why are you up so late?”
“I’m waiting for Danny,” she says.
I look at her.
She knows I’m waiting for some kind of story. “He’s my best friend. I’ve known him for pretty much my whole life.”
I smile. “Guess that’s a good reason to live in the same place for so long. I have no memories like that.”
She looks at me. “Yeah not all memories are bad”.
I stare at her, into her eyes again. I still see her rocking back in forth in her mind.
She looks away, as if she’s aware of the connection. And for a moment I worry that she is aware. I’m not use to humans having such acute senses like hers, most of them run by life without really living. They take life for garnet, something I long for.
“Do you have any family?” She asks.
I laugh. “Everyone has family.”
She looks at me, and I wonder if she doesn’t believe that.
“I have a mother figure,” I say, “Named Eda.”
“What happened to your biological parents?”
“My mother died a while ago,” I say, careful not to lie…another sin.
“I’m sorry,” she says, out of politeness, “And your father?”
“I don’t know. Me and mom left him when I was younger.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“What about you?” I ask in return.
“It’s just me and mom,” she says.
I pause, wondering if I want to ask. She’s looking at me like she’s begging me not to, but at the same time is screaming for me to ask because she needs to let someone in. She needs to feel understood; it’s in the human nature.
And so I stand, using this for an excuse to talk to her again in the future. “Well,” I say, “It’s late and we have school tomorrow.”
I begin to walk down the porch when a car pulls up.
Must be her Danny.
I sneer. Cute. Blond hair and green eyes.
He gets out of the car and I look into him, trying to see his intentions. I don’t want him to hurt her. Though I can’t see through him, then I realize. Damn contacts.
“Who’s this?” He asks.
I hold out my hand. “Alec.”
He looks at my hand.
“He was taking a walk and decided to keep me company while I wait for you.”
He looks at her. “Let’s get inside, it’s getting cold.”
I watch him walk past me and to Faye. He wraps an arm around her protectively and tugs her towards the door. She looks back and gives me an apologetic smile.
I grin back and pray to God that she will be safe tonight, and selfishly ask for another chance to see her.

Faye
Danny pulls a pizza out of the freezer. “Where’s your mom tonight?”
I shrug.
I hear him sigh. He hates it when I’m alone. That makes two of us.
“So why was that guy here, I thought you thought he was creepy,” he says.
I get up off the stool and place a kiss on his cheek. “Jealous?”
He tries to hold back a grin; he always has a hard time being serious.
“Nope. Just wondering what was going on.”
I nod as he puts in the cheese pizza. “If your mom doesn’t come back tomorrow, will you stay at my place for the weekend? I don’t want to leave Annabel alone.”
I smile. “Sure.”
He takes comfort in this and puts his arms around me and hugs me tightly. I pretend he loves me. And I take comfort in this deceit.
As if reading my mind, which I wonder if he can, he says, “Do you understand how important you are to me?”
I hold him tighter and breathe him in, try to convince myself that this is real.
We hold onto each other because we both need the comfort, whether it’s real or not, we know the pain is.
I smell the pizza burning and then, too quickly, my illusory moment is gone.

Mom calls from an unknown number, and it’s well past midnight.
Danny stirs next to me and sits up.
“Mom?” I ask.
“Darling, I won’t be back home tonight, I’m on a business trip,” she says.
I remember the late phone calls that he used to make when he was with the other woman. He always said that he was on an important business trip and wouldn’t be home for a few days. Sometimes when I would answer, I would hear a woman in the background. Anne, he would tell me when I asked who it was, his co-worker. I guess I was too naive to know that co-worker meant whore.
And I could hear a man’s voice in the background.
“Who’s that?” I ask.
She laughs, “Oh that’s Howard,” she says casually, “My co-worker.”
I freeze, and Danny watches my expression anxiously.
White hot anger fills me and my eyes close. She’s following him. She’s a sick twisted monster!
She’s not cheating on anyone, I tell myself. It’s not the same.
But it feels the same.
It feels like she’ll leave me now too.
Another circle.
“Faye?” She asks.
“Goodnight,” I say through gritted teeth.
I hit the “end” button and clench the phone in my hands, my eyes still closed.
Danny waits.
I open my eyes and suddenly my cheeks are wet.
He wipes them away with his thumb. “It’s okay.”
I shake my head. “What if….?” I can’t get myself to say it.
He holds my face in his iron hands. “She won’t.”
A sob escapes my throat, shaking me. “But…”
“Then you’ll have me,” he whispers, “I will never leave you.”
I close my eyes. Another lie.
He pulls me in his arms and holds me tight.
It scares me how used I am to the lies. It can’t be healthy.