Twisted Returns

They're expected to attack in the morning, or sooner. With the knowledge that this is going to happen, how does anyone expect to sleep?

Lorraine and I are in my room, just sitting on the bed. It's quiet. But what are you supposed to talk about on the eve of a war?

Suddenly, I remember something. "Lorraine," I say, "I never got to ask you, but, what did Cody mean the other day? When he said he was fighting for... Connor."

Lorraine turns away from the window to face me. "Well, just don't tell him I told you... But Cody's hiding everything."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, everyone knows he jokes around a lot. Even as Johnny, he did. So he thinks that's what everyone expects out of him. He has to be laughing all the time, never bothered by anything."

"But that's the way he is," I point out.

"It is, on the outside. But I know him, and he's hurting. Losing Connor was hard on him. And his own brother doesn't even remember him..."

I feel that stabbing in my heart again. Cody's not the only one who had lost too much. "But wait. What does he mean when he said he was fighting for him?"

"He's so confused. He wants to be angry. He wants someone to blame, but there is no one. He can't blame Lynda - her life was at stake. So he's going to take out his anger by fighting."

"Well," I say, "I guess that makes sense. Did he tell you all that?"

"Some," she says. "But I figured out most of it. It's just those little things I notice about people."

After that, we're silent again, just staring out the huge window. It reminds me of the large window on Earth, which brings back more painful memories. Don't think about it...

Instead, I bring fuzzy memories to the front of my mind. Usually, the blurriness would irritate me. But anything to save myself from remembering.

To my surprise, some of my thoughts become clearer. I remember a lakeside picnic with Charles. I remember how his eyes were like the sparkles on the water when he laughed. I remember the way I never wanted the day to end.

I cut off that memory right then and there. I'm scared that memories will become feelings, and I don't want those. With the war, nothing in my life is definite, permanent. I can't love only to lose it again.

So I pull up another memory. It starts out fuzzy, indistinct. But then it becomes clear, sharp as anything I see now. It is of Johnny and Crys, standing by a huge transparent rock, holding hands and laughing.

And suddenly, I remember. "Lorraine," I say, and she turns again.

"What?"

"Remember what I said about Johnny? How he dated new girls every week?"

"Yeah," she says. "How could I forget?"

"Well, I just remembered why."

"Used them for sex and then threw them away?"

"No, nothing like that, thankfully," I say. "He dated girls every week because he was looking for 'the one'."

"So he never found her?" Lorraine asks, her lips starting to frown.

"No, he did. And it was you."

"Oh," she says, unable to stop herself from smiling. "Makes me feel a lot better."

"Good."

"But you know what? That doesn't fix everything. That was me in my past life. And you know how family has always meant a lot to me?"

"Yeah, of course. You told me that leaving was the hardest thing ever."

"It was. And I knew I had another family back here that needed me. It's just... I haven't head from them. Everyone else's family has showed up, from Crystallaria."

"I don't know, Lorraine. I can't really do anything about that."

"Yeah, I guess not. I'm just worried."

"About that? That they won't ever show up? Because I'm sure they will."

"Yeah. But what if they do show up?" she says. "I'm not exactly the same person. I'm in a different body. I'm pregnant, and I barely even remember them. I didn't even know their names until Marigold told me."

"But you're still their family member even if you are... a bit different now. They will still love you."

"Yeah, of course," she says, reassuring herself.

Truth is, I don't believe half of the things I just said. Family never meant much to me. And I don't believe that they will love you unconditionally. Nothing forces them to.

I walk over to my shelf and take two scrapbooks, one for me and one for Lorraine. We quietly flip through the books, trying to trigger old memories.

As I examine a group shot of everyone, the emergency bell screeches. We drop the books on the bed.

"The attacks have started, as expected," Marigold says. "Please report to your assigned stations immediately. I repeat, please report to your assigned stations immediately." The bell rings again.

"To the training room," I say, holding out my hand to help Lorraine up.

"Yeah. I'm glad that Cody and the rest of them haven't been assigned a position yet."

"I know. And I wonder when they're going to attack the palace."

"Never, I hope."

We head towards the door, expecting a guard named Steven to escort us to the training center. Instead, we find Katie leaning against the wall.

"Katie?" I say. "I thought you were placing soldiers, sending them out. Where's Steven?"

"Marigold's study, quickly," she says, without answering my question. "I'll tell you as we go."

"Okay...? What's going on?"

"I sent Steven to deliver a message, and I have been sent to escort you. Marigold has a message for you."

We walk quickly and quietly to Marigold's study, located in one of the many towers. There is no one to be seen, which means they are all in position.

We arrive at the study to find Marigold sitting at her desk, two chairs facing it. I turn to say thanks to Katie, but she's already gone. Marigold motions for us to sit down and we do so.

"I know how you prefer when people just come out and say it," Marigold says. "So... Lorraine, your mother has been killed."