Twisted Returns

"You guys came," Lorraine says, sitting up in her bed.

"Of course we did," I murmur. I can't help but think back to yesterday. Wondering of anyone is to be trusted. Can Lorraine even be trusted?

"You okay?" Dean asks, though the answer is clear.

"Been better," she says, sighing. "I just don't know anymore."

"Where's Cody?" I ask. "I thought he was going to be here."

"They needed him. I wanted to go, but..." she trails off, because this answer is also obvious. Sitting there, huddled under white sheets, she looks... weak. She's not herself, she's not Lorraine. If she was, she'd be ripping off her clothes, her ugly green hospital gown, right now. "You called him in, right?"

"Yeah," I say quietly. Something about her state automatically tells me to speak softly, like any loud noise could just break her. "Thought it would help."

"Thank you," she says, just as quietly as I had spoken. "You have no idea how much that actually helped."

"You're welcome." But it is obvious that it helped a lot. Before, she couldn't even form full sentences.

"I just hope he's safe. I know things are getting worse, and I can't even get up to check the list. I'm afraid I'll just break down, right there in the hallways."

"We'll tell you everything. We'll keep you updated," I promise, but I wonder if we'll be around long enough to keep it.

"Thank you, again. I just can't stand to lose anyone else. Not after Nicole."

That tells me that it's still Lorraine in there. Unlike me, who avoids anything painful, she simply accepts it. Truth is truth.

"I wonder what would have happened if I had decided not to have her," she says.

"You mean, gotten an abortion? Or accepted your old body again?"

"I wonder about both. I think the abortion would have been less painful. Not in the literal sense, but because I wouldn't have had enough time to get attached to her. That choice wasn't really possible, though. So mostly I wonder what it would have been like if I took my old body back."

"You shouldn't waste your time thinking about that," Dean says quietly. "What's done is done."

"I know. I just can't help it though."

"You made the right choice, to keep her," I say.

"Yes, Dana," she says, looking me in the eye, "but is it what you would have done?"

The room is silent, because we all know the answer.

"When are you allowed to leave the hospital?" Dean asks. Saving me.

"I can leave whenever I want, really," she says. "There's not really anyone to stop me. All of the remaining doctors and nurses and whatevers are taking care of the injuries."

"You should come room with us," I suggest. "We can just add another bed."

She shakes her head. "I would, but I don't want to leave yet." She gestures to the boring, blank walls. "I feel safer here. It's neutral. Nothing to remind me of everything. Even if it did happen... I really would rather not be constantly reminded."

"Well... whenever you're ready," I tell her.

"Ugh, I feel so weak," she moans. "I hate this. I hate this so much."

Ever since the day I met her, she has always hated weakness. Always has, always will.

"It's not your fault," Dean reminds her.

"I know. But it still doesn't change anything. Nicole is still dead. I am still weak."

"We can take care of you," I say. "It might help."

"I don't want to walk in the hallways," she admits. "I'm afraid... what if I see someone that kind looks like me or kinda looks like Cody? Then, I'll wonder. If Nicole had lived, is that what she would have looked like? Would those be her eyes? Would that be her nose? What kind of person would she have been? I'll keep wondering until I go insane."

"You'll be okay, eventually," I assure her. Yet I don't even know if I believe it myself.

"I hope so," she says. "I wish I had a way to check up on everything from here. They took away my necklace."

"You have us for that," I remind her.

"Yeah, but I don't want to have to rely on you for this. You could be busy. And I don't want to bother you, anyways."

"We're not really busy unless there's a meeting, which there rarely is. And it doesn't bother us, not at all, actually."

"Still..." she says. I know what she means. She wants to be independent. She closes her eyes. "I miss it. I miss home. Earth. I guess what they say is true."

"What do 'they' say?"

"The journey is greater than the destination. Even though we were on the run..."

"Yeah," I agree. "In a way, I suppose."

"Wouldn't you rather have that than this? We weren't exactly safe, then. But we definitely aren't safe now. No one is. And we don't have magic..." she trails off, and I know that it is the thing that she misses most.

"I guess. I mean, we were happy, but... This could all be worth it in the end." If I only I could make myself believe what I say.

"End? Is that their end, or our end?" she says, gaining the fire that makes her Lorraine. "If you haven't noticed, we're losing. This could all be for nothing."

"I'd like to be optimistic," I murmur, though logically, it doesn't work out. Logically, we'd all be dead. But magic doesn't follow logic.

"I guess," she says, leaning back in her bed and losing the flame. "I just wish I had something left of Earth. Anything."

"Me too," I say. "I miss it."

"You have something, though," she says, pointing to my neck. "Connor's necklace. I know you miss him and all... but still. Having his necklace has made you stronger, in a way."

"Yeah, I-"

"Dana that's it!" Dean suddenly shouts, cutting me off.

"That's what?"

"That's it! That's the secret of the necklace!"