Decadent

Chapter six
Catharsis
Faye
When I was younger, I used to believe that the rain were angels’ tears. My mother used to tell me that it rained when the angels were sad, and that they’re tears were so pure that it cleansed the Earth.
I’m laying in Danny’s driveway with my arms spread out like wings. Each tear drips on my face and slides down my pale cheeks. Danny is sitting on the porch with a glass of iced tea. He never leaves me alone, he is scared that the killer will come back for me.
Alec’s headlights shine in my eyes as he pulls up. It’s his turn to watch me while Danny goes to work. Danny comes down from the porch and kneels down next to me and gives me a kiss on the forehead. “Please be safe.”
I grin and then he is gone.
Alec sprawls out in the rain next to me.
“My mom says that they are angel tears,” I tell him.
He laughs. “Really?”
I nod. “Don’t you feel cleansed?”
He smiles. “How are you?”
My father had gotten comfortable around the house enough to start shoving me around. Last night my mother was working late and it was just us two again. I was making pancakes, my comfort food, when he shoved past me to get to the microwave; my arm was pushed into the skillet.
I made sure I wore long sleeves today.
“Did they catch him yet?” I asked.
He shook his head. “No.”
Usually my heart would sink and I would grow cold, but I was used to this information, or lack of information.
“We’ll find him.”
Sure.

ALEC
I can tell that she is growing doubtful of being safe again.
She sits up, her hair plastered to her face and her makeup is dripping off her chin. Her bright blue eyes are unconsciously pleading me to help her.
And so I let the demon take over me and plunge into her head.
Instead of going in the forest with Faye, I’m in her room. She locks the door and crawls under the blanket that is on her bed. She curls up in a ball and begins to rock.
“He can’t hurt you,” she whispers, “you’re safe.”
Then I hear loud, heavy footsteps coming to the door. I strangled cry comes from Faye. She sits up, throwing back the covers and lets out that same earsplitting scream.
And now I’m staring at her.
I can’t tell if she is crying or if it is the rain on her face.
“Let’s go,” I say, helping her up.
I walk her to my car and buckle her in before getting in on my side. When I pull out of Danny’s driveway, she rolls down the window and turns on the radio; it doesn’t bother me that she is getting the inside of the car wet.
When we get to my house, no one is home.
She sits on the stool in front of the kitchen counter while I get her a warm towel. I wrap it around her and open the fridge and pull out a pie from Jess. She grins at me while I slide her a plate of pie.
“So,” I say, “Want to go to my room?”
She nods and follows me to my room.
It’s unnerving watching her look at all my things. She picks up the bible on my bed and begins to read, “‘There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are too quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.’”
She looks up at me. “What is it with you and sins?”
I shrug. “I told you, I fear him.”
She hands me the Bible. “Look up one Peter five seven.”
I open the book to that page and read. “ ‘Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’”
I look up at her and smile.
And then I pull her into my arms.
“Faye, what happened to you?”
I want to erase that Faye I see in her head.
FAYE
And so I just stand there in his arms. It was funny how we only met a few weeks ago and here we are…pouring our hearts out in attempt to find comfort. But doesn’t everyone need comfort; to escape? And then again it was hard to talk to him about this stuff.
Trust.
That was hard to do; I trusted my father. How do I know that if I trust Alec he won’t leave me? That’s why secrets are so wonderful; they protect you from the others. But it backfires because who’s going to protect you from yourself? I mean once you have all these secrets, you have to deal with the horrors yourself with no help. Then it builds up.
He looks at me. “Tell me.”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
His jaw is set and he reminds me of Danny. “And why not?”
I look at our hands, anywhere but the piercing look he’s giving me. “It could hurt you.”
“Is it hurting you?” He asks.
My eyes glaze over with tears. “It has.”
“‘Has’? In the past tense?”
I don’t say anything.
“Faye tell me now,” he hisses.
I look up at him.
I open my mouth to tell him, but no words come out. I’m speechless.
Stunned.
Or I think it’s called fear.
He looks at me, pleading. Then he takes my face and his lips are on mine. I know that this is wrong, but it feels so good. My fingers tangle in his hair and I pull him closer. His hands slide off my face and wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him.
“This is wrong,” he breathes, pulling back so he can look at me.
I nod and then close the space between us.
He sighs then pulls away. “Faye no.”
I glare at him and walk out, dialing Danny’s number.
Later when he picks me up, I feel guilty.

“Faye!”
I spin around and see Alec.
“Yes?” I ask, mostly out of politeness. Then again, it’s because everything coherent in my mind dissolves when he speaks to me.
“How are you?” He breathes.
“Spectacular,” I sneer. We’re in the school parking lot afterschool. Dark clouds spin above us; an angry storm will have swept us up in its vehemence within the next few minutes. I have managed to ignore him all day in French, mostly because we had a test, and I skipped psychology.
I walk to my car and open the door. He takes my hand and swings me around so we’re facing each other.
“Faye…” he whispers.
His eyes are haunted and dimmed; there are circles under his eyes like he’s had lack of sleep.
“If you want to help me,” I say, “I don’t need it.”
“Yes you do,” he says.
“Well tell everyone to stop trying to mend me! I’m not freaken broken!” I yell.
I hear the irate roar thunder and in moments the sky lit up with lightening. Rain began to fall in big thick drops.
Neither of us moves and we make no intention of doing so.
He looks down. “I’m scared for you,” he confesses.
I look away and feel tears slide down my cheeks, mixing with the rain, and the falling into a puddle before my feet. I wrap my arms around myself, swaying back and forth.
“Faye, if you’re not broken then why is it so hard for you not to shatter?”
The emotions were catching up with me and I want so badly to run away, but he won’t let me. I turn around to sprint, but he grabs my wrist and we’re only a whisper apart. I can feel his breath on my face. I close my eyes and inhale.
“Tell me something,” he mused, “How long will it take for you to trust me?”
“I have no reason to,” I answer quickly.
He moves closer, so that his lips are hovering over mine. Scenes from the other night crash into my mind, and my cheeks feel self consciously warm.
“You have no reason not to,” he challenged.
“It always has to be a war with you,” I hiss.
“You raised it,” he defended himself, his lips twisted into a smug smile. “I’m just simply stating my case.”
“Well don’t,” I say childishly, “there’s no point.”
“So you can win?”’
“So this is a game to you?”
He chuckles. “Only when you make it.”
We stare at each other; him in amusement while I’m in rage. My hair was plastered against my skin and my clothes clung to me.
“Danny,” I say.
“Danny?”
“I love him.”
“That’s not a question,” he says.
“What are we?” I ask.
For once he’s speechless. And it bothers me. It’s only in my head then, he had no intention to be with me, nor does he even want to be.
“Oh,” I say, and I turn to get in my car, but he pulls me back again.
“No that’s not it,” he says.
“Whatever Alec, I’m done playing your games. What was that the other night? Just a random hook up to satisfy your low ego?”
“Screw you,” he hisses.
“Oh, very original,” I scoff.
Anger boils in his eyes, and for some reason I like it. I like seeing some kind of emotion coloring his face. I hated that mask of composer he usually wore.
“Why do you do that? You make it so hard to get along with you!” He yells, turning the other way. He walks away then back.
“And you know what? Maybe you're so screwed up that the only way to express yourself is through anger,” he hisses.
I know that may be true. I’ve gone through a lot; I have the right to be angry. But I don’t let this get to me. For once I keep calm. It is my turn to be mused. “At least I do express myself.”
“What?” He breathes exasperated and bewildered.
I chuckle darkly and narrow my eyes. “You go around telling people their problems and their sins because you're too scared to face your own sins and emotions. You can’t help it that you're not as calm and emotionless as you think you are, and you're scared.”
He was quiet for a moment; the only noise was the thunder. “And what exactly am I scared of?”
“Acceptance,” I whisper.
It sparked something in him, and I knew I was right.
“And why would that scare me?”
“Because you know sooner or later you’ll have to deal with your emotions…and sins and you’re not sure how to handle them.”
And for once, he doesn’t have a comeback. He just stands there, letting my words sink in and his anger boil down.
“Alec I …” I began.
“Take a drive with me?” He asks gently.
“Sure.”

Alec pulls over under an overpass. The rain has gotten even worse, to the point that we can’t see through the windshield.
We sit there in the car in silence, waiting… waiting for one of us to say something… waiting for the rain to stop. I can’t handle the tension, so I get out and walk over to the hill off the side of the road. Alec stares at me through the windshield for awhile then he gets out and sits next to me.
“That kiss,” he whispers.
I turn and look at him. I know this isn’t something that I want to hear; I know that it will hurt me later on. But I also know that this will be a catharsis for him. He had saved me once, now it was my turn to save him.
His eyes are distant as he talks, “It was wrong. Not only because you are with Danny, but because I’m not good for you. I can’t be good for you.”
“What do you mean?” I ask softly. Everything seemed so fragile right now; it felt like if we raised our voices then it would shatter everything.
He turns and looks at me then. “I would only bring you down. You need someone like Danny. He would push you to be the best that you could be. I-I can’t. I won’t. I know that and I don’t want to pretend. It would only hurt you worse later.”
I shake my head. “You don’t know what you are saying.”
He chuckles darkly. “And what are you saying? That you want to be with me in a romantic way? I see the way you look at Danny. Are you seriously telling me that you would give up everything you had with Danny to be with me?” He spits the word “me” as if it is venom on his tongue. His eyes seem to have blackened and he glares at me. “Don’t lie to yourself. And don’t you dare lie to me. Lying is a sin.”
Thunder rumbles low through the sky, building up to the white hot lightening that would strike, like my anger.
“Don’t you understand?!” I cry, standing up.
His eyes grow wide.
“You SAVED me!” I scream.
He waits, letting me continue.
“I had a gun pressed up against my head, ready to pull the trigger and you saved me. You pulled me into your arms and made me feel safe,” I whisper.
I fall in front of him, onto my knees. “I love Danny. But I also know that I can’t help but fall in love with you too.”
His eyes are soft again and he takes my face in both his hands. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers.
I close my eyes. “Then don’t turn me away.”
His lips are on mine, fiercer than before. I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer as I hear lightening strike.
“But you're so breakable,” he whispers against my lips.
I pull away and look at him. “You won’t hurt me.”

ALEC
When I get home Elisha is sitting at the kitchen counter with some of my pie stash. I sit next to him and elbow him in the ribs.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I challenge.
He laughs with his mouth full. “Eating pie.”
I grin.
“I smell her on you,” he says suggestively.
I roll my eyes. “It’s not like that.”
“Sure, sure,” he says, “You’re just with a girl who has a boyfriend.”
I still his piece of pie and take a bite. “It’s complicated.”
He laughs. “Hey, I’m not judging. I haven’t seen you happy like this in a while.”
I look up at him. “She makes me feel human.”
His eyes are wild. “When you’re not craving her soul.”
I glare at the door behind him. It’s where the training room is. It’s been too long since I’ve trained.
“I need to get stronger,” I say.
He turns and looks at the door. “Eda caught more souls. It’s even worse.”
Eda sucks unworthy souls out of murderers, rapists, and kidnappers and contains them in that room.
“How?” I asked her once.
She merely grinned. “They’re the souls that have escaped from Hell.”
I sat cross leg on her bed. “I thought no one could escape Hell.”
She shrugged. “Perhaps he lets them.”

Faye sits on my bed with the newspaper. “Another girl.”
I can see her hands tremble. I sit behind her and put my arms around her. “You’re safe here,” I tell her.
She continues to stare at the photograph of Emily Carters. I take the paper out of her hands and throw it on the ground. I can hear her sniffle as she tries to keep her tears from falling. I rest her head on my shoulder and squeeze her hands so they will stop trembling. “It’s okay,” I whisper to her.
I practiced that night after I talked to Elisha. I sat in that room with all those blackened and tortured souls. The demon clawed at my insides, trying to get out. I tilted my head back and inhaled them, but not once tasting.
It was the longest I had ever been in there.
Two hours and twenty three seconds.
It was all because I thought of her. I replayed her kisses over and over like a movie that never ended. I listened to her voice repeatedly like a skipping CD.
I hold her tighter now, pressing my face into her hair, and inhaling. I can smell her soul calling out to me, like it wants to join the others.
I place a kiss on top of her head. No, darling, you don’t want that.
I feel her shift so that her arms hold me. “Don’t leave, okay?”
I chuckle, even though I know it is wrong to do. I know that she shouldn’t be here; I know she should be in Danny’s arms instead of mine. But I’m a far too selfish creature; I can’t send her away to save her. I want to be the one who holds her at night, I want to be the one who gives her kisses on her forehead when she is scared, and I want to be the one whom she loves.
I know that she still thinks that I will leave her; I can feel her anxiety. She’s only human though, she can’t tell that I’m completely and unconditionally in love with her.
I take a deep breath and lift her chin so that I can see into her eyes. Her eyes widen and then I’m pulled into her mind.
And this time we are in the forest.
I watch as she trips and then gets up, laughing at herself. Then I see it. He is wearing a hood that hangs over his eyes. I run up to him, but he grabs Faye. I grab her ankles and pull her closer to me.
“And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.”
She screams and sees me.
“Alec!”
I grab her leg and pull her closer to me till I can reach her waist. I pry her wrists free and soon she is in my arms. But he’s gone before I get the chance to see who he is.
I cradle her against my chest. “I’ve got you,” I tell her softly.
She lifts her head and looks at me those blue eyes. They turn violet and her skin whitens so much that I see her blue veins clearly.
“Faye!” I gasp. It’s what they look like when we feed from them.
I close my eyes and think of that first kiss we had, how it felt so good to feel her lips pressed against mine. How it felt to feel her fingers twist in my hair.
And then I pull out of her mind.
She is looking up at me with horror stricken eyes.
“Wha-a-t,” she stumbles. She tries to pry from my arms.
I hold her tighter. “Shhh,” I whisper, pulling her against my chest. “You were dreaming. It’s okay now.”
She relaxes against me and I feel so wrong to lie to her. I know I will be punished for it later, but I have to keep her calm. I can’t lose her now.
“I-it felt s-o-o-o real.”
I stroke her hair. “I know, Faye, I know.”
The demon in me craves more. I hold her closer to me and push the demon further away.

“She doesn’t know what happened,” I tell her.
Eda sighs. “It’s my fault. I pushed you.”
I slam my fists on the kitchen counter, it makes an earsplitting noise and I hope that I didn’t wake up Faye.
“Alec,” she scolds, “calm.”
“I hate this,” I hiss, “I hate that I can’t be close to her without hurting her.”
Alyce rubs my back. “You will get better at it.”
“So did you see a face?” Elisha asks.
I shake my head, even more infuriated with myself.
“Alec?” I hear her soft voice.
I turn and see her in my worn t-shirt and some sweats; I can’t help but smile at her. She walks over to me and I pull away from Alyce so that I can put an arm around her.
“What’s wrong?” She asks.
“Nothing, I’m just upset about the murders.”
Eda pours her some tea. “Did we wake you?”
She shrugs. “I heard a bang.”
Elisha punches me in the arm. “Way to go!”