Loving Me First
Uh Oh/Making That Decision
"I can't believe yo lil ass is pregnant. I knew it. I fukking knew it." My moms said slapping me upside the head for the seventh time since we left the hospital. Mind you we just left the hospital less then five minutes ago. "Ma can you stop fukking hitting me?" "Can you tell me that damn doctor lied? Or that you falsified those damn documents?" The car got quiet. "That's what the fuk I thought." She said hitting me upside the head once again.
As she continued her rant I tuned her ass out and looked at the papers in my hand that confirmed that I was in fact almost fifteen weeks pregnant. Fifteen weeks would put me back to the night I was with Ray. I mean I know we ain't use a rubber but damn. If he ain't use a rubber it just made me think his ass was infertile or something. Cause I know for damn sho he ain't got no lil rugrats running around here.
We pulled up to the house and I got out. As soon as we got through the door she hit me again. "Don't be fukking ignoring me Mila. Start fukking listening." "What did you say ma damn?" "Either you getting an abortion or you getting the fuk outta here." That paused my thoughts. "You gone put me out ma. But I ain't got nowhere to go." "Then I suggest you get that abortion lil mama. You seventeen Mila and you ain't graduated yet. You living under my roof and I will not be responsible for you and yo damn kid." "Ma you don't never be here you don't take care of me. Darnell do."
"And he obviously ain't been doing a good job if yo azz knocked up." "Naw ma don't put this on Darnell. You my moms not him. Maybe if yo ass was here once in a while we wouldn't be having this problem and I wouldn't have to go looking for love in the streets. Cause I don't get it from home." "You think I don't love you Mila. That's what the fuk this was about? Some damn cry for attention? Well you got it." "No ma 'this' was a damn accident one stupid mistake." "Well it's easily remedied." "No ma. I'm not getting rid of this baby to please you. I went my whole life trying to please you and this ain't gone do nothing but push you farther away. I won't do it." She flew around the table so fast and slapped the shyt outta me at the same time that the front door came open and Darnell came in. "Oh shyt ma." He said pulling her away from me. "You getting rid of that baby Mila whether you like it or not." "You can't make me." "Well get the fuk out." I ran out the house.
Hopping in my car I called Lina. "Wassup mami what the doctor say?" "Lina I need to stay with you for a while." She musta heard the tears in my voice cause she cut the music off and you could hear her moving. "What's wrong boo?" "I'm pregnant and that crazy bitch slapped me and put me out." "Oh damn boo where you at?" "Around the corner." "Alright i'm coming down." I pulled up to her house and got out. Lina flew out the front door in her sweats and uggs. She pulled me into a hug. "You okay mamas." She pulled back and looked at me. "Damn how hard did she hit you?" "Hard enough to almost fall." "Damn yo moms got them hands." We both laughed. "Where yo bags?" "Girl we didn't even make it upstairs with that argument I flew out the house after she slapped me." We laughed again. She dragged me into the house.
"I'm hoping Darnell will catch on and bring me some clothes." "So what's the deal?" "She told me to either get an abortion or get the fuk out." "So i'm guessing you keeping it." "Lina my doctor said this far along in the pregnancy I'm risking both of our lives and i'm not taking that chance. But either way yeah I was keeping it." She shrugged. "Guess I'm going to be a god mama." She said rubbing my stomach. I laughed pushing her hand away. "Whose the father?" I didn't answer. "Oh god no Mila you telling me y'all didn't use protection." "I thought if he wasn't using protection that just meant he was infertile." "You dumb bitch." She said slapping me upside the head. "Ouch i'm tired of getting hit."
"Oh well. Does he know?" "Lina you know how we parted what would make you think he knew." "I got you." She got up and stomped out the room. She came back a few minutes later. "Here's the number call him." "Lina nooooooo." "Call him Mila." I huffed sitting up. I dialed the number into my phone and waited for him to answer. "Ray speaking. This a private number how the hell you get this number?" "Ray this is Mila we met at a party almost four months ago." "Yeah and that don't explain how the fuk you got this number." I huffed. "My best friends brother." "Okay you got me now what the fuk you want?" "I'm pregnant." "And what the fuk you telling me for." "Obviously it's yours." He chuckled "Naw lil mama it can't be mines. I met yo azz in a club and hit it that same night. That baby could be anybodies." "You know what fuk this I only called cause my friend said to. Fuk you Ray i'll take care of this baby by myself." He chuckled again. "I wasn't offering to help." We both hung up. "Oh so I guess i'm playing daddy and god mama hun." I started bugging up. "Guess so hoe."
After her parents said I could stay there until I got my own shyt Lina and I made dinner. I had to teach her how to make some Asian food. And she had to teach me how to make some Italian food. So it was a mixed culture dinner of general tsos chicken, hochiak, baked eggplant, and for dessert we had strawberry cannoli. That was fire and since I been pregnant I've had cravings for strawberries but at the time I didn't know what it was.
The next day I hopped out the bed running to the bathroom. I hate this damn morning sickness. I was hunched over the toilet when I felt someone holding my hair out my face. I sat back wiping my mouth. "Thanks Lina." I said without looking up. "You welcome." The male voice said getting lower. I opened my eyes. Mariano was sitting next to me. "What the hell you doing out here this early." "You know my moms pregnant again. I thought you was her." "She has a bathroom in her room why would she be out here." "She said that she hate for my pops to here it and wake up. More like she's embarrassed. So I usually get up with her." "That's sweet."
"So you telling me you pregnant?" "I ain't telling you-" I hunched over the toilet again. He grabbed my hair again. "Damn ma that's a question that don't even need to be answered." He said once I was finished. I burst out crying. "If not for Lina I would be doing this by myself. The baby's father doesn't believe he's the father. And i'm not going to beg nobody to help take care of mines." He grabbed me into a hug. "I got you bella. I got you" "Why Mariano?" "Because even though I did cheat on you and we broke up, I still got love for you bella." I wrapped my arms around him and continued crying. His lil brother came in the bathroom. "Y'all two need a room."
The doorbell rang. "I got it. While I'm at it get out the bathroom." We laughed getting up." I got up to go downstairs. "The least I can do for y'all letting me stay here is make breakfast.” “If it’s anything like last night’s dinner I’m all for it.” I started laughing and went downstairs. “Mila it’s for you.” Donatello said as I hit the bottom step. I looked around the wall and saw my brother standing there with our two lil brothers they didn’t see me or so I thought. As I was trying to gather my thoughts Trey spotted me. “Mila!!” He yelled breaking from Jay hand. I swooped him up. “Hi boo boo.” “I miss tu. Why you not at home?” “Cause I’m gone stay here for a while.” “Okay where my galfiend.” “Right here boo.” Lina said coming down the steps. Trey jumped out my arms and ran to her. Darnell and Jay stepped in the door. “You suppose to be holding him?” Jay asked.
“Yeah he not that heavy.” Jay walked over and gave me a hug. “I’ll be there no matter if anybody else is.” He kissed my cheek and walked pass me to Lina. I looked at Darnell who was staring at me. “Hi D.” “I just came to drop yo stuff off.” He said holding up my bags. “Thanks. That’s it.” He nodded. The tears that were threatening to fall started falling. “Ah shyt Mila don’t cry.” He said dropping the bags and racing to me. “I’m sorry. My doctor said pregnancy makes you cry a lot.” I said trying to loosen his hold on me. “I’m sorry to disappoint you D. I swear it was an accident.” “I know it was Mila. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. I obviously wasn’t there for you enough if you had to get love from the streets and not home.” He said wiping the tears from my eyes. “Whose the father?” He asked. “It doesn’t matter he doesn’t believe it’s his. It was a one night stand.” He closed his ears. “All you had to say was the first part. I don’t want to think of my lil sister doing what I do.” I laughed. “I love you Mila. Don’t ever think I don’t.” “I know you do.” I turned and walked to the kitchen where Trey and Jay were both seated eating some cinnamon toast crunch. “Well I was gone make breakfast.” They both spit they cereal out and pushed they bowls away. “I wasn’t eating.” Jay said. I burst out laughing. “I got ya’ll. Come on Lina let’s make breakfast.”She hopped off Jay’s lap and got the food out the fridge. After we finished we woke they parents up. This time it was an American breakfast. Scrambled eggs, waffles, french toast, hash browns, cinnamon rolls, bacon and sausage. I had to pass on the cinnamon rolls cause they made me nauseous. But believe me I was mad I love cinnamon rolls. After breakfast my brothers left promising to visit everyday. With my family and some of my friends I guess I can do this. Yeah I guess. I've never had to take care of another human being in my life. This shyt is gone be scary as hell. You know what screw Ray I shouldn't have called his ass in the first place. Thanks Lina.
As she continued her rant I tuned her ass out and looked at the papers in my hand that confirmed that I was in fact almost fifteen weeks pregnant. Fifteen weeks would put me back to the night I was with Ray. I mean I know we ain't use a rubber but damn. If he ain't use a rubber it just made me think his ass was infertile or something. Cause I know for damn sho he ain't got no lil rugrats running around here.
We pulled up to the house and I got out. As soon as we got through the door she hit me again. "Don't be fukking ignoring me Mila. Start fukking listening." "What did you say ma damn?" "Either you getting an abortion or you getting the fuk outta here." That paused my thoughts. "You gone put me out ma. But I ain't got nowhere to go." "Then I suggest you get that abortion lil mama. You seventeen Mila and you ain't graduated yet. You living under my roof and I will not be responsible for you and yo damn kid." "Ma you don't never be here you don't take care of me. Darnell do."
"And he obviously ain't been doing a good job if yo azz knocked up." "Naw ma don't put this on Darnell. You my moms not him. Maybe if yo ass was here once in a while we wouldn't be having this problem and I wouldn't have to go looking for love in the streets. Cause I don't get it from home." "You think I don't love you Mila. That's what the fuk this was about? Some damn cry for attention? Well you got it." "No ma 'this' was a damn accident one stupid mistake." "Well it's easily remedied." "No ma. I'm not getting rid of this baby to please you. I went my whole life trying to please you and this ain't gone do nothing but push you farther away. I won't do it." She flew around the table so fast and slapped the shyt outta me at the same time that the front door came open and Darnell came in. "Oh shyt ma." He said pulling her away from me. "You getting rid of that baby Mila whether you like it or not." "You can't make me." "Well get the fuk out." I ran out the house.
Hopping in my car I called Lina. "Wassup mami what the doctor say?" "Lina I need to stay with you for a while." She musta heard the tears in my voice cause she cut the music off and you could hear her moving. "What's wrong boo?" "I'm pregnant and that crazy bitch slapped me and put me out." "Oh damn boo where you at?" "Around the corner." "Alright i'm coming down." I pulled up to her house and got out. Lina flew out the front door in her sweats and uggs. She pulled me into a hug. "You okay mamas." She pulled back and looked at me. "Damn how hard did she hit you?" "Hard enough to almost fall." "Damn yo moms got them hands." We both laughed. "Where yo bags?" "Girl we didn't even make it upstairs with that argument I flew out the house after she slapped me." We laughed again. She dragged me into the house.
"I'm hoping Darnell will catch on and bring me some clothes." "So what's the deal?" "She told me to either get an abortion or get the fuk out." "So i'm guessing you keeping it." "Lina my doctor said this far along in the pregnancy I'm risking both of our lives and i'm not taking that chance. But either way yeah I was keeping it." She shrugged. "Guess I'm going to be a god mama." She said rubbing my stomach. I laughed pushing her hand away. "Whose the father?" I didn't answer. "Oh god no Mila you telling me y'all didn't use protection." "I thought if he wasn't using protection that just meant he was infertile." "You dumb bitch." She said slapping me upside the head. "Ouch i'm tired of getting hit."
"Oh well. Does he know?" "Lina you know how we parted what would make you think he knew." "I got you." She got up and stomped out the room. She came back a few minutes later. "Here's the number call him." "Lina nooooooo." "Call him Mila." I huffed sitting up. I dialed the number into my phone and waited for him to answer. "Ray speaking. This a private number how the hell you get this number?" "Ray this is Mila we met at a party almost four months ago." "Yeah and that don't explain how the fuk you got this number." I huffed. "My best friends brother." "Okay you got me now what the fuk you want?" "I'm pregnant." "And what the fuk you telling me for." "Obviously it's yours." He chuckled "Naw lil mama it can't be mines. I met yo azz in a club and hit it that same night. That baby could be anybodies." "You know what fuk this I only called cause my friend said to. Fuk you Ray i'll take care of this baby by myself." He chuckled again. "I wasn't offering to help." We both hung up. "Oh so I guess i'm playing daddy and god mama hun." I started bugging up. "Guess so hoe."
After her parents said I could stay there until I got my own shyt Lina and I made dinner. I had to teach her how to make some Asian food. And she had to teach me how to make some Italian food. So it was a mixed culture dinner of general tsos chicken, hochiak, baked eggplant, and for dessert we had strawberry cannoli. That was fire and since I been pregnant I've had cravings for strawberries but at the time I didn't know what it was.
The next day I hopped out the bed running to the bathroom. I hate this damn morning sickness. I was hunched over the toilet when I felt someone holding my hair out my face. I sat back wiping my mouth. "Thanks Lina." I said without looking up. "You welcome." The male voice said getting lower. I opened my eyes. Mariano was sitting next to me. "What the hell you doing out here this early." "You know my moms pregnant again. I thought you was her." "She has a bathroom in her room why would she be out here." "She said that she hate for my pops to here it and wake up. More like she's embarrassed. So I usually get up with her." "That's sweet."
"So you telling me you pregnant?" "I ain't telling you-" I hunched over the toilet again. He grabbed my hair again. "Damn ma that's a question that don't even need to be answered." He said once I was finished. I burst out crying. "If not for Lina I would be doing this by myself. The baby's father doesn't believe he's the father. And i'm not going to beg nobody to help take care of mines." He grabbed me into a hug. "I got you bella. I got you" "Why Mariano?" "Because even though I did cheat on you and we broke up, I still got love for you bella." I wrapped my arms around him and continued crying. His lil brother came in the bathroom. "Y'all two need a room."
The doorbell rang. "I got it. While I'm at it get out the bathroom." We laughed getting up." I got up to go downstairs. "The least I can do for y'all letting me stay here is make breakfast.” “If it’s anything like last night’s dinner I’m all for it.” I started laughing and went downstairs. “Mila it’s for you.” Donatello said as I hit the bottom step. I looked around the wall and saw my brother standing there with our two lil brothers they didn’t see me or so I thought. As I was trying to gather my thoughts Trey spotted me. “Mila!!” He yelled breaking from Jay hand. I swooped him up. “Hi boo boo.” “I miss tu. Why you not at home?” “Cause I’m gone stay here for a while.” “Okay where my galfiend.” “Right here boo.” Lina said coming down the steps. Trey jumped out my arms and ran to her. Darnell and Jay stepped in the door. “You suppose to be holding him?” Jay asked.
“Yeah he not that heavy.” Jay walked over and gave me a hug. “I’ll be there no matter if anybody else is.” He kissed my cheek and walked pass me to Lina. I looked at Darnell who was staring at me. “Hi D.” “I just came to drop yo stuff off.” He said holding up my bags. “Thanks. That’s it.” He nodded. The tears that were threatening to fall started falling. “Ah shyt Mila don’t cry.” He said dropping the bags and racing to me. “I’m sorry. My doctor said pregnancy makes you cry a lot.” I said trying to loosen his hold on me. “I’m sorry to disappoint you D. I swear it was an accident.” “I know it was Mila. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. I obviously wasn’t there for you enough if you had to get love from the streets and not home.” He said wiping the tears from my eyes. “Whose the father?” He asked. “It doesn’t matter he doesn’t believe it’s his. It was a one night stand.” He closed his ears. “All you had to say was the first part. I don’t want to think of my lil sister doing what I do.” I laughed. “I love you Mila. Don’t ever think I don’t.” “I know you do.” I turned and walked to the kitchen where Trey and Jay were both seated eating some cinnamon toast crunch. “Well I was gone make breakfast.” They both spit they cereal out and pushed they bowls away. “I wasn’t eating.” Jay said. I burst out laughing. “I got ya’ll. Come on Lina let’s make breakfast.”She hopped off Jay’s lap and got the food out the fridge. After we finished we woke they parents up. This time it was an American breakfast. Scrambled eggs, waffles, french toast, hash browns, cinnamon rolls, bacon and sausage. I had to pass on the cinnamon rolls cause they made me nauseous. But believe me I was mad I love cinnamon rolls. After breakfast my brothers left promising to visit everyday. With my family and some of my friends I guess I can do this. Yeah I guess. I've never had to take care of another human being in my life. This shyt is gone be scary as hell. You know what screw Ray I shouldn't have called his ass in the first place. Thanks Lina.